gm_515 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 OK, I get it that girls don't respond quickly or at all to vm's and texts ("The Rules," etc). No problem, I can play the numbers game with the best of 'em. The problem that arises is something like the following: I want to bring a date to a (dance, concert, whatever) taking place in 10 days. So at event date-10 I ask girl A via text or vm and start waiting. At what point do I reasonably assume she won't respond and ask out girl B, C, etc? What's the least destructive way to respond to girl A if girl B has accepted and girl A comes back after 4days and says yes? Calling them is an obvious answer but in my limited experience they basically never answer the phone anyway. Thanks
central Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 (edited) You tell A that you've made other plans since you hadn't heard from her. Leave it at that for now. If B or whoever doesn't work out, you can ask A to do something again if you want, but may not get a positive response. A either couldn't project her schedule (but not telling you this is indicative that she isn't too excited to go with you), or was hoping someone else would ask her out - and when that didn't happen, you were the fallback plan. Don't feel bad about it - just do what works for you. Edited August 29, 2016 by central
JewelD Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 If they don't answer the phone or call you back within 24 hours, they're not interested. Although if they don't want to speak to you on the phone at all, I wouldn't bother asking them out on a date. 3
HumanMachine Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 Send message to all of them, reply "sorry wrong person" to the backups.
Author gm_515 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Posted August 29, 2016 If they don't answer the phone or call you back within 24 hours, they're not interested. Although if they don't want to speak to you on the phone at all, I wouldn't bother asking them out on a date. OK, but based on this I'd have to auto-reject every "The Rules" devotee (not a bad idea, but not constructive) as well the not infrequent girl who replies nicely, sweetly, and maybe even sincerely with texted or in-person apologies for not getting back . All just girl-BS? Forgive my male idiocy, I was born with it.
Author gm_515 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Posted August 29, 2016 Solve this problem by not giving out all the details. Instead of asking a woman if she can accompany you to a concert on Friday night, ask her if she is busy Friday night. If you are interested in 3 women, ask them all the same thing. The ones who respond that they are free, pick the one you prefer and give her the details. If she never responds, forget her. If she responds after you finalize plans with another woman, tell her that you were interested in meeting up with her, but you aren't yet sure if you are free. Yeah, but I HATE being asked if I'm busy, because I'm being manipulated out of an excuse if I don't want to accept whatever comes next. Not my style. 1
Author gm_515 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Posted August 29, 2016 ask her if she is busy Friday night Is it viable to just say something like, "would you like to go out with me [whenever], thus eliciting an answer as to her interest in time with me vs her interest in a specific plan? I'm usually too focused on letting the expectations known, as I would assume a girl would be more comfortable knowing that she's got a coffee date coming vs an unknown ranging from a coffee date to a tough mudder run.
katiegrl Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 (edited) OK, but based on this I'd have to auto-reject every "The Rules" devotee (not a bad idea, but not constructive) as well the not infrequent girl who replies nicely, sweetly, and maybe even sincerely with texted or in-person apologies for not getting back . All just girl-BS? Forgive my male idiocy, I was born with it. What is this "rule" you are referring to? I am familiar with the book 'The Rules' which IMO is complete garbage. Anyway, there is no rule stating that when a man asks a woman out, she should wait four days to reply back, that is ABSURD. Ask out the girl you want, if she does not respond back within 24 hours, ask another girl. Do not ask out all three at once -- what if they all reply back saying yes? If chick No. 1 eventually replies back in 3-4 days which IMO is unacceptable and not something a chick who was into you would do... simply tell her "since I did not hear back, I assumed you were busy and made other plans." We teach people how to treat us... and that will teach her to reply back sooner otherwise YOU will make other plans. Then ask her what her schedule looks like and set up another date. Or dump her as I don't think a chick who has high interest in you would wait 3-4 days to reply to your invite. Unless she is playing games and you do NOT want a chick like that anyway. Edited August 30, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Author gm_515 Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 We teach people how to treat us... and that will teach her to reply back sooner otherwise YOU will make other plans. This is a super-cool point, and very reasonable, but it will teach her to reply back sooner to the NEXT GUY, not to me (especially if she follows "Rule #5 Don't call him and rarely return his calls"). Game theory, sort of.
introverted1 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 OP, if a guy contacted me 10 days out to invite me somewhere, I would reply within 24 hours either way. That's just common courtesy. If I was interested, I'd either accept or suggest an alternate (if I already had plans), and if I wasn't, I would just decline politely without leaving the door open. I tend to think that any woman worth being interested in would do the same.
Miss Peach Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 OK, but based on this I'd have to auto-reject every "The Rules" devotee (not a bad idea, but not constructive) as well the not infrequent girl who replies nicely, sweetly, and maybe even sincerely with texted or in-person apologies for not getting back . All just girl-BS? Forgive my male idiocy, I was born with it. I would just ignore the rules crap. IMO it's just going to bring you low self esteem women. I would understand if a woman doesn't want to always get last minute requests but not responding something is just rude. Solve this problem by not giving out all the details. I agree with the others. I will still want to see a guy but I would still want some more information. Some guys suggest things I can't/won't accommodate early on (i.e., dinner at home, camping, etc.). OP, if a guy contacted me 10 days out to invite me somewhere, I would reply within 24 hours either way. That's just common courtesy. If I was interested, I'd either accept or suggest an alternate (if I already had plans), and if I wasn't, I would just decline politely without leaving the door open. I tend to think that any woman worth being interested in would do the same. I would do this too. But if it wasn't planned in advance (especially if that was a pattern) I wouldn't continue seeing you since I would feel like your backup plan.
Author gm_515 Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 Thanks to all, I appreciate the responses. I wish there were more women like you here in Colorado! My rates of getting contacts returned, stood up, or otherwise messed around are horrifically bad, indicating that either most of the women I'm attracted to here are extremely lame or that I am a shockingly loathsome human being.
AMJ Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 If a woman is into you, it doesn't much matter what kind of date you have in mind, she will want to see you. That's true but OP is talking about women who may not be "into him" yet. If he's talking to women online who have tons of options and only know him based on a profile pic, the type of date and how he asks does actually matter. Guys who write me and ask me to come over to their house always get ignored. Guys who ask me out last minute (like it's Friday at 5pm and they text asking what my plans are that night) also get ignored. Ask her what she likes to do, make plans in advance, be thoughtful and polite and you should be fine. It's so basic but like 97% of men seem to have never learned or forgotten how to do that. And if a woman doesn't respond to you with a yes or no answer that same day, move on. Unless she has a good reason for not knowing if she can make the date (may need to go to a work event or etc), but even then it should be on HER to offer an alternative date to meet you.
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