I am DYING to tell my ex that she hurt me [merged]

[stillafool]

She probably meant she didn't want to hurt you even more by staying in the relationship. If it will make you feel better go ahead and send your message however, I doubt it will mean much to her at this point.

[Martineek]

She probably meant she didn't want to hurt you even more by staying in the relationship. If it will make you feel better go ahead and send your message however, I doubt it will mean much to her at this point.

 

If someone treated me right and I dumped them and hurt them, I would want to know. Whether or not I had romantic feelings for them, whether or not I wanted them in my life, whether or not it would affect me that deeply, I would want to do what I could to alleviate their pain.

 

I don't see how this isn't normal. There were things she could have done much differently to have things not be as horrible for me.

[stillafool]

Like I said, if it will help you go ahead and send the letter.

[Martineek]

I was curious about your assertion that it wouldn't mean much at this point. The implication I got was that you yourself need to have feelings about a person to care how you made them feel.

[Loveastrophe]

I completely understand why you feel this way, but for me it didn't help at all to tell my ex she destroyed me, it actually made it worse. I got the chance to say my piece to her and I was shocked to see it didn't really bother her that much, which caused me even more pain in the end and extended the healing process. If you feel that you just have to tell her she hurt you then go ahead, but I certainly can't guarantee it's going to make you feel better.

 

Some things are better left unsaid. We rarely get the response we expect. Expectations and reality rarely sync up.

[Latino4Lyfe]

I have felt the same way a few times in regards to reaching out to my ex and letting her have it with how much she hurt me and how much damage she caused...but like the others have said it wouldn't be worth it. Chances are they're not paying attention to what you would be saying and they wouldn't care which would make everything worse.

 

Better to just vent here or somewhere else with people that will help you.

[aloneinaz]

Contacting her at all is a MAJOR mistake. All you're doing is stroking her ego and making yourself look like a weak, desperate person w/no self esteem or confidence.

 

Don't do it. Suck it up. You got hurt and dumped. It's happened to all of us. Let her never hear from you again. She told you she doesn't want you in her life anymore. Give that to her. VANISH. Channel your hurt, anger, sadness into moving forward and when ready, finding someone new who will want and appreciate you.

 

You owe this now ex NOTHING my friend. Find your pride. Don't give her the satisfaction of showing your text to her friends and family who will honestly think you're pathetic and need to get a life. You will only regret it down the road as well.

 

Stay NC, heal and then date when you're ready. You'll be fine.

[Hoosfoos]

A long winded way to declare absolutely nothing. She doesn't care about your feelings and sending the letter will not establish anything. She'll either ignore it or respond to it negatively, making things worse.

[preraph]

You can't make her take your pain. Of course she knows she hurt you, but she also knew it was absolutely necessary! Write her and then the most you could hope for back is "Sorry I hurt you, but it had to be done." She's not going to come sniveling back to you wallowing in guilt and begging your forgiveness. She'll deal with it shortly, if at all, and wish you'd move on and not contact her again. If she leaves you hanging because she gets mad you're trying to guilt her, then you'll be sitting around for weeks wondering "Did she get my email?" "Maybe I should call and just make sure she got it." And you'll make a total fool of yourself sounding desperate. Honestly, trying to make her feel bad for breaking up with you when she did nothing wrong is just very childish. Breaking up always sucks, and there is no way to come out the winner in it.

[aloneinaz]

I want to add that everyone has the right to end a relationship that they are not happy with. I've ended relationships and always tried to be kind and compassionate in doing so. When we are dumped, we can't take it so personally. I know it's hard. If we contributed to them making the decision to break up with us, we need to own it. We need to learn from it and make changes so we don't repeat the same things in our next relationship.

 

Looking desperate and weak and pathetic can cause further damage to our already weak self esteem. What helps us recover from it and regain our pride and self esteem is to dust ourselves off and move on. Let this ex see that you're doing exactly that. She should never hear from you again. Let her see you out with a new gal that you're crazy about and happy with. That will provide her with doubt about her decision to dump you.

 

Looking weak, pathetic and desperate will only reinforce her decision to kick you to the curb. She'll be even further grateful that you're not in her life anymore.

[basil67]

Dude, you were only dating "casually". She doesn't owe you anything until you're at the point of making it official. If you were getting so attached to her, why did you wait five months to have this conversation?