VegMaggie Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend organised a dinner for his birthday with his best friend and his wife, and I also came along. It was my first time to meet this couple. Everything was fine at dinner. But it started to make me feel uncomfortable when we moved on to have some drinks at the bar then to another party of a friend of the couple's friend. I'm considered an introvert, just having drinks after drinks over small talk with someone I just met would bore me. And I need time to get comfortable with new people though over a more relax environment like dinner or some other interesting activities, not at a party where people do nothing apart from drinking. Anyway, I started to feel my boyfriend was being more attentive to the couple for example, if anything interesting came up he would turn around to talk to them first or he would only discuss with them about what to do/where to go next, and only told me where to go or what we are going to do without asking for my opinions. From the party, we went on to another club. There, he didn't talk to me at all. But he seems to get along well with his friend's wife. He could talk to her all the time and he would only turn around to me to check if I'm still okay once in a while. Sometime when we gathered in circle for conversation, he even stepped up in front of me and the group cutting me out and his friend's wife had to tell him that he's blocking me out. Long story short, we went to another bar and then the last bar for more drinks.At the end of the night, I saw him walking away somewhere with his friend's wife. I didn't know where they were going. I stayed with his friend for awhile then excused myself for a toilet. But when I came back, his friend was already gone and I could not find the others either. I called my boyfriend and he said he's at the another bar nearby with his friend's wife, already exhausted and drained. I got irritated that he just left me there without telling me where he's going so I told him I'm gonna go home , he asked why and I said I'm getting bored. He called me a few more times but I was too upset to pick up the calls. In the end, I just texted him that I'm watching sports at another bar and he can let me know later when he's done. He and the couple came to pick me up later as "the couple" had to go to home. when we came home I told him how I felt and he admitted he was too focused on the couple as he hadn't been seeing his best friend for a long time. I may have been overreacting but that night really made me doubt our compatibility. I was overwhelmed with all the feelings. I felt left out. I already tried for my boyfriend because it's his birthday and his best friend but I felt I don't fit in with the group. I felt like an outsider. Especially, at the end of the night when he just left me to the bar with his friend's wife, though I didn't expect him to babysit me but I could not help but feel he's even more closer to her than me. (not romantically though) I still can't overcome that feeling yet. Edited August 29, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Member request - personally identifiable information
basil67 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 This could be me and my husband. I love an intimate dinner where I can talk with people but I get bored bar hopping and trying to make conversation with people I don't know. Once I got to know his friends better, it did become easier - but I still avoid 'reunion' situations. Even though I dislike these situations, they don't happen often enough to make me question our compatibility. And when they do happen, we usually make a plan early and figure out it. The usual outcomes are 1. he will graciously leave early with me. 2. I will graciously go home when I'm ready and leave him to it. 3. I tell him that I'm happy to have a night in and that because I don't know anyway, he can let his hair down without worrying about me. I will be honest and say I'd be happier if we were more compatible here, but given the rest of our compatibility, it's one which we choose to compromise on. 1
HumanMachine Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 I want you to think about what you wrote here. You attended a party celebrating your BF's birthday, and you are worried that he didn't pay enough attention to you? It's his birthday, not yours. The party should be all about him. He went to another bar with his friend's wife..? Am i missing something here?
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 I found nothing wrong with your story till I get to the part where he left the bar without warning you. That would have made me furious and would have headed home. It's one thing to mingle with his friends and it's another to leave you behind without a word. I would not make this a make-it or break-il moment in the relationship, sounds like there was a lot of alcohol involved but it definitely calls for a serious conversation about consideration toward his GF. 3
mortensorchid Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 I'd be... I don't know how I would feel about this. Some may argue that perhaps alcohol played a role in this. Some may say there might be some things that are missing from the story. Maybe it was innocent enough, but ... It doesn't feel like it is. And if something doesn't feel or seem right, it usually isn't. How long have you known your bf? 1
kendahke Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 (edited) I think your boyfriend is telling you that you're not as much of a priority to him as he is to you. You may want to rethink the wisdom in being with someone like this. It will happen again. While alcohol played a big part, alcohol loosens up the truth in some people. His truth was on the loose that night. For him to get up and leave his girlfriend alone at a bar without telling her where he went or with whom is screaming that he didn't give a flying fig about you. What else is going on--or not going on--in this involvement you've got going on with him? Relationships that are healthy and thriving do not have issues of one person abandoning the other to go somewhere else. Edited August 29, 2016 by kendahke 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 He isn't that into you. Sorry. My ex was an extrovert and I am the opposite. 3 weeks after we first met, he invited me to his 30th. He regularly kissed and cuddled me all night despite me being socially akward. He is the type of guy who needs to have fun with all his friends. Yet he still couldn't keeps his hands off me for the entire night..... Even total extroverts who have not seen their best friends in ages, will make the gfs feel special. My ex hadnt seen his mates at his 30th in YEARS. Sorry but he just isn't that into you. He actually stood in front of you and blocked you out of the group. Wow. Just wow. 1
ChickiePops Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 Wait..he left the bar with his best friends wife but without his best friend?? So how long have they been sleeping together? Honestly up until I got to that part of the story, I was getting ready to say something like 'you should have been friendlier and they would have included you more..it was HIS birthday, it wasn't about you'. But the whole leaving you at the bar and taking another woman with him is just...there's really no word for it. If that were me, this dude would be dumped faster than he could turn his head. 1
LadySunshine Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 I’m so sorry to hear about the experience that you have gone through. I must say it would definitely have bothered me too. It is not an easy situation when two people are so different from each other. Maybe it will be a good idea to reevaluate whether or not this is the right guy for you? I always tell friends that when they have doubt about a guy then that doubt tends to stick. I was in a relationship with a guy a few years ago where I always felt like I couldn’t be myself with him. While I was in the relationship I really thought that I was happy even though I was always trying to be someone I am not. Even though it was really hard for me, I felt a sense of relief when the relationship was over. After that I decided to set very clear boundaries for future relationships and promised myself I would never be in a relationship again with someone whom I always felt like I was not enough for just because I wasn’t like him. I don’t know if this is the situation that you are in? If so then maybe you should try to make a decision not based on how you are feeling but on what you know will be the best for you in the long run. Hope this helps!
Miss Peach Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 I am an introvert too but I do enjoy socializing like that from time to time. I had to do something like you described for a friend's bachelor party. By 11pm I was ready to go home. So I understand what it felt like. In my case I was really there for support so I was OK taking a bit of a backseat. The things like cutting in from are rude but they might not have been intentional so I would be able to overlook it if it weren't a pattern. The part of your story that would have me livid was leaving with this guy's wife without letting you know. Even with friends, if I am leaving the premise I will say goodbye and let them know. Even just using the bathroom I would do this in a smaller setting. That was totally uncool and not respecting at all. I am with the others in that he's up to something or he's just not as good a guy as he seems. If he wanted to discuss something alone with her that's one thing but to not let you know he left is just rude and would have me questioning the relationship too. 1
ThorntonMelon Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 After that I would discontinue the relationship.
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Your BF wasn't too focused, he was being too rude. I get you didn't want to make a fuss because it was his Bday BUT when it comes to rude behavior, you should have taken some course of action. You should have pulled him aside and politely tell him how his lack of attentiveness is making you upset....yes just say it like it is. Or you could have just graciously excused yourself and went home. Talk about it the next day, but don't just talk about what happened, also talk about future expectations and how things will be handled next time. I'm not going to tell you to dump him but would advise to consider putting him on trial, and give him a pass this time. If it happens again then you will know this ain't workin out. 1
preraph Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Someone leaving you at a bar, abandoning you, that's not a good man. Under no circumstances was that alright. Now, I get that he was wanting quality time with the friends, and maybe he should do that NOT on his birthday and leave you at home. But him just bailing on you, that's not cool. I'd pretend to accidentally step on his instep with my spiked heel for that. And then I'd think about if this is the level of consideration you need from a man in a marriage or for a father.
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