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Why won't he respond?

maryquitecontrary

By maryquitecontrary
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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maryquitecontrary Member

maryquitecontrary

Posted
Posted

Okay, so I dated this guy seriously for 8 months. He cheated with a coworker, but I wanted to remain friends. I guess I was still too emotional about everything so he ended up ghosting on me-- blocked me without explanation a year and a half ago. I feel like I am completely over him now, but would like to just talk to him. I don't want to see him in person, just communicate through text.

 

So about a week ago I reached out to him through email and said I would like to talk to him and maybe be friends. I said don't worry I don't want to date him again and was talking to someone else, just wanted to catch up and not meet in person. I reminded him that he was good friends with all of his other exes (something I hated in the past) so why was I any different from them? I think I made it seem light-hearted.

 

So yesterday for some unknown reason I added him as a friend on snapchat and to my surprise he added me, too. I am not going to try to chat with him on snapchat. I'm just sort of waiting for him to make the next move if there ever is one.

 

So why would a guy avoid me like the plague a year and a half after a breakup? I never did anything mean or psycho after he cheated on me I just cried a lot and said a few things to the other woman who was married with kids and her husband didn't know she was seeing him. I was actually nice to her and just told her about my existence as his gf and said thanks for helping me to see who he really is and she can have him and good luck with all that.

 

I thought he and I had agreed to be friends because I still wanted him in my life even if he wasn't with me. We had some friendly dates and the last time I saw him we went to an all day music festival together and things went fine. I mean there was no more intimacy other than what friends would have, but I was actually fine with the situation. So I was so confused when he blocked me and never spoke to me again. I felt like obviously I meant nothing to him if he was capable of doing that. But, is that really the case? Or could it be the opposite?

 

Thoughts? I've decided not to reach out to him anymore. This past week was only my third attempt in a year and a half. I can take the hint-- I just thought that maybe after enough time had passed he would be my friend again. Guess not.

  • Like 1
mg4514 Member

mg4514

Posted
Posted

For some people, myself included, it's not very scientific. I have found that I simply can't be friends with someone that I cared about. Now I realize this is an oxymoron in the sense he cheated...clearly he demonstrated he didn't care. Never the less, I think when a romantic relationship reaches a certain point...being friends is very, very complicated.

  • Like 1
JewelD Established Member

JewelD

Posted
Posted

WHY?

 

Why on Earth would you ever want to be friends with a man that cheated on you? He doesn't respect or value you, so what are you getting out of this 'friendship'? It is better to be lonely and bored out of your mind than talk to someone who treated you like dirt.

 

It's possible that he blocked you because your reaction to him cheating made you less desirable. It's really strange to be super okey doke and ready for friendship after something like that. and if he was cheating, he did not care that much about you or your feelings at that point anyway.

 

It doesn't matter what he thinks of you. His actions have spoken loud and clear. What do you think of yourself? Why do you think you need him in your life? What positive things could he possibly bring to the table?

 

Make new friends and forget this guy.

  • Like 9
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
Okay, so I dated this guy seriously for 8 months. He cheated with a coworker, but I wanted to remain friends. I guess I was still too emotional about everything so he ended up ghosting on me-- blocked me without explanation a year and a half ago. I feel like I am completely over him now, but would like to just talk to him. I don't want to see him in person, just communicate through text.

 

So about a week ago I reached out to him through email and said I would like to talk to him and maybe be friends. I said don't worry I don't want to date him again and was talking to someone else, just wanted to catch up and not meet in person. I reminded him that he was good friends with all of his other exes (something I hated in the past) so why was I any different from them? I think I made it seem light-hearted.

 

So yesterday for some unknown reason I added him as a friend on snapchat and to my surprise he added me, too. I am not going to try to chat with him on snapchat. I'm just sort of waiting for him to make the next move if there ever is one.

 

So why would a guy avoid me like the plague a year and a half after a breakup? I never did anything mean or psycho after he cheated on me I just cried a lot and said a few things to the other woman who was married with kids and her husband didn't know she was seeing him. I was actually nice to her and just told her about my existence as his gf and said thanks for helping me to see who he really is and she can have him and good luck with all that.

 

I thought he and I had agreed to be friends because I still wanted him in my life even if he wasn't with me. We had some friendly dates and the last time I saw him we went to an all day music festival together and things went fine. I mean there was no more intimacy other than what friends would have, but I was actually fine with the situation. So I was so confused when he blocked me and never spoke to me again. I felt like obviously I meant nothing to him if he was capable of doing that. But, is that really the case? Or could it be the opposite?

 

Thoughts? I've decided not to reach out to him anymore. This past week was only my third attempt in a year and a half. I can take the hint-- I just thought that maybe after enough time had passed he would be my friend again. Guess not.

 

Apparently not.

 

Girl, I don't want to be insensitive, but...you're making yourself look desperate. If you'd already tried to be friends twice and he wasn't responsive, why on earth would you try for a third time? And try to make your case by citing his exes? That made me cringe.

 

He doesn't want to be friends. I can't imagine why you do.

  • Like 8
Blanco Established Member

Blanco

Posted
Posted

You seem unable to be single or unattached for very long based on your posts.

  • Like 2
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

Holding onto an ex who doesn't want to be with you, is like being attached to an old lottery ticket that didn't win you anything.

  • Like 7
Blanco Established Member

Blanco

Posted
Posted

Guys don't generally want to be "just" friends with women. Sure, we may have some women we are friendly with in a platonic way. We might even have a friend or two of the female persuasion. But those are the exceptions to the usual rule of thumb that the average guy just doesn't have much interest in platonic friendships with women.

 

You were never friends with this guy, so it's naive to say you want to be friends with him "again." You two were lovers and he cheated and it sounds like he's moved on with his life.

 

I'm not sure how old you are, but it's never too late to learn that someone not wanting to be friends with you isn't always correlated to whether or not you did something mean to them. I have exes who treated me fine after the breakup, but who I am comfortable not seeing again, let along being "friends" with.

  • Like 3
mg4514 Member

mg4514

Posted
Posted
Holding onto an ex who doesn't want to be with you, is like being attached to an old lottery ticket that didn't win you anything.

 

OMG - I'm gonna steal this. Well said!

  • Like 1
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maryquitecontrary Member

maryquitecontrary

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Okay okay I guess it reeks of desperation. Fine. The other two attempts were over a year ago. But anyway, there is an unusual history between us that I would rather not share. He was more than a best friend to me in my eyes. And yeah he cheated but so what? That doesn't make me not want to be his friend honestly. I'm past all that crap and do not want to get intimately involved with him ever again. It's hard to explain, but basically we shared a very traumatic experience together and that's one reason I grew so attached.

 

As far as not valuing myself I just don't hold stuff like cheating against people. Yeah I wouldn't want to date a cheater, but people are human and make mistakes. I don't just wrote them off without very good reason. But okay I can see where it looks stupid and desperate. Point taken. Thanks.

  • Like 1
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)
Okay, so I dated this guy seriously for 8 months. He cheated with a coworker, but I wanted to remain friends. I guess I was still too emotional about everything so he ended up ghosting on me-- blocked me without explanation a year and a half ago. I feel like I am completely over him now, but would like to just talk to him. I don't want to see him in person, just communicate through text.

 

So about a week ago I reached out to him through email and said I would like to talk to him and maybe be friends. I said don't worry I don't want to date him again and was talking to someone else, just wanted to catch up and not meet in person. I reminded him that he was good friends with all of his other exes (something I hated in the past) so why was I any different from them? I think I made it seem light-hearted.

 

So yesterday for some unknown reason I added him as a friend on snapchat and to my surprise he added me, too. I am not going to try to chat with him on snapchat. I'm just sort of waiting for him to make the next move if there ever is one.

 

So why would a guy avoid me like the plague a year and a half after a breakup? I never did anything mean or psycho after he cheated on me I just cried a lot and said a few things to the other woman who was married with kids and her husband didn't know she was seeing him. I was actually nice to her and just told her about my existence as his gf and said thanks for helping me to see who he really is and she can have him and good luck with all that.

 

...

 

Aww jeez. This thread is so sad. It's one of the most cringe-worthy things I've read on here in a while. Let's count the ways.

 

1. You want to be friends with a guy who has shown little regard for your feelings. He didn't even have the respect to end it with you properly, he cheated on you.

 

2. Your offer for friendship after his cheating on you is rather sad as is, but you double the cringe factor by trying to GUILT him ("you're friends with all your other exes why not me" and by framing yourself as a nuisance ("I said don't worry I don't want to date him again and was talking to someone else, just wanted to catch up and not meet in person", which translates to "can I have just a little bit of your emotional energy, please? I won't take much, promise!".)

 

3. He not only cheated on you, but he cheated on you with a married woman. Classy guy.

 

 

So why would he treat you like the plague? Probably for similar reasons why he cheated on you in the first place. He's just not that into you (traumatic experience shared notwithstanding), and he doesn't value you.

 

 

OP, I read your other threads too. You need to do serious work when it comes to your picker. Harsh, but here's hoping you wake up soon.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
somegu Member

somegu

Posted
Posted

Don't be friends with this guy. It's really that simple. You might want to think about going to therapy to work on yourself. I have done that in the past and it has helped me tremendously. Sounds like you're in denial about how you actually behaved and how you were treated. Stop believing your own BS and be real with yourself. Your relationship with this man is over. What you have now is toxic and no good can come of trying to be friends with him and holding on to something you don't have.

  • Like 1
Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

Posted
Posted

At a guess.. I would say he blocked you because he knew you still wanted to be with him and that you get angry or upset every time he screwed someone else (probably the coworker again). He was looking out for number one, himself.

 

You can say that you are completely over him again but I really don't think anyone here (including your ex) is buying it. If you were over it you would be too busy with the new guy to care about texting your ex. You clearly aren't over the feeling of being rejected by him. I know it sucks, but you can't let his actions define your self worth.

 

I understand that sometimes it takes a very long time to heal from a breakup but in a situation where your ex has cheated on you and then erased you from his life, you have to draw the line.

 

You need to start analyzing your decisions, such as the unknown reason you added him as a friend on snapchat after he ignored your email. Why would you do that? Why is it necessary to have someone in your life who doesn't care about you? Are you looking for validation from him?

 

Think long and hard about your motives because from an outsider looking in, it doesn't sound like a good decision. If you are seeing someone else now then you are better off focusing your energy there, not wasting a second on this ex who was so horrible to you.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to block him and find a way to move on and have a happy life without him. That is what you deserve.

  • Like 3
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maryquitecontrary Member

maryquitecontrary

Posted
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Posted

Yikes. I got it. Thank you all for your brutal honesty. That's why I post here:)

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

OP, you need far higher standards for friends.

 

This guy most definitely is not your friend. If he were, he would have respected you enough to let you go instead of cheating. He didn't do that. Trust me when I say that he doesn't see you as a friend, either.

  • Like 3
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maryquitecontrary Member

maryquitecontrary

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I just wanted to add that I was with the same man for 17 years-- ever since I was 19, so dating is not something I have a lot of experience with. I'm just not that good at it. I'm working on it. Or I will once I spend some time alone for a while anyway.

  • Like 2
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

The reason he avoids you like the plague is because he cheated and likely doesn't want to be reminded of that nor does he want to open the door for further discussions on that optic with you. Please love yourself more and stop wanting to have a friendship with someone who treated you worse than you treat an enemy.

 

Satu that analogy was epic! Loved it.

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