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Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

aSadGirl

By aSadGirl
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

Posted
Posted

I do feel though that the man should pay more than half.. it just feels manly.. like sometime i will pay for myself but i wouldnt pay for his meals when we are out.. just some smaller costs like a dessert or something if he pays for dinner. I dont feel right to pay for the whole dinner if we go out.. that would be very off-putting and turn-off for me to take on such a masculine role!

P

Lots of guys wouldn't want to always pay for everything and the girl just covers small dessert though..it would make them wonder if you are a gold digger. I'd say still try to be independent. Do things you can afford. If he is really well-off himself and knows you are a poor student, I believe he should cover bit more , but not everything...

But as I said there is also a chance he is calculating/cheap. I cant tell now, but I'm sure you will find out after a bit more time together.

angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted

Yikes!!! My goodness, I can't believe he actually allowed you to go through that embarrassment to the bitter end. Most dates would have stepped in immediately when your card was declined.

 

You're getting some great insights into the man he is. Why do you want to continue exactly? More important than whether he's likes you, is whether you like him and whether you feel he's a good fit for you. That should be the basis for your thinking. From your reaction to the transaction, and now the additional detail, it sounds like an abysmal fail. Yet, you seem genuinely anxious and upset that he might not ask you out again. Why is that?

 

BTW, is he a carpenter or a carpenter's apprentice?

 

No, we got ONE bill on a plate. He put his credit card on it.. and i put mine. He didnt said or reacted at all. The worst part of this is my credit card didn´t work! So I got embarassed first cause the waitress had to say "im sorry but this card isnt working..." to which i replied "oh im sorry, i forgot to put money to that account"... because i had forgot the credit card at a store and collected it earlier same day.. but i noticed i forgot it some days prior to that and therefor removed almost all money from that account on the credit card to another so that if someone would try to steal money from it that would not be possibel...

 

So.. i had to sit there a few minutes, signing into my bank and fix the problem while he just sat and watched.. it was awkward indeed and killed the good tension we had prior to it when we caressed each other´s hand and watched into each other´s eyes deeply...

I even was to toilet for maybe 5-10 minutes before the check.. sort of hoping he would take and pay it while i was away, but when i was back he still hadn´t asked for the check! Then he said "Should we call in for the check?" And i said "yes" then the rest of the story...

 

he seemed a bit off after the bill came, but outside like i said i hugged him and we kissed anyway.. then went for the bar, talked flirted and made out more..

  • Like 2
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
Yikes!!! My goodness, I can't believe he actually allowed you to go through that embarrassment to the bitter end. Most dates would have stepped in immediately when your card was declined.

 

You're getting some great insights into the man he is. Why do you want to continue exactly? More important than whether he's likes you, is whether you like him and whether you feel he's a good fit for you. That should be the basis for your thinking. From your reaction to the transaction, and now the additional detail, it sounds like an abysmal fail. Yet, you seem genuinely anxious and upset that he might not ask you out again. Why is that?

 

BTW, is he a carpenter or a carpenter's apprentice?

 

I was shocked when I read that too!

 

What guy/woman would sit on their hands while their date is humilated.... trying to get the money together to pay for dinner???

 

Man or woman...thats unacceptable

 

OP, like angel.eyes said....Why are you still interested in this guy??? I can tell you I wouldnt waste one more text on him if I were you

 

I think you need to stop wondering if he likes you....you need to set some standards here...ask yourself honestly....does he really measure up to what you want/deserve in a man???

 

If I were you I'd be onto the next

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Haaahaha.

 

Yeah. I admit that I only date men who are old fashioned and enjoy treating me ro the dates.

 

I don't date men who ade into going dutch.

 

The thing is- I am also very generous. I got my bf an overseas trip for his bday. I am a generous girl who loves to spoil so I also need a very generous partner.

 

I also PREFER the traditional old fashioned gender roles! I PREFEE to do most of the cleaning while the man takes care of me; although I am at college and want my own profession so I can chip in a little, I will ALWAYS need a partner who WANTS to treat me to the dates and smaller day trips and weekends away.

 

So not all of us women who prefer men who pay are tight @sses ourselves-! Some of us are just very generous and pefer certain traditions ( which we compensate for in other ways).

leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted
Lots of guys wouldn't want to always pay for everything and the girl just covers small dessert though..it would make them wonder if you are a gold digger. I'd say still try to be independent. Do things you can afford. If he is really well-off himself and knows you are a poor student, I believe he should cover bit more , but not everything...

But as I said there is also a chance he is calculating/cheap. I cant tell now, but I'm sure you will find out after a bit more time together.

 

So tired of men using the gold digger line! Just because a woman thinks a man who asks her out on a date should pay for the first couple of dates, doesn't make her a gold digger! A gold digger is a woman who gets the man to take her shopping for expensive things and just takes and takes. It's ok for men to want sex early on but not ok for a woman to expect him to pay for the first couple of dates that he asked her out on?

 

Seriously, does a man want to get laid? Then act like it! Ask the woman out and pay for the date. If the man is dating several people or doesn't have tons of money, then take her to a less expensive restaurant or ask her out for a drink the first time. This whole thing with men not wanting to pay for a date is ridiculous and using "she's a gold digger" is an excuse to get free attention and free "play".

  • Like 4
h0000 Established Member

h0000

Posted
Posted
So tired of men using the gold digger line! Just because a woman thinks a man who asks her out on a date should pay for the first couple of dates, doesn't make her a gold digger! A gold digger is a woman who gets the man to take her shopping for expensive things and just takes and takes. It's ok for men to want sex early on but not ok for a woman to expect him to pay for the first couple of dates that he asked her out on?

 

Seriously, does a man want to get laid? Then act like it! Ask the woman out and pay for the date. If the man is dating several people or doesn't have tons of money, then take her to a less expensive restaurant or ask her out for a drink the first time. This whole thing with men not wanting to pay for a date is ridiculous and using "she's a gold digger" is an excuse to get free attention and free "play".

I am not saying OP is a gold digger. I only used the term because OP almost said man should pay all the time (so it's manly), not just first couple of dates. That will make men feel like meal tickets.

Besides I don't agree with the "pay for me if you want sex" theory. That's what a prostitute does.

I think it's cheap so associate sex with money. Don't know why you brought up sex in the situation. You have sex with the man because you like him, not because he pays for you.

  • Like 3
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted (edited)

Two things I find odd with this scenario:

 

1. You suggested you both go to the restaurant that you wanted to try but also expressed "oh but it might be expensive" which means at that point you must have been expecting him to pay because you were sort of "asking him if it was ok to pay for the more expensive restaurant"

 

2. It's a little tacky to leave for the bathroom at pay time "hoping" to get the meal paid by your date. I mean we go to the bathroom at the end of the meal to freshen up but the "hoping he would get it" seems like you went into it thinking he would and are disappointed he didn't.

 

It's tacky to go dutch. DON'T DO OR ASK FOR THAT GUYS, major buzz-kill. But women should offer to pay next time around and mean it if the guy has already taken you out on a few dates and has paid, it's fair, it's courteous it's the caring and cool thing to do if you are not out looking for a meal ticket and like the guy -whether he accepts or not. And never EVER pick a place that you cannot potentially afford to pick up the tab for. If you want the guy to pay then let him choose the place and go along with what he decides because he is inviting and also paying. It isn't fair to a guy to pick and expensive place and expect him to pay when you can't even afford that yourself.

 

Don't over-think the paying for dinner part. You haven't told us much more about how the date ended if he texted you next day to say he had a good time etc. Is he still not making an effort to reach out?

 

Also, on the "you would like to meet 1-2 times a week" it's too soon to be deciding for the two of you the pace of your dating. Let him set the pace and then once you know for sure he is there and going to stick around you can express wanting to see him more if it is not already happening organically.

Edited by Sunkissedpatio
  • Like 2
leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted
I am not saying OP is a gold digger. I only used the term because OP almost said man should pay all the time (so it's manly), not just first couple of dates. That will make men feel like meal tickets.

Besides I don't agree with the "pay for me if you want sex" theory. That's what a prostitute does.

I think it's cheap so associate sex with money. Don't know why you brought up sex in the situation. You have sex with the man because you like him, not because he pays for you.

 

I brought up sex because isn't the reason a man is asking a woman out because he's interested in having sex with her? I don't think men ask a woman out on a date because he's interested in having a deep conversation with her.

  • Like 1
h0000 Established Member

h0000

Posted
Posted
I brought up sex because isn't the reason a man is asking a woman out because he's interested in having sex with her? I don't think men ask a woman out on a date because he's interested in having a deep conversation with her.

 

Many times when man asks a girl out he is actually interested in her, and getting to know her, not just her vagina. And a girl should agree to have sex because she is also interested in him, as a person, not his wallet. I'm sure you wouldn't like a man having sex with you later slip you some money. It's essentially the same thing that man pays money first then you have sex with him.

By your logic, as long as the man pays, you should have sex with him. I don't think you do, right?

  • Like 3
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aSadGirl Established Member

aSadGirl

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yikes!!! My goodness, I can't believe he actually allowed you to go through that embarrassment to the bitter end. Most dates would have stepped in immediately when your card was declined.

 

You're getting some great insights into the man he is. Why do you want to continue exactly? More important than whether he's likes you, is whether you like him and whether you feel he's a good fit for you. That should be the basis for your thinking. From your reaction to the transaction, and now the additional detail, it sounds like an abysmal fail. Yet, you seem genuinely anxious and upset that he might not ask you out again. Why is that?

 

BTW, is he a carpenter or a carpenter's apprentice?

 

Hehe yeah... im trying to forget that part.. as it was not nice.. but the other parts of the date was..

 

Good question but it is because we click/mesh good together.. it just feels fun, good and "right" when we hang out together, talking flirting laughing, walking.. but i know it might just feel like that in the beginning so im trying not to jump head over heels for him :p

I feel we want the same things in a relationship at least untill now.. like doing new stuff and treat each other with care/love/respect.. Also it felt super-good when we kissed, i haven´t been turned on like that by making out in a looong time.

He is a carpenter, has his company with his dad but will try to have his own in the meanwhile :p

 

 

 

I was shocked when I read that too!

 

What guy/woman would sit on their hands while their date is humilated.... trying to get the money together to pay for dinner???

 

Man or woman...thats unacceptable

 

OP, like angel.eyes said....Why are you still interested in this guy??? I can tell you I wouldnt waste one more text on him if I were you

 

I think you need to stop wondering if he likes you....you need to set some standards here...ask yourself honestly....does he really measure up to what you want/deserve in a man???

 

If I were you I'd be onto the next

 

In retrospect, i have to agree with you! It was embarassing, and only the wine probably saved me from sinking though the ground... I mean i had a good explanation but it was still humiliating..

I dont know how he was thinking.. it was a bit strange hmm..

 

By just looking at this action then NO he doesnt have what i deserve.. BUT looking at all the other time we spent then yes he might be good for me.. but im not sure..

Like i wrote above as response: it just feels fun, good and "right" when we hang out together, talking laughing, flirgintg walking.. but i know it might just feel like that in the beginning so im trying not to jump head over heels for him :p

I feel we want the same things in a relationship at least untill now.. like doing new stuff and treat each other with care/love/respect.. Also it felt super-good when we kissed, i haven´t been turned on like that by making out in a looong time.

 

 

Two things I find odd with this scenario:

 

1. You suggested you both go to the restaurant that you wanted to try but also expressed "oh but it might be expensive" which means at that point you must have been expecting him to pay because you were sort of "asking him if it was ok to pay for the more expensive restaurant"

 

2. It's a little tacky to leave for the bathroom at pay time "hoping" to get the meal paid by your date. I mean we go to the bathroom at the end of the meal to freshen up but the "hoping he would get it" seems like you went into it thinking he would and are disappointed he didn't.

 

It's tacky to go dutch. DON'T DO OR ASK FOR THAT GUYS, major buzz-kill. But women should offer to pay next time around and mean it if the guy has already taken you out on a few dates and has paid, it's fair, it's courteous it's the caring and cool thing to do if you are not out looking for a meal ticket and like the guy -whether he accepts or not. And never EVER pick a place that you cannot potentially afford to pick up the tab for. If you want the guy to pay then let him choose the place and go along with what he decides because he is inviting and also paying. It isn't fair to a guy to pick and expensive place and expect him to pay when you can't even afford that yourself.

 

Don't over-think the paying for dinner part. You haven't told us much more about how the date ended if he texted you next day to say he had a good time etc. Is he still not making an effort to reach out?

 

Also, on the "you would like to meet 1-2 times a week" it's too soon to be deciding for the two of you the pace of your dating. Let him set the pace and then once you know for sure he is there and going to stick around you can express wanting to see him more if it is not already happening organically.

 

1. Well yes.. its true that i expected him to pay at that point - was that wrong of me? It was his suggestion that we go eat at a resturant.. he knew though.. so i guess i have to "lay in the bed i made" and pay my share since i picked the restaurant.. i almost wonder if he expected me to pay but i hope not :p

I think i havent made it clear that im just working at a part time job, and also got studies to make. He must think im "well off with good salary" so perhaps he thought i would be ok with him not paying.. i dont know.. or maybe he didnt like me as much as i thought? but that seem ridiculous cause he caressed my hand dearly and seemed so present and "in love" almost :p

 

2. its not like i told him "pay the bill while i go to the ladies room" but i know what you mean..

 

How old are you? Im glad you think dutch is tacky...

Well yeah, i would pay something too but more like a dessert or like you said "dinner if the guy had payed some dates"..

Well yeah i won´t be going to a restaurant with him anymore i cant afford, its not worth it..

I know of "letsdeal.com" which have meals for example 2 glasses wine, 2 main dishes (even bief tenderloin) and 2 desserts for the price of one.. like 50$ for everything.. thats very cheap and delicious.. so next time i guess we have to take a deal cause i dont want to waste too much money.. or rather: i cant afford it at this point at least..

 

The date ended after the bar (where we made out a lot) then he let me go on a bus, kissing me goodnight and asking me to tell when i would get home so he knows im safe. I did say "Im home now :)" to which he replied 10AM in the morning "I hope the Teaser will get a good day :-*" (kiss smiley).. he called me Teaser in a playful way i think cause he must have gotten tuned on by us making out but im not sure.. i was a bit dissapointed about this message to be honest because the first i had after or first date sounded diffrently and more with love!

The first message was like:

"I had a very nice date with you tonight :)

You are so nice and beautiful!

We have to decide some day when we see each other next time :) Good night :* Sleep tight"

and smileys all around..

 

so after second date i just responded "Thank you i hope you have a great day too Wolf ;) :*" (i called him wolf cause he said several times he wants to eat me up cause i was so tempting to look at or something.. :p )

 

Anyway i then texted him friday asking "Heey, what are you doing? Are you excited for the fotballgame tomorrow?:)"

He replied instantly "Yeah, and you? :*" so he didnt answered my question as to what he was up to i was curious about since it was friday and all.. i answered the day after that i and my nephew was sick but i wished his fotball team to win and said he can reply later..

He then reacted finally with some care and said

"But what! What sick is your nephew? :(

I hope you feel better soon, I want to see you! :-*

Yes i also hope they will win and i was sad to miss the game (date), I will text you after the game"

 

I said i want to see him too and we feel better..

Then after the game he said "Good he feel better :* We won the game :) There will be more fotballgames :-*"

 

then i replied like "Oh, great, congratulations! Yeah i guess so :-*"

 

From then on there have been radio silence :p

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Hehe yeah... im trying to forget that part.. as it was not nice.. but the other parts of the date was..

 

It is the "not nice" bits that you need to take notice of early doors, as they often show you the real him,

Justanaverageguy Established Member

Justanaverageguy

Posted
Posted (edited)

Personal opinion: I LOVE to pay for and spoil a woman who I really care for ..... I don't like to pay for and spoil a woman I barely know on a first or second date.

 

For me the first couple of dates are about getting to know the person and suss out their values, who they are as a person and whether we connect. I don't feel like I should be going all out to "woo" a woman on the first or second date when I'm not sure if I even want to pursue something with her. She kind of has to show me that she is worth wooing. So I like to keep casual a drink or two at a bar or maybe something fun outdoors where it is no issue to pick up the bill. If she suggested an expensive dinner early on then I would expect to go dutch.

 

Women who expect men to fall over themselves chasing a girl they barely know have always confused me. Sense of entitlement and princess mentality which is an instant turn off. Exactly what I am not looking for in a woman. The wooing process works both ways - there needs to be a balance. Of course if you already know the girl quite well before the date - this can be a different story as you already established some sort of relationship and determined she is someone you really like as a person and are attracted to.

 

I like an easy going down to earth type girl who is quite independent. Thus a girl who wants to pay her own way initially I find attractive. On later dates - once I've got to know her and decided she is someone I really want to pursue then I'm more then willing to splash the cash. Weekends away, nice dinners - after a couple of months dating a girl I really liked I've previously paid for week long holiday in Paris. I'm quite well off and have no issue spoiling a woman - but I don't want to use money as the basis to start a relationship. How you deal with the bill shows alot about a person. Not just the man. Going to the bathroom to try and "force" your date to pay would speak pretty loudly to me about the type of person I was on a date with.

 

In short. Show a guy you are worth it and most really like to spoil their girl. Show a guy you expect him to take you to expensive restaurants and pick up the large bill when he hardly knows you simply because you are a woman and he probably won't ask you on another date.

Edited by Justanaverageguy
  • Like 8
Mikau Established Member

Mikau

Posted
Posted
Personal opinion: I LOVE to pay for and spoil a woman who I really care for ..... I don't like to pay for and spoil a woman I barely know on a first or second date.

 

For me the first couple of dates are about getting to know the person and suss out their values, who they are as a person and whether we connect. I don't feel like I should be going all out to "woo" a woman on the first or second date when I'm not sure if I even want to pursue something with her. She kind of has to show me that she is worth wooing. So I like to keep casual a drink or two at a bar or maybe something fun outdoors where it is no issue to pick up the bill. If she suggested an expensive dinner early on then I would expect to go dutch.

 

Women who expect men to fall over themselves chasing a girl they barely know have always confused me. Sense of entitlement and princess mentality which is an instant turn off. Exactly what I am not looking for in a woman. The wooing process works both ways - there needs to be a balance. Of course if you already know the girl quite well before the date - this can be a different story as you already established some sort of relationship and determined she is someone you really like as a person and are attracted to.

 

I like an easy going down to earth type girl who is quite independent. Thus a girl who wants to pay her own way initially I find attractive. On later dates - once I've got to know her and decided she is someone I really want to pursue then I'm more then willing to splash the cash. Weekends away, nice dinners - after a couple of months dating a girl I really liked I've previously paid for week long holiday in Paris. I'm quite well off and have no issue spoiling a woman - but I don't want to use money as the basis to start a relationship. How you deal with the bill shows alot about a person. Not just the man. Going to the bathroom to try and "force" your date to pay would speak pretty loudly to me about the type of person I was on a date with.

 

In short. Show a guy you are worth it and most really like to spoil their girl. Show a guy you expect him to take you to expensive restaurants and pick up the large bill when he hardly knows you simply because you are a woman and he probably won't ask you on another date.

Thanks. This is how I feel pretty much word for word (except for being well off ^^).

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

 

 

Originally Posted by aSadGirl View Post

I even was to toilet for maybe 5-10 minutes before the check.. sort of hoping he would take and pay it while i was away, but when i was back he still hadn´t asked for the check! Then he said "Should we call in for the check?" And i said "yes" then the rest of the story...

 

Do you really have to go out to the toilet to have him pay for the bill? Does it really matter who pays? I'm a woman and I really don't mind paying bills.

 

 

Just curious, when would you start paying for your dates normally? on the 3rd? 4th? or would you only start to pay for yourself?

 

 

As for the 3rd date, I think it's just a bit communication issue. He did ask you out for a football game. If you want to see him just ask. No big deal

 

Oh my.

It's funny that OP is on here complaining but it's her that's pulling these kind of stunts. And people here are having a go at him!!!

 

As someone said, its 2016 not 1920. Women are looking for men just as much as the other way around, so this talk of guys having to pay because they are chasing is nonsense.

 

I think because you suggested the restaurant, if anyone covers the bill it should be you. Going to the toilet to avoid paying is pretty transparent.

Could be he was happy to pay the bill till he saw that trick being pulled.

 

I suggest if you can't afford expensive places then don't suggest them.

Would you have gone there alone? Or did you just suggest it assuming he would cover the tab.

 

Now I'm sure there are plenty of guys who are willing to be an ATM in early dating. So if this is important to you, perhaps move on.

 

But I definitely wouldn't write this guy off on this one incident.

  • Like 2
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Personal opinion: I LOVE to pay for and spoil a woman who I really care for ..... I don't like to pay for and spoil a woman I barely know on a first or second date.

 

For me the first couple of dates are about getting to know the person and suss out their values, who they are as a person and whether we connect. I don't feel like I should be going all out to "woo" a woman on the first or second date when I'm not sure if I even want to pursue something with her. She kind of has to show me that she is worth wooing. So I like to keep casual a drink or two at a bar or maybe something fun outdoors where it is no issue to pick up the bill. If she suggested an expensive dinner early on then I would expect to go dutch.

 

Women who expect men to fall over themselves chasing a girl they barely know have always confused me. Sense of entitlement and princess mentality which is an instant turn off. Exactly what I am not looking for in a woman. The wooing process works both ways - there needs to be a balance. Of course if you already know the girl quite well before the date - this can be a different story as you already established some sort of relationship and determined she is someone you really like as a person and are attracted to.

 

I like an easy going down to earth type girl who is quite independent. Thus a girl who wants to pay her own way initially I find attractive. On later dates - once I've got to know her and decided she is someone I really want to pursue then I'm more then willing to splash the cash. Weekends away, nice dinners - after a couple of months dating a girl I really liked I've previously paid for week long holiday in Paris. I'm quite well off and have no issue spoiling a woman - but I don't want to use money as the basis to start a relationship. How you deal with the bill shows alot about a person. Not just the man. Going to the bathroom to try and "force" your date to pay would speak pretty loudly to me about the type of person I was on a date with.

 

In short. Show a guy you are worth it and most really like to spoil their girl. Show a guy you expect him to take you to expensive restaurants and pick up the large bill when he hardly knows you simply because you are a woman and he probably won't ask you on another date.

 

 

 

I don't let men spoil me until I know we could go somewhere.

 

I only date men who enjoy spoiling because I am super generous myself but I NEVER let men throw money at me initially.

 

My own bf never did; he is no fool, our first date was drinks and I was 10 mins late so went and bought the first round!

 

I didn't mind because I knew he was a traditional Ukranian who pays for dates. And I didn't want him spoiling me initially until he knew I was legit.

 

You can kind of get a good sense as to what type if guy they are, when it comes to dates; it just so happens that I am only drawn to generous men WITH BACKBONES ( aka- they don't go throwing money at just any girl and act like a door mat who will bend over backwards for a woman who isn't that into him).

 

Nothing wrong with wantibng men to pay. I do. But don't give them a break and suggest free dates initially! Who wanta to routinely pay for first and secobd dates rhat go nowhere?

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted (edited)
Two things I find odd with this scenario:

 

1. You suggested you both go to the restaurant that you wanted to try but also expressed "oh but it might be expensive" which means at that point you must have been expecting him to pay because you were sort of "asking him if it was ok to pay for the more expensive restaurant"

 

2. It's a little tacky to leave for the bathroom at pay time "hoping" to get the meal paid by your date. I mean we go to the bathroom at the end of the meal to freshen up but the "hoping he would get it" seems like you went into it thinking he would and are disappointed he didn't.

 

It's tacky to go dutch. DON'T DO OR ASK FOR THAT GUYS, major buzz-kill. But women should offer to pay next time around and mean it if the guy has already taken you out on a few dates and has paid, it's fair, it's courteous it's the caring and cool thing to do if you are not out looking for a meal ticket and like the guy -whether he accepts or not.

 

And never EVER pick a place that you cannot potentially afford to pick up the tab for. If you want the guy to pay then let him choose the place and go along with what he decides because he is inviting and also paying. It isn't fair to a guy to pick and expensive place and expect him to pay when you can't even afford that yourself.

 

Ah, quoted directly from the liberated woman rulebook––NOT! Numbering the items of female reasoning does not make it more weighty than one [female oriented] opinion.

 

I think the funny thing––odd in any scenario––is how you can rationalize that you're being egalitarian by picking up half of a check, or paying once, after a man has paid for several. You're just inching a teeny-tiny bit out of the nineteenth-century, then patting yourself on the back for being a modern woman.

 

With online dating, people go on a lot of first and second dates that don't go any further. Why should the entire burden of that fall on one gender? That's what you're doing by expecting that the guy always pays for the first few dates. First dates are more like interviews, a chance to figure out if there is a basis for a second date. Benefits both equally.

 

Do women actually have so little sense of self-efficacy (or such a sense of entitlement), as to expect the guy to pay your way, not knowing if you'll ever see him again? Doesn't it reek of... well, I guess not seeing as how many think it's an appropriate compromise.

 

If you want to actually be egalitarian rather than just pretending, be there when the check comes and genuinely expect to pay half. Put your card next to his and tell the waiter to put half on each. Then you can be warm and fuzzy if you're feeling it, or just shake hands and say goodbye if you're not.

 

Once some sort of dating relationship develops and you know you'll be seeing each other, start taking turns or whatever is comfortable for you both.

 

Nothing is more transparent than the slow reach, where she pretends to be going for the wallet while waiting for a guy to say, no, put it away - I've got it.

 

I was so used to this that I had almost accepted it as standard protocol before I met my girlfriend. When I said, "that's ok I've got it," she softly but firmly said, "no, I prefer to pay half." My first thought was, uh, this means she doesn't want to see me again. I was wrong. She texted me the next day and let me know. Second date we went to a more expensive place, shared a dessert at her suggestion (indicating something), and we split again. After that we started taking turns. We've done a few trips and it always comes out about even––she never expects a free ride just because she's female. I respect that tremendously.

Edited by salparadise
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aSadGirl Established Member

aSadGirl

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Posted

He just texted me 1 hour ago:

"Have a nice day :-* " *with a kiss smiley in the end", I feel it's not going anywhere. Why didn't he ask about my weekend or when we can meet again? Feels strange. The last thing I texted him 2 days ago was "Oh fun you won, congratulations! Well I guess there will be more fotball games yes :) :-* " Should I just reply "Thank you, wish you the same :-* " or say something more ? Hmm, I want him to ask me out this time but it feels he waits me to do it. I feel it gets a bit repeterade with the "Have a great day:)" thing.. he said it after our last date too. Don't know how he's thinking...

insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
Posted
Yikes!!! My goodness, I can't believe he actually allowed you to go through that embarrassment to the bitter end. Most dates would have stepped in immediately when your card was declined.

 

You're getting some great insights into the man he is. Why do you want to continue exactly? More important than whether he's likes you, is whether you like him and whether you feel he's a good fit for you. That should be the basis for your thinking. From your reaction to the transaction, and now the additional detail, it sounds like an abysmal fail. Yet, you seem genuinely anxious and upset that he might not ask you out again. Why is that?

 

BTW, is he a carpenter or a carpenter's apprentice?

 

To be fair he is probably thinking likewise as OP has hardly come across as Date of The Year in this scenario. She steered him to a restaurant that SHE wanted to go to and threw in the classic sleight of hand about it being expensive and he called her out on it. She should have at least tried to dissuade him at that point but it sounds like she was comfortable with the idea that he was then going to pay because she had thrown in the caveat about it being expensive, everything after that with the card was games and showmanship just compounding the choice of restaurant.

 

If I was him I would have paid for the whole dinner when her card was declined and deleted/blocked OP's number after that and put it down to a very expensive life lesson.

h0000 Established Member

h0000

Posted
Posted (edited)
He just texted me 1 hour ago:

"Have a nice day :-* " *with a kiss smiley in the end", I feel it's not going anywhere. Why didn't he ask about my weekend or when we can meet again? Feels strange. The last thing I texted him 2 days ago was "Oh fun you won, congratulations! Well I guess there will be more fotball games yes :) :-* " Should I just reply "Thank you, wish you the same :-* " or say something more ? Hmm, I want him to ask me out this time but it feels he waits me to do it. I feel it gets a bit repeterade with the "Have a great day:)" thing.. he said it after our last date too. Don't know how he's thinking...

 

Do you expect men to do all the work (asking you out all the dates ) after you already expect them to pay for all the dates ?

I think if you like him, ask him out this time as he already did so twice . And please don't run away when the cheque comes again

Edited by h0000
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insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
Posted
By the way ladies, it is no longer 1920. Stop expecting men to pay for you. Many men are on to the ladies who claim to be old fashioned when it comes time for a guy to pay for a check, but they don't know how to cook. You can't be old fashioned only when it benefits you.

 

Yep, Freud famously declared that he doesn't know what women want. After lurking here for 2 years I have finally figured it out: they want to find a way to marry two incompatible Ideals- they want a traditional man but don't want to live a traditional lifestyle.

 

And then on their way home after having their meal paid for they can sing all that Beyonce crap about being an independent woman....with no sense of irony :laugh:

  • Like 3
joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted
He just texted me 1 hour ago:

"Have a nice day :-* " *with a kiss smiley in the end", I feel it's not going anywhere. Why didn't he ask about my weekend or when we can meet again? Feels strange. The last thing I texted him 2 days ago was "Oh fun you won, congratulations! Well I guess there will be more fotball games yes :) :-* " Should I just reply "Thank you, wish you the same :-* " or say something more ? Hmm, I want him to ask me out this time but it feels he waits me to do it. I feel it gets a bit repeterade with the "Have a great day:)" thing.. he said it after our last date too. Don't know how he's thinking...

 

On the plus side, he texted. That suggests he is at least a little interested.

 

Though it might be lowish interest....OR, he may just not be much of a texter.

 

And perhaps he does want you to offer a date suggestion, did he make all the dates until now?

 

If I had to guess, I'd say he has a few plates spinning, and will see which ones look more promising before deciding on one.

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leogirl876 Established Member

leogirl876

Posted
Posted
Many times when man asks a girl out he is actually interested in her, and getting to know her, not just her vagina. And a girl should agree to have sex because she is also interested in him, as a person, not his wallet. I'm sure you wouldn't like a man having sex with you later slip you some money. It's essentially the same thing that man pays money first then you have sex with him.

By your logic, as long as the man pays, you should have sex with him. I don't think you do, right?

 

No, that's not what I'm saying, you're missing my point! When a man asks a woman out, yes, he may be interested in her, but he's also interested in having sex with her. Unless he's impotent, he's wanting to also have sex. That's common knowledge my friend!

angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted (edited)

OP, why on earth do you care so much??? Again, why are you so anxious to continue?

 

The guy asked you to let him know you're safe, then couldn't be bothered to acknowledge the text until mid-morning the next day. He suggested you watch football together, then never followed through.

 

Words are cheap. It's actions that speak volumes about the person's true nature and character. Absolutely nothing that you're describing about this guy would make me want to continue!

 

Yet here you are contemplating whether to chase after him and ask for a date since he's not asking for another--a man who left you so "embarrassed" and "humiliated" that you wanted to "sink into the floor" (your words verbatim) during your second date.:sick: This is him putting his best foot forward??? Imagine how he'll treat you once he's complacent and no longer feels the need to put in an effort to make a good impression. Please take a very long, hard look at why you have zippo standards. I cringe with each new piece of information you provide.

 

He just texted me 1 hour ago:

"Have a nice day :-* " *with a kiss smiley in the end", I feel it's not going anywhere. Why didn't he ask about my weekend or when we can meet again? Feels strange. The last thing I texted him 2 days ago was "Oh fun you won, congratulations! Well I guess there will be more fotball games yes :) :-* " Should I just reply "Thank you, wish you the same :-* " or say something more ? Hmm, I want him to ask me out this time but it feels he waits me to do it. I feel it gets a bit repeterade with the "Have a great day:)" thing.. he said it after our last date too. Don't know how he's thinking...

Edited by angel.eyes
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Mikau Established Member

Mikau

Posted
Posted
No, that's not what I'm saying, you're missing my point! When a man asks a woman out, yes, he may be interested in her, but he's also interested in having sex with her. Unless he's impotent, he's wanting to also have sex. That's common knowledge my friend!

And women don't want sex? Sex is something both parties want or should want within a relationship, so the argument that a man should woo a woman because he wants sex can be turned around to apply to women just as easily.

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted
It is the "not nice" bits that you need to take notice of early doors, as they often show you the real him,

 

Quoted for truth!

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