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First date

Nicole10

By Nicole10
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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

Posted
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My friend met a guy using online dating site. They went for a first date and two hours later he texted her "thank you for hustling out (there was a misunderstanding so she had like 10 min to get ready and meet him) today. I enjoy the conversation." Is this just good manners (saying thank you) or he is intersted in second date?

I know it is best to wait and see, but we are just curious.

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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It is good manners.

 

If he were interested in a second date, he would have set up one immediately.

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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What was her response to his text?

 

Why can't your friend post for herself? It is an anonymous board. Or are you the friend who went on the date?:confused:

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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

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What was her response to his text?

 

Why can't your friend post for herself? It is an anonymous board. Or are you the friend who went on the date?:confused:

 

Because she doesnt have the account and I just told her about the site.

She replied no, problem. thank you for the coffee and coversation.

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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It takes all of ten seconds to set up an account, so it's strange.

 

Do you want to see him again? From that response it doesn't sound like it. But you're posting here, so you probably do?:confused:

 

"No problem" is not a rousing sign of encouragement. That would be my response to a co-worker who inconvenienced me and asked for my help on a project, then brought me a cup of coffee as thanks. You need to be a little more encouraging and excited. Be less business-like about dating. He's probably on another dating board asking strangers to decipher your text response and whether he should try asking you out again.

 

Next time, something like--

It was fun. Let's do it again sometime.

 

Clearly signal what you want. Then sit back and see what he does. Dating isn't a game of poker. Holding your cards close to the vest only hurts you.

 

How did your date end? How long did it last?

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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

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It takes all of ten seconds to set up an account, so it's strange.

 

Do you want to see him again? From that response it doesn't sound like it. But you're posting here, so you probably do?:confused:

 

"No problem" is not a rousing sign of encouragement. That would be my response to a co-worker who inconvenienced me and asked for my help on a project, then brought me a cup of coffee as thanks. You need to be a little more encouraging and excited. Be less business-like about dating. He's probably on another dating board asking strangers to decipher your text response and whether he should try asking you out again.

 

Next time, something like--

It was fun. Let's do it again sometime.

 

Clearly signal what you want. Then sit back and see what he does. Dating isn't a game of poker. Holding your cards close to the vest only hurts you.

 

How did your date end? How long did it last?

Seriously, we are just wondering about his text. Not about her reply? Was it manners or some kind of him being interested?

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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If he were interested in a second date, he would have set up one immediately.

Not necessarily. They both seem inexperienced and tentative about the dating process.

 

He texted her within hours of the date. IME, that's usually a sign of interest. Guys who aren't interested go radiosilent for a couple of days.

 

His text is neutral. If he couldn't tell on the date if she was interested, the text could be a feeler to see if she was indeed interested.

 

"No problem" gives him nothing! He's still none the wiser regarding how she actually feels about seeing him again.

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Mikau Established Member

Mikau

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Seriously, we are just wondering about his text. Not about her reply? Was it manners or some kind of him being interested?

It can be either.

 

But because the response was so lukewarm, that means it's less likely you'll find out. If he was interested, he might not ask you because he now believes you aren't interested. So in fact, your reply is very relevant in finding out his interest level.

 

You can't expect a guy to be all over you and give nothing but lukewarm responses back. You have to give him something to go on if you're not willing to initiate yourself.

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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Seriously, we are just wondering about his text. Not about her reply? Was it manners or some kind of him being interested?

 

Again, how did the date go??? How did it end??? Try answering the questions we ask if you want any insight.

 

If you're just looking for an answer in a vacuum, try a tarot card reader or buy a crystal ball. If you want an answer that's actually based in reality, provide more than a one-line text. You were there! What did you think???

 

How old are you guys?

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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Precisely!!!

 

Nicole what are your ages?

 

It can be either.

 

But because the response was so lukewarm, that means it's less likely you'll find out. If he was interested, he might not ask you because he now believes you aren't interested. So in fact, your reply is very relevant in finding out his interest level.

 

You can't expect a guy to be all over you and give nothing but lukewarm responses back. You have to give him something to go on if you're not willing to initiate yourself.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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"No problem," is a very cool response.

 

It's what you might say, if you're really not interested in someone.

 

People only know you're interested if you act interested.

 

 

Take care.

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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

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Precisely!!!

 

Nicole what are your ages?

Again, my friend went, not me. It was easier to type a question from my phone than for her to sign up. She is not interested in having an account. That is not even important.

The date was ok. They talked all the time but she didnt feel any attraction to him. It was a coffee date, not too long. About an hour. Then he texted her. Yes, she is not as interested in the guy, just curious as she is new to online dating.

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Mikau Established Member

Mikau

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Again, my friend went, not me. It was easier to type a question from my phone than for her to sign up. She is not interested in having an account. That is not even important.

The date was ok. They talked all the time but she didnt feel any attraction to him. It was a coffee date, not too long. About an hour. Then he texted her. Yes, she is not as interested in the guy, just curious as she is new to online dating.

 

So if she's not interested, what does it matter what he thinks? Just let it be. If he was just being polite this is the end of it and if he's interested she can say thanks but no thanks if he asks her out again.

 

Why waste time and energy thinking about what somebody you're not interested in thinks?

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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"No problem," is a very cool response.

 

It's what you might say, if you're really not interested in someone.

 

People only know you're interested if you act interested.

 

 

Take care.

 

agreed. both his text and her response were a bit on the cool side. She should try putting more energy into her responses and flirt within them a bit or smart flirting/caring, ie bring up something that was fun or thoughtful from the date. Bridge from date (something that came up) into the texting session now or a future time that they hang out. I think even if he IS interested (it's hard to tell exactly--he may be approaching it timidly or casually) that what HAPPENS also involves how she interacts. Frankly, her response doesn't sound so interested. If he was on the fence (which his text could indicate and/or might be his personality to not put himself OUT THERE SO MUCH), the way she did that could be enough that he just drops it.

 

No REAL way to tell. She is just going to have to wait to see if he follows through and/OR put some effort in herself. Try to take something that was talked about or happened and build upon it. Tell her good luck

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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Again, my friend went, not me. It was easier to type a question from my phone than for her to sign up. *She is not interested in having an account. That is not even important.

The date was ok. They talked all the time but she didnt feel any attraction to him. It was a coffee date, not too long. About an hour. Then he texted her. Yes, she is not as interested in the guy, just curious as she is new to online dating.

 

*If she's not interested in having an account, how reasonable is it to expect people to be interested in answering her questions?

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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

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*If she's not interested in having an account, how reasonable is it to expect people to be interested in answering her questions?

She asked me, we were discussing it and I told her about this forum and said lets see what guys think.

Sorry, if that upsets you.

To me personally, follow up text is a good sign but it does sound little cold so it might be just good manners. But I have also heard that if guys are not interested they dont even bother texting once the date is over.

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angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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Some do out of politeness. Some don't. Some even call out of politeness.

 

But she's not interested. The text exchange and date itself were both short and dreary. So, why care?!?

  • Like 1
Satu Established Member

Satu

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These are the rules I discovered which guarantee success in OLD:

 

 

1. Never ever answer a text or message.

 

2. If you're disinterested, act interested.

 

3. If you're interested, act disinterested.

 

4. Only kiss on the 11th, 15th, or 19th dates.

 

5. Always take your ex along on dates.

 

6. Always be honest about how many people you are exclusively dating.

 

 

Never been known to fail.

 

 

And with those words of wisdom, I say goodbye to this thread.

  • Like 1
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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i guess it would be nice if there was a flow chart that told us exactly what this will mean for the future of their relationship or ANY other relationship with a followup text of that nature. That's the thing though, people are different. I think in this case you can generalize that it's a maybe. It's not a no and it's not a yes yet (because he didn't actually ask her out). The most likely scenario is that he is keeping his options open with a polite text to gauge her reaction and see if she is compelling enough for a second date. He's not going to make that decision based on JUST the date--or he would have done it already. That text and all future interactions will influence whether he asks which is why she should be appropriate effort into her part (which that was very so-so). Never chasing or she doesn't need to ask him out herself BUT interactions with her should compel him to want to see her again (banter, flirting, caring, etc).

 

Her text sounds same as I say to my boss. :( a bit stiff and formal. This is not the occasion to say "no problem"--that sounds uninterested!! As if she granted him some favor by going. I realize he rushed her and she only had 10 minutes to get ready. If his texts thanks her for getting ready in a hurry and the mixup about time, she can say "no problem, I had a really fun time with you". I still personally wouldn't say no problem (or you might set yourself up for other last minute sh*t and scrambles--not to mention it still implies some favor or formality.

 

And I would still add much more personality. But basically she needs to re-direct his blandness with some comment of her own that is flirty, sweet, funny or gracious (no problem is not really truly gracious). She can say something that helps prompt him to ask her out (it's pretty easy!). She should not reply to his blandness and stiffness with more of her own--well unless she doesn't want to go out. It sucks the life out of their connection. That's kinda what I notice. Listen, if this guy is studious, shy, not super social, etc it could still be fine. She should up her game though--what if she loses guys because she gives bad text. :)

Romantic Gentleman Member

Romantic Gentleman

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He was just appreciating the fact that she hurried to go meet up cause of the miscommunication, but have they texted anything else to each other besides that?

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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

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He was just appreciating the fact that she hurried to go meet up cause of the miscommunication, but have they texted anything else to each other besides that?

No,, they havent. She just told me her exact text was:" no problem. Thanks for the coffee and conversation. You are an interesting person." :))))))

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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Saying "No problem" to someone who has taken them out shows disinterest. Like, bumping into someone in a parking lot and saying, "Oh, excuse me." The response would be, "No problem."

 

She's dropped the ball.

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Romantic Gentleman Member

Romantic Gentleman

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No,, they havent. She just told me her exact text was:" no problem. Thanks for the coffee and conversation. You are an interesting person." :))))))

 

If they haven't texted anything else, then he's most likely gonna move on. Sounds like he's a nice guy, but that's pretty common when online dating

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Nicole10 Established Member

Nicole10

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If they haven't texted anything else, then he's most likely gonna move on. Sounds like he's a nice guy, but that's pretty common when online dating

 

So you are saying his "thank you" is nice manners.

Romantic Gentleman Member

Romantic Gentleman

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So you are saying his "thank you" is nice manners.

 

Yes there are some guys out there that will be polite to ease their way out of a situation instead of some guys that will just ignore them without texting, or calling

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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