Lovehurts16 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Sorry for the wall im on my phone. Hi everyone this is my first post on here. I have been doing a lot of reading and this community is awesome. I just need to write out how I'm feeling and get it off my chest. So here we go. I'm currently on day 2 of being single again. This is my third serious relationship that has unfortunately ended but this one I must say hurts the most because I messed up and just didn't see it coming. We dated a year and eight months I know that's nothing super crazy however this last year was the hardest I have had in my life. This girl was there for me and was so much of my strength during a challenging year. I was there for her as well just in the end I unfortunately didn't allow my love to fully blossom and that of course weighed on her as it would anyone. My love grew while hers started falling away I had no idea about this until 4 days ago she finally opened up to me. It hurt like hell because I new what I needed to do better and was set on making the changes for us because I wanted to be with her for ever. We were having a great weekend together I was doing everything better and we were making memories again. We talked about everything I figured we were in a good place. Then boom yesterday we were watching a movie then came the bomb. She was blaming herself for allowing herself to fall out of love with me because truthfully we were crazy for eachother. I told her it wasn't her fault that I needed to do more so I tryed to shoulder all of it so she wouldn't blame herself and suffer. The talk led to her tears all over my shirt as I held her and told her it wasn't her fault and to be gental with herself. I reminded her how amazing she was and that no matter what she will do great things with or without me. I new the end was here she kept crying while holding onto me while I let a few tears go as well. I was to late. It was not her fault and as a man I wanted to comfort her and make sure she understood that. I packed my stuff up for the last time looked into her eye just admired the beauty one last time. She kissed me as I turned to the door to leave. I got to my car and the new scar started I couldn't help but break down and just cry. Love is so amazing but my goodness the pain of lost love is just so unfair and so so painful. I'm not contacting her I'm giving her space she asked for so she can think but I know that yesterday was the last kiss I'll ever share with the women that was there for me through hell. I miss her. I love her. Love hurts. I'm sorry for the wall I'm just in a lot of pain and needed to get this out. Thanks so much for your time and thoughts. Know mine are with you all as well.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 I'm sorry you're hurting so badly, OP. When you say you didn't allow your love to blossom, what do you mean exactly? What sort of challenges were you facing that affected your relationship?
Author Lovehurts16 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 Thanks for the reply. Just self doubt and a drug problem that I have fixed. The drug was numbing my feelings for her and it just didn't allow me to fully love her until I quit. Once I quit it was just to late the damage was done. It's just awful now I'm sober and having to deal with these extremely powerful emotions. It didn't help it took her so long to just open up to me.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 To be fair, a drug problem isn't some minor issue. It's a serious one and I can see why she hesitated to open up. Why wouldn't she? It is very hard to give one's heart to someone with a substance abuse problem. For your own sake, stay clean and use this time to heal even more. 1
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