BC1980 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 My thought (and please tell me if I'm wrong) was that if I continued to ignore it long enough, she would eventually quit.QUOTE] She probably would have stopped eventually, but you never really know. She probably would have started dating someone else, and the contact would have just waned on its own. Of course, it may never have stopped. Maybe because your son didn't ignore the contact, she kept it up. I think it's better to block her at this point, so you won't be in a perpetual cycle of wondering if she will text. You also won't be caught off guard if a text pops up. 1
Zahara Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 Zahara-- Fantastic. Yes. You have clearly identified that the contact has kept me from moving forward. I would like her to stop texting my son. I fear that contacting her (via text or call) will be a setback to the NC rule. I have asked her once already so there is no reason to believe a second request will be honored. My thought (and please tell me if I'm wrong) was that if I continued to ignore it long enough, she would eventually quit. Her actions tell me what I've known for awhile. There is some selfishness at the center of it all. There is no need to contact her and reiterate your need to have her cease contact with your son. You enforced that boundary once and she ignored it. Now you take action. The responsibility of enforcing and adhering to that boundary now falls on you -- block her. Unfortunately, ignoring her has only kept you from moving forward. If you had blocked her 9 months ago, imagine where you'd be now. And she has not quit -- infact you now believe she's using your son as a lifeline. It's time to sever ties. 1
Author mg4514 Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 MissBee--that's the weird thing. When we dated she NEVER texted him. On the flip side, she has two sons. It has NEVER occurred to me to send them a text. And as much as I adore her parents (the primary reason for not blocking her) it has NEVER occurred to me to reach out to them. I know every person is different, and we all have different beliefs, I'm glad you (and so many other responders) made me feel like it wasn't just me that thinks this is effed up.
Author mg4514 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 So it's been 11 mos. NC (at least on my end--my last breadcrumbs were in June--until I blocked on all formats) --- and here's my question: Why do I feel like I'm sliding backwards? About two weeks ago I was flooded with all the usual thoughts and raw emotions, just as if the breakup happened yesterday. I've even had the occasional dream/nightmare about her. When I wake up, my entire day is ruined? Can anyone please tell me 1) is this normal? 2) will it fade away? 3) why does this happen?
Stercrazy Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Yes it is normal. You need to block them from contacting you. Then work on you. The dreams will fade. You will get stronger and become wiser when done. Good luck!! 1
NopeNah Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 It's normal.. I've had dreams of my ex wife,whom I can't even stand to look at,throughout the years.. I think we've been divorced 16 or 18 years now? Pretty much blocked that huge mistake from my memory. 1
NIGHT1985 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Depends on how long you dated for. But what are you doing to move on with your life? Have you done counseling/therapy? Have you been going out with friends/meeting new people? 1
Author mg4514 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 @Stercrazy and Praying-- but why now? I started feeling pretty good from months 6-11, now all the sudden, seemingly for no reason- BAM! @Night-- yes to all the above. I started going to a counselor almost immediately because I was shattered to the core. I began taking up hobbies that include home improvement projects and working out 5 days a week. And finally I have begun meeting people/dating casually. I hang out with friends more than ever...can you please tell me why this has happened. I know you can't get inside my head, but I'd settle for any rational explanations. It feels like I've been set back to the day it happened...and seemingly for no reason.
NIGHT1985 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 How long did y'all date for? Me and my ex split last July and it still feels like the first day. But I admit I made too many mistakes like, trying to be friends, kept in contact, and continued to beg. So I've started the healing process very late, and it's hell to accept she's with someone else and happy. But I'm doing all the things people suggest and still struggling, I'm assuming it's triggered some deep depression and my counseling just isn't helping so far. 1
NopeNah Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 @Stercrazy and Praying-- but why now? I started feeling pretty good from months 6-11, now all the sudden, seemingly for no reason- BAM! That's dreams,man. I broke up with my now ex probably a month ago and I think I've had two dreams about her..They do what they do. My ex that brought me here was a different story though! The dreams were constant and vivid for months! I think the cause of that was that I still wanted/hoped to get her back(which I did for a while..YAY me? ).. Then after going back and forth with her,she went the same way as my ex wife I can't stand..I still dream about that one from time to time too. It/they are just part of your brain/you,I think. Who knows?.. Here's to pizza(or strippers) dreams! 1
BC1980 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 You feel bad because you just now blocked her. The breadcrumbs kept you attached and kept you from moving on. So you are essentially starting over because you are readjusting to no breadcrumbs. It's real now. 1
Author mg4514 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Posted August 29, 2016 @Night-- 5 years. We planned to be married after the second year. Circumstances made us realize we no longer had the same goals. And there was some parenting issues that we didn't see eye to eye. She was the dumper though-I would've stayed with her forever- even if it meant my unhappiness. But since I wouldn't agree to marry her because of what I described above-she moved on. (I let her keep the ring). @BC---so glad your back. Thank you. I think you might be onto something there. I do spend a lot of time thinking about how I would never see her again. Oddly enough- I actually HOPE I never see her again. I don't hate her by any means, quite the opposite, I still love her madly. I just know that seeing her would be too much, and there's nothing left to talk about. It's the end. There's no discussion that would change that. I still just don't know what triggered all this. Its so overwhelming.
RocketQueen Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 I would say its everything you just said in your last paragraph-the realisation that it is definitely over. Its kind of like when someone passes away, first there is the sadness and shock, then we busy ourselves preparing for the funeral/final goodbye and afterwards we're in the limbo/what now? phase...which is in reality the genuine goodbye. I would not see this phase as a set back, it is probably painful progress. I suspect I am a little bit behind you on this terrible journey (so many things you write strike a chord with me). Sounds to me like you're doing better than you give yourself credit for. Healing is hard but you will be a wiser, better person by the end of it. Take care xx 1
Author mg4514 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Posted August 29, 2016 Rocket queen, thanks for your time. I'm sorry to hear you're on this journey also. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I honestly felt I was making progress these past couple months. The thoughts were less frequent, and the accompanying sadness was becoming duller and duller. And now here I am, back again on LS trying to make sense of it all. Why don't you respond to this, and tell me a bit more about your experience. I'd like to hear this chord I struck.
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