NJ123 Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 The end of the dinner doesn't mean the end of the date unless you bolt from the restaurant but this road we're going down here is kinda inane anyway ....bottom line is using = exploitation, elements of exploitation require intent as an operator. So if she was thinking "free meal" at any point, she used him, if not - even if he paid anyway - she didn't. Perhaps it maybe isn't officially using, but it still doesn't show her in a positive light to make the guy pay for an expensive meal knowing she never wants to see him again. Wouldn't there be guilt on her part though if she didn't have the intent of just getting a meal out of the guy when seeing the guy taking out his wallet & paying for her expensive meal knowing at that point she's never going to want to see him again.
Toodaloo Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 My question to the forum is this: Where is the line drawn between giving someone a chance and using someone? Is it a matter of intent? Is it a matter of resources consumed (time, money, emotion)? Or is it something else entirely? As women we are berated for not "giving men a chance"... then we are berated when we do and its seen as using them... I tell you - you can't win! Your a bee-itch if you do and a bee-itch if you don't. So you know what? I don't think there is an answer to this question. I think its just foolish to try and even get a sensible discussion or answer out of it as it will only descend into a gender war of he said v's she said. If a man pays for dinner he should do so freely and with out wish for recourse. Women should not expect men to buy them dinner etc. Do I hold it against the men I have dated when I have paid? (and trust me there have been plenty of times) No. Because I did so because I could afford it and because it was a gift. Who gives a damn if it didn't work out or not. I would never have known if I didn't try.
MJJean Posted September 5, 2016 Posted September 5, 2016 Intent? Many women have experienced a man that would say and do anything till they were made to feel safe to put out. Then once they did they got dumped. Intent in those cases was for the man to find a woman to use then dump. It had nothing to do with not working out. Not necessarily. Might be that the woman finally put out and the sex was...well...bad, so the man determined she was not a good match and stopped seeing her.
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