Blah_Blah Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Hi I am looking for some positive words. He dumped me, blocked me on every imaginable platform. I was blocked for four months, tried to beg in the beginning but slowly stopped. After three months I kind of moved on. He was less and less on my mind and most importantly I never contacted him ever again. I accepted that he was never coming back and i still believe it. Suddenly after four months I got a message "What's up".I was numb and restless because I knew he wouldn't reach out ever, I thought he was getting married, he probably is still getting married with someone else. i don't know, I'll never know. He lives far away. I replied after one day because I wanted to show that I moved on. He replied back after one day. To that text I planned to reply after two days. When I didn't reply right away he said "Bye!" and not texting back ever since. He is angry that I didn't reply him right away. That I was begging four months ago and now when he messaged I didn't care. I do care about him, I love him a lot and I want him back forever. I was trying to play games. But now he is gone again and I know he wouldn't probably ping me for 5-6 months. I am at square one, begging again. Blocked on all platforms again. I want to know, what does it say about him? Is he angry that I didn't reply, does that mean he cares about my messages? does he love me and hurt? or has he moved on for good and will never come back? Thanks 1
Weathergirl Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 To me, this is infantile behaviour from him. So you don't reply straight away so he says 'bye' ?!? What if you're at work. What if you're driving? What if you're busy?! If he wanted you back, truely and honestly he would make the effort, more than send a text and expect an immediate reply then disappear again. This is why Breaking NC doesn't work, it sets you back and gets your head spinning just like it's got you today. Put it behind you and keep moving forward. You were doing just fine, and you will continue to do so. 3
bummer Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 what were the replies? it says he needed an ego-stroke and he got a mixed message. he is angry you didnt reply straight away. he's been gone forever for awhile now. just checking in to fuel his ego. please move on for your sake. 4
Satu Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 It's not his behaviour you need to understand; it's your own. Self-knowledge gives you power over yourself, and leads to growth. Ruminating about what other people *might* be thinking is a waste of time. Take care. 4
Zahara Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 He was just swinging around for an ego stroke. You didn't hurt him, you just bruised his ego. I read your past thread. The guy left you for another woman so chances are he was cheating? In that sense, stay NC and try to work on your self-esteem. 5
Stercrazy Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 If he wanted you back he would have said more then "what's up". Start over.....you learned a lesson. You do you! 4
spiderowl Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 It doesn't really matter what he was up to. If he wanted to be with you, he would be trying all means to contact you and stay in touch. He would accept breadcrumbs to make contact with you again. That he is being childish in his approach suggests he expected you to fawn all over him the minute he made contact. It is probably good for him to realise you have moved on (in some respects at least). I hate to say this but if you do want him back, then give him only minimal attention. Do this until he has to work hard to be back in your life. Make him work hard. Why should he be able to dump you and then just walk back into your life again in an instant? Why should you leap all over him and be there for him just because he is no longer in a relationship with whoever he left with? It is not advisable to get back with someone who has broken up with you. If you were to contemplate this, please make sure the basis is much better this time and that he is the one chasing you (and apologising profusely for what he has put you through).
aloneinaz Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 Re-read what you wrote. You said you were over it at the beginning of your post then stated you wanted him back? When someone kicks you to the curb and vanishes, why on earth would you even entertain speaking to them again? As it was mentioned already, he was looking for an ego stroke, nothing more. BLOCK his number and other means to contact you, not saying he will again. Here's the other thing you to consider. If you had met someone new and were happily dating them, you'd of ignored that text or had him blocked. Focus on your future and the new guy that will rock your world, not the past w/someone who rejected you. He said he didn't want you in their life any further and vanished. Provide that to them. You owe him nothing but dead silence..
Author Blah_Blah Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 I haven't blocked him because I don't have that strength right now, I'll do that once I am completely over but I did delete his numbers and I will not reply his messages again. I am feeling better today. I am at much better position right now than I was four months ago. When he dumped me I had no clue what I was going to do. It took me 2 hours walk, 4 hours cleaning & cooking and 8 hours of exhausting work to forget him. I was following that schedule for past three months. Had no time to think about him. He shouldn't have texted me. It wasted all my hard work in a second. I want to have the courage to block him, I will reach that stage one day. But I do realize that I am never happy with him. He didn't reply, I was sad. If he replies and says petty things, I want more and become anxious. If everything is good between us, I am scared that he will leave me one day. I am neither happy nor free. I really don't want to hear from him again unless it's "I want to marry you." Which will only come true in my dreams :-D :-D 1
Author Blah_Blah Posted August 30, 2016 Author Posted August 30, 2016 In case anyone is interested :p, his texts were: Hi How are you? Where are you? I gave him a fake location and he asked why I was there. I didnt reply, he waited for two days then texted "Bye". After writing his texts on this forum, I am laughing. I wouldn't even bother if someone else would have sent me these texts. He has really made me crazy. hahahaha 1
Arieswoman Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 I had this from a couple of guys I dated and then broke up with. Many months later; Them - "Hello it's Fred" Me - "What do you want?" Them - "Just rang to see how you are" Me - "Why? Has your latest g/f dumped you?" Them - "No I..." Click, brrrrrrrrrr ^^^^ That's me hanging up on them. Next ! 2
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Dumpers love that ego boost they get when the dumpee begs and pleads for them back. They live for that constant attention, long after they've moved on. Eventually they get so used to it they feel that no matter what happens, they'll always have the dumpee to bring back should they need it. Then that all changes when the dumpee starts to heal and stops making contact. That's when the ego boost is suddenly cut off, so they go looking for it. Never saying too much, just the odd "Hi", "what's up", "how you doing", or my recent one a text saying hi then talking about a new job, blah blah. None of it is "I want you back" but for the dumpee, that's exactly what we read between those lines. However, once we reply, the dumper gets that ego boost they wanted and then goes back to living their lives... whilst we're set back once again, our hopes destroyed. Basically unless the dumper begs and pleads then anything else can be ignored. To be fair, even begging and pleading usually comes too late if at all. My take is, life is too short so why waste it chasing after someone who doesn't want to be caught and has already hurt you once before. Let them go, they had their chance and they blew it. 2
aloneinaz Posted August 30, 2016 Posted August 30, 2016 Personally, I think you need to utilize this alone time to do some self examination. Specifically on your self esteem. People w/buckets of confidence and strong self esteem accept a decision that someone felt they were not a good fit for them. They'd never consider a reconciliation w/some who has already kicked them to the curb. They heal from it, learn what they can that maybe contributed to the others decision and move on. What they don't do is keep any contact w/the dumper. They delete their number, block any means the dumper could have to reach them to include changing phone numbers and when ready, start dating again. There's simply far too many people out there looking for what we are in a healthy, loving relationship. Do yourself a favor. Block him or change your phone number. You don't need that drama from someone who's not in your life and told you he doesn't want you in his life anymore. You owe him NOTHING.. 1
bummer Posted August 31, 2016 Posted August 31, 2016 He has really made me crazy. hahahaha Why give a fake location? What does that say about you? No matter really, but remember it is yourself that allows you to go crazy. He's just being himself. You chose how or importantly IF you respond at all. Perhaps pretend that you don't care. Act like you have buckets of confidence and with time you'll believe yourself.
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