Confused_11 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Hi all, Never done this sort of this before and i hope i can get some great advise from you guys, well.. here goes..... i have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years and we started to have arguments none stop. we decide to spilt up, after a week i decide to go down to see her unannounced it turns out a guy was there. i backed of and turned around and kept a cool head. 3 months after this date, we contacted each other again, since that date we are now back together in a relationship which has been for a year. we opened up about our past and she was a bit drunk and spilled out what happened with that guy, "she slept with him of course and confirms it was a big mistake". you always hear that if a woman loves you she wouldnt cheat etc or she wont go of with another guy within a week of break up. now i have always had a horrible deep gut feeling that being in a relationship with her is a bad idea...... i just dont know what to do anymore and i am completly lost. if i end the relationship i could potentially lose my best friend which is her. my mind is so foggy i dont even have the energy to read thru what i am typing just going to click send
Omei Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 (edited) If it helps any when you broke up neither of you were commited anymore clearly she was hurting and spent some time with someone but you came over unannounced that was the bad idea. You cant fault your gf for things she did while she was single if this incident is what is eating at you you just have to move by it or breakup if you can't. You can't have a gf and best friend you can't have both. I'd say the best friend option ended a long time ago since she's your gf. Edited August 28, 2016 by Omei
Author Confused_11 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 thank you for your reply, its just very confusing and almost i feel degraded and second class. not sure if its my own mental side but it was her best friends brother friend, so the fact that it is on a mutual ground everytime i see her friend i have the paranoid feeling as if im second best.
Survivor12 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 thank you for your reply, its just very confusing and almost i feel degraded and second class. not sure if its my own mental side but it was her best friends brother friend, so the fact that it is on a mutual ground everytime i see her friend i have the paranoid feeling as if im second best. You know the breakup line, "it's not you, it's me?" This is proof that it's not just a cliche. The problem here is yours--your insecurity, your paranoia, your ego--all of which can destroy a relationship. I agree that breaking up with her may be for the best but not because she did anything wrong. Take some time to work through why you feel "degraded & second class" & learn to overcome it. Having confidence in yourself trumps the need for validation from anyone else every time & makes rejection, when it does happen, easier to handle. Good luck.
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