brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Ok, so I met this beautiful woman on POF about a month ago and we both hit it off pretty quickly (we have so much in common). I'm not the clingy type of guy, I generally text once, wait, reply when it's convenient for me, a little banter here & there... I went ahead and deleted my POF account & all. Our text convo's have been really good. I drove her absolutely crazy one weekend when I went to an outing she was at and left before getting to see her (I legit looked for her, there were a lot of people). I just found it funny how she went MAD over it for me :-P Fast forward, I've been trying to get her out on a date. Her schedule is pretty rampant as she keeps herself busy. Last week we talked and settled on going out this coming weekend, as she would be busy this weekend. She failed to text me ALL day yesterday (I expected it, this is the 'busy' weekend anyway) as I figured she was out with one of her good girl-friends who is moving away soon. I texted her in the morning as a reply to her text the previous night. I finally got one around 11pm asking how I was doing, and I didn't reply. Went to bed. I hopped on FB to scroll around a bit, and low-&-behold, she posted a status saying she went & did some contra dancing. One of the replies on it was from another guy (the replies from her & him were very clearly pointing to the fact that they both danced together). This dudes ugly. Not saying that in a derogatory way, but he's less attractive that myself. This guy's got a weird, long face, big nose, and I'm blue eyes, blonde/brown hair musician/singer, lol. Now, I don't know if it was a "date", or if they just met there with her girl-friend, or had a group thing going (that's what contra is anyway), but needless to say, I was a little jealous. I'm a firm believer in the Law Of Attraction. I've manifested SO much from it so far (my expensive studio equipment, a Les Paul limited guitar). I'll try not to sound silly for those that don't necessarily believe in it, but I asked 'The Universe' last night what I should do before I went to sleep. Just before waking up, I had a dream of myself on a stage setting up some drums for a concert. She walked onto the stage with a co-worker of mine, whom I had just seen the day before. He had a question for me. I answered. I asked her how she was, and she shook my hand lightly not facing me, proceeded to walk off the stage. As I chased her, she said "I'll see you later, I have to go". Evidently I got an answer, but I can take it a number of ways. Either stop dwelling on it and it'll come right back, or just let it go completely. Guys, I'm lost. How do I respond to this woman? Do I play the mystery game and completely ignore her until she texts me again, or just go with a reply to her text? Sorry for the long winded post. Thanks for listening!
Redhead14 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Ok, so I met this beautiful woman on POF about a month ago and we both hit it off pretty quickly (we have so much in common). I'm not the clingy type of guy, I generally text once, wait, reply when it's convenient for me, a little banter here & there... I went ahead and deleted my POF account & all. Our text convo's have been really good. I drove her absolutely crazy one weekend when I went to an outing she was at and left before getting to see her (I legit looked for her, there were a lot of people). I just found it funny how she went MAD over it for me :-P Fast forward, I've been trying to get her out on a date. Her schedule is pretty rampant as she keeps herself busy. Last week we talked and settled on going out this coming weekend, as she would be busy this weekend. She failed to text me ALL day yesterday (I expected it, this is the 'busy' weekend anyway) as I figured she was out with one of her good girl-friends who is moving away soon. I texted her in the morning as a reply to her text the previous night. I finally got one around 11pm asking how I was doing, and I didn't reply. Went to bed. I hopped on FB to scroll around a bit, and low-&-behold, she posted a status saying she went & did some contra dancing. One of the replies on it was from another guy (the replies from her & him were very clearly pointing to the fact that they both danced together). This dudes ugly. Not saying that in a derogatory way, but he's less attractive that myself. This guy's got a weird, long face, big nose, and I'm blue eyes, blonde/brown hair musician/singer, lol. Now, I don't know if it was a "date", or if they just met there with her girl-friend, or had a group thing going (that's what contra is anyway), but needless to say, I was a little jealous. I'm a firm believer in the Law Of Attraction. I've manifested SO much from it so far (my expensive studio equipment, a Les Paul limited guitar). I'll try not to sound silly for those that don't necessarily believe in it, but I asked 'The Universe' last night what I should do before I went to sleep. Just before waking up, I had a dream of myself on a stage setting up some drums for a concert. She walked onto the stage with a co-worker of mine, whom I had just seen the day before. He had a question for me. I answered. I asked her how she was, and she shook my hand lightly not facing me, proceeded to walk off the stage. As I chased her, she said "I'll see you later, I have to go". Evidently I got an answer, but I can take it a number of ways. Either stop dwelling on it and it'll come right back, or just let it go completely. Guys, I'm lost. How do I respond to this woman? Do I play the mystery game and completely ignore her until she texts me again, or just go with a reply to her text? Sorry for the long winded post. Thanks for listening! Oh, c'mon!!! You're all like, "it's the busy weekend, so I'm not surprised she didn't text" and trying be "ok wid it" and then you're all pissy because she texts at 11pm so you don't answer. Which is it? You know she's busy and you understand she may not be as responsive or you're not. You were awake at 11, so why didn't you answer her. She apparently was looking for some conversation at least to unwind perhaps . . . Reach out to her, lie though and tell her you were asleep when she texted you, and see if you can get back on track with her. You have a date scheduled for the weekend, right? I don't understand your thought process at all. Are you trying to sabotage things????? And, if she's so busy as to not be able to fit you in very often, you probably should move on anyway.
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 Oh, c'mon!!! You're all like, "it's the busy weekend, so I'm not surprised she didn't text" and trying be "ok wid it" and then you're all pissy because she texts at 11pm so you don't answer. Which is it? You know she's busy and you understand she may not be as responsive or you're not. You were awake at 11, so why didn't you answer her. She apparently was looking for some conversation at least to unwind perhaps . . . Reach out to her, lie though and tell her you were asleep when she texted you, and see if you can get back on track with her. You have a date scheduled for the weekend, right? I don't understand your thought process at all. Are you trying to sabotage things????? And, if she's so busy as to not be able to fit you in very often, you probably should move on anyway. Haha, you're so honest. Thanks for replying and making me realize that. Last night I wasn't necessarily pissed at all about not getting anything during the day. I had an absolutely awesome day. I figured I'd just text in the morning and put a little space there. Like you said, "asleep", which I was already in bed drifting off anyway. Usually when it's that late and I reply, she doesn't text back. Just her way of taking care of things before bed, since her Sunday mornings are busy with church and all. But you're also right, probably wanting some late night talk. I initially tried to get her out this weekend when she said she was busy, but was free next weekend and that we could do something then. So it's implied we're going to, but not completely, definitely meet at this place and time. I know what you mean though. I think I'll be able to see/know if I need to really move on. I was just confused is all. I am but a lowly male :-P Again, thanks for the reply.
phineas Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 PUA /fail. Seriously dude. Stop playing games and just respond to her text. 3
angel.eyes Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 (edited) I initially tried to get her out this weekend when she said she was busy, but was free next weekend and that we could do something then. So it's implied we're going to, but not completely, definitely meet at this place and time. I know what you mean though. I think I'll be able to see/know if I need to really move on. I was just confused is all. I am but a lowly male :-P Again, thanks for the reply. A date is a planned activity at a specific place at a specified time. So, to be clear, you don't actually have a date, do you? All you have is your expectation that she "could" go on a date "sometime" next weekend? And you're playing games by ignoring texts when she initiates contact? If you want to get anywhere on the dating front, stop the immature games and Laws of Attraction nonsense, and focus instead on planning and locking down an actual date. When she said, too busy, but how about next weekend? You should have replied: How about next Saturday? 7 pm good? I was thinking we could do XYZ. Then you know where you stand. She implied that she could date you is not a date! She's barely invested at this point. So, if the date doesn't happen, she'll carry on with her busy social life, not spend the night waiting for your text and crying into her bowl of soup. Edited August 28, 2016 by angel.eyes
losangelena Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 So you think just because you're an attractive musician with "the universe" on his side that woman should just fall all over you? Stop waiting for the cosmos to give you a sign—instead, be up front with her and communicate. Not texting her back now is a guarantee that she'll look elsewhere. If I were her, I'd take fun, ugly dancing guy any day if it meant being with someone who doesn't play games.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 (edited) OP, you need to actually set a date and time. You're so busy trying to be cool that you're letting her slip away. And for the record, expensive studio equipment and limited-edition guitar mean nothing to those of us who aren't musicians. I wouldn't know an expensive guitar if you clobbered me over the head with it. My point is that while it's great to cultivate a passion (and we ladies do like men who have hobbies) fancy possessions don't mean much when it comes to compatibility and chemistry with another person. Your focus is in the wrong place. Edited August 28, 2016 by ExpatInItaly
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 Whoa whoa whoa, hold on a second! You guys need to chill the **** out. I did NOT expect so much backlash, and most of you read into it wrong anyway. Maybe it's the way I typed it out. Let me try again... My post was directed at trying to figure out how to take it from last night after seeing the post while half asleep, not about how many games I should play. I'm not playing games at all in the first place, alright? Holy ****, I'm not that bad of a person. I was confused after us talking and trying to get more dates going, when I see things about being out with someone else. What the heck would you think?? All I could figure is, well maybe it's a friend, I don't know! That was literally all my post was stemmed for. I've already replied to her text from last night, and she hasn't replied, because as I said, she's usually pretty busy during the day. We'll talk later, and when she does reply, I'll reply back. We have a phone conversation coming up this Tuesday, I'm going to solidify the date for this weekend then. Guys, ****... I'm not trying to impress anyone at all with my belongings. I'm a happy person, that's it. It was just an example, not an excuse to be better or win anyone over. I don't need that.
Redhead14 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Whoa whoa whoa, hold on a second! You guys need to chill the **** out. I did NOT expect so much backlash, and most of you read into it wrong anyway. Maybe it's the way I typed it out. Let me try again... My post was directed at trying to figure out how to take it from last night after seeing the post while half asleep, not about how many games I should play. I'm not playing games at all in the first place, alright? Holy ****, I'm not that bad of a person. I was confused after us talking and trying to get more dates going, when I see things about being out with someone else. What the heck would you think?? All I could figure is, well maybe it's a friend, I don't know! That was literally all my post was stemmed for. I've already replied to her text from last night, and she hasn't replied, because as I said, she's usually pretty busy during the day. We'll talk later, and when she does reply, I'll reply back. We have a phone conversation coming up this Tuesday, I'm going to solidify the date for this weekend then. Guys, ****... I'm not trying to impress anyone at all with my belongings. I'm a happy person, that's it. It was just an example, not an excuse to be better or win anyone over. I don't need that. Well, if you have a simple question, just ask the question and supply only relevant information surrounding the issue instead of throwing in a whole bunch of information that comes off as some kind of ego boost or some kind of hard sell to a woman . . . Why all the mind gymnastics over an ignored late evening text. Just call her, not text, and firm up the date with details and go from there . . . sheesh! 2
angel.eyes Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 OP, you need to actually set a date and time. You're so busy trying to be cool that you're letting her slip away. And for the record, expensive studio equipment and limited-edition guitar mean nothing to those of us who aren't musicians. I wouldn't know an expensive guitar if you clobbered me over the head with it. My point is that while it's great to cultivate a passion (and we ladies do like men who have hobbies) fancy possessions don't mean much when it comes to compatibility and chemistry with another person. Your focus is in the wrong place. When I see someone with expensive stuff they can't afford, and I'm guessing the OP isn't a famous, successful musician since he's being semi- blown off by someone who might date him, I become concerned about their ability to make realistic, practical choices in life and manage their finances appropriately. It makes me wonder whether we could ever be a good fit.
GemmaUK Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 How many dates have you already been on? How has she been with you on those dates? Have you had any exclusivity talks yet?
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 When I see someone with expensive stuff they can't afford, and I'm guessing the OP isn't a famous, successful musician since he's being semi- blown off by someone who might date him, I become concerned about their ability to make realistic, practical choices in life and manage their finances appropriately. It makes me wonder whether we could ever be a good fit. All of my equipment is paid off and I've just bought another car. Also most of my equipment is used for local production/teaching.
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 How many dates have you already been on? How has she been with you on those dates? Have you had any exclusivity talks yet? We've been on one the week we first met. We were both very talkative, laughing, and generally just had a great time. We decided to take it from there for another date. The next time was a week ago where I was unable to find her at an event. I had to leave and she wanted me to come back after I had gotten a hold of her, but I was already taking care of something else. Yes, we've have a couple of exclusive talks. We usually talk more on the phone than texting anyway.
angel.eyes Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Sometimes it's hard to hear criticism even though there may be some good points in it. Have a plan when you call. Suggest a specific activity when you agree to the time. Best of luck! 1
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 Sometimes it's hard to hear criticism even though there may be some good points in it. Have a plan when you call. Suggest a specific activity when you agree to the time. Best of luck! I appreciate your understanding and clarification. =) I'll be sure to have a definite activity (a couple, maybe?) 1
Poutrew Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 OK, I'll try to put it in nice terms. That ugly guy she was dancing with? He makes her vagina tingle. He probably also smells good to her. In your case, I think the universe gave you some good advice if you take it to mean "she isn't the one for me". In your dream she was with your friend, and couldn't look you in the eye. She also left, blowing off your friend as well, & that tells me all I want to know about this honey -- made from cactus and not very sweet.
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 OK, I'll try to put it in nice terms. That ugly guy she was dancing with? He makes her vagina tingle. He probably also smells good to her. In your case, I think the universe gave you some good advice if you take it to mean "she isn't the one for me". In your dream she was with your friend, and couldn't look you in the eye. She also left, blowing off your friend as well, & that tells me all I want to know about this honey -- made from cactus and not very sweet. Yeah, you're probably right. I feel the same way. =/
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 Look, I apologize for coming off the way I did. And the answer's just been right in front of me the whole time.
Mikau Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 OK, I'll try to put it in nice terms. That ugly guy she was dancing with? He makes her vagina tingle. He probably also smells good to her. In your case, I think the universe gave you some good advice if you take it to mean "she isn't the one for me". In your dream she was with your friend, and couldn't look you in the eye. She also left, blowing off your friend as well, & that tells me all I want to know about this honey -- made from cactus and not very sweet. You are judging a girl based on how she acts in the OP's dream? Are you ****ing serious right now?
angel.eyes Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 I was confused after us talking and trying to get more dates going, when I see things about being out with someone else. What the heck would you think?? All I could figure is, well maybe it's a friend, I don't know! That was literally all my post was stemmed for. I don't think anyone addressed your specific question. It got lost in the rest of the discussion. First, you don't know the circumstances of the evening. With contra dancing and salsa dancing, you generally go with a bunch of friends. That's not a date, at least not for me. I wouldn't jump to conclusions about some guy in the photo from the contra dance. In general, I try to avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions in early dating. Your date is still a relative stranger. Your guesses and speculation will be more about you, your insecurities, and your baggage, than it will be about the person you're dating or the situation. People are often way off base in their assumptions of a stranger...and a stranger's intentions, wouldn't you say? Second, even if she were on a date with someone else, that's perfectly acceptable too. She barely knows you. It sounds like you've had a date or two so far with her. You're not exclusive by any means. Until you get to a point in dating where it makes sense to focus solely on each other, and you both agree to be exclusive, she's free to date others. You're not in a relationship. You're barely dating. I think that's why people are giving you such a hard time about being coy and seeming to play mind games. She'll just move on to the next if that's the impression she gets. Bottom line: If you want to date her, be clear about your intentions. Follow through when you say you will. 1
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 I don't think anyone addressed your specific question. It got lost in the rest of the discussion. First, you don't know the circumstances of the evening. With contra dancing and salsa dancing, you generally go with a bunch of friends. That's not a date, at least not for me. I wouldn't jump to conclusions about some guy in the photo from the contra dance. In general, I try to avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions in early dating. Your date is still a relative stranger. Your guesses and speculation will be more about you, your insecurities, and your baggage, than it will be about the person you're dating or the situation. People are often way off base in their assumptions of a stranger...and a stranger's intentions, wouldn't you say? Second, even if she were on a date with someone else, that's perfectly acceptable too. She barely knows you. It sounds like you've had a date or two so far with her. You're not exclusive by any means. Until you get to a point in dating where it makes sense to focus solely on each other, and you both agree to be exclusive, she's free to date others. You're not in a relationship. You're barely dating. I think that's why people are giving you such a hard time about being coy and seeming to play mind games. She'll just move on to the next if that's the impression she gets. Bottom line: If you want to date her, be clear about your intentions. Follow through when you say you will. Yeah, I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions so fast. I guess I just really like this one, that I'm afraid she'll get away, ya' know? So I jumped to conclusions about that. As far as I knew, she was going out with some friends to celebrate someone leaving, and so like you said, it's probably just that. And that's true also. Since we aren't 'exclusive' yet or anything, I can't expect her to not do things, as far as dating goes. That's very selfish of myself to even begin thinking that way. I'll give her a call tonight. You've been really very helpful, I appreciate it. If you have any more, feel free, please. 1
angel.eyes Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 My only other advice would be to ignore the dream. That was about your insecurities and your fear that she would get away. Be careful of your fears leading to self-sabotage.
Author brokendreams88 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 My only other advice would be to ignore the dream. That was about your insecurities and your fear that she would get away. Be careful of your fears leading to self-sabotage. Thank you! After looking back on it now, I see that's the case. I'll brush that dream off then and not take it seriously. I believe everything will be alright. After all, it was only a dream.
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