venus83 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Hello everyone... Last couple of years I have been working on myself and kinda put aside the serious relatioships and been just dating casually...! I am starting to want again to give a try....and I got to the conclusion that I was very hurt and scared. Now I am dating casually this new guys for a couple of months and for the first time I am starting to develop feelings again in a very smooth and nice way. Thing is that inside I was having this need for reassuarance...which we all know is really bed. And I found out what is keeping me worried....Even though I keep this need for myself and don't really freak out to the guy, inside I get really anxious. I was cheated very badly in a 5 years relationship and than just after a guys I dated for 1 year changed me for another girl he met on Tinder. Now every guy I meet, I think he is looking aside, having much better affairs than they are having with me and soon they will just leave me. I am trying to work on that, reassuring myself with my own attitudes and at least trying not creat expectations and throw over my dates all this responsability. Today I got to a important conclusion and was really nice to find out that this has 100% to do with me .... ! And looking that wat, stopping thinking that every guys is dating 5 girls at the same time and they might acctually liking to spend time with me is giving me a lot of releaf... So I was wondering if you guys has any other tip for me to overcome this paranoic feeling! Although is hard for me to admit I am really liking this new guy and I might get hurt because is just casual dating, but for the first time I want to get out of my cage again and take some risks......... Tks for listening.
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Then do not date men that are only interested in 'casual'. I read this on here all the time. Women afraid of being cheated on and dealing with serious trust issues but dating unreliable and untrustworthy men. Where is the logic in that. Find yourself a good man that will never ever make you question his loyalty. Don't date men that hide their phone from you, that keep their profiles up on dating sites, that disappear for length of times, that keep questionable relationship with females or exs. Yes it's THAT simple. Date trust worthy men. 4
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 I just read your other thread. You are doing it wrong. Dating a man 2 months and relationship has no status yet. Spending a weekend with this man before having a status. Dating a man you know is still dating other women after 2 months. Venus: That is why you are getting screwed up A man does not need 2 months to know if he wants to date a woman exclusively, he knows it within 4-5 dates or 1 month. You get hurt because you are offering yourself on a silver platter to be hurt. You don't spend a weekend with a man, getting close, having sex, building expectation when your relationship is undefined and YOU KNOW he is dating other women!! 4
preraph Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 First of all, they can't cheat on you if they've made no commitment to be exclusive, so just know that going in. If they themselves haven't brought up being exclusive, then you're just dating. If you have to bring it up, then quite honestly, some guys will tell you what you want to hear and keep doing what they're doing. A lot of guys do cheat, so it's not an irrational fear. But if you feel like monitoring them all the time and are fearful for no reason, then it's your insecurity that needs to be dealt with and probably professionally. I mean, if you had a guy who wanted to be exclusive and was there if you needed a ride to work or he's protective and helpful, that's commitment. Not someone who's always trying to duck out of being involved in the routine stuff we all have to do but is "there for us" when it's sexy time. If you are still highly anxious when there have been no signs, then it is you. And start with this. No matter how much you monitor someone, if they WANT to cheat, they can find the time and way to do it. Any guy can get on Backpage or Craigslist and make a phone call to a hooker and be over at the Days Inn in 15 minutes and out in 10 or have him meet her in a parking lot for a BJ when he goes to buy milk. So there is NO point in monitoring someone. You leave the door wide open and see how they do when given complete freedom. Because if they keep showing up to be with you and there's no obvious signs of infidelity, but the door is wide open, then you know you have a keeper. If you have to watch them to prevent it, what is the point? It's just hard on your self-respect because making someone not cheat is the same as having them go ahead and cheat. Plus monitoring anyone will eventually drive them away. No one wants to be watched like a toddler. Once you have an exclusivity agreement that started with him, then ask for a mutual agreement that if either of you start to detach from the relationship, that you will do the right thing and let the other know before, not after, getting involved with someone else. 1
Dis Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 I read your other thread...I'm assuming it was about the same guy Why are you with this man??? You've been dating (only casually) for 2 months and theres still no commitment from him Also...after 2 months he's still dating other women Hun, nothing good is going to come from dating this man....hes not giving you any commitment...and he cant be that into you since he's dating other women As far as the cheating concern goes....he cant be cheating on you since you two arent exclusive....he is allowed to see other women If I were you...I wouldnt waste my time on a guy that doesnt want to be exclusive with me after (like Gaeta said) 4-5 dates. I also wouldnt waste my time dating a guy thats dating other women after having multiple dates with me You're paranoia about cheating is probably aggravated by the fact that you know he's going out and sleeping with other women while he's dating you....which is his prerogative...but I dont know why you're sticking around for it I think you need to value yourself more....you're allowing yourself to be someone's side chick...someone's booty call...someone's plan B or C Get rid of this guy 1
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