Would this be a safe thing to say?

August 27, 2016

So this girl and I used to talk two months ago. While we were talking, I asked her out on a date. She told me she really liked me but she was talking to this other guy (and was before I came in the picture) and she wants to see where she stands with him because she does not want to be a two timer. I was cool with it and backed off of her and let her do her thing.

Two weeks ago, she contacted me again and started conversation with me. I then asked her out on a date. Last Saturday she drove 45mins to come see me, i took her out, and she came back and stayed the night. We had sex and it seemed as she was totally into me. She wouldnt stop kissing me in the morning and when she left she just couldn't stop.

She told me later that day that she had an amazing time. I then said same here, and told her to tell me when she was free to go out again. She told me she would. But her next two weekends were booked. (the following weekend prior to the date she invited me up to her cabin with her friends and i told her i dont think i was going to make it). She then changed the subject and started a text convo and snapchat.

Over this past week I feel as I became to available to a certain extent. She would snapchat me and text and I would talk to her in the evenings after I got out of work. I began to notice that she is backing off because the last couple days she isn't as flirty anymore.

So last night I drove back home from college (she lives in my hometown) and told her that I was available to hangout tonight if she was free. She told me she was tired and had work the next day and would let me know. She ended up falling asleep and texting me at 11pm. I responded a little bit but then fell asleep. I even invited her out with us tonight and she said she didnt know yet and again, will let me know. I did not text her this morning but instead snapchatted her. We talked a little bit on snapchat and now she hasnt responded in a few hours which is unlike her (in the beginning of us dating) and I see as her pulling away.

Now like I said, I feel as I became to available and sort of pushy, which is why I feel as she is backing away. I know I am still invited to go up north with her next weekend (I would drive separate and show up a day after) but I do not want that to seem as I am chasing her seeing as I said that I did not think I was going to be able to make it. I know she is going to rather text or snapchat me tonight. Would this be a safe response to her.

"Hey, I'm pretty busy right now cant talk much. I want to keep seeing you, and would love to go out again. I have never really been into texting frequently. Once you find a date that you are free, let me know and Ill set something up."

Something along those lines or do you guys think I am over thinking this situation.

Thanks!

August 27, 2016

Take the trip to go see her man. If you're still invited, might as well take advantage of the opportunity.

August 27, 2016

You had sex too soon.

She is pushing back because she probably regrets it and doesn't want every meeting with you to be about sex.

August 27, 2016

You had sex too soon.

She is pushing back because she probably regrets it and doesn't want every meeting with you to be about sex.

I didnt know sex too soon was a thing... It was our first one on one interaction but I hung out with her before in a group. What would you suggest I do?

August 27, 2016

I didnt know sex too soon was a thing...

Oh, sure it is. The mystery is gone. That genie is out of the bottle and she may be thinking that you now only see her as a potential hook-up and not valuable, girlfriend material.

It was our first one on one interaction but I hung out with her before in a group.

The whole group hang-out thing doesn't matter.

What would you suggest I do?

You could ask her out on a proper date; one that would involve you driving to her, telling her to dress up a little for a nice evening out, bring a flower, take her to dinner, sweep her off her feet, then take her home and do NOT spend the night.

Look, you two barely know each other. All that texting aside, you haven't spent that much time together IN REAL LIFE to know if you really like each other. When you text or SnapChat, both of you are projecting and hoping what you want in a person and in each other.

Sex has burst the bubble of mystery and she may think that she is only valued as a good-time girl which is why she is dialing back the relationship. The best you can do is try to see if you can get her to spend time with her to get to know each other without having sex.

If she continues to avoid you, than give up, learn the lesson, and move on. If you want an actual girlfriend and relationship, slow down on having sex until you really know the person.

August 27, 2016

Oh, sure it is. The mystery is gone. That genie is out of the bottle and she may be thinking that you now only see her as a potential hook-up and not valuable, girlfriend material.

The whole group hang-out thing doesn't matter.

You could ask her out on a proper date; one that would involve you driving to her, telling her to dress up a little for a nice evening out, bring a flower, take her to dinner, sweep her off her feet, then take her home and do NOT spend the night.

Look, you two barely know each other. All that texting aside, you haven't spent that much time together IN REAL LIFE to know if you really like each other. When you text or SnapChat, both of you are projecting and hoping what you want in a person and in each other.

Sex has burst the bubble of mystery and she may think that she is only valued as a good-time girl which is why she is dialing back the relationship. The best you can do is try to see if you can get her to spend time with her to get to know each other without having sex.

If she continues to avoid you, than give up, learn the lesson, and move on. If you want an actual girlfriend and relationship, slow down on having sex until you really know the person.

So would you suggest I ask her out to dinner for tomorrow night before I head back to school or just wait and go up north and see her next weekend?

Also. we never did talk about the sex after it happened. Should I bring it up to her and ask how she felt about it?

Edited August 27, 2016 by CasualDude10

August 27, 2016

So would you suggest I ask her out to dinner for tomorrow night before I head back to school or just wait and go up north and see her next weekend?

Couldn't hurt to ask. Her consent or denial may tell you a lot about where you stand.

Also. we never did talk about the sex after it happened. Should I bring it up to her and ask how she felt about it?

Nope. Not until you are in an official relationship. Don't beleaguer the point with trying to analyze where you stand or how she feels about it unless you enter into a committed relationship. Otherwise she might throw it back upon you: "Well, how do YOU feel about it!?!" And then you guys get into over-analyzing, etc.

Just wine-and-dine her... Romance and not sexual innuendo. Listen to her and ask her intelligent questions. Be playful and interesting.

August 27, 2016

You've already told her once to contact you when she's free. Don't keep doing that. It's probably only confusing her. She may feel you mean just to hook up or something. She may be very busy socially. I mean, most college students are. But if she is still texting you or whatever, tell her you want to see a certain movie and ask if she's interested and then give her two options to pick from or something like that. If you're not directly asking for a date, then she's not directly refusing but is maybe just not comfortable calling you and saying "Okay, let's go for a date." So I'd lay off for a day or two and then be specific.

August 28, 2016

She ended up falling asleep and texting me at 11pm.

She wasn't asleep. She was out.

I responded a little bit but then fell asleep. I even invited her out with us tonight and she said she didnt know yet and again, will let me know. I did not text her this morning but instead snapchatted her. We talked a little bit on snapchat and now she hasnt responded in a few hours which is unlike her (in the beginning of us dating) and I see as her pulling away.

Sounds as though she didn't want to commit to any plans with you because she was still waiting to see if plans with the other guy were going to go through for the night or not.

I'm not insinuating she's 'cheating' as you're not even in a relationship, nor am I insinuating that she's doing something underhanded. But she's definitely dating others and you're just one of the guys in the current rotation. Let's just say she's 'keeping her options open' which is why you keep seeing inconsistent levels of interest from her.

"Hey, I'm pretty busy right now cant talk much. I want to keep seeing you, and would love to go out again. I have never really been into texting frequently. Once you find a date that you are free, let me know and Ill set something up."

Ugh. You honestly sound like a floor mat. Don't send that text

If you insist on lame, impersonal texting, then simply say something along the lines of you're pretty busy for the next few weeks and won't be in touch much, but if she gets a free night to let you know.

August 28, 2016

You shouldn't go. And don't set up any more dates on weekends. That was a mistake. Don't set any dates on weekends until she asks you why you haven't. This could take a couple months. I think that when she texts you just text her back to whatever she says and say you can't make it but that you are free on a certain day on the weekday. This puts the ball back in her court. Since you are unsure and she's being washy I think you should back off. She could have just been lonely and rushed into things with you. Come up with a decent excuse to not go on the weekend too. And you don't have to say you're not much of a texter like that. You can just respond to her answer. Say it's nice to hear from her and that you're looking forward to seeing her again. Don't ever get into texting back and forth.

August 29, 2016

Update:

So she snapchats me still and texts me still, but again it seems dry as she is looking interest. I decided to FaceTime her last night and she did not answer. She then texted me saying her friend Enily was over (she was, snapchat story showed it) and she'd call me back when she left. Well, she never did call me back.

This morning I woke up to a text from her apologizing saying her friend stayed until 1am and she fell asleep and figured I was sleeping. Then, she texted an hour later our group message confirming who is going up north with her.

I still have yet to respond to either. I'm not sure how I want to go about it or how I should. I decided I am going to stop texting her unless it is to answer her question or setup a date. I am going to respond tonight when I get home from work but I do not know how I should go about it. I'm thinking rather saying

"Figured you fell asleep, and thanks for the invite but I won't be able to make it this weekend."

Or

"figured you fell asleep, and thanks for the invite but I won't be able to make it this weekend. let me know a time you are free and would like to go out."

Which one should I say or should I just go no contact seeing as it seems as she is getting distant/less.

August 29, 2016

I didnt know sex too soon was a thing... It was our first one on one interaction but I hung out with her before in a group. What would you suggest I do?

It's a thing for super insecure women... for most people it's not

August 29, 2016

Every time she wants to chat just keep asking her out like a broken record. Let her feel the pressure from you. After a few times of her blowing you off then you can stop responding to her chatting efforts. Then when she asks if you are mad at her say no but you're not the greatest with texting and that you'd like to see her and when is she available. Have a place to go in mind and tell her. Something more than just "Netflix and chill".

August 29, 2016

Every time she wants to chat just keep asking her out like a broken record. Let her feel the pressure from you. After a few times of her blowing you off then you can stop responding to her chatting efforts. Then when she asks if you are mad at her say no but you're not the greatest with texting and that you'd like to see her and when is she available. Have a place to go in mind and tell her. Something more than just "Netflix and chill".

So how would you go about responding to her text, the situation I just posted about

August 29, 2016

So how would you go about responding to her text, the situation I just posted about

I wouldn't respond to that at all.

She will get the hint.

August 31, 2016

I've been reading a lot of Doc Loves advice and been watching Corey Wayne's videos and read his book twice. Basically what they say is when a girl begins to act distant, back away too. With that being said, do you agree with this concept? Also, do you think that by following this concept I made the right decision by acting this way.

About two weeks ago I began talking to a girl. We texted/snapchat for 2-3 hours a day. She was flirty and seemed extremely interested. That weekend, she drove down to my place (1 hr drive) and I took her to dinner. We went back to my place, had sex, and she left the next morning. All night and morning she just could not let go of me and would not stop kissing me. She texted me as soon as she got home telling me how awesome it was. I responded by telling her to tell me when she was free again, and she said her next two weekends were booked, but the second of the two weekends she wanted my group of friends and I to go up with her friends to her cabin (this is where we met on the 4th of July). I told her I did not think I was going to be able to make it.

We then texted again and snapchatted and overtime, it seemed like the convos were getting less and less interesting and she was taking longer to respond (as was I). I went home this weekend and made it clear that I was available to hangout, but she had stuff going on and could not.

On Sunday, we barely talked and I facetimed her on my way home but she did not answer. She then texted me saying a friend was over (it was on her snapstory) and she would call me back. Well, she did not call me back but I got a text the next day around noon (usually she would text me first thing in the morning) that her friend didnt leave until 1am and she fell asleep. She also started a group chat with me and my two friends to confirm if we were going up north. I didnt text her back until 9pm and this is what I said.

"Figured you fell asleep, and i wont be able to make it this weekend. Thanks for the invite. Let me know a time you are free to hangout next week.

She replied, "Okay I will"

And I haven't talked to her since that text yesterday. Do you guys think I made the right move? Do you think she was acting distance or was I just overthinking? Also, do you think she will text me or should have by now if she was into me?

Thanks

August 31, 2016

Sounds to me like her social life is more important to her than you are. She can't clear a space for you in the next two weeks? Yeah....right.

Move on.

August 31, 2016

Canceling out on her and taking you time to text back is making her feel less important, less valued......she is pulling away to create attraction.

August 31, 2016

Canceling out on her and taking you time to text back is making her feel less important, less valued......she is pulling away to create attraction.

The attraction is there and it should be clear to her seeing as I made myself available to hang out with her. Also, I asked her out again with my last text.

August 31, 2016

Sounds to me like her social life is more important to her than you are. She can't clear a space for you in the next two weeks? Yeah....right.

Move on.

She technically did invite me to hangout with her and her friends for this weekend, which is the second weekend.

August 31, 2016

Sorry, I don't see the big deal here. You have been talking to this girl for two weeks. It is too early to expect that much of each other.

You describe her as being very social so I think you need to take that into consideration. There will be periods of time where she will be busy and won't reply. Frankly, it is great that she doesn't spend all her time on the phone when she is hanging out with her friend.

The fact she contacted you the next day after a late night sounds perfectly reasonable. You don't need to be messaging all the time, it is ok to save some of that for when you get to see each other.

I think you need to try and relax a bit and take it easy. It sounds like you are overthinking this a bit. Don't play games, it is will drive her away for no good reason.

Enjoy getting to know her.

August 31, 2016

Sorry, I don't see the big deal here. You have been talking to this girl for two weeks. It is too early to expect that much of each other.

You describe her as being very social so I think you need to take that into consideration. There will be periods of time where she will be busy and won't reply. Frankly, it is great that she doesn't spend all her time on the phone when she is hanging out with her friend.

The fact she contacted you the next day after a late night sounds perfectly reasonable. You don't need to be messaging all the time, it is ok to save some of that for when you get to see each other.

I think you need to try and relax a bit and take it easy. It sounds like you are overthinking this a bit. Don't play games, it is will drive her away for no good reason.

Enjoy getting to know her.

So do you suggest I reach out to her? Or wait and see if she reaches out to me. I did not mention this earlier, but she did tell me she liked me. I feel as if it was true she would reach out to me.

August 31, 2016

Reach out to her, and think of something spontaneous you think could draw her to come hangout with you. If she says she likes you, then she will make some sort of effort to be texting you like she once did early on, but things do come up, so you never know

August 31, 2016

I agree with the others, you're overthinking things considering you only met her a couple weeks ago. You don't know her well enough yet to conclude that she's being distant.

I would try to name a specific time and day to do something. "Let me know when you're free" is too vague and non-committal. Take the bull by the horns and try to plan something concrete. She obviously wants to see you again if she'd invited you and your friends to spend time together.

Having said that, if you get to know her and date a little while and then she pulls back - that would be a problem. The only time I have done that is when I wasn't really interested in the guy anymore.

August 31, 2016

1. you are overthinking

2. she isn't all that into you

3. Cory whats his face is right.

If someone backs off you should to.

If you want the date however I think you should pick a day, time etc. Ask her and if she turns you down and offers an alternative go for it. If she doesn't offer an alternative then suck it up she is being friendly but doesn't want to go out with you. It really is that simple.

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