Asking for social media before arranging a date

[4x4storm]

Just curious, what do you do if someone's social media doesn't have photos of them on it?

 

You can't do much but by looking at what they post this may give you an idea on what type of person they are.

[Ami1uwant]

I think age plays a massive factor in this debate because as a 20 year old adding and liking some girls picture on facebook is not that big of deal as older people make it about it to be. I have added hundreds of girls from tinder on facebook and had no privacy/personal issues what so ever.

 

But every time I like a girls photo I get a call from mum asking who the new girlfriend is. When I tell her it's nothing serious she struggles to wrap her head around why I would add this random person.

 

So yes when one girl out of 200 say's she has facebook but refuses to add me i'm a little surprised. In my case me being surprised was pretty valid as i'm 100% sure she was involved in criminal activity.

 

You are naive......given your age many others around the same age as you will realize this in 10 years.....

 

 

You are saying they should trust you by being friends on Facebook to someone she never met. For all she knows you could be a 50 yr old Russian on the other side of the world.

 

There is a ton of info embedded into doc isle media. It's a treasure trove for someone wanting to steal your identity or accessing your accounts and credit information.

 

There are Also stories of people who use Facebook as a way to find out who won't be home with them posting their travels snd use it to rob them.

[elaine567]

Well, there are a couple of little things though that aren't major, but make me go hmmm.....

 

- She's in this country on a Visa (not a big deal by itself) but has a low paying job (do they sponsor Visas for unskilled labor?)

- Said she doesn't have any friends here but sends me a pic of her with a group of people

 

You don't need access to her social media accounts.

You obviously think there is something dodgy here, so just don't meet her.

Your gut is telling you something doesn't add up, so listen to it

Simple.

 

Btw - A girl who is here on a visa may be here today, gone tomorrow do you really want to get involved and then have a huge traumatic break up or have to start a LDR. LDRs don't tend to work out long term.

[LookAtThisPOst]

First of all, social media is not "hardly a big thing now days." It is not something any responsible person should be giving out to any stranger b/c he/she wants to know what he/she is getting themselves into. Social media, the content you put up, etc. should be something you value and take care to maintain so as to no compromise oneself in any way. We live in such a voyueristic society now days and people think it's okay to let total strangers know what is happening in their lives. That is what is crazy, irresponsible and "bad advice."

.

 

I do get what you mean, SimpleNfit, 100%. Now if you said the above back when FB first came out, a lot of people would nod their head in agreement. Now that it's 2016, even employers find it acceptable to "lurk" your social media. Some even require a link to a FB page so they can find out more about you.

 

But...I don't know how that compares to an employer being voyeuristic being just as bad as a prospective date?

 

I've known some women who demand to do a background check on someone before meeting with them, it sucks that they have this attitude, but some are deadset on it considering the bad history they had with men who DUI histories.

 

I knew of a single woman that worked in a law office that would look up dirt on a guy to see if he had dirt before he went on a date with him.

 

Kind of takes the fun out of dating the old-fashioned way, right?

 

But now...it seems it's becoming a more acceptable or mixed thoughts on this subject. Some are greatly opposed to it, while others embrace it whole-heartedly.

 

I talked with some women on Facebook that was mutual friends with a married, former-coworker of mine that I used to work with.

 

I icebreak the convenrstion saying, "Hey, you know so-and-so, he and I used to work together...did he try to sell you a car?" (He's a car salesman). How have you come to know him?

 

"He just added me, I don't know him outside of Facebook."

 

Me: "And you accepted...just like that?" and she said, "Yeah, I'm a realtor, I accept most all friends requests. lol"

 

But see she had her reasons, she was a realtor...so I "Guess' that's an exception, even though it's her personal FB page and not her "Fan" page?

 

A lot of people I know aren't really "friends" with anyone, not close at least. mostly it's old high school friends jumping on the bandwagon of adding other old high school friends, but they never get together to catch up.

 

But, it starting to become more acceptable to find out the low-down on someone before meeting them. Even employers do it.

 

So keep that "Red cup" hidden. LOL

[LookAtThisPOst]

...I wanted to add now with the outgrowth of social media, it seems less and less people are private about it, but some still are.

 

First of all, social media is not "hardly a big thing now days.

 

In 2007/8, you'd probably say that, but now it's become a "depends onwho you ask." situation.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Three words: reverse image search.

 

That works like 1/10 times. lol. If it does work, their profile pic winds up pulling up a LinkedIN profile of the same picture.

 

I am in the tech industry. I read, almost daily, how YOUNG people use social media and it's troublesome. We are definitely raising a generation of voyeuristic adults.

 

Believe it or not, I was washing the Netflix series "Star Talk" PBS, where they had this behavior sociologist saying that it's human nature to be this way. It only seems unacceptable because this is just a new slant on things.

 

 

That there's actually nothing wrong with this as this is a different slant on the human curiosity to people watch or find out what's going on in other peoples' lives, except now permission is being given to do so by just being out there!

 

So basically, if you don't like it, you can always delete your FB account. Just sayin'.

 

Before the Internet it was people watching or the nosey neighbor. lol. But with social media it's the same thing, but you're giving people permission to look at your online activity...but that depends on how you have your privacy settings set-up.

 

Though, I err on the side of caution, and don't ask, but I would make attempts to look them up without asking...to see how accurate their photos are if their photos are just face shots

Edited August 28, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[ImTheDude]

If you think the person is fake, why are you still talking to her? Remember if things seem too good to be true, they're probably fake. For example if you're an average dude talking to an exotic model....trying to arrange a date.

 

I don't necessarily think she is fake, just trying to cover all my bases so I don't end up on the evening news or the basis of a Lifetime story. She's not out of my league or anything like that.

 

 

So, if someone refuses, you refuse to meet??? It's simple. Go somewhere public and meet for simple coffee. I may do a little googling before meeting, but I certainly don't ask for social media info. Ugh. I also insist that we speak on the phone before meeting. No guarantee, but something.

 

I did speak with her over WhatsApp. No red flags felt.

 

 

Three words: reverse image search.

 

Now that Facebook has increased security and Instagram apparently prevents crawling and indexing, reverse image search is pretty useless now. My Instagram is public and even my posts don't show up in search results any more.

 

 

You don't need access to her social media accounts.

You obviously think there is something dodgy here, so just don't meet her.

Your gut is telling you something doesn't add up, so listen to it

Simple.

 

Btw - A girl who is here on a visa may be here today, gone tomorrow do you really want to get involved and then have a huge traumatic break up or have to start a LDR. LDRs don't tend to work out long term.

 

I actually have gotten nothing but good vibes from her, other than the social media snafu. Just I have my mom's nagging voice of caution in my head, and it never quiets down.

 

I'm not even thinking about a relationship or even a 2nd date, that's WAY too far ahead. I just want to meet her and get to know her at this point, and see if we have any type of connection or chemistry. You gotta start somewhere, and if there is anything life has taught me, it's that plans and scenarios and whatnot should only be guidelines, and that life does not follow any rules except those defined by physics. I'm not down for an LDR though, been there, done that.

[Miss Peach]

I won't give men from OLD any personally identifying information about me other than first name. I've been on the other side of stalking, being followed, etc. too many times (even have a recent thread on here for that). When we meet I'm happy to provide more of those details. The thing is just look at an episode of Catfish; you really have no idea until you take thing offline.

 

I have an email and google voice specifically for online dating that is not connected to anything else. My online dating pictures aren't posted anywhere else. After we meet then I'm happy to tell you more like where I work, my last name, etc. but I won't give that stuff up before meeting.

 

In general I don't really care for social media in general so I don't have much and what I do have is very locked down. I know what can be done with that information that's posted there.

[katiegrl]

I won't give men from OLD any personally identifying information about me other than first name. I've been on the other side of stalking, being followed, etc. too many times (even have a recent thread on here for that). When we meet I'm happy to provide more of those details. The thing is just look at an episode of Catfish; you really have no idea until you take thing offline.

 

I have an email and google voice specifically for online dating that is not connected to anything else. My online dating pictures aren't posted anywhere else. After we meet then I'm happy to tell you more like where I work, my last name, etc. but I won't give that stuff up before meeting.

 

In general I don't really care for social media in general so I don't have much and what I do have is very locked down. I know what can be done with that information that's posted there.

 

I am the same Ms. Peach. I don't do OLD but I am a member of a couple chat rooms/internet forums and if a guy asks for my email, I give him the one that can't be traced.

 

I don't want anyone from on line knowing anything personal about me (where I work, live, etc) until we meet in person and I can trust they're for real... and safe.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have been on a number of dates with women 35-50 age range. Only one ever asked about social media presence in any way. And that person asked me right off the bat about FB and I told her that I am not active. She was not happy with the answer and I laughed her to the backburner. How arrogant of her....

 

1. There is something disturbing about getting one's social media information before even meeting. I get it, but the vast majority of the women I dated did not care....and we met....what does that say for some of you who seem to NEED it before moving forward???

 

2. I'm starting to think it's a generational thing...again, disturbing....

3. You should be concerned about someone who quickly asks you to gain access your life. If not, why aren't you? Some people put up way too much information about themselves...and others. When you open your FB up to TOTAL strangers, it's not just you that you permit personal access to...

4. It is my experience, reading from this forum and hearing of others, that providing their FB or other social media does nothing for relationships improvement or advancement...in fact, it makes for and seems to support an even less connected and MORE voyeuristic attitude/behavior.

 

Do what you will...I will not tolerate someone insisting that I provide information about my life and that of others in my world before I am ready. I find it rather cavalier and irresponsible to consider otherwise.

 

Just my thoughts...