ImTheDude Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 (edited) Is that too invasive? It's just that there are SO MANY fake profiles out there, I don't want to end up on the news as a victim of some stupid scam. EDIT: Basically, I was talking to a girl and asked her out but said I wanted to exchange instagram or facebook first. If she was real, she blew me off. Edited August 27, 2016 by ImTheDude added more info
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Is that too invasive? It's just that there are SO MANY fake profiles out there, I don't want to end up on the news as a victim of some stupid scam. Don't quite understand. You want to ask someone for their FB or something before meeting? I had a woman accuse me of hiding something b/c I was no longer active on my FB account. I laughed. Needless to say, I made no attempt to get to know her further. There is NO way that I am going to provide someone I just met online or not, my social media information.
Author ImTheDude Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 Don't quite understand. You want to ask someone for their FB or something before meeting? I had a woman accuse me of hiding something b/c I was no longer active on my FB account. I laughed. Needless to say, I made no attempt to get to know her further. There is NO way that I am going to provide someone I just met online or not, my social media information. Yeah, just because I see so many profiles where people steal someone else's photos and pretend to be them for I can only imagine are nefarious reasons. I haven't done too much online dating and am wondering what the consensus is. FWIW I asked her to take a pic at the mall (she told me she was going) and she said she didn't look good enough. That's of course plausible, but no less plausible that she is not who she says she is.
Popsicle Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 I think that's totally unnecessary. Just ask them to meet fairly quickly (i.e. don't chat/text with them for more than a week or two). 1
Author ImTheDude Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 I think that's totally unnecessary. Just ask them to meet fairly quickly (i.e. don't chat/text with them for more than a week or two). But what if the person is fake and just wants to mug me or something?
Popsicle Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 But what if the person is fake and just wants to mug me or something? You meet in a public place for at least the first few times. 2
katiegrl Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Yeah, just because I see so many profiles where people steal someone else's photos and pretend to be them for I can only imagine are nefarious reasons. I haven't done too much online dating and am wondering what the consensus is. FWIW I asked her to take a pic at the mall (she told me she was going) and she said she didn't look good enough. That's of course plausible, but no less plausible that she is not who she says she is. Just meet her for a quick coffee for chrissakes ... and if she is not who she claimed she was, excuse yourself and leave. I don't even use social media.... not everyone does. And if I did I certainly would not disclose that info before a first meet. If you are that paranoid about it, stop on line dating and focus on meeting women in real life. 2
angel.eyes Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Good luck with that approach. Personally, I've never dated anyone who wanted to connect on Facebook first. I can't even imagine getting requests for "evidence" photos. If you're that distrusting of others, then you have bigger problems. No way am I signing up for that! 1
Author ImTheDude Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 Good luck with that approach. Personally, I've never dated anyone who wanted to connect on Facebook first. I can't even imagine getting requests for "evidence" photos. If you're that distrusting of others, then you have bigger problems. No way am I signing up for that! Well, there are a couple of little things though that aren't major, but make me go hmmm..... - She's in this country on a Visa (not a big deal by itself) but has a low paying job (do they sponsor Visas for unskilled labor?) - Said she doesn't have any friends here but sends me a pic of her with a group of people Should I have just asked for video chat instead? I've seen that mentioned in a few profiles.
elaine567 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Many people do not want complete strangers accessing their FB or social media accounts as a "friend". You can see what she posts "publicly" and that has to be enough for you. Many people have very personal family pics of kids and holiday snaps and have loads of private stuff they do not want the general public to see on their social media pages, no wonder she blew you off. She has no idea who you are, why would she give you access to her friends and family, and her personal life? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 She could have the same doubts about you, OP. There's no way I would give my social media accounts to some man I've never met. That's my personal space. A stranger doesn't get access to that. Meet her in public. See if she is who she says she is. 1
Toodaloo Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 But what if the person is fake and just wants to mug me or something? And what if you are a weird stalker or rapist... First rule of on line dating keep the first few dates PUBLIC. I would not allow random strangers to be facebook friends. Thats is for my actual friends not some guy off a dating site. Thats my private life and you do not get access to that until I am ready thanks... Heck the bloke I am seeing only became my facebook friend because we went on holiday together and so we could share the photos... 2
angel.eyes Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Well, there are a couple of little things though that aren't major, but make me go hmmm..... - She's in this country on a Visa (not a big deal by itself) but has a low paying job (do they sponsor Visas for unskilled labor?) - Said she doesn't have any friends here but sends me a pic of her with a group of people Should I have just asked for video chat instead? I've seen that mentioned in a few profiles. If you're not interested, and it sounds like you aren't from the laundry list of what you consider negatives, move on to the next. If you're interested, and it's unclear why you would be based on your description, go on a date. It's really not that complicated! 1
NIGHT1985 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 I always ask for someone's fb before meeting. Too many profiles with old/misleading pics, and fb usually shows what I need to see, before meeting. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 I always ask for someone's fb before meeting. Too many profiles with old/misleading pics, and fb usually shows what I need to see, before meeting. So, if someone refuses, you refuse to meet??? It's simple. Go somewhere public and meet for simple coffee. I may do a little googling before meeting, but I certainly don't ask for social media info. Ugh. I also insist that we speak on the phone before meeting. No guarantee, but something. 2
SwordofFlame Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 If you think the person is fake, why are you still talking to her? Remember if things seem too good to be true, they're probably fake. For example if you're an average dude talking to an exotic model....trying to arrange a date. 1
4x4storm Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 On this subject I would not listen to what these people are saying at all such terrible advise. Giving out your social media these days is hardly a big deal and yes it raises questions what are they hiding? I absolutely always ask for a persons social media before meeting them because I want know who i'm getting involved with nothing wrong about that at all. I have only ever met one girl who refused to give me her facebook. She pulled the whole it's private and I wanna get to know you better first story. I was like nope screw that it took me a full day of searching on facebook to find here. She had a completely different name and everything her profile was filled with photos that should raise all red flags. But I met her anyway the date was so bad I actually made a runner when her back was turned. Now on a different story I met my ex girlfriend on Okcupid she only had one photo and no social media what so ever but she gave her reasons for not having it she did not like the drama of it. And yeah she was telling the truth.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 On this subject I would not listen to what these people are saying at all such terrible advise. Giving out your social media these days is hardly a big deal and yes it raises questions what are they hiding? I absolutely always ask for a persons social media before meeting them because I want know who i'm getting involved with nothing wrong about that at all. I have only ever met one girl who refused to give me her facebook. She pulled the whole it's private and I wanna get to know you better first story. I was like nope screw that it took me a full day of searching on facebook to find here. She had a completely different name and everything her profile was filled with photos that should raise all red flags. But I met her anyway the date was so bad I actually made a runner when her back was turned. Now on a different story I met my ex girlfriend on Okcupid she only had one photo and no social media what so ever but she gave her reasons for not having it she did not like the drama of it. And yeah she was telling the truth. First of all, social media is not "hardly a big thing now days." It is not something any responsible person should be giving out to any stranger b/c he/she wants to know what he/she is getting themselves into. Social media, the content you put up, etc. should be something you value and take care to maintain so as to no compromise oneself in any way. We live in such a voyueristic society now days and people think it's okay to let total strangers know what is happening in their lives. That is what is crazy, irresponsible and "bad advice." I have online dated for quite some time and ONLY ONE person has ever questioned my social media presence. ONLY ONE. So, imho, "normal" people don't need to pry into someone's private world on cyberspace to determine whether to meet or not. I have NEVER asked for or visited someone's FB. NEVER and I've NEVER been duped. In the, not so distant past, you get on the phone, you talk, you plan and then meet. Of course, you met face to face, but OLD dating doesn't offer you that immediate option. SO do the next SIMPLE thing...plan to meet for coffee somewhere safe and public and find out! How absurd to conclude that if you don't have a FB that you're hiding something....absurd. 1
4x4storm Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 First of all, social media is not "hardly a big thing now days." It is not something any responsible person should be giving out to any stranger b/c he/she wants to know what he/she is getting themselves into. Social media, the content you put up, etc. should be something you value and take care to maintain so as to no compromise oneself in any way. We live in such a voyueristic society now days and people think it's okay to let total strangers know what is happening in their lives. That is what is crazy, irresponsible and "bad advice." I have online dated for quite some time and ONLY ONE person has ever questioned my social media presence. ONLY ONE. So, imho, "normal" people don't need to pry into someone's private world on cyberspace to determine whether to meet or not. I have NEVER asked for or visited someone's FB. NEVER and I've NEVER been duped. In the, not so distant past, you get on the phone, you talk, you plan and then meet. Of course, you met face to face, but OLD dating doesn't offer you that immediate option. SO do the next SIMPLE thing...plan to meet for coffee somewhere safe and public and find out! How absurd to conclude that if you don't have a FB that you're hiding something....absurd. I think age plays a massive factor in this debate because as a 20 year old adding and liking some girls picture on facebook is not that big of deal as older people make it about it to be. I have added hundreds of girls from tinder on facebook and had no privacy/personal issues what so ever. But every time I like a girls photo I get a call from mum asking who the new girlfriend is. When I tell her it's nothing serious she struggles to wrap her head around why I would add this random person. So yes when one girl out of 200 say's she has facebook but refuses to add me i'm a little surprised. In my case me being surprised was pretty valid as i'm 100% sure she was involved in criminal activity.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 I think age plays a massive factor in this debate because as a 20 year old adding and liking some girls picture on facebook is not that big of deal as older people make it about it to be. I have added hundreds of girls from tinder on facebook and had no privacy/personal issues what so ever. But every time I like a girls photo I get a call from mum asking who the new girlfriend is. When I tell her it's nothing serious she struggles to wrap her head around why I would add this random person. So yes when one girl out of 200 say's she has facebook but refuses to add me i'm a little surprised. In my case me being surprised was pretty valid as i'm 100% sure she was involved in criminal activity. I am in the tech industry. I read, almost daily, how YOUNG people use social media and it's troublesome. We are definitely raising a generation of voyeuristic adults. I am constantly amazed at how openly casual so many are regarding their personal lives being splashed for the world to see. Invincible attitude adjusted to the modern, techie world... So, you think if a person doesn't want you to have access to her PERSONAL world, she MUST be involved in some criminal act? Yikes! 2
juniorrocha Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 simpleNfit, I have to agree with 4x4storm. It's not that the person must give everyone access to their social media, but really, I don't get why people make such a big deal out of it. I would accept their decision, but I'd find it kinda odd. I'd think they're hiding something from me (maybe they're dating, whatever).
spiderowl Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Yes, it is too invasive. You don't know who is who over the internet and, as you don't know who she is, she doesn't know who you are. She could potentially be inviting a stalker onto her Facebook. You need to get to know each other through different means at first until it becomes OK to be on a person's social media pages. If a guy asked for my Facebook page while we were chatting online or exchanging messages on a dating site, he would not get them either. I would also have severe doubts about him. He would sound too controlling to me.
aussietigerwolf Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Just curious, what do you do if someone's social media doesn't have photos of them on it?
4x4storm Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 (edited) I am in the tech industry. I read, almost daily, how YOUNG people use social media and it's troublesome. We are definitely raising a generation of voyeuristic adults. I am constantly amazed at how openly casual so many are regarding their personal lives being splashed for the world to see. Invincible attitude adjusted to the modern, techie world... So, you think if a person doesn't want you to have access to her PERSONAL world, she MUST be involved in some criminal act? Yikes! Ahh when I was taking about the criminal activity I was actually relating it to the story about the girl who refused to give me her social media so I tracked her down. And like I said her profile showed some things that was very worrying. So if you were to meet a person in public without seeing their social media all of a sudden means they are an angel? Yeah they may act normal around other people but what's stopping them from following and jumping you on your way home? That's the main reason I did a runner on that girl in first place because I had seen her history and I didn't feel safe. Edited August 28, 2016 by 4x4storm
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