Hell Yeah Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Right.... I know already that this is going to divide opinions on the above subject whats your view on your partner watching porn while in a relationship with you? Personally I rarely watch it, but I do on ocassions if I've away from my girlfriend for a certain period. I don't watch it to 'get off' other women, I just use the visual for stimulation. I've used it a hand full of times this year and my girlfriend has found out and is very unhappy.....I'm obviously less imaginative than other people, and I don't have any sexual images etc of my girlfriend to use. I'm embarrassed to bring this up.....but any comments are welcomed I understand and respect her view and have said that I won't watch anymore in the future, which was very very little anyway. We have a healthy sexual relationship, I've just got a different view on the subject than her She is telling me that I've betrayed her and basically cheated on her as I've got off on other women. I love my girlfriend and I'm very much excited by her. But now she thinks I'm only excited by others and not her Like i said it will split opinions so please try not to bash me for watching it, I don't watch it regularly ie every week etc not that I thinks it's bad if a person does, everyone has there own ideas and thoughts, get offs etc. I was honest when she asked me if I've watched it while being with her in our relationship Thanks
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Porn is often a problem for younger women with less experience and less understanding of male sexuality and sexuality in general. I am a woman and I think nothing of porn, if my BF watches it I don't mind as long as it does not interfere with our sex life. I have watched porn myself and would not mind watching it with him either. When you say 'porn' I assume you are talking about the traditional porn video and not those interactive sex on cam where live girls are performing in front of you. That is a complete different game to me and would fall in the unacceptable-while-in-relationship in my book. 4
Els Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 How exactly did she 'find out'? My perspective is probably skewed (because I watch porn as well), but I'm fine with my guy watching as long as it doesn't interfere with RL responsibilities and our sex life. That being said, if she doesn't want you to watch and you're fine not watching, I think it's also perfectly okay to just abstain from it if that's what the two of you agreed upon. My SO did this for his ex, whom he was with for several years (I explicitly told him I'm okay with it, so I know he watches the occasional vid nowadays). If I were with a partner who was against me watching it, I'd be fine abstaining if he would do the same, too. It's really just not that important to me either way. 3
Author Hell Yeah Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 Oh it's just traditional ones nothing like web cams etc We were watching a film on a movie sharing site and you get spyware adverts etc normally on these web pages and it was the usual smutty ones. She kinda jokingly asked if that's what I had been watching etc and I explained that lots of movie sharing sites have those adverts etc. I told her that I watch porn on a vey ocassion and she flipped........
Author Hell Yeah Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 It hasn't interfered with our sex etc, I've just watch some harmless videos when I've been alone for a period of time Now she just thinks I'm getting off other women, and that I'm thinking of them when we make love etc.......which isn't true But nothing I say will do anything, I've explained it to a point, and told her that I respect her views and opinion on the matter and that I can live without it. But she doesn't believe me, there's only so much I can say or do to prove that
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 . I told her that I watch porn on a vey ocassion and she flipped........ How old is she? Last week I was helping my boyfriend fix something on his laptop and his browsing history popped up. The last place he has visited was a porn hub, I was actually relieved lol, if it had been a dating website I would have flipped lol. 2
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 It hasn't interfered with our sex etc, I've just watch some harmless videos when I've been alone for a period of time Now she just thinks I'm getting off other women, and that I'm thinking of them when we make love etc.......which isn't true But nothing I say will do anything, I've explained it to a point, and told her that I respect her views and opinion on the matter and that I can live without it. But she doesn't believe me, there's only so much I can say or do to prove that How long you've been dating? What is her dating history?
Author Hell Yeah Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 She is late 20's, been dating for about 6 months or so and her relationship history is very good. Being let down, cheated on, used etc So I've tried to be honest and it's backfired.......everyone has different views on it and I've explained that but she doesn't see it from that point of view which is obvious as she's still incredibly angry, upset with me over it
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 She is late 20's, been dating for about 6 months or so and her relationship history is very good. Being let down, cheated on, used etc So I've tried to be honest and it's backfired.......everyone has different views on it and I've explained that but she doesn't see it from that point of view which is obvious as she's still incredibly angry, upset with me over it There are several good articles online explaining why most men watch porn and it has nothing to do with wanting to cheat or not loving their GF. Reading a couple of them would educate her on the matter. Then she needs to understand you are a 'normal' man and not abuse of porn. Porn for men is a little like women and shoes. We walk in front of a boutique, see some amazing shoes, for a second we get excited and 30 seconds later we completely forgot about them. 6 months dating is an important milestone. Maybe this is when you discover she is too close minded, too controlling, jealous and possible a little immature. Sounds like she has a great guy in you. If she wants to let you go because you watch porn here or there than maybe her past is keeping her from seeing a good man when she finds one.
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 So I've tried to be honest and it's backfired.......everyone has different views on it and I've explained that but she doesn't see it from that point of view which is obvious as she's still incredibly angry, upset with me over it If I were you I would tell you are a normal man that watches porn very occasionally. About 90% do. Good luck finding one that doesn't. It has nothing to do with not desiring her and nothing to do with desiring other women. You have a good relationship and if she wants to ruin it on something like this it's her right but you won't apologize and you won't make her promises (like not watch it anymore) when you perfectly know you won't be able to keep that promise long term. Unfortunately I think this is a make-it or break-it moment for her.
blackcat777 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 I don't think it bodes well for a relationship when one partner tries to tell the other what to do with his or her body. When my boyfriend is pulling all-nighters at the end of the semester... I have to do what I have to do. If I'm working all weekend and dead tired, I totally understand he has his needs that need to be met. Since I started a job in my field, our schedules have matched, and when our schedules match, it's easy to forget porn exists. But webcamming or interacting or sexting others - any kind of live sexual interaction with anyone else - is strictly out of bounds for me. If all porn is totally out of bounds for your girlfriend, you're likely fundamentally incompatible. 1
jen1447 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 whats your view on your partner watching porn while in a relationship with you? Doesn't bother me at all.
SammySammy Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Threads like this make me realize I've been with some cool women over the years. We'd watch porn together and separately. Masturbate together and separately. Women who are not insecure or threatened by silly stuff like that. I've been lucky. Or quick to dump someone with sexual hangups. Probably a little of both. 1
Author Hell Yeah Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 Interesting responses from all I really appreciate that, I've no sexual hang ups and I'm aware of who I am and that I'm loyal and trustworthy to my partners I guess I have to decide what I actually want rather than appeasing to my partner over my own needs. I'm not out to hurt this person and I've proven that I want to be with her, so I guess it's a case of what she wants in a partner and how she handles her own insecurities and mindset. I can help influence both but I don't want to control hers nor do I want her to control mine I'm all for compromise, but ignoring me and making the situation worse than what it is, is not on my agenda for us going forward together Really appreciate the comments, especially the fact that women have made the comments 1
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 I'm all for compromise, but ignoring me and making the situation worse than what it is, is not on my agenda for us going forward together Really appreciate the comments, especially the fact that women have made the comments Very wise. If she cannot handle this with an adult conversation and finding compromise, if this is all it took for her to view you with different eyes, than how is she going to face the rest of life with you. 1
BaileyB Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Another woman who really doesn't think it's a big deal - as long as it is not such a regular occurrence that it affects your relationship or your sex drive. I've watched porn and as such, I know that it's mostly fantasy. Some women may have difficulty with this, but to me is speaks more of her willingness to be open to opinions other than her own and her unwillingness to allow you the space in your relationship to make your own decision - without her dictating to you how you should and should not be acting. That's what I would be discussing with her...
Author Hell Yeah Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 Another woman who really doesn't think it's a big deal - as long as it is not such a regular occurrence that it affects your relationship or your sex drive. I've watched porn and as such, I know that it's mostly fantasy. Some women may have difficulty with this, but to me is speaks more of her willingness to be open to opinions other than her own and her unwillingness to allow you the space in your relationship to make your own decision - without her dictating to you how you should and should not be acting. That's what I would be discussing with her... Again I really appreciate the comments After an onslaught of messages amounting to nothing apart from her saying how I've ruined everything, I'm a loser and that I'm not trust worthy due to my porn usage.........looks like things are heading south Sad really, that people can't get over their own bulls••t I'm being cool and level headed in my responses so I will just have to leave it there for the moment. What can one do
august14 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 (edited) It wouldn't bother me, but if your girlfriend has a problem with what you're doing and your response can be summed up to "it's just how guys are and you'll just have to deal with it," then the problem isn't with her. It also bothers me when women who are OK with their man watching porn are presented as "cool" or in some way superior to women who aren't. Women are notorious for trying to agree with and please everyone, so I think what's cool is a woman would speak up her mind and stand her ground. Edited August 29, 2016 by august14 2
Lois_Griffin Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 After an onslaught of messages amounting to nothing apart from her saying how I've ruined everything, I'm a loser and that I'm not trust worthy due to my porn usage.........looks like things are heading south Sad really, that people can't get over their own bulls••t You've got yourself quite the immature little drama queen there. Lucky, lucky guy.
Mikau Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 It wouldn't bother me, but if your girlfriend has a problem with what you're doing and your response can be summed up to "it's just how guys are and you'll just have to deal with it," then the problem isn't with her. It also bothers me when women who are OK with their man watching porn are presented as "cool" or in some way superior to women who aren't. Women are notorious for trying to agree with and please everyone, so I think what's cool is a woman would speak up her mind and stand her ground. What if this wasn't about porn but about playing video games, or watching Breaking Bad, or eating brussel sprouts? Some things just are "something you'll have to deal with". Now I'm all for the OP explaining to his girlfriend why this is something he does and how it has nothing to do with her, but just because in her opinion the OP is a scumbag for watching porn doesn't mean anybody has to treat that opinion with reverie.
basil67 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 I'm another woman writing in your favour. I'd have a problem if his porn use affected his desire for me. But if I'm not interested or not there, I don't have a problem with it whatsoever. You know how her dating history is bad? Being let down, lied to etc? You're about to become another of her tales of woe. While a small percentage of people are probably truly unlucky, I believe that a fair amount of those who believe they have been let down so many times have unrealistic expectations of partners...or don't know when to walk away. In short, many of those with really bad track records brought it upon themselves. My last comment is that if you stay together, don't lie if you intend to still use it on occasion. If you intend to use it when she's not available, be honest. Let her make a decision based on your honesty rather than lie to her and get found out later. 2
Whoknew30 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 Run from her! I'm saying that bc if this is a big deal than good luck with actual issues down the road. I have such a problem when a partner/spouse/whatever is so possessive that the other person can't even masterbate they way they want. Been married 20 years, does he still watch porn? Don't know & don't care. Unless he was locking himself in the bathroom every 5 mins but then that's an addiction which is completely different in my book...good luck
Miss Peach Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 I watch porn myself. My BF never admitted it to me until I used a porn term and he asked what it was and it started the discussion. I don't have any issues as long as it doesn't impact our sex life. We've even tried watching it together but we like too different types of porn to really enjoy it together when we've tried.
RecentChange Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 As long as it doesn't negatively affect my sex life, I have zero issue with porn. Once when my husband mentioned that perhaps age was affecting his sex drive - that is the only time I suggested perhaps jerking off once a day to porn doesn't help He reduced to about once a week and the increase of his libido was noticeable. 1
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