timmi Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I met this girl in Tinder two months ago. We dated since then. Met few times in week and weekends. Chatting every day. We have been having sex multiple times and she even introduced me to her family. But she is really honest about me and she have told me several times that she is unsure what are her feelings for me. Sometimes she likes me, sometimes not so much. So 2 days ago we did not have such a great time anymore. She acted distance and made my mood go away. Then she hugged and wanted to kiss, but then distanced again. After i sent her home she texted me that i don't have to communicate with her if i don't want and this is what she really is - whiny, arrogant etc. I told her that it is shame and i did not feel good because of her acting this way. Next day we chatted and she told me that this is not going to happen anymore, apologised about it and she wishes me best. I was like whaaaat ? I told her that it is not completely her fault. That i have stronger feelings for her and it is hard for me knowing that she does not feel same way. And then she told those all time classics. "Its me not you" and "You deserve better". I asked if she want to go for walk later. She asked why i want that when she treats me that way. I said that there is so much more i value in her and i want her to be more than just friend. I want her to be my girlfriend. And it would be hard to see her going away from me. She said that she does not think going for walk is good idea and am i sure i can handle her as girlfriend? I said that i can't promise it but i'd like to try if she is willing to try. She replied that it already sounded bad. I then realised what i should have been realise after those classic lines she said. I told her Okay and she is the one who deserves better. Those were my last lines on yesterday mid day So today she texted. Asked why i have turned off my iMessage and if i don't want to communicate at all. I answered "By accidently" - it was about turning off imessage. Now she called me but i did not have chance to answer as i was driving car. And actually i was more thinking about going no contact because i don't want be just friends with her. What should i do next ? Should i call her back or should i wait until she calls again. Or should i remain in No contact? Your thought ?
Larryville Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 Chatting every day. We have been having sex multiple times and she even introduced me to her family. But she is really honest about me and she have told me several times that she is unsure what are her feelings for me. Sometimes she likes me, sometimes not so much. did not have such a great time anymore. She acted distance and made my mood go away. Then she hugged and wanted to kiss, but then distanced again. she texted me that i don't have to communicate with her if i don't want and this is what she really is - whiny, arrogant etc. I told her that it is shame and i did not feel good because of her acting this way. She asked why i want that when she treats me that way. I said that there is so much more i value in her and i want her to be more than just friend. I want her to be my girlfriend. And it would be hard to see her going away from me. I said that i can't promise it but i'd like to try if she is willing to try. She replied that it already sounded bad. IDK, unless you too are just going to be FWB from what you posted you both have lost respect general interest for each other… this is what she really is - whiny, arrogant etc. You have demonstrated a basic lack of respect, with that line... There is no point in pursuing more, by continuing you are both frankly wasting each other’s time.
Author timmi Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 (edited) "this is what she really is - whiny, arrogant etc." Those where her words, not mine. I have huge respect towards her. Otherwise i would not told her that i want her to be my girlfriend. And i like that she is honest about everything. I understand completely that it is not love from first sight for her. And she told me day before that she starting to like me more and more. It was only day before yesterday that i wasn't having great time with her because how she acted. I guess it might be just some bad day and i started to push forward with this "be my girlfriend thing". But now i don't know what to think. She contacting me can be that she really have been thinking about it or it can be just guilt ride. Either way i'd like to find out. If she will offer me "just friends" i will reject that of course. But should i call he back to get that answer or should i wait ? Edited August 26, 2016 by timmi
Larryville Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 if i don't want and this is what she really is - whiny, arrogant etc. My bad, I misunderstood.... Knowing that she has image or self-esteem issues and no matter what you do, no matter how much you care for her or try to convince her of how much you like her if she does not change her own mindset you will always be chasing your tail so to speak. You gotta be with someone who like themselves otherwise they can never really like you. 1
BaileyB Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I don't know that I really understand, because I think you chose your behavior. It seems to me like she is quite immature if that is really how she thinks. Either that or she is trying to fade away by behaving badly, such that you will not want to be with her. I'm not sure why you would want to be with someone who doesn't consistently treat you well. Seems to me, she will be never ending drama in a relationship. But then again, you teach people how to treat you... If this is what you want, you can continue to persue her as a friend or perhaps more. I'd be very unimpressed and I wouldn't be sticking around to see what she does next...
gorf Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 (edited) Its tinder. Know what kind of relationships come of that: almost none. Just hookups and quick flings. Its a known thing cause its statistically founded. As a result, too much of tinder and those sorts of things desensitizes people. Its easy to move on to the next without feeling remorse or wanting to actually get to know them deeper.. like on actual relationship level. She wants to be perused. All women do. She does not feel like you are perusing her or you both. That's what I am gathering. The drama of pushing you away and being a difficult person towards you, is her last ditch effort to see if you care enough to break through and actually get to know her. If you actually care. In the meantime being difficult with you and shutting you out has an alternative use: it is her way to deal with the rejection and abandonment of a "I dont think we are going to workout" line she is waiting to hear from you. Btw: the NC rule is way over applied on relationship forums. If you want to contact her, then do it, if not then don't. I say NC in some cases is just a cowardly way out of doing something an adult should be able to handle as part of basic relationship etiquette: Talking. Just talk to the girl and ask questions. What ever happened to that?? It gets hard, so everyone says "yup.. NC. Definitely no contact" meanwhile you repeat the same crap with another girl cause you never knew what happened Edited August 26, 2016 by gorf
Author timmi Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 She messaged to me again. After that i made a call. Had one hour long call and i guess i now have a girlfriend. I'm still little bit concerned about her feelings but i guess this is normal. I'm not going to push her more and looking forward where this going go. I think Gorf is closest one with "it is her way to deal with the rejection". Looks like she is afraid that I can't handle her and afraid to get hurt.
mortensorchid Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 She messaged to me again. After that i made a call. Had one hour long call and i guess i now have a girlfriend. I'm still little bit concerned about her feelings but i guess this is normal. I'm not going to push her more and looking forward where this going go. I think Gorf is closest one with "it is her way to deal with the rejection". Looks like she is afraid that I can't handle her and afraid to get hurt.[/quote This doesn't sound right to me. Someone should just know if they do or don't want to be with another person, and her answer seems to be 75% no. Is that what you want? This doesn't sound very stable to me. If you are going down a path with this woman, get ready for a disappointment someday. I'm just saying.
Author timmi Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 I'm aware of that. Lets see. Maybe it was her guilt, maybe not. Maybe next week she will end it. Time will tell. Definitely it was better answer that "i wanna be just friends". This is the answer i wanted but i'm not going to let my guard down totally yet. I have learned my lessons before. So she have to show me that she really wants this relationship and it is not just her saying what i wanted to hear.
salparadise Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 She's a push-pull dater. You're going to have to play that game better than her. If she perceives that you're more invested it's going to be a roller coaster ride. 3
dumbass2 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Okay, at this point since you are going to give it a try, remember to go off of actions and not her words. If she wants to be your girlfriend she will show you and you will not be on here questioning what she is doing days or weeks down the road. Next time she hesitates, stop pursing this. you have to show respect for yourself or someone may try to walk all over you.
staggerlee71 Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 She's a push-pull dater. You're going to have to play that game better than her. If she perceives that you're more invested it's going to be a roller coaster ride. Oh dear! This game, my friend, is unwinnable. But just so damn fun to play until you are broken. Don't fight it, just jump in and have it. It will be tremendous learning experience 1
spiderowl Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Just don't respond to her. She's already tried putting you off with her bad behaviour so why bother? I know you liked her but you need to learn to expect the same respect from the person you want to date that you are prepared to show them. 2
Arieswoman Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 OW, Please listen to what she's telling you, and look at how she's behaving She acted distance and made my mood go away. Then she hugged and wanted to kiss, but then distanced again. She's not feeling it, sorry. Next day we chatted and she told me that this is not going to happen anymore, apologised about it and she wishes me best. She just broke up with you here ^^^ didn't you get that? Please stop wasting your time. Go NC and look for some nice girl who actually likes you and wants to be with you, this girl is just playing games. Good luck x 1
Recommended Posts