Versacehottie Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 To be fair, the OP didn't say it was just two dates. This is all we had to go on. Several means more than two. Yeah, I agree there is a bit of a discrepancy as to how many dates actually took place. I still don't think she used him. She gave him a chance. She hoped she was ready. If he had same magnetism as (insert her favorite celebrity's name here), perhaps it would have been enough to get her over the hump. This guy didn't have it--due to timing, lack of chemistry or whatever. It's not malicious to go on some dates and decide you don't see a future. He could have done the same thing to her. If this is "using" someone, guaranteed millions of relationships have started and lasted this way: one person trying to get over another and dating someone new with hope in their heart and wanting a bit of a distraction and then it just stuck in a good way. I do think some of the bad comments come from guys who are bitter and stingy and are we really going there AGAIN??? Would the "using" comments go away if posters discovered she'd paid her own way on each of the dates whether they'd been 2 or 20?? And let's not fool ourselves, there is an element of using in every relationship known to mankind. Just saying. 1
Shining One Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 Yeah, I agree there is a bit of a discrepancy as to how many dates actually took place. I still don't think she used him. She gave him a chance.Whether or not she used him is largely a matter of opinion. I've been in that situation and I certainly felt "used" afterwards. Have you ever been in that man's situation? With that being said, she also expressed disappointment that he had no interest in getting to know her as a friend. She had the opportunity to steer this relationship in the direction of friendship, but she choose not to. She chose to get the benefits of dating while she knew she had no physical interest in him.
salparadise Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 He treats me like a queen. Seriously, he is everything I could ever want in a lot of ways! We've gone out several times and he has never once tried to go home with me or even kiss me. He opens doors and pays for everything and just makes me feel appreciated. But, last night we went out and towards the end of the date we were walking outside down the street late at night in the city and he put his arm around me. I kind of reached out and hugged him back with one arm while walking and then pulled away. I'm just not feeling any physical connection with him. Apparently this hurt his feelings a lot and I don't think he wants to wait around and get to know me as a friend. I guess if he liked me enough he would, right? How was I wasting his time? I think some of you men are just bitter about the fact that women tend to go for the jerks. Not ready to date, well, that may be the case... but this is something much less tasteful... the attitude of entitlement, dearth of empathy or consideration leaves me flabbergasted. And she's sliding by as the innocent victim, at least in her own mind, then turning it back on men and calling them bitter. This is why men need to quit wooing and pursuing debutants and princesses and make sure that it's reciprocal from the get-go. How was I wasting his time? Not just time, but money and emotion and honest intention. I don't think he wants to wait around and get to know me as a friend. I guess if he liked me enough he would, right? Yea, right. 2
h0000 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 You said several dates, later on you changed to "two dates". I think you are lying here. If you are not interested, you should not take advantage of his money. Back to your question, you are not picky. Falling in love with jerks is not the definition of picky. It's good you stopped dating them now. Hope you find yourself
Romantic Gentleman Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 He knew something was up once you half hugged him, then pulled away. Then after you told him you need time to heal from a past relationship after all the time you've been spending together. Of course he's going to be super upset. He honestly probably feels used
jen1447 Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 He told me after the date that he thought I don't like him. I told him I had just broken up with someone and I need time to heal. Apparently this hurt his feelings a lot and I don't think he wants to wait around and get to know me as a friend. I guess if he liked me enough he would, right? Eh, he probably just realized your head was still elsewhere and he didn't really have a shot against your ghosts. Also you can't really expect him to transition to friend on a dime if he went into it thinking romance. Waiting and liking or not is irrelevant in that light - he'd be waiting for friendship and he never bought that package so why should he? 1
Versacehottie Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 Whether or not she used him is largely a matter of opinion. I've been in that situation and I certainly felt "used" afterwards. Have you ever been in that man's situation? With that being said, she also expressed disappointment that he had no interest in getting to know her as a friend. She had the opportunity to steer this relationship in the direction of friendship, but she choose not to. She chose to get the benefits of dating while she knew she had no physical interest in him. Yeah definitely a matter of opinion. I think there are clear cut ones where a person is using another and ones that are not. This is not a clear cut case IMO. I think that's what someone pointed out that the POV of people who feel she was a user are those who look at the failed relationships as a waste of their cash. Each person takes a risk and either one has a right to bail if not interested. It's just the way it goes. Seems to often divide on these lines: A segment of guys feeling used for their money and a segment of girls feeling used for sex. When really they just stand out (when it's not clear cut case of either) to the other segments as people who are bitter and burned and perhaps don't invest or chose as wisely as they could. She has every right to pull back and decide she shouldn't be dating this guy as he does to decide if she only wants to be friends that he's not interested in that--OR if something else was deemed unattractive about her, then he could change his mind. that's the process of getting to know one another. If that happened after they already had sex, would you think the "transaction" was fair and they were even or that she was used? I think everyone is an adult--they need to make decisions and invest and risk in a smart way. As much as you try to protect yourself from any hurt or bad "investment", it still happens in relationships. It strikes me as a bit whiny and disingenious that guys feel "used" when a girl decides he's not the one. I guess they should do dates within their budgets that would not make them feel "used" or tell her upfront that she needs to pay her portion until he feels confident she is not gonna bail (pretty sure it's not done by most because most understand how well it would go down-not so much; that said, a guy can be charming and she feels chemistry, you don't have to invest a lot). By the standard said here, it's like a girl is supposed to just stick with it even if she is not feeling it so the guy is not boo-hoo'ing about a bad investment of date money??? I'm sure that's not exactly what you mean--but at what point is it ok to bail. After only one cup of coffee? That's not real life for everyone. Feels a lot rigid. Anyway, safe to say, agree to disagree.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 29, 2016 Posted August 29, 2016 Giving yourself a year or two between relationships is healthy. Monkey barring from one relationship to the other would scream problems I cannot be bothered listing. Do yourself a favour. Go heal yourself. Get counselling. Don't look for a saviour in a guy.
road Posted September 4, 2016 Posted September 4, 2016 Wrong to date because you were not ready. Used him, maybe.
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