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Is there any place for SnapChat on a phone of a married person or in a LTR

JoeSmith357-1

By JoeSmith357-1
in Infidelity

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Whoknew30 Established Member

Whoknew30

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She's not your wife, so if you're already in the position before marriage that snap chat is an issue...read that back to yourself & come up with your own answer.

MadJackBird Established Member

MadJackBird

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I skimmed the responses. I agree with the responders that say, Your problem is not snap chat, It's the boundaries or lack of boundaries you put on this women and the amount of trust you have with her.

 

If she is going to cheat she will do it via snap chat, or text, or carrier pigeon, it doesn't matter. After SnapChat there will be something else.

 

If she has cheated in the past and you are trying to rebuild that relationship then she needs to earn your trust and you need to put boundaries around that. Figure out what your boundary is with snap chat and stick to it. It really is that simple.

 

What is she currently doing to regain your trust?

 

Quite frankly those that say bail now are probably good too. Most of us that are BS dealt with the stay vs. leave problem because of many other factors, long invested marriages, family situations, kids. Honestly find someone that you can trust and treats you better. No one deserves to be cheated on.

 

Good Luck

Edited by MadJackBird
cc_zero Member

cc_zero

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How did you get this^^^ from aliveagain's post? lol

 

I'm so confused...

 

I interpreted Alive saying that Snapchat isn't the problem, you not trusting her is the problem, as he has to trust her, if she's not trust worthy then he should just leave her. (at the time I thought they were married)

 

My position is that she cheated therefore she can't be trusted anytime soon, that is true of all cheaters no matter how much they go all in to repair the relationship. And SnapChat is a problem regardless of how trustworthy he thinks she is or isnt, simply because the AP could be on Snapchat and try to contact her. Not many WS's would have the strength to resist responding in such an app where any response is deleted forever after 10 seconds and no one would ever know. That's asking a lot of willpower from a WS.

 

But again, I thought they were married. It's a different problem to address in a GF/BF situation.

Lobe Established Member

Lobe

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It's a different problem to address in a GF/BF situation.

 

Sure. One involves leaving a marriage, one involves not getting married in the first place lol

 

OP, you say you really want to work things out with your GF, but she is already sexting people and you don't even have a ring on her finger. If you are sure you want to continue, you guys may want to consider premarital counselling.

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

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Only you and her can decide what you are comfortable with in your relationship. You are allowed to be uncomfortable with snapchat but you must be comfortable in telling her that you don't want her to use it and why. Then she can decide if that is something she is willing to do. Not talking about it just causes you pain and anger.

 

 

After an affair there is no way a WW can be allowed to have that app. There is nothing to decide.

  • Like 3
road Established Member

road

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I thought they were married.

 

 

GF cheated on him and now is using SC and using it with ex's.

 

 

Dating is the job interview for marriage. GF failed the interview when she cheated.

 

 

OP still won't pink slip her after she is using SC. Problem OP is not dumping her after SC.

Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

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The others have it right. Whether she is your girlfriend or your wife is not relavant. Either way you are SUPPOSED to be in a exclusive relationship, which she apparently violated.

 

And now what do you have.

(1) your GF DISAPPEARING into the bathroom away from you with her cell phone multile times a night. That is RED FLAG #1, big time my friend. Google it

(2) an app that she is using that is designed to make it impossible or almost impossible for what you are doing on it to be caught.

 

If that gives you confidence that she is not doing something on that phone that she does not want you to see, then I guess you will have to learn the hard way when you get whacked again.

 

I'd love to hear her explanation after being caught cheating as to why she feels it is just fine to be behaving like this. Have you bothered to ask, or is whatever she does OK as long as she stays with you.

 

Forget the app. Your GF is the problem

Lobe Established Member

Lobe

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Forget the app. Your GF is the problem

 

Harsh but true.

Whoknew30 Established Member

Whoknew30

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After an affair there is no way a WW can be allowed to have that app. There is nothing to decide.

 

100% disagree, if can't trust a spouse to have a certain app...then that's a relationship you shouldn't be in period. I had an A & have have snap chat, I have 4 friends that are all my family. My H had an A & I'm encouraging him to get it bc the kids have fun on it & I want him to see the silly things we do. I cheated when I didn't have that app & I'm not cheating now that I have it. A app doesn't make you trustworthy or untrustworthy...I have an idea, let's take away a WS spouses phone too bc I'm sure they made calls to their AP...why stop there, take their car also bc I'm sure they drove at some point to meet AP...honestly where does it stop. If you really don't trust someone then you really shouldn't be with them...all the apps or lack their of don't matter, that's all extremely petty. If someone is wants to cheat they'll find a way.

  • Like 3
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JoeSmith357-1 Established Member

JoeSmith357-1

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100% disagree, if can't trust a spouse to have a certain app...then that's a relationship you shouldn't be in period. I had an A & have have snap chat, I have 4 friends that are all my family. My H had an A & I'm encouraging him to get it bc the kids have fun on it & I want him to see the silly things we do. I cheated when I didn't have that app & I'm not cheating now that I have it. A app doesn't make you trustworthy or untrustworthy...I have an idea, let's take away a WS spouses phone too bc I'm sure they made calls to their AP...why stop there, take their car also bc I'm sure they drove at some point to meet AP...honestly where does it stop. If you really don't trust someone then you really shouldn't be with them...all the apps or lack their of don't matter, that's all extremely petty. If someone is wants to cheat they'll find a way.

 

I realize the app isnt going to MAKE anyone cheat. But it makes it easier, and hiding your tracks easier.

  • Like 1
Lobe Established Member

Lobe

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I realize the app isnt going to MAKE anyone cheat. But it makes it easier, and hiding your tracks easier.

 

So does words with friends, whatsapp, text+, and that fake fishing app that is a chat app...

 

A cheater will find a way to cheat. Ergo, the problem is not the app but the person.

  • Like 4
aliveagain Established Member

aliveagain

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Joe, if it walks like a duck.............

Whoknew30 Established Member

Whoknew30

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I realize the app isnt going to MAKE anyone cheat. But it makes it easier, and hiding your tracks easier.

 

If you're this worried about it, can you answer one question...why are you with her? If you think breaking up is hard while she's your girlfriend, what do you think it's going to be if you ever want to get married? You went through this much effort on asking if a app is going to nakenit easier to cheat. Like I said, I cheated with no app, not cheating with one. It doesn't make it any easier. I come from a line of cheating men, do you k own how many erase their apps when at home to just redone load them the next day, on top of all those hide anything apps. There is a million ways to get away with cheating, one app doesn't make or break a relationship...if it does than you didn't have much of one to begin with.

Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

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1. She's not a teenager, she's in her mid 30's

2. She HAS been caught cheating and we are working on it

 

 

My purpose for this thread I guess is to ask people of my age group (late 30's/40's), what legitimate purpose does an app that's sole purpose seems to be stealthy communications have?

 

It seems to be designed by and for people with something to hide (teens and cheaters)

Joe, "we're" not working on it.

 

YOU'RE working on it.

 

Working on a way to accept the sh*t sandwich she served up to you last time and trying to find a way to move on.

 

I say this because she's not doing much of anything to gain your trust back. And having this latest nonsense on her phone is yet just another show of disrespect.

 

Why someone in her 30's is acting like a dumbass Millennial - to the point where she's taking her phone in the bathroom a couple times a night for God's sakes - is someone I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw.

 

The app isn't the problem. SHE is.

  • Like 3
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

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100% disagree, if can't trust a spouse to have a certain app...then that's a relationship you shouldn't be in period. I had an A & have have snap chat, I have 4 friends that are all my family. My H had an A & I'm encouraging him to get it bc the kids have fun on it & I want him to see the silly things we do. I cheated when I didn't have that app & I'm not cheating now that I have it. A app doesn't make you trustworthy or untrustworthy...I have an idea, let's take away a WS spouses phone too bc I'm sure they made calls to their AP...why stop there, take their car also bc I'm sure they drove at some point to meet AP...honestly where does it stop. If you really don't trust someone then you really shouldn't be with them...all the apps or lack their of don't matter, that's all extremely petty. If someone is wants to cheat they'll find a way.

 

My kids have it and my WH has it for his business (I can't just demand he stop). Whether he uses it to cheat... am not sure, but I'm not about to go into detective mode again. If my WH wants to cheat he will. He has already proven that to me.

  • Like 1
hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

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I realize the app isnt going to MAKE anyone cheat. But it makes it easier, and hiding your tracks easier.

 

So does having a phone and locking the door to the bathroom.

 

The only way to stop a cheater is to take away any access to the outside world and watch over them 24/7. Obviously, this is not an option (if you don't want to go to jail). This relationship is going to be a neverending source of stress and anxiety for you because there will ALWAYS be avenues to cheat if one wants to do so.

standtall Established Member

standtall

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Dude..your relationship is a mess even before getting married...after marriage, it will be a nightmare. I hate to say it, but IMHO, you're allowing yourself to be a doormat with this being one of what I am sure are many reasons..

 

Until I see "notifications" in the morning and other times from guys, including people I know she has dated in the past.

 

 

 

and she has already cheated on you? She should be going above and beyond to regain your trust, snap chat notifications from an ex aint even close.

 

Send her packing...you can do better.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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I have it because my kid has it. H has it too; same reason. Absolutely no issue for us.

 

You, however, have issues. Why you are focusing on this app is beyond me. It's like focusing about the minute details is keeping you busy so that you don't have to face the big issues.

 

This relationship is unsustainable because you don't trust her, and she doesn't care enough to even try to appear trustworthy. That's your problem.

  • Like 4
flowergirl14 Established Member

flowergirl14

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If she doesn't use snap chat it will be some other app. Cheaters that want to cheat just switch methodsof communication. Secret email accounts, other apps, gaming apps. Snap chat is just one avenue. I am in the age group your seeking opinions from. I do not have snap chat. I also dont do twitter or fb or instagram. My teen daughter does. I think a lot of these are garbage.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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I realize the app isnt going to MAKE anyone cheat. But it makes it easier, and hiding your tracks easier.

 

There's been a Greek chorus in this thread alone telling you Snapchat itself isn't the issue. Almost every form of social media allows deletion of conversations and content and many have off-app messaging that's hard to track.

 

If she's going to flirt, text, sext or cheat, Snapchat is far from the only way. Why not ask yourself why the focus of your relationship has become what she's doing with her phone :confused: ???

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 2
Try Established Member

Try

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So a couple weeks ago, my GF, publicly mind you, announces on Facebook that she is on SnapChat.
I see "notifications" in the morning and other times from guys, including people I know she has dated in the past.

 

So here I am thinking "here we go again"... I caught her sexting, now she has a tool to do it again, with no way for me to know...

When you catch someone sexting members of the opposite sex like you have caught your girlfriend doing, one of the normal requirement for reconciliation is that they go full 100% no contact with anyone that they have cheated with in the past, that they give you all passwords, and that they not delete messages without showing them to you first. Thus her having an app on her phone that automatically deletes all messages is in violation of that. Her public announcement on Facebook that she is on SnapChat, is her setting things up to cheat by telling guys how to get a hold of her without you finding out. Other guys contacting her on this app, especially guys that she has dated in the past, is her actually cheating.

 

This is a cheating app and she knows it. Since she is determined to waste the second chance that you have given her, and is focusing her energies on ways to cheat without being caught, she is lost cause. You are not married and have no children, as hard as it will be, you need to move on. There is someone out there that would love to be with you and only you. Go find that person.

  • Like 4
Els Established Member

Els

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There's been a Greek chorus in this thread alone telling you Snapchat itself isn't the issue. Almost every form of social media allows deletion of conversations and content and many have off-app messaging that's hard to track.

 

Exactly. It's extremely easy to cover your tracks with ANY messaging app if you want to. You don't even need to be particularly tech savvy, most of them have very obvious 'delete history' options, and even with the ones that don't, you can usually clear the cache from the phone settings.

 

As a matter of fact, Whatsapp is more secure than Snapchat IMO due to end-to-end encryption. Are we all supposed to be horrified when our partners use Whatsapp too?

TrustedthenBusted Established Member

TrustedthenBusted

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This has nothing to do with phone apps btw. Nothing at all. Change your focus.

 

Are you comfortable being with this woman or not? That is all that matters. You start going down the road of being the Apps Police and it leads nowhere.

 

Trust me... I became a digital Ninja for like a year. What a waste of time.

  • Like 3
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

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Posted
This has nothing to do with phone apps btw. Nothing at all. Change your focus.

 

Are you comfortable being with this woman or not? That is all that matters. You start going down the road of being the Apps Police and it leads nowhere.

 

Trust me... I became a digital Ninja for like a year. What a waste of time.

 

:lmao: This is funny! I learned more than I had every wanted to know about breaking code and hacking my WH's phone. Too bad he had a burner :rolleyes:

aliveagain Established Member

aliveagain

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Joe what everyone is trying to tell you is that any app that can be used for both good and bad that she is automatically using it for bad, why are you in a relationship with her? It is obvious that she is trying to find ways around your boundaries so she can continue to get the attention she desires from other men while keeping you. Your validation will never be enough for her and she has already proven that she will use sex to get the validation she thinks she deserves from others. You may want to consider a marriage contract if you decide that she is the one regardless of our advice. That way she may try harder at fidelity, besides, you can both walk away after the contract expires if you choose not to renew it. Is she in counselling now, not couples counselling but independent counselling to find out why she allowed herself the approval to cheat on you?

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