clueless1050 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over 6 months now. We talk everyday and spend most of our free time together. Neither of us have said the "L" word yet. I know i'm in love with him but am super insecure that he might not be with me. He hasn't even done anything for me to think this way, but it's just how I am. The more time that goes by, the more insecure I get about the whole relationship because of these 3 stupid unsaid words. What's more frustrating is that I can't say it first because I need to know he means it and will constantly wonder if he only said it because I put him in that situation. I guess my question to this forum is how long does an "I love you" usually take? Is more than 6 months normal? Are there ways I can bring it up without explicitly doing so? Any advice is appreciated!
ChickiePops Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 It's different for everyone. Some couples end up playing chicken with each other (seems like you two might be doing that). My fiancé said it after 6 weeks. The guy before him was around 8 months. It really depends. I say go for it. 1
h0000 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 Does he treat you well? Action is more important than words. My parents never said ILY to each other yet they've been married 40 years and still counting.
basil67 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 "I love you" is a bit like farting. Both parties can often be waiting for the other one to do it first. 7
Arieswoman Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 "I love you" is a bit like farting. Both parties can often be waiting for the other one to do it first. I love this ^^^^ 2
BikerAccnt Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 "I love you" is a bit like farting. Both parties can often be waiting for the other one to do it first. LOL, a bit crude, but pretty much on the mark. If you love him, and you want to tell him, then do it. If you are at the point in your relationship where you know you love him, wouldn't you want to know if it's reciprocated or not? You won't know, unless you say it to him. Some people have a hard time saying the word too, my ex was like that. I don't really know why that is, but some do. He could be one of those.
BluEyeL Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 We had said it after about 8 or 9 months, and I said it first. I said it about a week before Valentine's day, but it was not like a big declaration, more like I slipped an I love you in some conversation of "why are you doing X nice thing?" "because I love you" (don't remember the exact words, but something like that). He didn't say it back that day. The following week it was Valentine's day, we wrote cards to each other and said some super cheesy things in them and both signed "I love you" without knowing the other will do the same, then we each read our cards, got teary, kissed and said I love you out loud. It was pretty awesome. But I did fret about that a little, starting at about 6 months or so. I did a bit of the fretting before each milestone.
Gaeta Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 My boyfriend started dropping hints at around 5 months with things like: That's why I am so in love with you. About a month later so around 6 months he said he loved me but very casually in a sentence and he was not looking at me like he was nervous or something. I replied I loved him too and from there we started saying it. There was no big love declaration, it was done very very casually. Now, if you feel it, say it. First it's just expressing how you feel, second it will tell you where he is standing, better than spend another 6 months with a man that is not falling in love with you, and third, if he says it back than everything is dandy. I don't know anyone who would answer ILY back and don't feel it. I think your fear he would say ILY back but don't mean it is a bit far fetched. Would you do that? I don't know anyone who would.
Author clueless1050 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 Yeah i guess i'm just even more nervous because this one night earlier in the relationship, maybe 2 or 3 months in, he was drunk and we were in bed and he thought that I said it (I didn't, I was sober). And he was like "woahhhh woah woah you can't say that". I denied it obviously because it didn't happen but the reaction was really weird.
Damaged217 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I don't think there's a timeframe for these sort of things. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I feel something, I usually just say it. Life is too short. You never know what is going to happen to you. With my current boyfriend, I felt it VERY early on, but I was too chicken to say anything, especially since I had gotten out of a very bad relationship and was scared to be vulnerable again. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he was in love with me, but also was scared of announcing it because he thought he would frighten me off. I had stopped myself on numerous occasions from blurting it out. One day I just couldn't hold it in anymore and let it out. He felt the same way and it was such a relief to be able to say those words out loud! I think you should just say it. The worst that can happen is that he isn't quite ready to say those words back to you yet and your ego might feel a little bruised. But I don't think that's what will happen. If you are spending most of your free time together, he really enjoys your company and he probably enjoys your company because he's crazy about you.
Miss Peach Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I typically hear it from guys between 3-8 months. Current BF was at 8 months. I know he wanted to say it earlier. He initially dropped a few hints like calling me a 'loved one'.
LaurenP15 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 There really isn't a time frame. You should say it when you're comfortable AND mean it. Do not say it back because he says it first; vice versa. My husband told me he loved me after 3 months of dating. He was nervous about saying it so he started saying "I love your smile/eyes/nose, etc. It was pretty darn cute. I knew I loved him when we started dating (since we we were best friends for about 10 years), but for reasons like yours, I waited for him say them first. When we finally said it, it brought our relationship to a whole other level
central Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 One of you needs to blurt it out soon, as most "conventional wisdom" - and maybe even some research - says 3 to 6 months, otherwise it isn't going to happen at all and it's time to move on. 1
Gaeta Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 Yeah i guess i'm just even more nervous because this one night earlier in the relationship, maybe 2 or 3 months in, he was drunk and we were in bed and he thought that I said it (I didn't, I was sober). And he was like "woahhhh woah woah you can't say that". I denied it obviously because it didn't happen but the reaction was really weird. Ouch! Ok I understand why you want him to say it first but on the other hand how long are you willing to give this relationship before confirming you are both on the same page?
MissBee Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over 6 months now. We talk everyday and spend most of our free time together. Neither of us have said the "L" word yet. I know i'm in love with him but am super insecure that he might not be with me. He hasn't even done anything for me to think this way, but it's just how I am. The more time that goes by, the more insecure I get about the whole relationship because of these 3 stupid unsaid words. What's more frustrating is that I can't say it first because I need to know he means it and will constantly wonder if he only said it because I put him in that situation. I guess my question to this forum is how long does an "I love you" usually take? Is more than 6 months normal? Are there ways I can bring it up without explicitly doing so? Any advice is appreciated! There is no normal time frame really, but I would say, by 6 months of spending most of your time together and talking daily, you start to know and certainly by 8 months to a year, you either are in love or not. However, knowing it in terms of how you feel and voicing it out loud may be different. Some people, like you, and maybe your bf too, may feel nervous about it or want to see who says it first etc so may feel that way but avoid saying it....you have nothing to lose though IMO...if he loves you back then it will break the ice if you say it, if he doesn't, not saying it wouldn't have prevented this and it is better to know the truth.
Author clueless1050 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 Ouch! Ok I understand why you want him to say it first but on the other hand how long are you willing to give this relationship before confirming you are both on the same page? Judging by what you all have said in the comments, I think i'm going to try to be patient and wait for the 8 month mark. If nothing by then, i'll just say it myself and see what happens.
Recommended Posts