leogirl876 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 So I went on a first date with this guy last weekend and it went great. We've talked on the phone a couple times since and we have plans to go out on a 2nd date Saturday. He's kind of worked into the conversation asking questions about my ex. Another guy I went out with did that also. Why would a guy do that? My ex is an ex for a reason, and I was the one who broke up. I don't even think about my ex at all, so why does a guy ask? I'm not asking about his ex's because I don't really want to know and don't care.
JewelD Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 What kind of questions are they asking? Sometimes I'll ask a date what happened with their past relationship. Moreso to learn about them and their mindset as far as dating. If they say, I cheated, well then I know to run. If they say it was 2 months ago and their ex dumped for no reason, I'll know they're not over it and it's time to move on. But if they're asking what the ex looked like, how the sex was, unnecessary stuff like that, then that's certainly a bit odd. 3
todreaminblue Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 some guys might want to see if you are really over your ex....one thing i know that turns guys off is if you bad mouth an ex....constantly.....normally means unresolved feelings.....i dont find it surprising that a guy would ask you about an ex....there could be a number of reasons why they do...why not be honest and say you are curious to why they are asking.....why they want to know...be open....and it promotes openness in the person you are talking too.....deb
Author leogirl876 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 To me, it seems like guys want to know how they measure up to the ex or something like that. I did ask him why he was asking and he said he was trying to learn more about me and what made me tick and what likes & dislikes are. IDK, I really don't want to talk about my ex or think about him, not because I hate my ex or think he's a bad person, I'm just totally over him and don't think about him at all now.
DSP Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I ask about the ex only if it comes up in conversation for a couple reasons. I can gauge if she's over the ex. I might know the guy and what he's all about. Was she cheated on or did he just bail?Still around to see his kids if any? There are many reasons why, but overall I'm seeing how healed she really is and how much I may have to deal with this guy in the future. The last woman I spoke with asked me about my ex in conversation and I said she ran off with another guy. She asked why and I shrugged, smiled and said "I dunno know" and we both chuckled. I asked her about her ex and she went of for about 10 minutes how he never touched her, left her for another woman and ended with "I want to open presents with him and his wife on Christmas morning and all of our children together." I left with no more investment. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 So I went on a first date with this guy last weekend and it went great. We've talked on the phone a couple times since and we have plans to go out on a 2nd date Saturday. He's kind of worked into the conversation asking questions about my ex. Another guy I went out with did that also. Why would a guy do that? My ex is an ex for a reason, and I was the one who broke up. I don't even think about my ex at all, so why does a guy ask? I'm not asking about his ex's because I don't really want to know and don't care. I don't know how long you've been dating, but this is not so uncommon. As others have indicated, people want to know where they stand and get an idea of where you are and how far you are from your past relationship. No one wants to get in the middle of something uncomfortable or uncertain.
Author leogirl876 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 I don't know how long you've been dating, but this is not so uncommon. As others have indicated, people want to know where they stand and get an idea of where you are and how far you are from your past relationship. No one wants to get in the middle of something uncomfortable or uncertain. So I've been talking to this new guy for a couple weeks. I always thought that you don't ask or talk about ex's at least the first 3 dates. I don't know what to say to him, because I don't want to talk about my ex, my ex is in my past. I don't think about him, there's no way we're ever getting back together, and I'd like to focus on the present.
Popsicle Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I wouldn't worry about it. I ask about exes too and I've been asked. It's not a big deal to me. Exes were brought up in the first conversation (even tho I generally don't like that). It's when someone obsesses about the ex is when it becomes a problem. When I was asked about my ex, I got the feeling that my now boyfriend wanted to know why the relationship ended. He seems to be sensitive to this issue and tries not to repeat the same patterns my ex had since I've told him what it was. 1
Romantic Gentleman Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 Some guys just get jealous easy, so if it was a relationship you just ended, or one that was ended months ago, he feels more comfortable knowing he doesn't have to compete with anyone else 1
gorf Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 So I went on a first date with this guy last weekend He's kind of worked into the conversation asking questions about my ex. Another guy I went out with did that also My ex is an ex for a reason, and I was the one who broke up. Short amount of time to be asking about an ex. If it comes up naturally as part of the convo, whatever. But about a week? And he isn't the first one to ask in a short amount of time. I dunno.. maybe you put off a vibe as someone who might not be trustworthy. I put that really blunt to get to the point. You were the one who broke up with him, not him with you. Does this guy know that for a fact? Does he know why? Is he sure it wasn't the other way around? I guess it depends what you do with your spare time, how you carry yourself.. ya know, what kind of impression do you give guys as far as a girl who is in the market to date? Cause that's more likely why guys are bringing it up after such a short amount of time.
Miss Peach Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I've asked guys and they have asked me. I want to know in order to be able to engage how emotionally available he might be and whether he seems over it. I also will sometimes just ask for more information to see if there are any patterns that might give me insight to what to expect or their morals.
Author leogirl876 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 Short amount of time to be asking about an ex. If it comes up naturally as part of the convo, whatever. But about a week? And he isn't the first one to ask in a short amount of time. I dunno.. maybe you put off a vibe as someone who might not be trustworthy. I put that really blunt to get to the point. You were the one who broke up with him, not him with you. Does this guy know that for a fact? Does he know why? Is he sure it wasn't the other way around? I guess it depends what you do with your spare time, how you carry yourself.. ya know, what kind of impression do you give guys as far as a girl who is in the market to date? Cause that's more likely why guys are bringing it up after such a short amount of time. Yeah, if I am, then I don't know, I mean, work and go to school, and do things with my girl friends in the rest of my spare time. So I can't imagine I'm giving off any weird or untrustworthy vibes.
Gaeta Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 What kind of questions are they asking? OP can you answer this question please. If you were over your ex then you'd be in a place where you feel indifferent instead of feeling defensive when someone brings him up. I see no problem asking about an ex. Depending on the question like JewelD said. If someone ask me about my ex I will answer the truth. Our relationship suffered because of ABC so we had to part ways. No more than that. He doesn't want you to wash your dirty laundry to him, he just wants to know why the relationship failed, which is a justified question from someone about to enter your life as a boyfriend.
Larryville Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I have never specifically asked anyone about an ex, however I have asked about HOW past relationships ended, not to inquire about the ex or the relationship in general but to get a sense on how they view relationships, do they fight, quickly disengage, do they ghost? For me 9 times out of 10 women will divulge more 411 to me than I even ask for. I’m told I’m a decent listener. LOL!
maryquitecontrary Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 Maybe they are curious about why the relationship ended. I know whenever I start dating a divorced man I always want to know why the marriage ended because it tells you a lot of information about that guy. It kind of lets you know about the issues you yourself may be dealing with down the road.
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 Went out on a second date with a guy that I met on OLD last Saturday night. First date took me to a nice restaurant, we talked on the phone a couple times during the week and then went out for second date following weekend. During dinner of second date he's telling that I should dye my hair platinum blonde and wondering if I'd consider getting breast implants. When I told him no about the hair and implants, he kept on pushing me on it. And then during the date said all kinds of sexual comments, some quite bad. On a second date!!! I told him that he watched too much internet porn & lost touch with reality and then I left. In another thread last week I had posted wondering why a guy would ask all kinds of questions about my past relationships really early on, well this is the same guy! Seriously, what's wrong with people? Now I see why people get jaded from OLD. This is by far the worst one that I've been out with. How can I screen somebody better in the future? I've never had this happen to me before.
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 When you have access to the masses, you are going to run into people who are f'd up. From what I see, when something is free to use, you get a lot of garbage using it.
MsJayne Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 Yes, date sites are full of weirdos, losers, deadbeats, etc, etc. Just be glad you 're smart enough to spot one of these at fifty paces.
Ami1uwant Posted September 1, 2016 Posted September 1, 2016 I don't see an issue in asking a history of your life and how many relationship you had and those that were serious. Date 2 is too early to get into the details of it, but the point is to find out if you has relationships and to find out what qualities are important to you. Asking about how often you have colored your hair is a fair question. Some women constantly change their hair. To me this is important because I have prosopagnosia. Him asking about bl9nde could have been yo service how you react like he wants to push your buttons. Asking about breast implants....geez....
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 That was screening. Cross him off your list! Screening what?
Author leogirl876 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Posted September 1, 2016 I don't see an issue in asking a history of your life and how many relationship you had and those that were serious. Date 2 is too early to get into the details of it, but the point is to find out if you has relationships and to find out what qualities are important to you. Asking about how often you have colored your hair is a fair question. Some women constantly change their hair. To me this is important because I have prosopagnosia. Him asking about bl9nde could have been yo service how you react like he wants to push your buttons. Asking about breast implants....geez.... No, he was telling me I should dye my hair platinum blonde, not asking how often I change my hair but that I should dye it blonde.
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