jacarter2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Do you ever feel like you're doing more in your relationship? By more I mean do you ever feel your SO is ok with status quo & doesn't do as much or put in as much effort as you do? I often feel like I'm the one initiating plans to see each other, I'm the one texting or calling 1st, I'm the one doing all the little things that could be considered above & beyond, buying little gift surprises here & there, leaving surprise cards or notes, doing things to make life easier whether it be running errands, cleaning, cooking, waiting up for phone calls that don't happen due to falling asleep etc. I'm a "pleaser" type person so I enjoy doing things I know will bring happiness, I don't at all mind doing these things & I know they are appreciated. I'm also not one who ever does things for people (anyone) with the hopes of receiving something in return, everything is done out of the goodness of my heart. However isn't it nice to feel you're equally thought of in a way that makes your SO want to also do little things for you, go out of their way for you too, surprise you just to see you smile or to let you know they're thinking of you? I suppose in a sense it's some what a feeling of putting in more effort than the other person & feeling things are a bit unbalanced.
central Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) One person usually does more, and one is usually more a giver and the other a taker. If this is too unbalanced, then eventually the giver will feel used and burnt out. You sound like some resentment is already present. It could also be that your are much more into her than she is into you, so she's not making the effort to grow the relationship. If that's true, it's a huge red flag, so do try to figure out her thinking and feeling about you. Without reciprocation, this relationship will falter - eventually. Don't let things progress too much further without understanding what's really going on. Edited August 25, 2016 by central
pteromom Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Yeah. The happy feeling of pleasing your partner isn't going to last if things aren't somewhat equal. Outside of effort, do you feel that your needs are being met in the relationship? Do you feel appreciated for all you do? I think you are wise to be thinking about this now.
Author jacarter2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 Yeah. The happy feeling of pleasing your partner isn't going to last if things aren't somewhat equal. Outside of effort, do you feel that your needs are being met in the relationship? Do you feel appreciated for all you do? I think you are wise to be thinking about this now. Yes & no to your question. I do sometimes feel appreciated, not all the time, but for the most part I usually do. I won't lie, I feel taken for granted sometimes & there are times where appreciation is expressed, but it doesn't feel genuine. I do not feel like my needs are being met entirely, I feel like I'm giving more & the balance is off. I will make mention from time to time of things I feel more effort is needed or things I need more of in general & they seem to be given temporarily after mention of them, but not consistently & the effort doesn't seem to last. They are not necessarily things that I feel require much effort either. I'd like to discuss this, but feel I've brought up things here and there that already make clear how I feel, thus the temporary improvement or change I mentioned above, but shortly thereafter it reverts back to status quo.
Author jacarter2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 One person usually does more, and one is usually more a giver and the other a taker. If this is too unbalanced, then eventually the giver will feel used and burnt out. You sound like some resentment is already present. It could also be that your are much more into her than she is into you, so she's not making the effort to grow the relationship. If that's true, it's a huge red flag, so do try to figure out her thinking and feeling about you. Without reciprocation, this relationship will falter - eventually. Don't let things progress too much further without understanding what's really going on. Agree with both things you mentioned, 1 does always seem to be more of the giver, but I guess I've not felt such a feeling of imbalance until just recently & therefore could be what you mentioned about feeling burnt out. I don't think I necessarily feel resentment more so than I feel there's the capability of effort that's not being exerted due to possibly being "comfortable" and therefore the feeling of not needing to work for what you've already got per se is present.
Larryville Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Unfortunately we live in an extraordinarily narcissistic, selfie induced selfish society. Adding to that the OLD component (throwaway dating culture) none of us are truly “valued” in that many are only out for our own selfish needs, wants and desires. Finding the right balance is like winning the lottery…. One person usually does more, and one is usually more a giver and the other a taker. If this is too unbalanced, then eventually the giver will feel used and burnt out. Yeah. The happy feeling of pleasing your partner isn't going to last if things aren't somewhat equal. Figure out what you are willing to tolerate find and DEMAND if necessary, that balance and don’t compromise, don’t settle. Life is too short. Good Luck
Author jacarter2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 Unfortunately we live in an extraordinarily narcissistic, selfie induced selfish society. Adding to that the OLD component (throwaway dating culture) none of us are truly “valued” in that many are only out for our own selfish needs, wants and desires. Finding the right balance is like winning the lottery…. Figure out what you are willing to tolerate find and DEMAND if necessary, that balance and don’t compromise, don’t settle. Life is too short. Good Luck I couldn't agree more, we live in a very selfish & self centered society where the majority (key word majority, because I don't think everyoneis like that, but most) only care about themselves & what makes their world go around & only do what benefits them with no care about how their actions or lack there of affect anyone else, including those they supposedly love. I sometimes wish I could be more like that, but then I think no I don't, that's not anyway to be & I don't like being treated like that so I certainly wouldn't want to make anyone else feel how it feels. It's funny how charming some people can be in the beginning, but as time goes on they tend to shed their "new" skin & their old skin in which they really live in is revealed & it sometimes can be quite different than how they 1st presented themselves, borderline deceitful. You're right though, not settling & asking and or demanding what you want is what's necessary, although it doesn't seem like in the right relationship you'd have to make demands or even think about not settling, because you should be getting what you need as the other person should be as well.
Recommended Posts