She pulled a 180 and out of the blue broke things off

[NopeNah]

Weird thing too she has yet to give me my stuff back. Like clothes, tooth brush, things like that. It has been a week, still no stuff. All she has to do is give it to her bestfriend/ my brothers girlfriend one of the days they work. Why hang on to it.

Have your brothers Gf ask her for it..simple.

[ChickiePops]

You can ever be 100% positive that there's no one else. I'm not saying there is but just don't ever get cocky about that.

[Blanco]

Weird thing too she has yet to give me my stuff back. Like clothes, tooth brush, things like that. It has been a week, still no stuff. All she has to do is give it to her bestfriend/ my brothers girlfriend one of the days they work. Why hang on to it.

 

It's difficult to resist, but you have to try not to read too much into her actions/non-actions.

[Blanco]

Going over the details again, I just think you were an unfortunate victim of future-faking.

 

Most of us are just looking for that right fit in the romance department, so when we find someone who might be a viable candidate, it's tempting to accentuate that person's attributes and maybe gloss over the shortcomings or possible red flags.

 

To me, it sounds like this girl was interested in you, but not to the degree she projected herself to be. Maybe without realizing it, she geared herself up to the idea of a future with you, thinking maybe that would convince her that it was a great fit. My suspicion is that she never really felt it was a great fit and has just been hoping that would change. Your OP even indicates some sentiments from her to that degree.

 

My point is, three months isn't that long. It's enough time to get a sense of who a person is and a decent amount of time to determine whether or not there's something worth building. I don't think she ever really felt that way with you; rather, she liked the idea of feeling that way with you.

[FTM042014]

Going over the details again, I just think you were an unfortunate victim of future-faking.

 

Most of us are just looking for that right fit in the romance department, so when we find someone who might be a viable candidate, it's tempting to accentuate that person's attributes and maybe gloss over the shortcomings or possible red flags.

 

To me, it sounds like this girl was interested in you, but not to the degree she projected herself to be. Maybe without realizing it, she geared herself up to the idea of a future with you, thinking maybe that would convince her that it was a great fit. My suspicion is that she never really felt it was a great fit and has just been hoping that would change. Your OP even indicates some sentiments from her to that degree.

 

My point is, three months isn't that long. It's enough time to get a sense of who a person is and a decent amount of time to determine whether or not there's something worth building. I don't think she ever really felt that way with you; rather, she liked the idea of feeling that way with you.

This is spot on

[niceguy1847]

I kind of got the hint she been treated very poorly in the pass, I could clearly tell. She wasn't use to being called beautiful and doesn't think she is. She doesn't know what to say when compliments given to her. Not use to things like; being pampered like I did to her, having someone that lets her be herself without any judgement, being with someone that doesn’t mind spending time with her doing just about anything, also not use to somebody doing small little things for her. I really wanted to show her how a real man treats a girl he likes.

 

The part everyone else and I find the weird and strange. I have been dumped many times, even for the same "not ready for a relationship" bull, even been in the other end of things with trying to make it work then dumping someone. There is definitely signs like that. You definitely don't start conversions every day with them or make plans to come over to Cuddle. You would stay away from making future plans with them, not make a bunch. You don’t spend a whole weekend with them and stay in bed with them till 5pm and brag about it to people. You don’t drop everything to spend time with them or give them long hugs where you just hold them. Things like holding my hand around Portland, then for the whole drive back wouldn’t happen. I wouldn’t think you would be all playful, by sticking your tongue out at them with a little smirk. You would not say that It feels like I haven't seen you in days, but I just saw you yesterday line. Why would you miss me? It is just so strange of how things went down with her. So all of a sudden and out of the blue. None of it seemed like she was forcing and trying to fool herself with things between us, like she said. It would clearly show that she was. She wouldn’t be chasing so hard like she was either.

 

That week before she broke things off she was showing more emotion than ever she has. She has never said she was missing me or wish I was there to cuddle with her. When I told her about the lawn mower blowing up and shooting the blade out at me. She was all worried and wanted to cheer me up. She even made the joke she didn’t want to be dating an old guy with missing toes. She likes her old guy intact and wouldn’t want to hold me up the whole time. (She would joke I was a old man after my birthday) Then was worried about me mowing again the next day. She also seemed to be very comfortable and relaxed around me over that whole weekend. Idk why you would say that and be like that if you were unsure. Just strange.

 

I figured she might be willing to talk in a few more weeks. I don’t think she is the type to reach out, she rather sit there and suffer then say something. She has always seemed kind of shy with stuff like that. My close friends all think I should, especially when they heard about the situation and saw how she was texting me before. I am not going to be pushy or any of that stuff, just be my friendly self. At this point things are up to her. Maybe she freaked because things were going so well or she thought I was too nice of a person for her. Maybe she realized she had strong feelings for me, got scared and freaked out thinking she wasn’t ready. Which my friend said she did with her relationship, but stuck with it. Idk It really seem to me I made her happy and she really liked me, by the way she was around me. Though I could have been blind to it, not being a 3rd party to it.

[niceguy1847]

I talked to her best friend and she said she hasn't talked about it to any of her few friends she has. She can't get anything out of her other then some cliche lines like there was no chemistry or things like that. Which she knows is BS. Her friend definitely thinks there is more to it and she knows her better then anyone. they see each other every day and work together.

 

She also told me She sees it as a big loss to her. I was treating her better then anyone else has ever had and had a lot to offer to her. She hopes she comes around. She said it wouldn't hurt to reach out in a few more weeks too.

 

Her friend also said "Maybe it's just me but whenever I've done the dumping at least there's been warning signs haha.. You at least get a little standoff-ish or slowly stop spending time with that person but this wasn't the case at all haha so it was really out of the blue"

[Blanco]

Don't talk to her friend about this.

[niceguy1847]

I wasn't trying too, she brought it up. Her best friend is my brother girlfriend. She has already said she has my back in this. Feels very bad about it, she says it isn't right how she handled it. She wants to find out her real reason why as much as I do, she was just as shocked, she thought she was falling for me.

 

Anyways every one I have told thinks I should reach out to her In another week or two. It has been almost two weeks since his happen, which nether of us has contacted each other. She still hasn't tried to get my stuff back to me, so we have to talk eventually. I just want to give her space and time to dwell on things and figured things out for herself. She has to be missing me too, she made 90% of the plans and spend 50% of her time with me while we were dating. Plus she was the one always wanting to text 24/7, till that random break up message. Is some were between 2 to 3 weeks of no contact to soon to friendly reach out to her? should I wait longer, like a 3 to 4 weeks?

Edited August 31, 2016 by niceguy1847

[Toodaloo]

Going over the details again, I just think you were an unfortunate victim of future-faking.

 

Most of us are just looking for that right fit in the romance department, so when we find someone who might be a viable candidate, it's tempting to accentuate that person's attributes and maybe gloss over the shortcomings or possible red flags.

 

To me, it sounds like this girl was interested in you, but not to the degree she projected herself to be. Maybe without realizing it, she geared herself up to the idea of a future with you, thinking maybe that would convince her that it was a great fit. My suspicion is that she never really felt it was a great fit and has just been hoping that would change. Your OP even indicates some sentiments from her to that degree.

 

My point is, three months isn't that long. It's enough time to get a sense of who a person is and a decent amount of time to determine whether or not there's something worth building. I don't think she ever really felt that way with you; rather, she liked the idea of feeling that way with you.

 

Blanco is right.

 

Also agree with quit talking to her friend about this.

 

Here is what happened. She discovered something that makes the pair of you totally incompatible. She doesn't need to explain its there and she noticed it first.

 

That is all this is. Let her go and do not go on t her friend about it or it will put them off introducing you to others in the future.

[Blanco]

I wasn't trying too, she brought it up. Her best friend is my brother girlfriend. She has already said she has my back in this. Feels very bad about it, she says it isn't right how she handled it. She wants to find out her real reason why as much as I do, she was just as shocked, she thought she was falling for me.

 

Anyways every one I have told thinks I should reach out to her In another week or two. It has been almost two weeks since his happen, which nether of us has contacted each other. She still hasn't tried to get my stuff back to me, so we have to talk eventually. I just want to give her space and time to dwell on things and figured things out for herself. She has to be missing me too, she made 90% of the plans and spend 50% of her time with me while we were dating. Plus she was the one always wanting to text 24/7, till that random break up message. Is some were between 2 to 3 weeks of no contact to soon to friendly reach out to her? should I wait longer, like a 3 to 4 weeks?

 

Why ask? You aren't listening to anything else anyone here has said.

[LD1990]

This isn't a math problem where you have to calculate the precise number of days before you can end no contact and she'll want to be with you again. She doesn't want to be with you, there's nothing you can do to change that. You two dated a whole 3 months and she decided she wasn't feeling it.

 

The way you and her best friend are acting is ridiculous, and this girl really doesn't sound like much of a best friend. She told you she has your back in this? Your ex didn't do anything wrong.

 

I'd hate to be in your ex's shoes. She dates a guy 3 months, decides the chemistry isn't there, and now her best friend is constantly nagging her about why she dumped the guy, so said best friend can then report back to that guy with what she found. Of course, if she gives an actual reason (no chemistry), that's not acceptable and further investigation is needed.

[niceguy1847]

Yeah maybe your right. I know she is most likely not coming back. I am just reaching out to get my stuff and start a friendship for my brother and his girlfriends sake. She really wants to be friends she said it more then once. She still wants to spend time with me. So I know it isn't unwanted.

 

Just so weird, that she spent the weekend with me and had a good time and making all those plans. Said she really liked me, was walking me around to meet family friends and extended family, was kissing and hugging me, cuddling, and making love all weekend. Acting all playful and teasing, smiling, starring at me, laughing at my dumb jokes. you don't fake that real well. Make future plans of what we were going to do the next few weeks, saying I have no choice.

 

Then four days before she broke up she was wishing i was there to cuddle. She has never done that before. Then 3 days before she broke up she out of the blue said " It feels like I haven't seen you in day and I just saw you yesterday". Why more you miss someone that you didn't have feelings for? She then later made the plans to cuddle and fell asleep with her head buried in my chest. Then when she left she hugged me and held me for a long time, then kissed me a few times. Saying she wish she didn't have to go. That was the last time I saw her.

 

I mean she broke up with me right in middle of a text conversion of us joking around how pumped we were for the plans we had lately in the day. She was the one to start it in the morning and keep it going.

 

I did not ask her friend to do so, nor do I care if she does. She knows her better then anyone, She saw how happy she was with me and how hard she chased me and got me involved with family so much. The girl that broke up with me keeps changing her story, not sticking to one. Hence why every one thinks there is more, she is full of it saying cliche Bull she has. All her close friends are questioning it, not just one.

 

Just really messes with my head. Why would you come on stronger then you you ever have before if you had thoughts I wasn't the one. Everyone I know personally and has looked at the texts, is telling me she realized she was falling for me and things were getting serious. Then freaked out, thinking she wasn't ready and was to busy. Just don't get it, probably never will. Going how she was around me the last time I saw her I thought she really wanted me in her life.

Edited August 31, 2016 by niceguy1847

[Blanco]

Good god, man, don't be naive/dishonest with yourself. You aren't capable of being friends with her. Be cordial, yet brief if you see her in public. Otherwise, vanish. Don't be the guy who orbits around for months or a year posing as a friend when you know damn well you want more.

[salparadise]

Whether you're realizing it or not, you're building stronger emotional attachment. She is falling for you and this is likely causing her anxiety because she is emotionally unavailable.

 

She is feeling the connection developing and she panicked.

 

There will be plenty of mixed signals and waffling. Because she likes you but can't get over her emotional unavailability.

 

This is what I was thinking and a few other people I know think what happened. It just seems it the way things went down. She was the one leading things, with making plans and wanting to see me. She was pursing me pretty hard the whole time.

 

I think that is a possibly she will be back. If she does she is going to have to sit down and talk things out. No friggen texting. I am willing to work with her, if she lets me. We were happy, everyone saw that. She was smiles around me, which she wasnt for others. You cant fake that.

 

 

That was my thought too. She can't tolerate feelings of vulnerability.

 

I can't believe she broke up with a text message. That's beyond lame, but it does support the notion of having panicked. Going from hot to cold in the same day without any argument or event to prompt it is also indicative of emotional instability.

 

I know you're attached and wish this episode could be erased and all of that, but I'm afraid that you've just learned who she is beneath the surface and that is probably not going change.

 

I think you should not accept the friend zone. You know that's no consolation anyway. In fact, it's a kind of humiliation. If she comes back I say you do it on your terms or not at all. If this can't be a full relationship you're better off not staying connected... because it will just leave you stuck and unavailable yourself for a potential new relationship with someone who is available.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not discuss things any further with her friend. Her friend isn't in her head. I realize the friend opened up the topic of conversation, but I wouldn't go there. She wasn't in your relationship and thus cannot fully understand what happened.

 

It's not fun, but the truth is that this wasn't a very long relationship. You two were still getting to know each other. Yes, it seems sudden and illogical - but does it really matter? Knowing the full truth isn't going to change anything. I still think there's more to this than she let on, but it's her prerogative to keep that to herself.

 

Rather than analyzing the sudden flip-flop to death, start taking steps to detach. Don't worry about contacting her in 3, 4 or 11 weeks. There isn't some sure-fire formula to get her back. At the moment, she doesn't want this anymore. Sometimes we never get more answers than that.