niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 So I have been seeing this girl for over 3 months now. She is 23 and I am 26. Just recently she sent me a text completely out of the blue breaking things off with me (we were joking around and she was telling me she was pumped for the plans we had later in the day). Days before She was also sending me things like: “I wish you were here, I am in a cuddly mood” ”I feel like haven’t seen you in days and I just saw you yesterday” (after that she made plans to go to my house to cuddle and watch movies). I will sum things up, in order that she said it though text. Saying: - She wants to be alone right now. That she has a lot of thing going on right now. That she has been trying the relationship thing, but it is putting more stress on her then she wants. -Wants to be on her own to at this point to get my ducks in a row and figured out what she really wants. -She says feels like she not ready for a relationship. -She hoped it was a temporary feeling, but she knows that is what is right for her. -needs space for right now -She was waiting it out to see if her feelings changed -she likes spending time with me and thinks I am great, but she can’t do this right now…. -just not into right now -Trying to act like thing were normal and fine but they weren’t -Sucks to tell someone you care about that it’s is just not what you want right now. -I am just really busy and have way too much right now to be in this 100% and it is not fair to you -Thought she had feelings for me and she really wanted to but she was trying too hard to make it happen and just can’t do it anymore. -she thinks she has Too much going on in my own life right now to start thinking about adding something else into the picture -hopes that we can be friends cause she likes spending time with me and thinks I am a great person and cares for me. -feels awful and like a bad person for all of it, felt like she was lying to me the last week -really didn’t want to feel this way, she was trying forcing it and fool herself, but it wasn’t working. -when something is wrong she pretends it isn’t -sure we will stay in contact, hopes there is no hard feelings. Feels really bad about it and it sucks -I do care for you, wish things could have been different It was a shock to her best friends, family and cousins. They seeing us together thought we would be together for a long time. Nobody believes it what she said they all say it is bs. Here comes the confusing part the weekend before we spend the whole weekend together. She made me go to her mom big birthday party, she introduced me to more family and family friends. Was all smiles and was laughing at all my dumb jokes. That night we had sex till very late and cuddled and held hands. We both said we liked each other. The next day she had all sorts of plans that she made, but we blew them off and stayed in bed till 5pm. Having sex for hours, cuddling till it got too hot to do so anymore. Then we just laid by each other randomly kissing each other until we fell asleep. Then we got up and got ready. After that we when out to the bars with her friends until late came back to her house and fell asleep in each other’s arms. The next day she came up with the idea that she wanted to go to my house to meet my family. Which we did, then she wanted to get dinner and see a movie. Why would you want to see me that much and do those things if you were unsure? Well as more background; I met her though my brother, her best friend is my brother girlfriend. They set us up. We went a month and a half as I would call it just friends. She was asking me to hang out all the time, texting and snapping me steady. Chasing me so hard. Then finally she invited me on a family trip, where I kissed her for the first time. Then we got dating; she made most of the plans, double dates with friends, just hanging out cuddling and watching movies, dinners. She bought me on another family trip with her family and I. My birthday she made all sorts of plans for us to do. She was always touching me, grabbing my hand and holding it, kissing/hugging me, resting her head on me, playfully sticking her tongue out at me. She liked talking about me to family and friends. She was always first to text every day. We have texted and snap chatted every day since we meet. She made most of the plans and wanted to see me a lot. She seemed happy around me smiling and laughing at my stupid jokes. I was one of the few people that could make her smile, which she doesn’t do often. I guess she has always dated *******s, so I was the first good guy she was with. Treated her better than anyone has before. She broke things off with her last boyfriend of two years, 6 months before meeting me. Sounded like he treated her like dirt, she finally smarten up and broke up with him. She is a pretty quiet and shy person. She works a ****ty job as she looks for a new one in the field she went to school for. She also helps with local sports, which takes most her nights up. She also works for a local concert venue, so some nights she works that till very late. She just graduated college, but found out to late she has to take one more class. She applied for a job that she wants and just found out she didn’t get it. She lives at home and her parents are always on her case and treat here poorly. Her parents and family where already calling me her boyfriend. It has been a week. My brother’s girlfriend/her best friend has been trying to figure it out. She is confused and shocked about the whole thing too. I guess the girl I was dating hasn’t said anything about it, nor has her best friend got anything out of her. Though my brother’s girlfriend has been pushing she has to contact me to explain things better. Everyone that knows her thought she liked me a lot by seeing us together. I haven’t talked to her since and want to give her time to miss me or clear her head. I am just looking for more thoughts on this situation. Thanks
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) I know I got to move on and give it time. I plan on working on myself some. Maybe she will contact me again. She pushed it that she wants to spend time with me. Plus she is going to have to with the situation with my brothers girlfriend. Plus all her family is still liking all my stuff on facebook. Edited August 25, 2016 by niceguy1847 not finished. Pushed submit by accident
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 Forgot to add, she had made tons of future plans for us. That she was like I had to do. Even including another family trip
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) I would bet any money her ex came back. I highly doubt it, her ex is already dating someone else. She knew she wasn't happy with him, and sounds like she was done with him. Plus she would leave her phone next to me face up and unlocked when see went to shower. So she wasn't hiding talking to anyone or anything like that. She would let me use her phone to fix it or look up music and things like that. She wasn't even interest in dating until she met me it seems. Lately she has be so exhasted, things haven't been going well at home with her parents on her case and with the job search. Edited August 25, 2016 by niceguy1847
ty10 Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 I was in your position a year ago. I took it personally and tried figuring out what happened, truth is I still don't have the foggiest idea. Her ex was coming back to the country, did it stem from the one argument we had in our relationship, was it someone else who took her attention, did she cheat etc. Her mother was shocked, people who knew us both were too. It didn't make any sense. All I can say to you is, if she really wanted to be with you she would. Don't do what I and others have done and try and figure it out, unless you have clear proof of one thing it will kill you. Do you what the answer probably is. She's in her early 20's, is immature and doesn't know what she wants in life.
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) I was in your position a year ago. I took it personally and tried figuring out what happened, truth is I still don't have the foggiest idea. Her ex was coming back to the country, did it stem from the one argument we had in our relationship, was it someone else who took her attention, did she cheat etc. Her mother was shocked, people who knew us both were too. It didn't make any sense. All I can say to you is, if she really wanted to be with you she would. Don't do what I and others have done and try and figure it out, unless you have clear proof of one thing it will kill you. Do you what the answer probably is. She's in her early 20's, is immature and doesn't know what she wants in life. It was just so out of the blue for me. She just was missing me two days before all this. Came over to cuddle me cause of it, even though it was a super busy day for her. Just weird. Maybe she got scared to be in a relationships, was overwhelmed, maybe I was to much of a good person for her to date. She is going to have to see me agian, she hangs out with my brother girlfriend everyday and sometimes my brother. Which she has been friends with for over 4 years. She won't even give her best friend a straight answer about it or even talk about it. She told her that she was breaking things off with me a hour before and it was randomly after lunch. Wouldn't you want to talk to your friend about it first Edited August 25, 2016 by niceguy1847
Blanco Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Wouldn't you want to talk to your friend about it first Why? It's not her friend's life.
OneLov Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 The "why's" aren't as important as the "what's" when seeking closure from a break-up. This is the natural evolution of a relationship. Both of you are deciding if you can take this to the next level. She has indicated that she is emotionally unavailable to commit to you further. People who are emotionally unavailable blow hot & cold. She will continue the cuddle sessions if you're willing to participate. But do NOT participate with the expectation that those sessions will lead to a deeper relationship commitment. She's communicating that she will see any participation by you as consent. In other words, you're giving her the benefits of relationship without the responsibility of one. If you're not cool with that--stop the cuddle sessions. Don't continue feeding into her hot & cold behavior because when she pulls the rug out from you, you'll only feel worse.
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 The thing is there was no hot and cold with her. It was just bam!! She texted me in the morning as normal talking and joking about are plans for the night, Which was to go to the fair with her family. Then out of the blue she broke things off. I haven't contacted her since, nor has she to me. Only form of contact she has had is being the first to view my snap chat stories everyday I post something. I just don't see why you would say "I feel like haven’t seen you in days and I just saw you yesterday" having the feelings she had and days before breaking up. Or stay in bed with some one all day till 5 at night, blowing off family knocking at the door, cuddling, making love, holding hands, staring at me, talking about plans for the next few weeks. Then saying I like you not even a week before you break up. At this point she hasn't even gotten my stuff back to me like clothes, tooth brush, and things like that. She has to stare at them everyday, where everything is kept. The thing is it would be so easy to get them back to me. Just give them to her best friend that she sees and works with everyday. I don't get why she hasn't yet.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 It was just so out of the blue for me. She just was missing me two days before all this. Came over to cuddle me cause of it, even though it was a super busy day for her. Just weird. Maybe she got scared to be in a relationships, was overwhelmed, maybe I was to much of a good person for her to date. She is going to have to see me agian, she hangs out with my brother girlfriend everyday and sometimes my brother. Which she has been friends with for over 4 years. She won't even give her best friend a straight answer about it or even talk about it. She told her that she was breaking things off with me a hour before and it was randomly after lunch. Wouldn't you want to talk to your friend about it first Honestly? Probably not, no. I know my own mind and don't generally ask for my best friend's input in my relationship matters. We're different people with different expectations in relationships. She has preferences that differ from mine. I also tend to be a private person when it comes to my relationships. I have never been the type to reveal a lot about such personal matters, and it sounds like this girl is the same. I just prefer to keep these things between me and my partner.
OneLov Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Because women are generally more in tune with their emotions. Whether you're realizing it or not, you're building stronger emotional attachment. She is falling for you and this is likely causing her anxiety because she is emotionally unavailable. Why is she? Who knows? There could be a million reasons. Most guys will just say, "bro, she's cheating on you bro....bro,bro". But she's likely not. She is feeling the connection developing and she panicked. She likes you so it's going to be hard to be respectful and back-off. But she's emotionally unavailable so she will not commit to furthering the emotionally attachment. So, you will likely now enter relationship no-man's land; the Twilight Zone. There will be plenty of mixed signals and waffling. Because she likes you but can't get over her emotional unavailability. That's what will likely happen. Sure she may change in time. But again, when she comes back looking for cuddle sessions, it's only that--nothing more, nothing less.
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 Maybe so, but she has to say something to her friend, cause she is dating my brother. Plus she is going to she my brother a lot. For the sake of her friendship to my brother she has to say something to both of them. Can't avoid it. Then thing is we most likely we are going to bump into each other a lot, when I hang with my brother and his girlfriend. It is a poor situation she has gotten herself into. She and her friend are attach at the hip, always together. Bad enough people thought they were a couple.
OneLov Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Yes, I agree. That's why my forecast is for waffling. She'll be back. But do not take any of her mixed messages for more than just that--mixed signals. Does not mean she's leaning towards a committed relationship. Do not fool yourself and get pissed when she turns on the cold tap. It's coming down the pike if you acquiesce.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Maybe so, but she has to say something to her friend, cause she is dating my brother. Plus she is going to she my brother a lot. For the sake of her friendship to my brother she has to say something to both of them. Can't avoid it. Then thing is we most likely we are going to bump into each other a lot, when I hang with my brother and his girlfriend. It is a poor situation she has gotten herself into. She and her friend are attach at the hip, always together. Bad enough people thought they were a couple. I'm sure she'll tell them she broke up with you, but she doesn't really owe them an explanation of any kind. She might be avoiding it right now because she simply doesn't want to talk about it yet. Obviously she knows you didn't want to break up, so she likely feels guilty and anxious she will be subjected to a line of questions she's not comfortable answering. She'll tell them when she's ready. 1
LD1990 Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 Maybe so, but she has to say something to her friend, cause she is dating my brother. Plus she is going to she my brother a lot. For the sake of her friendship to my brother she has to say something to both of them. Can't avoid it. Then thing is we most likely we are going to bump into each other a lot, when I hang with my brother and his girlfriend. It is a poor situation she has gotten herself into. She and her friend are attach at the hip, always together. Bad enough people thought they were a couple. A poor situation she has gotten herself into? She dated you a couple months and then decided to break things off, that's pretty normal. She really doesn't have to say anything to her friend or your brother if she doesn't feel like it. If someone doesn't want to talk about why they broke up, a good friend will leave them alone about it, not demand answers. She dated you a couple months and realized that you weren't the one for her. That's pretty much all there is to it here. 2
frigginlost Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) I'm not going to say she is cheating... because it does not really sound like it. But. In my 50 years walking this earth, I would put money on her having her eye on someone else... I've had the "light-switch flip from love to a breakup with the too busy for a relationship" line used on me during my 20's and those exes were back in full-blown relationships inside of 4 months. Be prepared for a first-class ticket to the friendzone while she waffles... Edited August 25, 2016 by frigginlost
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 Because women are generally more in tune with their emotions. Whether you're realizing it or not, you're building stronger emotional attachment. She is falling for you and this is likely causing her anxiety because she is emotionally unavailable. Why is she? Who knows? There could be a million reasons. Most guys will just say, "bro, she's cheating on you bro....bro,bro". But she's likely not. She is feeling the connection developing and she panicked. She likes you so it's going to be hard to be respectful and back-off. But she's emotionally unavailable so she will not commit to furthering the emotionally attachment. So, you will likely now enter relationship no-man's land; the Twilight Zone. There will be plenty of mixed signals and waffling. Because she likes you but can't get over her emotional unavailability. That's what will likely happen. Sure she may change in time. But again, when she comes back looking for cuddle sessions, it's only that--nothing more, nothing less. This is what I was thinking and a few other people I know think what happened. It just seems it the way things went down. She was the one leading things, with making plans and wanting to see me. She was pursing me pretty hard the whole time. I think that is a possibly she will be back. If she does she is going to have to sit down and talk things out. No friggen texting. I am willing to work with her, if she lets me. We were happy, everyone saw that. She was smiles around me, which she wasnt for others. You cant fake that. I have the line I am not ready for a relationship about 4 times in my life. This time was different, no signs at all. Other times you knew something was up, cause they stopped showing interest. Like canceling plans, not talking as much, facebook pictures of other guys. She was still texting me first every day, planning dates, wanting to see me days before. it was just so random she did what she did.
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) I'm not going to say she is cheating... because it does not really sound like it. But. In my 50 years walking this earth, I would put money on her having her eye on someone else... I've had the "light-switch flip from love to a breakup with the too busy for a relationship" line used on me during my 20's and those exes were back in full-blown relationships inside of 4 months. Be prepared for a first-class ticket to the friendzone while she waffles... I am pretty positive there is no one else. Like 100% positive. That weekend before all of this, she would leave her phone face up around me. There is no lock on it. She left it next to me and alone with me for pretty much a hour. If there was someone else, she would be talking to them, and would not leave her phone carelessly around me with no lock. She would hide it and bring it with her. I been left before for other guys like 6 times in my life. They never let me see there phones always on them. She doesn't really hang out with any other guys or anyone her age expect my brother, his girlfriend(her best friend) and two cousins. There are two that she is close with are her parents age and are friends with her parents. She doesn't keep to many close friends around her just a few that all know me. Always thought it was weird she had that few. Honestly she wasn't even looking anyone to date before she met me. Her few friends and mother where trying to set her up, cause she was unhappy. Then I random showed up meeting her out drinking with my brother. which they talked me up to her and her up to me before hand. Then she chased me hard after that. Which I let her do for a month and a half before any sort of romantic actions. Maybe you're right, maybe she is interested in someone else. Just doesn't seem it to me compared to all those other times. she was always too available, and always talking and snapchating to me. She would drop everything if I wanted to hangout. Edited August 25, 2016 by niceguy1847
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 The frustrating truth is that you might never get a clear answer as to what happened. In time, little bits and pieces will probably come out, given that your brother will obviously still see her. Some information will probably make its way back to you now and then. For what it's worth, it doesn't sound as though it has anything to do with you personally. She's got her own reasons for the seemingly sudden about-face, but it appears as though it's not due to something you did or didn't do.
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Posted August 25, 2016 The frustrating truth is that you might never get a clear answer as to what happened. In time, little bits and pieces will probably come out, given that your brother will obviously still see her. Some information will probably make its way back to you now and then. For what it's worth, it doesn't sound as though it has anything to do with you personally. She's got her own reasons for the seemingly sudden about-face, but it appears as though it's not due to something you did or didn't do. Yeah I know, she is pretty closed off about it so far. Only been a week so far. So who know. Yes she even said it had nothing to do with me or anything I did. I treated her very gentleman like. No fights or arguments about anything. We were all smiles, laughing, and playful up till she broke things off. Everything was going prefect till then, which is rare for sure. As of her real reasons to pull a 180 in a matter of hours. I have yet to find out. What she told me so far, everyone that knows us says is bs.
Blanco Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 You know all that really matters: she doesn't want to be with you.
Been Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 I know you won't believe it but she has an eye on someone else. I was ENGAGED to my ex. Moved In with her. She told Mr how I was her dream come true and she couldn't wait to be married to me. Then ONE day she started acting weird-distant. ONE DAY. She picked a fight with me-something little. And BAM.she all the sudden didn't want to marry Me. Things all the sudden bothered her about me that I never knew. ONE month latter after are break up the next door neighbors brother moves in with her.
FTM042014 Posted August 26, 2016 Posted August 26, 2016 My ex dumped me out of the blue after two intense, serious months together last year. Two months after that she was with an ex of hers from awhile back and they are now engaged. I'm still hurting. I think some people cannot be single and/or have an unhealthy ability to attach and detach from a partner. They overstate their level of interest and commitment but just can't follow through at the end of the day. In my case I was sandwiched between two relationships for her so i now believe I was a rebound. The most painful thing, and I am sure you can relate, is having someone create this atmosphere of love and wanting you and then just shutting down on you. It's one of the most painful experiences I've been through. And you're left with nothing thinking what happened to all of the things you said? Did you mean it? How did it just go away? I get angry that I would've never allowed myself to become attached if she hadn't made it seem like she had feelings for me and saw a future with me. Like, why in the hell would I waste my time?! Its cruel and unfair. I hate when people dismiss it as well, she realized you weren't the one. That's fine. We all have the right to be with whom we choose. JUST DON'T PLAY THIS ELABORATE GAME OF LET'S BE TOGETHER AND I'M SO HAPPY. You're supposed to take the time to find out if the person is someone you want to be with before doing/saying those things, not the other way around. So I feel your pain. And I understand the immense amount of confusion and uncertainty you have. It's awful. And you're helpless. And you still remember the things she was just saying to you. And now she's gone. So I get it, man. I take this experience and vow to never be the type of person that does this to someone else. And i sure as sh*t vow to never hop from one woman to another telling them all how special they are to me. It's disgusting.
Author niceguy1847 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Posted August 26, 2016 Weird thing too she has yet to give me my stuff back. Like clothes, tooth brush, things like that. It has been a week, still no stuff. All she has to do is give it to her bestfriend/ my brothers girlfriend one of the days they work. Why hang on to it.
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