sammi_jay Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 is it really hard to believe that men and women can be just friends? my boyf is splitting up with me because he believes i cheated with this friend of mine and he has every reason to think that. The guy stayed on the sofa but snuck into my bed when i was passed out asleep, my boyf came in and saw him and now thinks i openly cheated on him, i dont know how to make him believe i didnt do anythin and yet i know it looks like i have, but i love him and would never cheat. Is it wrong to be mates with men?
VirginiaBob Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Oh boy, sounds like you got yourself into a pickle. One thing is that I think this friend had alterior (is that the word) motives by sneaking into your bed. I mean that's a little over the top especially him knowing that your boyfriend could be coming in or out at any time. It sounds like he was trying to destroy your relationship.
lamar_84 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Can you ask your friend to tell your boy friend that nothing happened?? Its worth a try!!
Author sammi_jay Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 my boyfriend isnt prepared to listent to the guy, the guy told me he feels really guilty for wot he did but it was only cos he was drunk and that he should have known better as his x girlfriend saw him in the same predicament with an old female school friend a few weeks ago. I havent seen him in 2yrs so was good to see him and thats the only reason he came over, he'd actually called me in the day to say he was in my street and wondered if i was home. If he had popped into say hi in the day then none of this would have happened. He told me he will ring my boyf to tell him that i am telling the truth but i really dont know if thats a good idea but at the same time, he isnt listening to me and need to do somethin to make him believe me. He thinks that cos i dont sleep very well i would have heard the friend get in my bed, doesnt matter that when i've had some alcohol it knocks me out as i imagine it does all people. I really love him and dont want to finish over somethin so stupid.
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 my boyf is splitting up with me because he believes i cheated with this friend of mine and he has every reason to think that. The guy stayed on the sofa but snuck into my bed when i was passed out asleep Men and women can be friends - however... this is not what friends do. You will need to put some real distance there.
Author sammi_jay Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 believe me, i am more than happy to have nothin more to do with the so called friend, i havent seen him in over 2 yrs, there is nothin between us just friendship. granted it was silly to let him come over after being out but if it had been in the day and jon had met him then there would be no trust issue. I may have been wrong to let him come over that night but when there are no intentions of cheating or any want or need to cheat then i didnt see wot the harm was. The guy knows he is in the wrong and how bad it looks on me but really not sure where to go from here. Life isnt always as black and white as it looks and this was defo not wot it looked like. He is guilty of gettin in my bed and fallin asleep and i am guilty of lettin him come over to just catch up and say hi, but thats all.
kittenhead Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 There's just one more thing about this that no one seems to be stating: how dare another person invade your privacy like that? what friend goes to lay in bed with you without permission. i couldn't allow another person in my bed accept my boyfriend---I would have felt very uncomfortable. I would have felt violated, in a way. why did this guy think he had the right? he was on a perfectly good sofa. other lesson--rarely does good come of a situation when alcohol is involved. (I read your other posts)
Author sammi_jay Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 i know and he wants to explain himself as he knows us breaking up is pretty much his doing but if my boyf isnt prepared to listen to him, let alone me then i just think the relationship was never strong enough in the first place. He explained to me and he was in the wrong, he knows that but gettin my boyf to believe that is an entirely different matter. Maybe he actually wants to finish which is why he isnt prepared to believe me, its an easy way out for him. I thought wot we had been through the past few months had made us stronger but now i guess it hasnt at all.
Author sammi_jay Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 well he finished with me, says he doesnt care wot i say he saw wot he saw and doesnt trust me now. says i shouldnt even be speakin with x's cos he wouldnt do that, thats cheatin in itself. I never realised he felt like that, i am friends with some x's or guys i've dated for a short time but didnt work out romantically. Am i the only one to think thats ok?
VirginiaBob Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 that's too bad he is giving up already. I bet a lot of relationships end because of misunderstandings like this. I guess with this one it really looked like you were sleeping with your friend and that's hard to get over. "i am friends with some x's or guys i've dated for a short time but didnt work out romantically. Am i the only one to think thats ok?" probably not the only one, but there are a lot who think the opposite. neither opinion is necessarily wrong, it's just some people are different in that aspect. Personally, I wouldn't want my significant other hanging out ALONE with anyone she slept with or even kissed/dated for that matter, but maybe that's just me. In groups it would be ok for me though. And it's too bad that you only figured out where he stands on this issue a little too late.
Author sammi_jay Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 yes. he truly believes he caught me red handed and i have no one to blame but myself. I guess he wasnt the one for me after all. I would like to have thought he knew me better than that after 6months together, We've not spent much time apart and he's never had reason to think i've cheated until the friend incident
Zaira Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by sammi_jay yes. he truly believes he caught me red handed and i have no one to blame but myself. Errrr, you were asleep! Don't go blaming yourself. Your boyfriend is a dick if he won't believe you. Were you having problems before this incident? Maybe he was just looking for an excuse to get out, and this one fell into his hands. His friend is the one who needs a good "talking" to. Oops - as for your original question, yes exes can be friends. I am still very close friends with a few of mine
ButtonPusher Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Ask your friend that jumped into bed with you to find a boyfriend and then let your ex see them kissing. If he's gay it wouldnt matter if he was in the bed with you.
Kat Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Nothing wrong with being mates with men. Just like there is nothing wrong with men being mates with women. If your partner can't handle you having male friends then that is an issue within himself and has nothing to do with you. Personally I am only friends with ex's where the relationship wasn't serious. The serious relationship I was in, wasn't main stream (at least I pray to god it wasn't) so it is fuly acceptable that we didn't remain friends.
Author sammi_jay Posted July 5, 2005 Author Posted July 5, 2005 i actually told him that if i had said he was gay then there wouldnt be any issue but i wasnt going to lie to him, he just doesnt accept that anyone someone has been dating wether it be for 2 weeks or 2months, you shouldnt be friends with. the guy and i were never serious about eachother hence me callin it off after two weeks, i have always been honest with jon about me and who i chat to but he wont budge or even consider that i have told him the truth. I've been branded a cheat for somethin i didnt do. It doesnt matter that i was asleep and didnt hear the guy get into my bed. I feel really sorry for him that he is being so narrow minded and clearly never trusted me in the first place. His x cheated on him and now he thinks i have and i know thats wot it looked like and i woud have initially thought the same but if you love someone enough and trust them then you want to believe them. I guess i know now that there were alot of underlying trust issues in our relationship. Part of me thinks the guy got into my bed on purpose to make it look like i cheated and the other also believes he did wake up on my sofa not knowing where he was, found the loo then got into bed. Men do silly things when they are drunk which jon also should know as he has himself, I accept now that we have split up but i hate that he believes in his heart i cheated on him and theres nothin i can do about it. I really thought our relationship was stronger than this.
Recommended Posts