Girls really want inconsiderate men?

[spriggan2]

This is a pretty graphic example and I don't know if it fits the regulations of this board.

 

One night this girl I was seeing was giving me a blowjob in my apartment. She was kneeling on the floor and I was sitting on the couch, and a little while into it she complained that her knees were hurting. So I think to myself, "oh, there's a pillow on the couch here," and so I reach over and take it and hand it to her.

 

Her response: "Oh, you're so sweet."

I think to myself, "Uh, sure." I mean it was no big deal.

 

The next day my male cousin came over. He's a little older than me and much much more experienced with women than I am. He was gonna take a nap on my couch and the pillow was still on the floor. So he picked it up and dusted it off to use as a head rest.

 

So I say to him in a dumb braggadocios way, "Yeah, you might not wanna use that, my girl was using it last night when she was...you know (wink wink)."

He smiled at me and said, "Oh yeah? And who's idea was it to give her the pillow? Yours I bet."

I was like, "Well yeah."

He shook his head and smirked and said, "You gotta stop doing stuff like that, girls don't like it."

I'm like wtf, "Her knees were hurting so I gave her a pillow."

He's like, "Nah man. You gotta let them figure that stuff out on their own."

 

So I'm totally perplexed. What that means to me is this: if I simply ignored her complaint about her knees she would have been more turned on by my lack of concern, rather than if I helped alleviate her pain. (She wouldn't have thought about the pillow because she wasn't even looking).

 

The whole thing is just backwards to me, but the funny thing is I see stuff like this all over the internet in various forms. Guys complain about girls being turned off by their kindness in some respect. Or girls being drawn to inconsiderate "douchebags" who give only the slightest concern for them. My cousin is one of these guys and he has absolutely no trouble getting girls. And on some level I sort of felt what he was saying to me. I could sense in this girl's voice when she called me "sweet," that it wasn't in an attracted way. It may subtly have been the opposite.

 

And don't get me wrong. I am not the clingy type. I don't smother girls with attention or messages. I'm not exactly desperate to help them whenever they need. But I am very available I guess. I take them seriously when they have an issues.

 

I'm trying to figure this out because I strive to be a kind, supportive person, and I feel that is just going to leave me with an army of female friends, none of whom ever want to date me.

Edited August 24, 2016 by spriggan2

[GorillaTheater]

There's a fair bit of territory between being a inconsiderate jerk and a slavish toadie.

[spriggan2]

There's a fair bit of territory between being a inconsiderate jerk and a slavish toadie.

 

Thanks for (not) reading.

[Gaeta]

I'm like wtf, "Her knees were hurting so I gave her a pillow."

He's like, "Nah man. You gotta let them figure that stuff out on their own."

 

And that charming cousin of yours is currently in an amazing relationship that everyone envies?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Your cousin is a royal douche bag. Period.

 

Just because he supposedly sleeps with a lot of women despite his a**hole-ish ways doesn't mean all women expect or want to be treated like whores.

 

Remember, quantity does NOT equal quality.

 

Keep doing what you're doing OP. You're a keeper.

[Sunlight72]

I think it's a good thing you're trying to see this objectively.

 

However, I think you're also missing something.

 

What type of relationships would you like with women? Long term boyfriend/girlfriend? One night stands? Rotating Friends with Benefits?

 

And, what type of relationship do you want with yourself? Clear, bright, respectful? Or grabby, in denial and self-serving?

 

My impression of guys like your cousin are that they do 'well' with deviously approached one night stand/drunken party/emotionally confused women. Is that your goal?

 

It's good to observe your own behavior and check in and see if it communicates and attracts what you intend. But, just because someone else has 'success' with a different style doesn't mean yours is wrong for you. You might have different goals/hopes than they do.

 

In the end, you should be comfortable with and proud of your choices. Especially in how you treat people, and especially in how you treat people you care about personally.

 

Just from the tone of your post, I don't get the impression you are looking for great numbers of women but that you are looking for rewarding connections with a woman/with women over time.

 

If that's correct, then being considerate is the best way to build a worthwhile relationship. Follow your intuition, and do right by women who are, let's be frank, being very nice to you in the first place

Edited August 24, 2016 by Sunlight72

[Sunlight72]

Oh. Ha.

 

Michelle just posted what I was thinking, but in short form.

 

Good job MichelleMaBelle!

[leogirl876]

I think your cousin sounds like a jerk and I wouldn't give him the time of day. Please don't be a jerk like him!

[jen1447]

If your goal in life going forward is to get meaningless blow jobs from women w generally lower end self-esteem, treat them like crap. If you want to form a meaningful relationship w a woman who respects herself and by extension will be able to respect you and have a healthy relationship, treat them well while respecting yourself and look for the one that suits you.

[MightyPen]

OP, I agree with what you did, but I would have tossed in a comment like, "You can use it next time too," or something like that to keep the sexy vibe going.

 

But then you implied that she continued about her business after the pillow interruption so I suppose no momentum was lost anyway.

 

And I echo some of the comments about quality over quantity. There are a lot of women (and men) out there with low intelligence, low self esteem, tons of baggage, addictions, "daddy issues," etc. Getting with a lot of those types isn't exactly a badge of honor.

[preraph]

Your cousin is an ignorant inexperienced jackass. But I have to say a real gentleman wouldn't have thrown her a pillow but would have helped her off the floor and back onto her feet or the couch because that was her saying she was tired and hurting and it had gone on too long.

[elaine567]

Your cousin is an ignorant inexperienced jackass. But I have to say a real gentleman wouldn't have thrown her a pillow but would have helped her off the floor and back onto her feet or the couch because that was her saying she was tired and hurting and it had gone on too long.

 

Agreed and that is why the OP detected an edge to the comment "Oh, you're so sweet."

[Kamille]

Really? You're worried you were too nice to a girl who was giving you a blow job?

 

By the time a girl is giving you a blow job, she's into you. You have successfully avoided the friend zone. So yes, please, be considerate.

 

The time to avoid being "too nice" is when you're getting to know someone, i.e., before the clothes come off. This goes for both gender. And it's not a matter of being a douchebag. It's about having personal integrity. We're all weary of people who seem way much more into us than we are into them, or like they would bend over backwards for us when we've done nothing (except look good) to deserve that kind of attention.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Did she finish the job?

 

Good, because you are both REALLY overthinking this.

 

Courtesy and caring gestures NEVER go out of style so don't concern yourself with how someone might interpret what comes naturally to you.