The Difficulties of Dating Have Me Lost!

[PerryK]

I broke up with my ex 5 months ago now, and I've found the dating scene to be a complete dead end. For me especially.

 

I'm a younger guy (24) living in the UK. I've been on this site a while and i've noted a lot of the advice that is given out in reference to dating, finding partners etc are completely off for this generation and country.

 

There is only 3 ways to meet girls realistically, if you are friends from school. Or if they are friends of a friend and your two groups intertwine or dating websites (not so much any more).

 

- Making friends at work to go out with, NO: I work with the government in engineering, I live on a military base but I don't work with or even close to military personnel so their is no going over there to make friends with them and be close. This generation are all close with their group and any random guy that comes over is outcast as the weird loner who is trying to 'tag along'. Believe me, I have tried to talk to the guys and they ignore me on the most part, besides the nod when I say hello or good morning.

 

- Meeting the girls at work, NO: I work in a place where there are 10,000 people working, 250 are girls between 20 and 30. You sit at your desk and watch them work, every guy that walks past stops to talk to them specifically. They need help and they have 7 or 8 people around their desk trying to help. I took a photo that went viral on social media of this at one point. By the time you speak to them, they've already been hit on 100 times a day, now have the ego as if they could pull Brad Pitt and they are sick of hearing from another guy in the office and shut you down immediately.

 

- Meeting girls through social media, NO: Girls get bombarded with 100s of messages and friend requests off guys daily. Even when in a relationship. I know because it happened to every girl I've been with. Girls don't even look at the guy or message any more, you are into the pile of the other 100 guys that day that hit on them. I see girls now they put a new profile picture up and within 20 minutes they have 70-100 likes, and a tonne of comments. Being one of them guys again makes you look desperate to them.

 

- Meeting girls on free dating sites like Tinder, POF, NO: Girls use Tinder now for no reason but to boost their own ego. Girls pretty much have every guy they swipe on match them. I match 20 girls about per day, try and talk to them and have barely ever receive a reply. Last year, I was using Tinder and meeting a lot of girls and met my partner through it, now nobody uses it except for the ego boost. Plenty of Fish is the same, girls get hundreds of messages, they even put it in their bio "i receive hundreds of messages a day so you have to be pretty special for me to reply" and these are girls I would rate 5-6/10 with no 'about me', saying that the guy needs to look very special for them to consider!? Its giving girls ridiculously high standards, and they will meet attractive guys but only get used over and over again.

 

- Joining local clubs and activities, NO: Clubs in the UK are for kids, 13-18. There is no such thing as local clubs and events for people this age to go to. The ones that are around are targeted at elderly people or specialist skills that 'going to have fun and meet people' just makes you look like the weird loner.

 

- Going to a bar alone, NO: I work away from all friends etc., theirs a feeling around the UK when you see people turn up to clubs on their own that they are some weird loner guy who has no mates. Similar to the guy in the Inbetweeners movie who tries talking to random people to make friends.

 

- Girls in a club, NO: Girls don't go to the club with a few girl mates, they go with lads and girls, and the lads they go with or know when they're out are their back ups. I was travelling Europe and spoke to a few people that said British girls are strange, they will go out with no intention of meeting a random guy but if they don't get attention by 2am they will be in tears and throwing a tantrum. Unless you are well over 6ft and ripped to hell, Tinder etc have made girls think you are way below the standards.

 

This leaves through friends: Nope, one group of friends at home are major druggies and the girls that surround them are only looking for a score. And the other group are the nerdy guys who can talk to girls but they aren't attractive or interesting so girls don't want to talk to them.

 

Or girls I went to school with: Nope, girls went 3 ways from school, married and kids by 20 and stayed local, got really fat and sleeping with anyone and drinking every night in the local park and smoking spliffs with 15 year olds, or went to university and never came back. Uni and college were engineering with no girls at all.

 

 

I'm a great looking guy, Girls always tell me. But meeting girls is just impossible. Its depressing and so lonely. I haven't even managed to speak romantically to a girl in the last 5 months, the last girl I met up with was my ex when we were still together, I haven't managed to succesfully approach a girl etc even. I dont even know where to go from here.

[TXGuy]

I had a similar experience with dating in my 20s. I don't have any helpful suggestions for right now. I just muddled through as best I could. Having a buddy or small group of guy friends to go out with helped a little.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel is that everything starts to change around 30 (assuming you have a good career). All of the girls that spent their 20s banging through the hot and sexy guys start looking to lock down a good provider when they see birthday 30 coming. By 35, the dating power dynamic has shifted noticeably. It goes from about 90/10 to about 60/40 (woman/man). While 60/40 might not seem so good, it is a godsend when you are used to being on the bad end of 90/10.

 

From there, things for a man with a decent career who has kept himself in good shape just get better and better.

 

I know that 'just wait 10 years' isn't what you wanted to hear, but that's all I have based on my experience.

 

Eta: Dating can be a huge time sink. Since you can't get dates right now, use this time to better yourself. Excel at work, exercise regularly, and develop some hobbies you enjoy. All those thing will help make you more attractive, now and in the future.

Edited August 24, 2016 by TXGuy

[fmfan08]

Honestly, reading this felt like I was reading a summary of my life (minus the druggies).

 

I'm the same age as you and I think online dating is my go to place. Seeing as I work a lot, it's convenient. Only problem is girls can drop you at the flick of a switch so I try to create some banter/comfort before I arrange a date to meet them as soon as possible. You can only start making an emotional connection in person anyway.

 

If you meet a girl in person, I tend to find you have more success with that particular girl, rather than online dating you're going to be going through some time wasting before finding the right one.

 

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to use this on a girl I started talking to as it was her first time with online dating and she wanted to spend a couple of weeks getting to know me first. Sure why not, but too much texting leads to mistakes and overthinking.

 

If I was you, check online dating out. Loads are doing it and it's becoming the norm. Remember girls get "bombarded with 100s of messages" on dating websites too, like you mentioned about Facebook. You might get lucky, who knows!

[Aloha808808]

I met my husband through an online dating site. I had to weed out a lot of people first who weren't the right fit for me and I was fairly skeptical of the whole online dating thing, and my husband and I were both living in different countries when we started talking so definitely not your norm, but for us it worked. I would suggest one of the more well known sites that does charge because then your odds of meeting someone who is seeking the same kind of relationship you are increase. Someone willing to invest $20 a month or whatever it is is more likely looking for something serious as opposed to someone on tinder.

 

I'd also suggest looking into volunteering opportunities that interest you, that's a great way to meet new people and you never know what connections will come from that. Or taking a specialty class.

 

Hope this helps!

[Larryville]

How I gamed online data to meet my match: Amy Webb at TED

 

Don’t get too down, keep a sense of humor, breathe and take a break from time to time.

[chadbrocool]

All of the girls that spent their 20s banging through the hot and sexy guys start looking to lock down a good provider when they see birthday 30 coming. By 35, the dating power dynamic has shifted noticeably. It goes from about 90/10 to about 60/40 (woman/man). While 60/40 might not seem so good, it is a godsend when you are used to being on the bad end of 90/10.

 

Except by this time, a lot of guys don't want the girl like that anymore, because they weren't good enough for her back then.

 

OP, it's simple. Be social, and be sincere about it. The ability to talk to a girl without it having to be to try to get laid seems like a lost art today.

 

Talk, find common interests, start to enjoy each other's company, and go from there. Don't wait so long that you're permanently just a friend, but don't move so fast that she thinks you have no interest in who she is.

 

It's that simple. Even the girl that these guys crowd around, notice how she's dating literally zero of them? Talk to these girls like a person, and dates will happen.