coffe Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 So I have been friends with this girl for some time now, but up until now she had been in a long-term relationship and I never really considered anything else with her. A couple weeks ago she ended her relationship, but (even now) she has told very few people about this. When she told me, she also told me of another guy and that she didn't know how she would handle the situation. Ever since we have become closer; used to be we mostly talked about things related to the university or had vague chats over facebook. Now we talk randomly - not a whole lot, but pretty often and for whatever reason every day. Prior to this I had only seen her outside of anything university related for her latest birthday this year. Now recently we have been having nights out together often - all of these have involved at least one other person, though. When we don't go out together we text. I realized I have feelings for her, and when I did suddenly I started to get nervous around her or while talking to her (mostly over chat - which didn't use to happen), and overall I have been dumb managing all of it. I don't text her as much as I'd like to these days because I overthink what to write or am afraid of writing the wrong thing. Yes I know, silly me. The other thing is she has a good trail of people seeking her attention, for instance when we go out there tends to be at least one other guy trying to flirt with her. On these occassions I get a mixture of feelings; on the one hand it is my chance of being around her and I want to make the best out of it, and on the other I actually dislike "competing" like this for her... I mostly end up focusing my attention on her anyways since I would feel bad about not doing anything when I had the chance. Anything too flirty from my part, though, would feel like some sort of betrayal to her since she told me of this other guy - I am the friend she trusted enough to tell this, and I would now be pretending to get in the way... OK so in short, I realize I have feelings for her, even though I don't *really* know her all that much - I would be getting to know her better now, except that between me overthinking things and not talking to her as much and other guys flirting with her when we do go out, I sort of am at the same spot as I was when I first realized I liked her... She is also my friend and we have come to have deep trust, so that I am also afraid of betraying her trust if I do anything and ruining the friendship which started to get so nice now. At the same time though, it would now hurt to know she is seeing someone else, and to think that that could perhaps be me if I "manned up". What do you think? Thank you very much whoever has read through.
Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Hey Coffe, from what you've said, all I can say is try and see her as your friend still so you are cool and relaxed around her but at the same time try and avoid the dreaded " friend zone " by not being always on call and available to her, try and make yourself a bit in demand so you are sought after, I hope this is helpful to you and thanks loads for your reply to my post, wishing you the best of luck with this and good to hear that at least your friend is newly single now, so more available! ;-) 1
Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Also yes, I think when the time is right you should take a risk and make your move! 1
preraph Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Two things. First, most breakups get back together at least once, so be prepared. Second, you can totally overtake that other guy who is hanging around when you're all out by simply texting her and asking her out on a real date. "Hey, I'm wanting to go see (movie, band, new restaurant, museum exhibit) Friday. Will you go with me?" And then you pay for everything. 1
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