mujeep Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 I saw this on another website and I thought would share. Enjoy! 6 GOOD Reasons For "No Contact" 1. Your ex is doing "no contact". You wouldn't be sweating those digits if they were calling you. When people love you, you love them. When people stay away from you, you should do the same. Hey, you don't want to be where you're not wanted, do you? 2. Begging and pleading doesn't work. If it did, you wouldn't be here. So try something different. 3. You're just asking for a panic attack. I don't know how many stories I've read on here of people who have given in and called or e-mailed and were completely slapped in the face or ignored by their ex. Then they're back at square one, feeling as bad as they did the day they got dumped. Or for those of you who get those ambiguous responses, you're given a tiny piece of string to hold onto while they continue to go out and have their fun - without you. It ain't worth it, honey. 4. What about you? Don't you deserve to be called and missed? Your ex wasn't the only one in the relationship, and you shouldn't be the only one calling. Guess what? He/she knows your number/e-mail address too. It's not fair to have one-sided communication. Invest that time and energy into yourself. 5. You won't be able to move on if you're still holding on to old ghosts. I say old ghosts because he/she isn't there anymore. They've moved on, some for better, a lot for worse. But the point is they've moved on. And you know what? If they really love you and they see that you're better than the rest out there, they'll be back. And if they don't, then you'll find someone who will think you're top dog. And you deserve that. Interesting stat - 90% of people in the US get married at least once. So it's against the odds that you'll be alone forever. 6. God loves you. He doesn't want to see you suffer. But God teaches those that he loves, so sometimes we have some hard lessons to learn. Take it in stride and gain everything that you can. He will be pleased and send you all that your heart needs and wants. Don't believe me? "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4. So let go of the phones and cancel the e-mails. Go read a good book. Pray, take a walk, write in a diary, post on here. But leave your ex alone. He/she will thank you for it, and you'll be thanking yourself later. GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
Fallen_Angel Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Thanks so much for your post, mujeep. I think we all do need constant reminders of why NC is our best option right now. Sure, everything makes sense whilst we're in our LS comfort zones, but once you leave and the phone/e-mail browser is within reach? All reason goes out the window! We DO deserve to be called and missed. Certainly our exes still know our phone numbers/e-mail addresses and the like, no matter how hard we convince ourselves they've forgotten overnight. When I was at church a few weeks ago it occured to me that God wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle. At first I got mad, because I figured He must be playing one heck of a joke on me. But then I thought...no, He must think that I am strong! And as such I should at least try to prove Him right. Holiday weekends are the worst, but then again why should I let my ex ruin this for me? The sun is shining; it's a gorgeous day! And there's no time like the present to try and move the healing process forward. (6 days of NC and counting!)
Maygirl Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Hi, I just wrote a large post on the Seperation/Divorce forum. It's the 4th and I'm in such pain that I feel like dying. After I found him on the dating website, I joined it and wrote him that I wasn't going to see him again (we had fantastic sex that night before he left me again). I lasted only 1 and 1/2 days. All I did was cry. At least, after I called and he said we would see one another next weekend, I felt better. Now I've decided to write to a few of the men on the dating website. I was open with them as for the reason I joined it. Anyway, in the book Love Tactics, it says that dropping them cold will many times take turn their apathy around. But if you can't last longer than a day and a half, it probably is worse than doing nothing. I'm wondering if just not calling them at all for awhile (after you've been chasing them) might have a good effect. I tried not answering the phone a few weeks ago after I'd called him and asked him to call me. And he called 7 times and hung up before the answering mach came on (I hit *69 and learned it was him). Then I called late that night and he seemed happy to see me and asked to come to my martial arts testing. So doing these things can help if a person has the strength to do them. Any feedback on this? I know we should try to quit thinking about them, but when you've lived with someone for more than 30 years and you thought you would be together in your old age, it's just too painful. I would appreciate any feedback today Margo
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