Leah Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 In January I started chatting with a guy in england. When we first started messaging, he would wait for me on yahoo messenger and we'd have really long, nice chats ... Sometime later in the spring we changed from Yahoo to MSN messenger. We occasionally discussed meeting sometime in Sept or Oct of this year. One night we were having a discussion about people we'd met on the net and he asked to see pictures of some of the guys i'd met online.. well i sent them and he seemed to be blown away and he started asking me about my relationship with them but didnt seem angry. I told him they were just an accumulation of people i'd met over the last several years and that each relationship was unique, but needless to say, most of them ran their course. He asked me in our next conversation if I ever "thought about him". I think the fact that i'm there online spending my time with him is proof that i think about him. Ever since the picture sharing time, the conversations have gotten shorter and shorter to a point that they're now almost non-existant. The problem: My friend will keep me unblocked most of the time when he's on msn messenger, but when i unblock him, either he will just sit there for a minute and then ... block me !! Or, he will message me and we will have a brief chat... but then he will have to go. I will respond by putting him back on block for the duration of the night - only to have him re-appear on my messenger sometime later and he will remain for the duration of the afternoon or night. After awhile of this, I decided to just cut it off so I deleted him, .and after a few weeks, he sent me an email basically saying that he hadn't seen me for awhile, wondered how i was doing and he'd "see me when i got back". Well, I responded to his email, told him i'd see him sometime later.... I waited awhile ... several days after i got the email, then I went back, but the same routine started all over again. I'd unblock him and nothing... either he'd message me and we'd have a brief conversation then he'd say he has to go ... or he'd block me, afterward of course i would block him, followed by him re-appearing again for the duration of the night. So once more, I quit going to msn messenger and after a few weeks, he sent ANOTHER email similar to the first telling me he hoped we'd chat again soon ... I sent another reply. A few nights after I got this second email - three or four weeks of not having chatted with him - I unblocked him and ... what does he do but blocks me !! So today, two days later, I decided I'd give him another chance, unblock him and see what he'd do... this time he talked to me for 10 minutes but then told me he had to go but he wants to chat with me again really soon !! I really miss the relationship I had with this guy at the beginning but I'm not quite sure where we went wrong ... but, we're definately going in circular motions and I'm really beginning to wonder what's up with this guy. Any insight into what's happening in his mind?
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 If this started after you sent the photos, I am guessing he feels like he can't live up to the others. Can't live up to your expectations. I think the best thing to do is talk to him about the whole situation, and why things have gone funny, especially since you sent the photographs. If you really like him and want to pursue something with him, let him know.
Author Leah Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 Thanks for your response, Zaira. I think it did start after the night pictures were sent. All I know is that things havent been right since about that time, so you're probably right.
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Just talk to him. It seems to be the only thing you can really do to be sure of what is going on. Goodluck - let us know how you go
d'Arthez Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Talk to him about the photographs. It seems that this is the only way forward. These are just pictures of guys, and as I understand you are not committed to any of them. Whatever went on in his mind, it bodes not too well, as it manifests itself in a form of jealousy. Unless he is doing something about that, it will be a part of the entire relationship / friendship you are building.
ButtonPusher Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 He probably looks like Jabba the Hut and has self esteem issues.
Author Leah Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 Thanks for your input, D'Arthez. I believe jealousy and insecurity have become a part of the relationship and now I'm seeing the result. You've made an excellent point. Thanks. Lol Dukkha ... he doesn't look THAT bad !!
RecordProducer Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 I don't think it has anything to do with the photos. You don't know him. I chatted with a guy i developed feelings for and he seemed very hot for me at the beginning, but then cooled off. I was desperate, but after a while I got over. It turned out that he just didn't want a LDR. We're still friends now but my feelings for him are merely friendly. He still likes me very much, but wouldn't travel to meet me. After I got over him I realized that he was a superficial kind of guy and wouldn't travel to meet someone just for sex. He tells me all about his dates now and it seems that sex is all he cares about. We both confide in each other and are good friends now. We also cooperate in the music field. So what I am trying to say is that things are not always what they seem to be. BTW, he started ignoring me after I went out a few nights and I thought he was jealous, but that was not the case at all. Now he knows I have a BF and he is not jealous at all.
Author Leah Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Yes, it's really difficult to know about people we meet online. I've just decided to let this one go because there's no way in the world I can possibly know what's going on inside of his head. I guess I just wonder why someone unblocks you (you know on msn you can block and then unblock when you want to chat) and then just sits there !! When someone is ready to chat, or I'm ready to chat, I unblock them and then block them again when the convo is over ... but he unblocks me and just sits there !!! (I keep him blocked most of the time) Now this is what's really confusing me !! Oh well, suppose I'll never know, but thanks for your input RP, I appreciate it !!
shygurl Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 How can you tell when someone's blocked you on either yahoo or msn?
Author Leah Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Well you can't really tell on MSN. There you have to guess.... like if you know their online pattern, for instance, times of day they're online, etc, then you can make an educated guess from that. Also, with msn, if they go online, then off, then on, then off, it's a pretty safe bet that they're there, but they've gone offline to chat or they've changed ID's or something, but from these things you can make your decision if you think they're there online. As for Yahoo, it's really easy to tell who'se blocking you. If you're signed in and one of your buddies comes on but they're on invisible, a little "telltale" icon rises in the right hand lower portion of your screen. Alot of people complain about this because it tells when you go on then when you sign out (the same icon again appears). Other than these two events, you will remain invisible on yahoo. With THIS particular friend, it's an issue of him being online most of the time, but just freaking sitting there !!!!! I havent experienced that sort of thing with anyone else since I've been on the net. The usual experience is that you chat with someone, then when you're done, you just block them, not to be mean, but simply because you've finished the conversation and you're ready to move onto other stuff.
Aimée Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Originally posted by Leah As for Yahoo, it's really easy to tell who'se blocking you. If you're signed in and one of your buddies comes on but they're on invisible, a little "telltale" icon rises in the right hand lower portion of your screen. Alot of people complain about this because it tells when you go on then when you sign out (the same icon again appears). You only receive the little message box when they have signed in visible mode. I know a couple of people who are always invisible and I never see them online. I know they are though when they start a conversation with me out of the blue. Blocking and unblocking people seems to be a little bit weird to me. I think your friend has some self-esteem issues. People have them regardless of how they look, it just happens. He hears from you about all the guy friends you have, while you may be the only girl he's interested in and with whom he's chatting. I recommend an honest talk with him to clear things between you. Some people are so insecure that they prefer to leave rather than stay and get hurt. You seem to care for him enough to approach him for a talk, so do it.
Author Leah Posted July 14, 2005 Author Posted July 14, 2005 Yes, that's right Aimee ... about the Yahoo I mean. I'm not differentiating between block on msn and invisible on yahoo. But I know what you mean. When they go invisible on yahoo and they enter or exit is when the icon rises and you know they're in invisible mode. I think you're probably right about him. When we first met he told me had self esteem issues around girls / women. I might give your suggestion a try. Thanks Aimee.
Vicereine Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Question, why do you guys block each other in the first place? Next time he emails you tell him your beef and maybe he'll smarten up, or he'll continue being retarded in which case move on.
soccorsilly Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 This is a test--maybe he was just testing your current feelings and the fact that you had these ex-boyfriends' photos so handy to email him upset him a little. How many threads have we all read from women lamenting that their hubby or boyfriend has old pictures or mementos of a prior relationship? As for the ignoring you, you need to remember that there is a time difference--they are 5 hours ahead of you so if you see him in the morning and he ignores you, he is probably working and cannot afford the time to chat. If it is at night, well then it is in the middle of the night! And, as for telling if they are blocking or ignoring you, hard to say now with the boradband and always on. Many times (most times) I will be on a website or maybe with AOL Messenger and either leave the computer on or forget to sign out. I am sure the mods think I have been on LS for the past week, but you know what, I worked, played, went to a ball game, was in Dallas, and back home in that week--so that is not necessarioly a telltale sign. I am all about talking and letting the feelings be known--talk to the guy and simply say --hey wazzup? And go from there! John
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