alex434 Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 ok so heres the scoop i've been dating this girl for about 5 months it will be on july 15th since we started going out we've been on quite a few dates. Now Since we have been going out and been on these dates the farest we have gotten is holding hands! i think that after almost 5 months we should be kissing at least by now i assume it is only right. well tonight we went out everything went pretty good until the drop bottom end. i made the move to HUG her goodbye and she turned away... it made me sick to my stomach i just wanted to flip out. how could she do such a thing? i've been with her for 5 months almost already and she claims that she "loves me" I cant even begin to imagine what would of happen if i made the move to kiss. Now later on she made up the excuse that she smelled her self and thought that she stinked but in my mind, and through reason stamped this under the bull **** department and shipped it out! I my question is what could i possibly be doing wrong or what the heck is her problem,i've never felt so crappy in my life after what just happend someones help would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks.
johan Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Compare what you want (which is what you should want) to what you're getting. Point out the difference to her, and listen to her when she tells you what's up. Trust what she says. If she says she loves you and wants to be with you and wants what you want, then look for change, and remind her about it if she doesn't come around. DON'T threaten her that you'll move on if she doesn't start putting out. If she brings that up, don't even allow it to be a topic. Just re-focus the discussion on what you want in the context of your relationship with her. Don't let your emotions guide you. If she can't offer you what you want, then know in your heart that you can get that from someone else. If you treat the love side of the relationship more like a business arrangement, and allow her to be your friend above all (which is the right thing to do regardless) then she won't take deep root in your heart. It will then be easier to re-focus on someone else after you face the idea that she can't be your girlfriend.
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 She may be scared of intimate contact: Are you her first boyfriend? Maybe she has been abused? The best thing to do is talk about it. Just let her know that you would like to be more affectionate towards her, but are that she is shutting you out. She may really just be looking for a friend, and not a lover.
Author alex434 Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ She may be scared of intimate contact: Are you her first boyfriend? Maybe she has been abused? The best thing to do is talk about it. Just let her know that you would like to be more affectionate towards her, but are that she is shutting you out. She may really just be looking for a friend, and not a lover. Yes i am her FIRST boyfriend i just feel after almost 5 months and numerous dates something should of clicked, i dont want to move on, i lover her my self and i know she loves me and shes always texting me and calling me but the fact is how i was pushed away i felt so wrong.. and hurt...
Author alex434 Posted July 4, 2005 Author Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by johan Compare what you want (which is what you should want) to what you're getting. Point out the difference to her, and listen to her when she tells you what's up. Trust what she says. If she says she loves you and wants to be with you and wants what you want, then look for change, and remind her about it if she doesn't come around. DON'T threaten her that you'll move on if she doesn't start putting out. If she brings that up, don't even allow it to be a topic. Just re-focus the discussion on what you want in the context of your relationship with her. Don't let your emotions guide you. If she can't offer you what you want, then know in your heart that you can get that from someone else. If you treat the love side of the relationship more like a business arrangement, and allow her to be your friend above all (which is the right thing to do regardless) then she won't take deep root in your heart. It will then be easier to re-focus on someone else after you face the idea that she can't be your girlfriend. I know for a fact, i could never be her friend if we broke up because it would tear me apart to see her date other guys. However we have had the discussion on what i want and she has agreed and said thats what she wanted too! i want a more physical contact relationship and sadly, i am not getting it even though she said thats what she wanted too, but has not acted on it.
VirginiaBob Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Give her an Ultimatum. Tell her if you don't get a blow job in the next 24 hours, she is history.
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by alex434 Yes i am her FIRST boyfriend i just feel after almost 5 months and numerous dates something should of clicked, i dont want to move on, i lover her my self and i know she loves me and shes always texting me and calling me but the fact is how i was pushed away i felt so wrong.. and hurt... She's probably just scared. Maybe she doesn't know what to do, or doesn't want you to be disappointed. I don't think she even realises she IS pushing you away. Simply talk to her about it. If she's feeling insecure about the whole intimacy thing, try to make her feel less insecure. I think talking is the only way you'll get around it at this stage though
johan Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Give her an Ultimatum. Tell her if you don't get a blow job in the next 24 hours, she is history. That could work. I'm sure she'd shape right up if you did that. But definitely wait a few days after the blow job before you demand a threesome with her best friend.
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Give her an Ultimatum. Tell her if you don't get a blow job in the next 24 hours, she is history. Charming
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