nns91 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 So I will try to be as brief as I could. Hopefully you guys can offer me some insights. I met this girl when I visited my friend for vacation a month ago. Actually, it was my friend's idea to introduce me to her (I was not aware of it at all). We hit off extremely well. She and I talked for the whole night. I could tell that we really connected because we sorta forgot about our surrounding during our conversation (we were hanging out with few other people). Then, I thought that would be the only time I ever see her. However, after I went on a trip with my friend for 2 days, we got the opportunity to hang out again (as a group). That night, once again, we just forgot about our surrounding and kept talking. After that night, I definitely felt very connected to this person. Before I left for home, we hung out one more time (this time just the two of us). I treated her to dinner and we had a really fun time. According to my friend who introduced us to each other, she was interested in me and really wanted to be around me (as she suggested to hangout longer even after everyone wanted to go home). After I left, we have been texting everyday. She would randomly say hi to me and we would talk about our days, trivial things, as well as deeper stuff like career and such. I revealed to her that everything about her was attractive to me and she thought it was very lovely of me to say so. Sometimes she told me I was cute the way I acted. Our conversations keep happening on a daily basis and they were fun for me (and for her as well). Then, she invited me to the wedding of her sister, whom I had met only twice (the first time being the first night we met. Long story short, her sister and my friend are friends and they thought it was a good idea to introduce us to each other). I was "surprised" that she wanted me to come because this involves me flying to where she is and changing my travel plan. To me, it seemed like she was interested in me, at a more than friend level. Maybe I was wrong? So I went to the wedding and we had a great time. However, the next day, when we hung out again before I went home, I gave her an early birthday gift. After reading my card, she asked me if I liked her. Then, she told me she was not ready to invest in any relationship at the moment and we should just be friends. She said that she did not like me more than a friend and she invited me to the wedding just as a friend and to get to know me more. She also mentioned that she did not see any spark between us so she could not foresee liking me ever in the future. It was disappointing to me because it makes our relationship sorta awkward now. I have been enjoying our conversations really much but now there is a kink and she will probably create distance. I was willing to take it slow but I guess my emotions were coming out too strong? My friend told me that it was obvious that I was paying a lot of attention to her during the after party of the wedding (I also stayed behind to take care of her when she got really drunk) and maybe that's where things went wrong. What do you guys make of this? I know that I just got rejected and friendzoned but does it seem like she was never interested? Is there a way to salvage this because I really like this person.
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Get out, it's over. You didn't make any wrong moves, she was never interested romantically. And no there is nothing to salvage. It's like a can of soda, you pop that top it starts to go flat. I suggest you just move on. 4
preraph Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Yeah. Not good. Just say "I'm busy" when she asks you somewhere and lay low. 2
O'Malley Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 You didn't do anything wrong, but nothing you can say or do will change her mind or salvage the situation. I think she might have felt a mild attraction in your initial meetups, enjoyed the attention and flirting but decided at some point that there wasn't enough chemistry on her part to pursue anything further. Wish her well, but consider her a casual acquaintance and direct your energies into meeting other women. 2
bachdude Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Sorry bro. She was very straight with you. Sometimes we put ourselves out there and we have to take a few on the chin. 2
Toodaloo Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Happens all the time. Carry on with what you were going to do anyway and think of it as a summer romance. 2
Author nns91 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Ah I see. Thanks guys!!! Could it be that the fact I gave her the gift scared her away? As in I was pushing too hard? I just thought it was a nice gesture, that's all.
kendahke Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Then, she told me she was not ready to invest in any relationship at the moment and we should just be friends. She said that she did not like me more than a friend and she invited me to the wedding just as a friend and to get to know me more. She could have told you that over the phone. To me, to invite someone to fly--not drive--to accompany me to my own sister's wedding would mean that I liked this guy in a romantic way. If all I wanted was to be his friend, I'd have just kept it texting/phone calls. I think she manipulated you into going to be her date and that's all the use for you she had. Lose her number and block her. She's wasting your time and taking advantage of your kindness and interest in her. That's not how friends treat friends. 2
kendahke Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Ah I see. Thanks guys!!! Could it be that the fact I gave her the gift scared her away? As in I was pushing too hard? I just thought it was a nice gesture, that's all. Maybe, maybe not... but that has nothing to do with her inviting to you to fly to accompany her to her sister's wedding when she already knew she wasn't in the headspace for a relationship. If she thought the gift was too much, she could have just kept her sister's wedding to herself, you know?
Author nns91 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 I knowwwww!!! That's why I was confused. Also, I had to take an international flight, not just a domestic flight (though it was a short flight). Not sure why...she is a very very nice girl so I don't think that she manipulated me to be her date. Actually, I was not even her date. I was there with my friend, who introduced us to each other, and her boyfriend. My friend told me that I was paying too much attention to her during the after party so that could be why....
preraph Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 And folks, this is what comes of wedding invitations giving people without a mate a plus one. I say if you don't know or haven't kept up with someone well enough to know if they have an SO, call and ask if they want an invitation for one or two and remind them they could just bring a friend, though not many want to go to a random wedding.
BaileyB Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 I just can't quite believe, assuming she knew you were in some way interested in her romantically, that she would ask you to fly to a wedding as her date. I would have thought the same as you... I think that's crazy to ask someone to do when you know you are not really interested - and cruel if you think they are interested. Sorry. 3
J21 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 You didn't do anything wrong. Maybe she had a change of heart. Nothing you can do there. Just move on, it happens.
Author nns91 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 I just can't quite believe, assuming she knew you were in some way interested in her romantically, that she would ask you to fly to a wedding as her date. I would have thought the same as you... I think that's crazy to ask someone to do when you know you are not really interested - and cruel if you think they are interested. Sorry. Well...I thought I sorta showed some interest very early on when I told her that everything about her attractive was attractive to me. Then she asked me what type of girls I usually like. I responded to her by saying that I don't typify what girls I like but I knew that she was attractive. She said I made her heart melt by saying that and told me it was lovely/sweet. I thought that was a sign showing I was interested in her. After that, we were still talking and she texted me everyday. Now, it sucks that we won't get to have those daily conversations anymore.
Author nns91 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 Now that I get to think more about what happened. I feel like this is just the wrong time for her to start a relationship as she is occupied with grad school applications and also trying to figure out herself. That's probably why she rejected me (even though I did not directly ask to start a relationship immediately). She told me that it was her lost for not giving me a shot since she saw me as a great guy but she did not feel enough spark between us. Could it be possible that she is still attracted to the bad boy image that she has always been attracted to? Many of these guys have let her down as she said. Would she one day be able to see through things and think differently?
kendahke Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Now that I get to think more about what happened. I feel like this is just the wrong time for her to start a relationship as she is occupied with grad school applications and also trying to figure out herself. That's probably why she rejected me (even though I did not directly ask to start a relationship immediately). She told me that it was her lost for not giving me a shot since she saw me as a great guy but she did not feel enough spark between us. Could it be possible that she is still attracted to the bad boy image that she has always been attracted to? Many of these guys have let her down as she said. Would she one day be able to see through things and think differently? If all of this translates to "do I have a shot at her", I"d say to stop wasting time and energy trying to figure her out or figure out what she means by what she is or isn't saying. She's not interested in you. She may in fact like nice guys, but that doesn't mean you figure into that. Cut the line, set her adrift and you find someone else who doesn't send mixed signals and messages under the guise of being "really really nice".
Author nns91 Posted August 27, 2016 Author Posted August 27, 2016 So she texted me for the first time since after we had "the talk" to wish me happy birthday and asked how I was doing. We did text back and forth and it reminded me of the good old time when we used to had those kinds of conversations pretty much every night. I am now wondering is she texting me because she wants to keep me around? does she want to take things slow?
kgcolonel Posted August 27, 2016 Posted August 27, 2016 Now that I get to think more about what happened. I feel like this is just the wrong time for her to start a relationship as she is occupied with grad school applications and also trying to figure out herself. That's probably why she rejected me (even though I did not directly ask to start a relationship immediately). She told me that it was her lost for not giving me a shot since she saw me as a great guy but she did not feel enough spark between us. Could it be possible that she is still attracted to the bad boy image that she has always been attracted to? Many of these guys have let her down as she said. Would she one day be able to see through things and think differently? Actually, I think she needed someone to go with....she likely already knew that there were no sparks but sometimes we convince ourselves that "we can be really good friends". I think she did good by letting you know straight up that she didn't feel it. No leading you on etc. Look back fondly of the time you spent and look ahead for someone that will provide those qualities that you saw in her but....with the sincere desire to "put the effort into a relationship".
Author nns91 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Posted August 28, 2016 What do you mean by "she needed someone to go with" ? I agree that she was straightforward when she said she wanted to be friends. However, everything she did up to that point suggested otherwise. Why would she say hi to me everyday and we would have random conversations? Why would she say good night to me and wishing sweet dreams before she goes to bed every night? Why would she apologize for "disappeared for the entire day"? Why would she sometimes ask me to send her "cute photos" of me? Why would she sometimes tell me to call her while she is stuck in traffic? Last but not least, why would she really want me to come to her sister's wedding, even though she knew that I would have to change my travel plan? Were these things hints that she was interested? I wasn't going to push for an immediate relationship. I was willing to get to know her for now and let things develop in the future. Now it seems tougher since it's not likely that she will text me everyday (which is true already).
Lois_Griffin Posted August 28, 2016 Posted August 28, 2016 However, everything she did up to that point suggested otherwise. Why would she say hi to me everyday and we would have random conversations? Why would she say good night to me and wishing sweet dreams before she goes to bed every night? Why would she apologize for "disappeared for the entire day"? Why would she sometimes ask me to send her "cute photos" of me? Why would she sometimes tell me to call her while she is stuck in traffic? Last but not least, why would she really want me to come to her sister's wedding, even though she knew that I would have to change my travel plan? Honestly? It sounds as though back when she invited you to the wedding she still had some romantic interest in you, and maybe had an interest in picking up where you'd left off. Or, at the very least, maybe she was on the fence as to whether she was romantically interested or not. For whatever reason, after spending more one on one time with you when you were out there, she apparently discovered she just wasn't feeling the spark. It's not anything you did or the gift you gave her or anything - it simply sounds as though she wasn't able to feel the chemistry. But it was painfully obvious to her that you WERE feeling it, and that's why she had to give you the 'just friends' speech. I feel she did lead you on (not maliciously) and that she was enjoying the flirtation and the possibility of romance but simply changed her mind after you got together again. It happens. And THAT'S why you didn't get the 'friends' speech until AFTER the wedding trip was over.
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