Excited but scared?

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

So met a guy on an online dating site, we had been messaging for a couple weeks and just started texting/video chatting. We live somewhat far apart, but we really like each other and are making plans to see each other. The problem is I'm a bit paranoid as the last guy I started dating showed tons of interest w/in the 1st month and did a 180 flip in character after he moved back home (he wanted to continue the LDR). I was completely left out after he told me he was confused. How can i keep myself from getting hurt again? Just as I emotionally invested myself in the guy he pulled out and no we did not have sex.

[smackie9]

Change the way you date. Stop with the LDRs they are a waste of time. Secondly, date those who ask you out within a few days of messages....stop being someone's penpal chatting for weeks. Date locally like within 30 mins of one another. Have a expectation checklist...stick with it. Don't be emotionally invested in someone you haven't met yet.

 

Stick with real life dating, and cut out these relationships that are carried on the net.

 

You follow my advice, you will less likely find yourself in the position you keep finding yourself now.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

The 1st guy moved but we dated (physically saw each other) for a month before he moved. I wouldn't have agreed to an LDR if he had not shown interest in me.

[smackie9]

OK so don't get emotionally invested after just one month.

 

what is the point of getting involved with someone if you are moving away? IMO you got duped or played.

[preraph]

Like Smackie says, the way to protect yourself is to to jump right in but to take it slow and learn to control your impulse to fall for someone whom you don't even know yet. I know it's hard for those of us in love with love, but you can exercise discipline if you will just do it.

[Gaeta]

KYou live 1 day at a time.

 

Don't build up imaginary love and relationship in your head.

 

Repeat to yourself untill 3 months a relationship can end abruptely for no reasons.

 

Don't beleive any promises untill you are in an exclusive relationship.

 

And last go get a book titled: the Buddhist in the mirror and work on emotionally maturing. Losing a guy isn't the end of the world. A broken heart is just a brokem heart. There are much worse loss in life.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

So I have posted about a guy I met online. We have chatted back forth via vid chat and texting. I really enjoy the conversations we have and I'm hoping to meet him in person in the near future. I am pretty well established in my current career and I have a degree (I still want to go back to school).

 

This guy is almost 7 years younger then me, doesn't want to go college, but wants to pick up a trade. Before you tear me to pieces, I don't judge someone on their education, I vid chatted w/a guy who has his PhD in sciences and he was a total creep.

 

I did date a guy w/no goals, working a close to min wage job and I know I could not live w/a person who didn't want to better themselves. How do I not get into the same trap? How can I ask him about his goals?

[MissBee]

When people have goals it's obvious, both in their life choices and the things they talk about. It's very difficult to hide ambition and goals, as you think about them, work on them, do stuff involving them and they come up, if they never come up, it's probably because the person has none.

[StalwartMind]

You ask him directly what his goals in life are. It's not anymore complicated than that. Since you are the type of person who can't live with someone who has no goals, then why beat around the bush this guy?

 

You say you don't judge someone based on their education, which I wouldn't either, however when you start saying you can't be with someone who has no goals, then ask yourself this. What kind of goals does he even need to have? What if someone's goal is to just deliver pizza and they are perfectly happy with that. I too want people to always better themselves, because none of us are perfect, however how we define bettering ourselves is vastly different. We all have different values and as such we should be around those who can appreciate what we have to offer, it doesn't make someone a better or worse person just because they aren't to our liking.

 

I really don't see what's so difficult about asking someone what they want from life, what is meaningful, etc. If you want to increase the chance of compatibility then make an effort to address those things that are important to you. Communication is our biggest gift, and it's honestly a bit puzzling why seemingly intelligent people make such poor use of it. I understand we all have insecurities and approach things differently, but if you want to know something, then ask, stop being hopeful or assume people will take the initiative, because no one on this planet is a mind reader.

 

As such you have every power to create the type of life you desire and with whom you know you'll appreciate. The way I see it there is no risk in asking this guy directly about what his goals are. If you are afraid that you won't like his answers, since you may have fond feelings towards him, then why prolong the inevitable in case what he will say isn't good. I'd personally rather figure that stuff out sooner than later, and it's because I have no intention of wasting my own time or that of anyone else. Time is our most limited resource, make every moment matter and do what is right.

[SammySammy]

Don't ask. Watch.

 

What a man says about his goals doesn't matter. Pay attention to what is he DOING about his goals.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

[basil67]

If he's taken the initiative to get himself enrolled in a trade course, then he's a doer. If he's just talking about it, then he's a dreamer.

[ttherrera]

You can talk to him about this interest. If he's really want to pick up a trade, talk to him about it. Tell him that you want to know more and ask about his future plan in this trade.

 

If he cannot answer you with a solid answer, it means that he's only a day dreamer.

[Toodaloo]

I am not judging as I know plenty of multi millionaires who started off living in caravans and laying bricks... people who have no degree but worked their behinds off and made something of themselves...

 

Talk to him, ask him what inspires him, ask him what he wants to do and how he wants to get there. Get to know him.

 

For a man who wants to gain a trade (and is serious about it) he should be looking into training options and gaining experience. He should be looking into the regulatory bodies that support that trade and learning everything he can about his craft... If he is doing that you have a hard working guy on your hands. If he is not then you have someone looking for an easy option.

[Popsicle]

I think you probably prefer someone who is educated but is not a creep. That is not so hard to find.

[Gr8fuln2020]

People who are ambitious like to share their ideas with you (some times too much ). They possess habits and practices that show you that they are making active changes towards achieving their goals. AND, most important, they are not just talking about it, standing still, rather, already in the midst of making their goals a reality. Where is this guy you speak of in all of this? Has he applied to a trade school? Where is he right now?

[GorillaTheater]

"Where do you see yourself in five years? What would you say are your greatest strengths? Please recount a recent situation where you helped resolve a difficult matter?"