Mkn1010 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 So, you may not have read my scenario, but I was essentially in a one month relationship with someone who came on strong and then backed off without ever providing honesty in his reasons for doing so. I'm very new to the dating game. I'm now 29 and have only had one very long term partner in my life (I prefer to have LTRs, not into casual cheap thrills). However, I'm no moron as my past relationship involved a lot of personal growth. So the question is, how long do you think I'll need to get over this recent guy? I'm sorta a person who likes to heal before getting into anything new.
bachdude Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Hi mkn, I remember your story. I imagine part of getting over him is trusting another guy who seems to be really into you. And I'm sure it must have been very disappointing as well. I think there is no hard and fast rule on this. I remember waking up one morning after a total heart break (2 yr relationship) and finally feeling "free". Those are the only words I have to describe it. I felt ready to have another relationship. 1
Author Mkn1010 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Thanks bachdude, I guess it's weird going from hearing from the person everyday to nothing. Seems unusual, given how clingy he was, that he can just drop it so easily and not struggle.
bachdude Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 A sudden change like that would be a totally shock to my system too. My guess is he was hurt you didn't take him up on his idea and his going cold was his way to save face or maybe to get even, I don't know. But it's all so strange to me to throw away the relationship because you didn't take him up on a pretty unreasonable request. That is why I thought he wasn't quite right in the head (sorry to say). But I'm sure the suddenness of it all must be tough.
Author Mkn1010 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Thank you, yes it was very sudden but your reply helps. Part of me knows that his behaviour was no that of an emotionally mature/date-worthy person, but I'm also still hoping that he comes back and regrets his actions even just so I can have peace in knowing I was right to trust in his feelings for me. Part of my problem is being able to believe in myself/my own instincts post a very bad LTR, so I always feel like I need to hear the full truth of the matter from the person so I can fully put it to bed.
Toodaloo Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 It varies. Its taken me 4-5 months to get over a 1 month fling. Its taken me all of 5 seconds to get over relationships spanning a decade. The bonus is that you can see it for what it was. It hurts but it helps. When people start romanticizing and going on about how wonderful things were, well they actually shoot themselves in the foot by creating "false" feelings. Feelings for something that actually never was... You will take how ever long it takes. So be kind to yourself and give yourself that. As for the guy. He will regret it at some point. You will not know it but at some point he will think to himself "why did I do that?"... So really you do not need to fret about it. Just concentrate on you. 1
smudge21 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 I've found shorter term things can have other affects that cause the pain to hurt more or take longer to get over. For me, it was always that feeling that it was over too soon and all those thoughts I had about what I'd missed out on; all those possibilities that were never to be. So as much as the relationship may have been shorter, it's in no way an indication that the healing should be quicker. We all heal differently and I would never blame anyone for taking however long they need to get over someone they've loved, even if that love was only for a moment in time.
Redhead14 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 (edited) So, you may not have read my scenario, but I was essentially in a one month relationship with someone who came on strong and then backed off without ever providing honesty in his reasons for doing so. I'm very new to the dating game. I'm now 29 and have only had one very long term partner in my life (I prefer to have LTRs, not into casual cheap thrills). However, I'm no moron as my past relationship involved a lot of personal growth. So the question is, how long do you think I'll need to get over this recent guy? I'm sorta a person who likes to heal before getting into anything new. It takes along as it takes . . . there isn't a way to predict. 1 month does not a "relationship" make. It's just two people going on a few dates and evaluating each other for long term potential and hopefully having a good time while doing that. It's important to be able to manage your emotions and expectations and not allow yourself to be blinded by endorphins to the point of losing objectivity and being able to evaluate and be patient and observant. Sure, enjoy the experience, but keep your wits about you. I am not seeing myself walk down the aisle with anyone I've only been dating for a month and if they are telling me that's what they are seeing or over the top with their expressions of undying love and being blinded by beauty, I"m calling BS. A guy who comes on hard and fast, usually burns out quickly, especially after they've had sex with the woman. Sure, once in a while, it happens to be a match made in heaven, but the odds are very slim. Bottom line, learn to take dating scenarios that end fairly quickly with a grain of salt and realize there will likely be more that don't work out than those that do. It is what it is. Let yourself "grieve" for a couple of days and then dust yourself off and keeping moving. Life is too short to waste time and emotion on the small stuff. backed off without ever providing honesty in his reasons for doing so. -- I don't know how you KNOW he wasn't being honest about his reasons. But, it doesn't really matter. The reasons aren't that important. What's important is that he did tell you he was moving on instead of stringing you along and using you or ghosting on you. Edited August 23, 2016 by Redhead14
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