fmfan08 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I haven't used OKCupid in months, but this girl in my local area messaged me and we got talking. Out of any girls I have spoken to during my time with online dating, I don't think I have clicked so much in terms of banter, conversation, etc as I have with this girl so I thought why not.. I stuck to my usual plan of sending a few messages and then arranging to meet up when the conversation was at it's peak, but she said that her leg was coming out of a cast any day and she'd feel a little nervous meeting me with a limp. She also said she'd like to talk to me for a couple of weeks and get to know me before meeting (her first time with online dating). I agreed and for the last week we have been talking. For the last four days, she has initiated conversation every day and her responses have been very detailed. For example, her messages were like "Uh oh, you're going to have to be better aren't you awww, I won't make you jealous about my lazy day, I couldn't do that to you whilst you're in work xx". But tonight, I thought I should initiate conversation instead. However, it felt like one of those conversations where I was doing what I usually do, but her replies were quite short in comparison, like.. "Hello x", "Awww, that's nice x", "Yes x", "How? x", "Go on then! x", "Oh no!". Her responses were VERY quick, like same/next minute quick. But I felt like it was too one sided so I decided to close off the conversation earlier and said I was off to go sort some things. She said "Oh sort what? x" and I mentioned stuff to do with work and then relaxing in bed watching a tv show. Her reply was "Have a good time! x" (maybe I could have closed off the conversation better..) Am I just overthinking this? I feel like I am, but I also feel like something's different. This is why I dislike texting too much as I prefer face to face communication, I will try and arrange to meetup again next time.
LostOnes05 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 You're not overthinking. When you notice a change in behavior there is ALWAYS something up. Whether she was with family or out with someone else, she was up to something where her replies had to be quick. See if she wants to meet up like you said and if she doesn't, just drop it. 1
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I haven't used OKCupid in months, but this girl in my local area messaged me and we got talking. Out of any girls I have spoken to during my time with online dating, I don't think I have clicked so much in terms of banter, conversation, etc as I have with this girl so I thought why not.. I stuck to my usual plan of sending a few messages and then arranging to meet up when the conversation was at it's peak, but she said that her leg was coming out of a cast any day and she'd feel a little nervous meeting me with a limp. She also said she'd like to talk to me for a couple of weeks and get to know me before meeting (her first time with online dating). I agreed and for the last week we have been talking. For the last four days, she has initiated conversation every day and her responses have been very detailed. For example, her messages were like "Uh oh, you're going to have to be better aren't you awww, I won't make you jealous about my lazy day, I couldn't do that to you whilst you're in work xx". But tonight, I thought I should initiate conversation instead. However, it felt like one of those conversations where I was doing what I usually do, but her replies were quite short in comparison, like.. "Hello x", "Awww, that's nice x", "Yes x", "How? x", "Go on then! x", "Oh no!". Her responses were VERY quick, like same/next minute quick. But I felt like it was too one sided so I decided to close off the conversation earlier and said I was off to go sort some things. She said "Oh sort what? x" and I mentioned stuff to do with work and then relaxing in bed watching a tv show. Her reply was "Have a good time! x" (maybe I could have closed off the conversation better..) Am I just overthinking this? I feel like I am, but I also feel like something's different. This is why I dislike texting too much as I prefer face to face communication, I will try and arrange to meetup again next time. She probably was in the middle of something and still wanted to reply to you. What you see is efforts on her part, not a lost of interest. You hate too much texting eh? right ;-) 2 weeks texting is too long. You are in the same area there is no need to 'get to know you over text'. When women feed you those excuses it's because they are a bit different than their pictures and they are hoping to make a connection online first so you'll over-look the 'issue' when meeting in person. 3
Author fmfan08 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 You're not overthinking. When you notice a change in behavior there is ALWAYS something up. Whether she was with family or out with someone else, she was up to something where her replies had to be quick. See if she wants to meet up like you said and if she doesn't, just drop it. I thought maybe she was busy but wanted to reply but when I asked how her day was she said "Long and boring! I hope yours was better than mine x" which made me think she wasn't up to much tonight, so that made me confused over her shorter responses. I'll leave it a couple of days and start fresh with the intention of meeting up. If she contacts me before that then fair enough, but something seems to be up.
BC1980 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Did you ever ask to call her on the phone? That should be a good gauge to see if she still wants to continue with you. 3
Author fmfan08 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 She probably was in the middle of something and still wanted to reply to you. What you see is efforts on her part, not a lost of interest. You hate too much texting eh? right ;-) 2 weeks texting is too long. You are in the same area there is no need to 'get to know you over text'. When women feed you those excuses it's because they are a bit different than their pictures and they are hoping to make a connection online first so you'll over-look the 'issue' when meeting in person. Okay, texting is alright if it's broken up with face to face contact I agree, two weeks is too long.. It's been a week and I already feel like that's too much. She has actually had a cast removed from her leg though.. I sort of searched her on Facebook and snooped to see if she was on there and came across her graduation photo with her leg in a cast I checked the reply she gave to me on OKCupid at the time and her message said "I'm not in a great situation with my foot and I've put a hella lot of weight on :p" so I think you're right, probably worried that I'll think she'll look different, etc. And when I went to check that message, I've just noticed she has disabled her OKCupid account.
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Did you ever ask to call her on the phone? That should be a good gauge to see if she still wants to continue with you. I didn't, but I like this.. I'll try for another meetup and then throw this into the works. Clearly she's worried about appearance, but if she refuses a phone call then we'll know for sure. 1
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 She has actually had a cast removed from her leg though.. I sort of searched her on Facebook and snooped to see if she was on there and came across her graduation photo with her leg in a cast Did she tell you it was a bad break? Did she need an operation? My right foot was in a cast 3 times. Each time I was 5 weeks in a cast. Never missed a day of work. The leg feels a little weak but nothing to skip work so no reason to not meet someone over coffee. I checked the reply she gave to me on OKCupid at the time and her message said "I'm not in a great situation with my foot and I've put a hella lot of weight on :p" so I think you're right, probably worried that I'll think she'll look different, etc. There you go! For sure she gained a bit of weight but noway she gained 'a hella lof'. We are talking 5 weeks in a cast, not 6 months. Before the cast she already was chubby. So here is my prediction. She will slowly fade away. Her first step to fading was to delete her profile. She realizes she can't play that game to the end. I have done years of online dating, this is a by-the-book case of someone who got herself into something she can't handle.
aileD Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 She might have been in the middle of something and wanted to reply to you which is a good thing but couldn't sit and have a real conversation (which you saw as bad). What about face timing or video chat?
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Did she tell you it was a bad break? Did she need an operation? My right foot was in a cast 3 times. Each time I was 5 weeks in a cast. Never missed a day of work. The leg feels a little weak but nothing to skip work so no reason to not meet someone over coffee. There you go! For sure she gained a bit of weight but noway she gained 'a hella lof'. We are talking 5 weeks in a cast, not 6 months. Before the cast she already was chubby. So here is my prediction. She will slowly fade away. Her first step to fading was to delete her profile. She realizes she can't play that game to the end. I have done years of online dating, this is a by-the-book case of someone who got herself into something she can't handle. Yeah she told me she still goes to work but she didn't want to meet up when she can't walk properly on her foot. Could it be that she disabled her dating profile because we're texting? 90% of her texts have been very positive until tonight, but she did say she had a long and boring day and that she hoped mine was better. Maybe she had one of those meh days. Then again maybe it is like you said, but I'm not a shallow person. She could be chubby but as long as she is decent looking to the point she takes some sort of pride in herself, that's not something that would bother me. Maybe she thinks I might be a shallow guy?
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 She might have been in the middle of something and wanted to reply to you which is a good thing but couldn't sit and have a real conversation (which you saw as bad). What about face timing or video chat? Possibly! I need to keep an open mind. I've considered it, but I feel more nervous doing something like that than actually meeting. I'd find it okay to facetime her after at least one date, but I'd be nervous at it being the first form of face to face contact.
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Then again maybe it is like you said, but I'm not a shallow person. She could be chubby but as long as she is decent looking to the point she takes some sort of pride in herself, that's not something that would bother me. Maybe she thinks I might be a shallow guy? All women are afraid of meeting a shallow man :-) So when she said she had gained a bit of weight what did you reply?
biker23 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 I really think she was busy but still wanted to respond. You did initiate and she could be in the middle of something. Im in a somewhat similar situation, also OKC which is funny, where the girl is extremely shy..says it in her profile. just out of 8 year relationship (not married) and trying to meet people. took her 2 weeks to share her number for texting (OKC messaging prior) (i asked for it within a couple days..she said give her time, and I never asked again and she volunteered it suddenly) and we still havent spoken. Im just chipping away and staying in contact, giving her time. she also mentioned she was impressed that I wasnt bugging her when she would disappear for a day because her work and family had her so busy...other guys were all bent out of shape. Confidence. I would do the same. Stay connected and try not to get wrapped up in texting patterns. If you are interested enough she will see the effort. In this OLD world, I find this a bit refreshing...vs the quick hitters.
bachdude Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Dude, you are already getting overly emotionally invested in her. Just take it easy and enjoy the ride. Let the chips fall where they may. As soon as her two week dating moratorium is up, I'd ask her out pronto. 1
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 All women are afraid of meeting a shallow man :-) So when she said she had gained a bit of weight what did you reply? I told her that I understood if she didn't want to meet just yet, then teased her on her word usage when she called her foot a "dicky foot".
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 I really think she was busy but still wanted to respond. You did initiate and she could be in the middle of something. Im in a somewhat similar situation, also OKC which is funny, where the girl is extremely shy..says it in her profile. just out of 8 year relationship (not married) and trying to meet people. took her 2 weeks to share her number for texting (OKC messaging prior) (i asked for it within a couple days..she said give her time, and I never asked again and she volunteered it suddenly) and we still havent spoken. Im just chipping away and staying in contact, giving her time. she also mentioned she was impressed that I wasnt bugging her when she would disappear for a day because her work and family had her so busy...other guys were all bent out of shape. Confidence. I would do the same. Stay connected and try not to get wrapped up in texting patterns. If you are interested enough she will see the effort. In this OLD world, I find this a bit refreshing...vs the quick hitters. Judging off her OKCupid profile, before she disabled it, her trait was old-fashioned and that she was looking for someone who was romantic so I guess me persisting and making an effort in a confident but not desperate way could be okay. Like you say, "chipping away" as I get the feeling there's some shyness in her wanting to meet. 1
joseb Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Just ask to meet her. Tell her you really don't mind if she is limping or has out on weight, as sounds like that doesn't bother you. If she still makes excuses then tell her thanks, but you are looking to meet people, not make penpald, and move on
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Just ask to meet her. Tell her you really don't mind if she is limping or has out on weight, as sounds like that doesn't bother you. If she still makes excuses then tell her thanks, but you are looking to meet people, not make penpald, and move on Really doesn't bother me at all, if her personality is anything similar in person. A week ago she said give her two weeks so should I try again in a day or so or wait that extra week?
Miss Clavel Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Yeah she told me she still goes to work but she didn't want to meet up when she can't walk properly on her foot. Could it be that she disabled her dating profile because we're texting? 90% of her texts have been very positive until tonight, but she did say she had a long and boring day and that she hoped mine was better. Maybe she had one of those meh days. Then again maybe it is like you said, but I'm not a shallow person. She could be chubby but as long as she is decent looking to the point she takes some sort of pride in herself, that's not something that would bother me. Maybe she thinks I might be a shallow guy? my first thought is that she disabled her account against the fact that she found someone. it could be you. but it could be someone else. it's time to dial her number and speak to her. directly.
lillymae1010 Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 (edited) In my experience, if you have to ask yourself if you're overthinking things then you probably are. Especially when it's a situation you can't control. Don't beat yourself up. It's not just you. Generally speaking, texting definitely leaves a lot of room for miscommunication and ambiguity. When our brains are uncertain about something we tend to dwell on "solving" the unknown and mistakenly become overly invested in the person when in fact it has very little to do with the actual person. Sounds like you need to give yourself a break before going forward. Turn off your phone or disable notifications for anyone other than family, work, etc. Even if it's just for a short amount of time. You can always come back to the situation and likely with a clearer head and better judgement. Edited August 23, 2016 by lillymae1010 overthinking
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 A week ago she said give her two weeks so should I try again in a day or so or wait that extra week? Last year I got in contact with this very interesting gentleman. He told me we could not meet right away because he was finishing writing a medical paper. He was a searcher, biochemistry. So I went along and waited the whole week. He too deleted his profile. Then something else happened and he asked another week. Then something else, and something else, and this 1 week turned into a 6 weeks wait, still no meeting. He kept calling and texting though! Oh ya, that he was good at. Finally I got fed up and told him to forget about it. This happens more often than you think with online dating To answer your question: set up a date, place and time right now with her. Even if it's a week away. Sure you can try to meet her earlier but she won't. My bet is she won't be there in a week either, she'll find some other excuse. Tell me: Who needs 2 weeks out of a cast to go out for a coffee? 1
joseb Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 Really doesn't bother me at all, if her personality is anything similar in person. A week ago she said give her two weeks so should I try again in a day or so or wait that extra week? Might as well wait to meet till then, but set the date now. And look for other options, cause I wouldn't be surprised if something else delayed the meet.
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 my first thought is that she disabled her account against the fact that she found someone. it could be you. but it could be someone else. it's time to dial her number and speak to her. directly. My gut feeling at first was that she might have met someone else and her disabling her account felt like it confirmed that feeling. But that seems to be the devil on my shoulder. If I look at the positive side, we've been getting on very well so she could have disabled her account due to me. But she did seem less enthusiastic yesterday, although she had a "long and boring day at work" so maybe she didn't feel like talking but didn't want to ignore me. All ifs and buts. I went NC today and she didn't get in touch. Probably first day neither of us have spoke.
Author fmfan08 Posted August 23, 2016 Author Posted August 23, 2016 Might as well wait to meet till then, but set the date now. And look for other options, cause I wouldn't be surprised if something else delayed the meet. I'll tell her that we should get more comfortable with each other for another week but set a date to meet up next week. I'll test her to see of she actually wants to and mention that I don't intend to be pen-pals.
Author fmfan08 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 Okay, so I sent a text this morning a couple of hours ago and my iphone kept saying "not delivered" and that there was a problem with my network this morning. I kept trying to resend but to no avail. The problem is, i tried testing this with my dad's phone only to find out he received my text 15 or so times. So now this girl is going to get my text 10+ times!! I haven't had a reply from her, so maybe she hasn't received any lf them. She's always responded even if I've replied a simpe "Haha". Dear god, this is sure to put her off. What would you guys assume if you received the same text 10 times in the space of 15 minutes?
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