She ended it, but maybe changing her mind

[dangerous]

What staggerlee says is good advice, as is most on this site.

 

I had a similar experience recently. My GF, with whom I was smitten, dumped me after an argument and I was devastated. After self examination, and advice from some good friends, and here too, I found exactly that:

 

Previously when I met her I was strong, confident, happy, then once into the relationship I got dependent and needy, and it didn't help that I lost my job and just felt weak and unconfident

 

After several attempts of frankly pleading for another chance, which just made things worse...

I tried going LC (low contact, as opposed to NC) for a couple of weeks and getting my self in order - eg. applying for jobs, seeing my own friends etc. I starting feeling stronger and acting it too. Guess what?

 

My ex-GF started texting me! And when she saw me out as friends/ and with my other friends, she noticed I was more confident and stronger (just like I used to be).

 

And then after a few meetings, with me being patient and cool, SHE asked me to come back!!

 

Well after some big hugs, lots of talking, we are giving it another go. BUT I'm carrying on with my new job, new activities and continuing to invest in myself. Of course I want it to work, but its now on my terms and I'm prepared to accept that if it doesn't then I am a strong person in my own right and I can survive alone or find someone else. But the key is to keep working on your own self confidence and capabilities.

 

So, I know its tough talk, but you have to MAN UP, and get cool again.

 

And good luck!

Edited September 5, 2016 by dangerous

[Toodaloo]

Really, I just want the pain to stop.

 

psi.

 

I remember telling you a couple of weeks ago that it was not going to last. You refused to listen.

 

I am truly sorry that you are back reporting this but the writing wasn't on the wall. It was on a big flashing bill board with neon arrows pointing to it.

 

You have put this woman on a pedalstool.

 

Time for her to come off.

 

You are hurting because you are dreaming. Quit dreaming and start living in reality. It may not have so many flowers and singing birds but its a heck of a lot nicer here. Its no where near as painful or dramatic.

 

With that I am joining Blanco and Thornton for a pint. Because you are clearly refusing to listen to any form of reason or sensibility. Until you do that it will continue to fester and the pain will continue to cripple you.

 

Its your choice.

[psiblast]

Two Month Update!

 

It's been a while, and I just wanted to share some good news.

 

Shortly after my last post here, I forced myself to let her go in my mind and started focusing on me, my career, my kids, my hobbies.

 

Only a few days later, she started reaching out to me again and I asked her out on a date. She accepted, and it was a wonderful evening, and we made love like we never have before.

 

My relationship with my girlfriend now is better than it ever has been, and better than I could have imagined it could be only two months removed from "the breakup".

 

That's the other funny thing. To this day, she still doesn't acknowledge that she broke up with me. She says that she was just asking for space and was going through a lot of stress. Talk about miscommunication!

 

What has transpired, especially over the last month is truly remarkable. She has gone from being cold and distant, to constantly seeking my attention, opening up to me emotionally, and showing through her actions that she does truly love me.

 

We communicate a lot more now and take active parts in nurturing this relationship. Yes, we've even spoken about attachment styles! And she agrees!

 

She also has actively initiated interest in having our kids spend time together -- even planning vacations (we're going on a trip over winter break).

 

Everything is just moving in the right direction and my mental state is way better. I'm still going to therapy, but only to help me balance my WHOLE life -- not just my relationship with my girlfriend.

 

I'm just really happy where things are right now. Thanks to all in this thread who took the time to support me, as well as kick my ass. Much appreciated!

Edited November 4, 2016 by psiblast