born3d Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Since before we started dating, the guy I’m seeing has had a couple of trips scheduled. He always texts me when he arrives/leaves places and sometimes gives a brief summary of the days’ events. But he never asks me what I’m up to (well, I don't ask him either. he just texts me unsolicited updates). Sometimes I volunteer some info—add a tidbit in if it’s relevant to the convo. I know I’m not the one out of town, but does it really have to be all about him? If the situation were reversed I probably wouldn’t bother to update him, because it seems like small talk. So, I am fine with this dynamic in which he communicates facts and I mostly just listen/appreciate, except I just wish he’d ask a simple “How are you?” for once. I am rather passive-aggressive…is there a less passive aggressive way to fix this? I really hope I’m not just his replacement for a diary/twitter. 1
Dis Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Oh god....been there done that Trust me....if a guy that doesnt ask about you...and doesnt give you feedback when you talk about yourself....he's not relationship material...get rid of him This will get old very quickly These types of guys are hard wired to talk about themselves, what they did today, and what they are up to...and if by some small chance they ask you how your day was....you'll speak your piece only to hear crickets on their end Pls believe me when I tell you...this will not change I wouldnt waste one more date on a guy like this 4
Mystique01 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Oh god....been there done that Trust me....if a guy that doesnt ask about you...and doesnt give you feedback when you talk about yourself....he's not relationship material...get rid of him This will get old very quickly These types of guys are hard wired to talk about themselves, what they did today, and what they are up to...and if by some small chance they ask you how your day was....you'll speak your piece only to hear crickets on their end Pls believe me when I tell you...this will not change I wouldnt waste one more date on a guy like this I agree... Guys....or just people in GENERAL.....that are like this get on my nerves. It's like, everything is all about THEM all the time. It just gives me the impression that they are self-absorbed in a way. 3
Dis Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I agree... Guys....or just people in GENERAL.....that are like this get on my nerves. It's like, everything is all about THEM all the time. It just gives me the impression that they are self-absorbed in a way. Mhmm, self absorbed for sure I've never met a person...man or woman....that only spoke of themselves and ended up being able to change...its encoded in their genes to have one sided convos 3
Author born3d Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 Makes sense. He is curious about me, just not about my day-to-day... He's very courteous and accommodating to my needs when we're together so I know he likes having someone to sorta care for... Anyway, the self-absorption is real, and I just don't get how he's had long-term relationships then...maybe those would work better with people more assertive than me. I tend to feel invisible a lot in my friendships and everything. Sounds valid? 1
Satu Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 The technical term is 'egocentricity.' It's a self preoccupation that hasn't reached the pathological extreme of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So he could be said to have a character flaw, rather than a personality disorder. As such, it's something he could change, if he wanted to. Take care. 4
Sthrngem87 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 If you don't ask him about his day either I don't see him not asking you as a real issue. A lot of men don't communicate in a way that women are used to. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or doesn't want to know. He just doesn't think to ask because if there was something you wanted to tell him about your day he assumes you'd just say it, just like he does. If everything else is fine and he shows he cares in other ways then it wouldn't be a big deal to me. If it bothers you then lead by example. Start asking him about his day. If that doesn't help then tell him he needs to be more engaged in communicating with you. 5
preraph Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I have a relative like that. I write her and may talk about something important and she never even comments on it. On the phone it's like I have my conversation and she has her monologue. It's narcissism in her case, I'm pretty sure. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I've had some interesting conversation lately with ladies who will only respond to my questions, but never ask or ask superficial questions in return. I usually chalk it up to lack of interest, but they keep responding...eventually I give up and stop asking. Also, as others have said, self-indulgent, self-absorbed folks are like that. All about ME ME ME... 2
Popsicle Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Just say "How come you ever ask me how I'm doing?" 3
deep_night Posted August 23, 2016 Posted August 23, 2016 does he remember things you say to him? if yes that's a good sign maybe he s not very graceful socially. perhaps he thinks you both have to vomit words to each other without any commentary and thats good communcation 1
Author born3d Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 does he remember things you say to him? if yes that's a good sign maybe he s not very graceful socially. perhaps he thinks you both have to vomit words to each other without any commentary and thats good communcation yes, for the most part. But sometimes...sometimes you just know that someone isn't crazy about you. Dunno if I'm the only one who feels that so strongly. 1
frankrobinson Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Yeah, he is probably not interested in a relationship. That is the reason why he doesn't ask you that question. Try to find some new partner, who'll be much more interested for you. Maybe on Partyline.com chat site you will find the right person. 1
leogirl876 Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 Oh god....been there done that Trust me....if a guy that doesnt ask about you...and doesnt give you feedback when you talk about yourself....he's not relationship material...get rid of him This will get old very quickly These types of guys are hard wired to talk about themselves, what they did today, and what they are up to...and if by some small chance they ask you how your day was....you'll speak your piece only to hear crickets on their end Pls believe me when I tell you...this will not change I wouldnt waste one more date on a guy like this Yep!!! Totally agree with this. I went out a few times with a guy who did that, and anytime I'd start to talk about me, he's barely listen and wait for a brief moment of silence so he could bring the conversation back to him. I felt very ignored, bored and alone with him. So don't waste your time! It'll always be all about him! 1
risjurad Posted August 25, 2016 Posted August 25, 2016 If you don't ask him about his day either I don't see him not asking you as a real issue. A lot of men don't communicate in a way that women are used to. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or doesn't want to know. He just doesn't think to ask because if there was something you wanted to tell him about your day he assumes you'd just say it, just like he does. If everything else is fine and he shows he cares in other ways then it wouldn't be a big deal to me. If it bothers you then lead by example. Start asking him about his day. If that doesn't help then tell him he needs to be more engaged in communicating with you. For this, I'd say I'm guilty as charged! Now that you brought it up, is there a frequency guys should be asking this?
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