Doesn't get back to me when asked...

August 22, 2016

I have been dating this guy for over a month now. He is more spontaneous with plans and always asks what I want to do when we plan to hang out. I am more of a planner, and like to know what/where/when we'll be doing things. So far I have planned the majority of our dates, and I'd like it if he'd reciprocate and plan some things. Seems like he is all too happy to let me lead, and as a girl, sometimes I want to be lead! Don't get me wrong, he often offers to pay, and other times we split the bill.

So for the issue... Him not getting back to me about his schedule so we can make plans. It's a repetitive behavior. He'll say he'll let me know, and then I don't hear from him and when he responds he doesn't address the fact that we didn't hang out.

I don't really want to sit and wait around all day for him to get back to me when I could be using that time to spend with friends or do more productive things. How can I approach this issue with him to make him understand that my time is valuable and I'd appreciate him at least letting me know if he can/cannot spend time with me? Seems a little unreliable, and I'm wondering if it'll snowball when bigger issues come along.

Thanks!

August 22, 2016

I have been dating this guy for over a month now. He is more spontaneous with plans and always asks what I want to do when we plan to hang out. I am more of a planner, and like to know what/where/when we'll be doing things. So far I have planned the majority of our dates, and I'd like it if he'd reciprocate and plan some things. Seems like he is all too happy to let me lead, and as a girl, sometimes I want to be lead! Don't get me wrong, he often offers to pay, and other times we split the bill.

Spontaneous = In his case he uses you as a time filler when nothing better (in his eyes)

So for the issue... Him not getting back to me about his schedule so we can make plans. It's a repetitive behavior. He'll say he'll let me know, and then I don't hear from him and when he responds he doesn't address the fact that we didn't hang out.

This guy has minimal interest in you, actually it's more like no interest, he is just letting you chase him down and when it fits his needs once in a while he does something 'spontaneous' but I have explained to you, in his case spontaneous is = don't have anything else.

I don't really want to sit and wait around all day for him to get back to me when I could be using that time to spend with friends or do more productive things.!

Then don't. You are wasting your time with this guy. Get busy finding someone else. Someone that DOES want to spend time with you.

How can I approach this issue with him to make him understand that my time is valuable and I'd appreciate him at least letting me know if he can/cannot spend time with me? Seems a little unreliable, and I'm wondering if it'll snowball when bigger issues come along.

You don't address it with him. You cannot convince someone to spend time with you, cannot convince them to look forward to seeing you, cannot convince someone to be considerate of your time.

You have been on a couple of dates and already you are viewing how unreliable he is. Why, tell me why you want to continue?

Dating is searching for someone compatible with you. This once you can discard.

August 22, 2016

Agree with Gaeta. This isn't something to address with him. Instead, it's about observing that you're not high on his agenda and fading away.

August 23, 2016

I agree with Gaeta and basil

This is why we date...to measure compatiblity

If he's not measuring up and its only been a month....move onto the next

I think what alot of people forget when dating is....people dont change much....what you see at the beginning is what you'll get later

Its fine that you dont like his unreliability and inconsideration...its not fine to continue to date him knowing he doesnt meet your standards

Move on hun

August 23, 2016

I have been dating this guy for over a month now. He is more spontaneous with plans and always asks what I want to do when we plan to hang out. I am more of a planner, and like to know what/where/when we'll be doing things. So far I have planned the majority of our dates, and I'd like it if he'd reciprocate and plan some things. Seems like he is all too happy to let me lead, and as a girl, sometimes I want to be lead! Don't get me wrong, he often offers to pay, and other times we split the bill.

So for the issue... Him not getting back to me about his schedule so we can make plans. It's a repetitive behavior. He'll say he'll let me know, and then I don't hear from him and when he responds he doesn't address the fact that we didn't hang out.

I don't really want to sit and wait around all day for him to get back to me when I could be using that time to spend with friends or do more productive things. How can I approach this issue with him to make him understand that my time is valuable and I'd appreciate him at least letting me know if he can/cannot spend time with me? Seems a little unreliable, and I'm wondering if it'll snowball when bigger issues come along.

Thanks!

In the very early stages of dating, you observe what the man brings to your table, naturally. If he isn't meeting your early dating needs, there's a lack of compatibility. Sure, you could tell him and he may step it up a little, but they will likely fall back into his usual preferences/habits.

After you've established that the basics are "in place" and there are some things that aren't quite right, it's ok to discuss what you needs are, but not this early. He's showing you what he's got to offer and it's not enough for you. I'd move on if I were you. He isn't doing any wrong, it's just not right for you.

August 23, 2016

I have been dating this guy for over a month now. He is more spontaneous with plans and always asks what I want to do when we plan to hang out. I am more of a planner, and like to know what/where/when we'll be doing things. So far I have planned the majority of our dates, and I'd like it if he'd reciprocate and plan some things. Seems like he is all too happy to let me lead, and as a girl, sometimes I want to be lead! Don't get me wrong, he often offers to pay, and other times we split the bill.

So for the issue... Him not getting back to me about his schedule so we can make plans. It's a repetitive behavior. He'll say he'll let me know, and then I don't hear from him and when he responds he doesn't address the fact that we didn't hang out.

I don't really want to sit and wait around all day for him to get back to me when I could be using that time to spend with friends or do more productive things. How can I approach this issue with him to make him understand that my time is valuable and I'd appreciate him at least letting me know if he can/cannot spend time with me? Seems a little unreliable, and I'm wondering if it'll snowball when bigger issues come along.

Thanks!

TO THE BOLDED ABOVE: it's simple, then don't!! Don't sit around all day waiting for him to get back to you about plans. Do your other things. You show him your time is valuable by first off respecting it yourself. Yeah it will probably snowball onto bigger issues or this will bug you more and snowball in that way. You could mention it rationally once. I personally wouldn't do that I would just do your other things. Why are leaving him a spot open when he is "last minute" or not planning like you like to do? It's seems desperate(ish) or over-invested. If you want him to plan for you, don't be available when he doesn't plan.

I actually don't agree with the mostly black and white thinking presented in the other posts (good posters who i do agree with a lot of the times!). Doesn't necessarily need to go to a man-hating place or anything like that nor is reflection of his level of interest (or lack thereof). He may just express it in a different way that you expect and you both don't know each other really. You are GETTING to know each other. I don't think he has malicious intent. I do think think that you being of a more planner nature makes it seem like you are driving the bus, which is a tricky situation when you are the female. However, it may truly just pan out that you two are not compatible, (which i do agree with in the posts above) due to the way you live your lifestyles (him, spontaneously; you, with plans). Doesn't mean either of you is wrong or not into the other person--just not right for each other. Good luck.

August 23, 2016

Some people aren't planners. I hate making plans unless I absolutely have to I prefer to just do what I feel when I feel but I take into consideration that others need timelines where need be. And sometimes plans are necessary.

Having said that, if you are dating a guy that you have to make all the plans for back right off and stop making plans. Keep talking to him and see if he rises to the occasion. It's the only way you will teach him to make plans with you. If he wants to see you he will have to take the initiative because it ain't gonna come from you anymore.

August 23, 2016

You don't address it with him. You cannot convince someone to spend time with you, cannot convince them to look forward to seeing you, cannot convince someone to be considerate of your time.

You have been on a couple of dates and already you are viewing how unreliable he is. Why, tell me why you want to continue?

Dating is searching for someone compatible with you. This once you can discard.

Thank you. I already know this logically, but after spending time with him, and considering the good times we've had, sometimes I tend to forget that I have to first respect my time if I want someone else to respect it.

August 23, 2016

Agree with Gaeta. This isn't something to address with him. Instead, it's about observing that you're not high on his agenda and fading away.

You have a valid point. He almost always initiates texting first, and it's usually no more than small talk. He didn't ask to hang out until the end of the week and I asked him to let me know what his weekend schedule entailed because I knew he had some plans. FWIW, he said he wanted to see me first. But he neglected to mention anything until a few days later.

August 23, 2016

Some people really aren't planners, the men in my family are definitely not planners. But, I don't know that it should stop him from being able to say "Friday night, we'll get together." If you like him, I would try to be ok with having less of a plan... But I would talk to him and tell him that you just need to know when you will spend time together.

And, if you don't feel like waiting around for him, don't. It could really get his attention... If he decides to see you one night but - look at that - you didn't tell me soon enough so I've made other plans... That will really get his attention!

August 23, 2016

I agree with Gaeta and basil

This is why we date...to measure compatiblity

If he's not measuring up and its only been a month....move onto the next

I think what alot of people forget when dating is....people dont change much....what you see at the beginning is what you'll get later

Its fine that you dont like his unreliability and inconsideration...its not fine to continue to date him knowing he doesnt meet your standards

Move on hun

I'm not trying to change him, and at this stage in life I'm no longer the rescuing type. I guess I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, because I realize everyone operates on different levels, and different paces, and am trying to measure our compatibility....if that makes sense. I'm big on communicating if something bothers me, but a lot of the opinion here is to just say nothing and let me him rise to the occasion, so it feels weird to bottle it up if his actions are becoming an issue for me? I certainly don't want to come off as the type to bottle things up and then have to bring it up weeks later when it could have been addressed earlier...

August 23, 2016

In the very early stages of dating, you observe what the man brings to your table, naturally. If he isn't meeting your early dating needs, there's a lack of compatibility. Sure, you could tell him and he may step it up a little, but they will likely fall back into his usual preferences/habits.

After you've established that the basics are "in place" and there are some things that aren't quite right, it's ok to discuss what you needs are, but not this early. He's showing you what he's got to offer and it's not enough for you. I'd move on if I were you. He isn't doing any wrong, it's just not right for you.

Noted. How far in would you think it would then become "OK" to discuss what my and his needs are?

August 23, 2016

How are you giving him the benefit of the doubt when you are making all the plans?

Don't not make plans with your friends and family, make your own plans. If he wants to see you when you already made plans, tough.

Now is a good time to ask him point blank "how come I have to always make plans to see us why don't you ever ask?"

Either way you will have to wait for him to make plans after the talk or if you just sit back and let him rise to the occasion. It's not about bottling up things inside it is about determining just how interested this guy is, because right now it doesn't seem like he is all that interested. Sorry.

August 23, 2016

TO THE BOLDED ABOVE: it's simple, then don't!! Don't sit around all day waiting for him to get back to you about plans. Do your other things. You show him your time is valuable by first off respecting it yourself. Yeah it will probably snowball onto bigger issues or this will bug you more and snowball in that way. You could mention it rationally once. I personally wouldn't do that I would just do your other things. Why are leaving him a spot open when he is "last minute" or not planning like you like to do? It's seems desperate(ish) or over-invested. If you want him to plan for you, don't be available when he doesn't plan.

I actually don't agree with the mostly black and white thinking presented in the other posts (good posters who i do agree with a lot of the times!). Doesn't necessarily need to go to a man-hating place or anything like that nor is reflection of his level of interest (or lack thereof). He may just express it in a different way that you expect and you both don't know each other really. You are GETTING to know each other. I don't think he has malicious intent. I do think think that you being of a more planner nature makes it seem like you are driving the bus, which is a tricky situation when you are the female. However, it may truly just pan out that you two are not compatible, (which i do agree with in the posts above) due to the way you live your lifestyles (him, spontaneously; you, with plans). Doesn't mean either of you is wrong or not into the other person--just not right for each other. Good luck.

Thanks. After I realized I wasn't going to hear back within a reasonable amount of time I started to do my own thing, and didn't mope around *too* much. Not going to lie, I was a bit disappointed, especially since he initiated the conversation to hang out, but what really gave me perspective was when he reached out after the fact and offered no excuse as to why he had been absent. Not even a 'sorry I was busy'. I don't want to have to prompt someone into giving me an explanation.

With that said, after spending some time with him, I don't think he has malicious intent either. He's very affectionate, which I enjoy, has a caring side about him, seems interested in my life and goals, supportive, but I also think he seems stuck in his ways. He even considered us going on a trip abroad, but that's not going to happen unless I'm in an exclusive relationship with someone.

August 23, 2016

Some people aren't planners. I hate making plans unless I absolutely have to I prefer to just do what I feel when I feel but I take into consideration that others need timelines where need be. And sometimes plans are necessary.

Having said that, if you are dating a guy that you have to make all the plans for back right off and stop making plans. Keep talking to him and see if he rises to the occasion. It's the only way you will teach him to make plans with you. If he wants to see you he will have to take the initiative because it ain't gonna come from you anymore.

Thanks. I think this will be my next course of action. I will be patient and wait it out. It will probably confuse him since I am usually pretty responsive to his texts, but you are right... We teach people how to treat us.

August 23, 2016

This isn't him being spontaneous or not good at planning. It's him showing that he's probably super unreliable.

Waiting to bring up an issue is fine when it's only based on your expectations and there's no way he could've known what you expected from him beforehand. However this is something he said he'll do and he's not doing it. That's completely on him and I would bring it up. Don't be a pushover.

August 23, 2016

Some people really aren't planners, the men in my family are definitely not planners.

I guess there's a fine line between people use the excuse, "I'm not a good planner" which is interpreted as, "I don't give a rats a** about you!"?

Of course, I tend not to associate with poor planners, so it's moot.

August 23, 2016

Some people really aren't planners, the men in my family are definitely not planners. But, I don't know that it should stop him from being able to say "Friday night, we'll get together." If you like him, I would try to be ok with having less of a plan... But I would talk to him and tell him that you just need to know when you will spend time together.

And, if you don't feel like waiting around for him, don't. It could really get his attention... If he decides to see you one night but - look at that - you didn't tell me soon enough so I've made other plans... That will really get his attention!

Thanks for this perspective. This is the route I was considering going down; I just need to know the day in advance. For now it's not the nail in the coffin. I am choosing to see how he reacts to my pulling back a bit and him taking (or not) the lead. I already have made other plans for this weekend too, so I'm not trying to let this get to me.

August 23, 2016

How are you giving him the benefit of the doubt when you are making all the plans?

Don't not make plans with your friends and family, make your own plans. If he wants to see you when you already made plans, tough.

Now is a good time to ask him point blank "how come I have to always make plans to see us why don't you ever ask?"

Either way you will have to wait for him to make plans after the talk or if you just sit back and let him rise to the occasion. It's not about bottling up things inside it is about determining just how interested this guy is, because right now it doesn't seem like he is all that interested. Sorry.

Good points to consider. And I have already have some plans in the making with other people this weekend. It will definitely help me to get out on my head.

As for this level of interest, he has expressed he is interested in dating me and has said he isn't dating anyone else at the moment. He almost always initiates first contact. But I know actions speak louder than words.

August 23, 2016

I agree some people are very poor at planning their lives, they go with the flow and if someone else is happy to do the planning for them they are very happy to allow them to do just that.

But here I detect a bit of a reticence in that he doesn't share his schedule, and he also doesn't get back to you to firm up things and that makes me think he maybe isn't that keen.

Of course if he knows he can pick up up and put you down at will then that may suit him just fine too.

You say at your "stage of life" how old are you and him?

August 23, 2016

I actually don't agree with the mostly black and white thinking presented in the other posts (good posters who i do agree with a lot of the times!). Doesn't necessarily need to go to a man-hating place or anything like that nor is reflection of his level of interest (or lack thereof). He may just express it in a different way that you expect and you both don't know each other really. You are GETTING to know each other. I don't think he has malicious intent. I do think think that you being of a more planner nature makes it seem like you are driving the bus, which is a tricky situation when you are the female. However, it may truly just pan out that you two are not compatible, (which i do agree with in the posts above) due to the way you live your lifestyles (him, spontaneously; you, with plans). Doesn't mean either of you is wrong or not into the other person--just not right for each other. Good luck.

To me this is not about being a bad planner because of this part in her original post:

Him not getting back to me about his schedule so we can make plans. It's a repetitive behavior. He'll say he'll let me know, and then I don't hear from him and when he responds he doesn't address the fact that we didn't hang out.

This is being disrespectful. Not particularly disrespectful of her time but disrespectful of her in all forms.

That makes him not only a bad planner but unreliable, inconsiderate, could I say liar? When he tells her he'll get back to her with no intention of getting back to her that falls in the category liar and manipulative.

August 23, 2016

Thanks. I think this will be my next course of action. I will be patient and wait it out. It will probably confuse him since I am usually pretty responsive to his texts, but you are right... We teach people how to treat us.

How old are you? Do you really need this type of behavior in your life? With all the men out there you could date do you really need to date one that has the emotional maturity of a 19 year old?

It's not about being a bad planner, it's about being ignorant of you in more than one form. Not only he does not get back to you when he says so but now we learn he does not even apologize for leaving you hanging.

You will be patient?? for what? Has it been so long since a man treated you right that you forgot how it's suppose to feel?

August 23, 2016

I agree some people are very poor at planning their lives, they go with the flow and if someone else is happy to do the planning for them they are very happy to allow them to do just that.
But here I detect a bit of a reticence in that he doesn't share his schedule, and he also doesn't get back to you to firm up things and that makes me think he maybe isn't that keen.

Of course if he knows he can pick up up and put you down at will then that may suit him just fine too.

You say at your "stage of life" how old are you and him?

We're both over 30. These are certainly things that I've thought about time and again. When it boils to how I am treated in a new relationship, I always ask myself if I would allow a friend to treat me this way? Usually that's a good sign whether or not I am going down the right path.

August 23, 2016

How old are you? Do you really need this type of behavior in your life? With all the men out there you could date do you really need to date one that has the emotional maturity of a 19 year old?

It's not about being a bad planner, it's about being ignorant of you in more than one form. Not only he does not get back to you when he says so but now we learn he does not even apologize for leaving you hanging.

You will be patient?? for what? Has it been so long since a man treated you right that you forgot how it's suppose to feel?

No, it hasn't. I am just seeking advice on how to move forward in a situation where there's communication breakdown and lack of consideration of time. Whether to bring it up, and see if changes arise, or if to leave it be and look elsewhere.

August 23, 2016

Cheezy.

If this guy hasn't learnt very basic manners by now then quite frankly it is not up to you to do something about it or adapt to suit him.

I don't think this guy is all that into you. I think he just calls when he is bored and has nothing better to do and you are better looking than an X Box...

Just next the guy and move on.

I dated a guy for a while. Very like you describe. Was only dating me etc, fun to be with etc.... slept with him after a month (ages wait for me as I normally jump the poor sods if I fancy them within the first few dates), then he wanted to "multi date"... Yeah OK. Well he can multi date as much as he likes he isn't coming near me again.

Don't bother wasting your time or energy. This guy is a flake, it is that simple.

Sign In

Doesn't get back to me when asked...

Recommended Posts

gettingcheezy

Gaeta

basil67

Dis

Redhead14

Versacehottie

Sunkissedpatio

gettingcheezy

gettingcheezy

BaileyB

gettingcheezy

gettingcheezy

Sunkissedpatio

gettingcheezy

gettingcheezy

Sthrngem87

LookAtThisPOst

gettingcheezy

gettingcheezy

elaine567

Gaeta

Gaeta

gettingcheezy

gettingcheezy

Toodaloo

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...