Dazedandconfused92 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Hello all, so I am in a bit of a tricky situation and would really appreciate your advice, own experiences and so forth. Basically I have been in a relationship for 3 years and he is a very big part of my life. We have been living together for a while now and I know for a fact that he is very much in love with me and can see a future with me. I on the other hand am not so sure. While I feel comfortable around him and do enjoy being in his company, I feel the spark has gone. I have found myself doubting myself for a while now and find that I am resisting being close to him, or telling him I love him, because I am not sure that I really mean it. I was pretty young when we first got together and pretty messed up. I had just got out of a toxic relationship and had taken to drinking to forget my problems, which would often get out of control. When I found him he got me out of the dark place that I was in and I couldn't be more grateful. However now that I am not in that place any more I have changed a lot as a person and feel that my feelings have changed as well. Then something else happened. I started developing feelings for another guy in our social circle about six months ago and felt myself being drawn towards him when we would hang out as a group. I really enjoyed our conversations and just felt like there was something there. Then about 2 months ago I admitted to him that I had feelings for him and he told me that it was mutual. He was also in a relationship at the time, but that has since ended. Since then it was always at the back of my mind, I couldn't get it out of my head how compatible we would be and what would happen if we got together. Then last week something happened. We had both had a bit to drink at the time and eventually one thing led to another and we kissed. It was amazing but I felt so guilty at the same time but there was no way we could ignore what happened. We met up again when we were sober to talk about what had happened and I admitted to him I wasn't happy in my current relationship and that I had been thinking of ending things and he told me he would respect my decision whatever I chose to do. He also told me that if I did end things he would want to pursue things between us because of the very obvious chemistry between us. Eventually we ended up kissing again even though we were trying so hard not to but it was just so hard to resist and again it felt so amazing and so right, but also so wrong at the same time. Now I am so scared about what to do, in a sense I feel like the 3 years we have been together will have been for nothing. I know it will destroy him and it makes me so sad to think about how he will take it. I am also scared about the major life change it will lead to, I have been living with him for so long that it will not be easy dealing with that. I feel so guilty about what happened and even more guilty that I am glad it did happen. I don't want to keep things going with my partner if I am not completely into it as it will probably just end up worse in the long run. Also, I really don't know what to do about the other guy, I would really like to see how things would go with him as I feel we would be such a good match and I have pretty intense feelings especially after what happened, but I am also worried about what it would do to our group. Sorry for dragging this out so much, I just wanted to get it all off my chest and ask for your advice and what you would do in this crazy situation.
Just a Guy Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Hi Dazed, after reading what you have to say, there is only one thing that I can advise you. Be kind to your current SO and tell him about your feelings for the other guy and then leave. Your current position is untenable and your stretching it for so long is grossly unfair to your SO. Let him go and find someone worthy of him. You certainly are not! Have a good day.
kgcolonel Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Something else to consider...is this social group your primary support system? If so, there will be a fracture in the group...someone will be judged harshly, likely you and the OM....your current SO will remain in the group. Better plan on finding another social group. I am assuming that your SO and the OM are friends ATM so this also goes to his character of pursuing a buddies girl....not cool at all. Personally, if you put the same energy into your current relationship you're putting into the next one, the current would likely revive.
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