mortensorchid Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 I started a new job this week as a direct care supporter at a mild/moderate group home. I am working part time in the morning shift three days a week, plus ever other weekend. I'm learning a lot working with the developmentally disabled, but that's another thread... Weeks before, I went to an orientation meeting. I was with the organization for their summer program (kids from preschool to their early mid twenties) which lasted six weeks, I transferred over to the group homes for adults. Apparently at the orientation, I met a woman who was to be my future supervisor. We said hello, she asked which home I was to be assigned at, I said I was not sure at the time (which I was not). And ... That was that I guess. I showed up on Thursday of this week for my first day, and I was paired with another woman, that we were to be sort of partners from now on to work in the office and take care of resident needs. And we do. She said to me on our second day I am not what she expected. I asked what she meant. She said someone told her that I am not friendly, a snob, and most likely gay because I'm in my 40s and never been married. She said after talking to me for the two days we had known each other, she knew I was not like that at all. This is annoying to me but I didn't let it show to her. People assume that you're gay because you're middle aged and never been married even in this day and age?! I tend to be standoffish with people when I first meet them, I've been hurt by many in the past and I know not to be so friendly to others when we meet (personally and in the workplace), over time I warm up. This is just a unique problem I have with others. I also keep my emotions inside unless pushed to the limit. I feel like I have to explain myself to others a lot as to how and why I am the way I am. Do others find this to be the case? Maybe you have some personality quirk, or someone finds you to be a certain way, or one finds a fault with you because they are critical or jealous or looking for ways to find something wrong with you? If so, how do you deal with it? And the being gay thing ... That blows me away. I am anything but. If anything I am more and have been more promiscuous than the average woman tends to be, but I keep it hidden from others. 1
deep_night Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 tbh, id rather be gay than being bored with my life and resorting to spreading rumours about coworkers. 3
deep_night Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 btw, yes, i seem disengaged a lot. and because im really quiet others assume im bored of them or don't like them. i also appear as a prude, which im not really. oh, and i also look stupid sometimes because i have social anxiety. yeah, im not one who makes a quality first impression for sure
Shanex Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Cant prevent people from stereotyping you and making assumptions. Never been married hence you are gay. This is as silly as "this guy didn't try to hit on me.. He must be a homo". How do I deal with this? Talking to them and this usually resolve the troubles after a while but there's always someone who will hate your guts for whatever reason and eventually will try everything to put you off the job, even if you enjoy it.. I find that it's best to ignore rather than fight openly.
Shanex Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Being reserved is also often mistaken for snobbish.
BlueIris Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 I'd be wary of someone who told you that, more wary than I'd be of the people that she claims said that. 1
preraph Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 There used to be a lot more people who would jump to those conslusions about single women in the US, but if they've been thinking it about me, they've at least kept their mouths shut about it. 1
Gloria25 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 tbh, id rather be gay than being bored with my life and resorting to spreading rumours about coworkers. Yep, to add: I rather be gay and a B rather than on my back to get some guy to pay half my rent (under the guise of "wife" and "mother") cuz I'm to scared to hack it on my own. Ignore them. Women can be catty and petty. If you were married, they'd have something to say about the size of your wedding ring. Thing is, misery loves company. A lot of married women feel scared and jealous thinking that us single gals live some Sex and the City lifestyle, while they lost their freedom and are stuck changing diapers, working to help their loser husband pay bills, and having that same loser husband rollover, do them for 3 minutes and roll back over and sleep.
Gloria25 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I'd be wary of someone who told you that, more wary than I'd be of the people that she claims said that. Yes, there's always a "double agent" who plays both you and others against each other.
SammySammy Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I've had several women tell me they thought I was "stuck up" or snobbish before they got to know me. Found out I was not like that at all. Had some try to call me gay or "metrosexual" too. The metrosexual thing pissed me off. I'd rather you just call me gay than try to be slick about it. You can't live your life being concerned about other people's misperceptions. Some folks are just wrong. Wouldn't let it bother me a bit.
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