Reading body language

[mrnella]

I'm just curious how much people believe in body language as an accurate indicator of attraction. I've read up about it online and have found some really interesting things I never knew about (ex. mirroring).

 

Ive been people watching for awhile now and it's fascinating the little things humans do that we really don't pay much attention to. You can never tell what's really in a person's mind but I'm just wondering how much faith to put into this stuff and if anyone has examples or stories to share.

 

Thanks

[carhill]

When I was younger and a bit of (maybe more than a bit!) of a dope I used to believe in all that authentic signalling stuff. Then I met the MW's!

 

My exW called similar behaviors created on purpose as 'masking', meaning one apparent behavior is acted out as a mask for a completely different milieu. She taught me a lot about that stuff.

 

Now I just play their game and see where it goes. The destination doesn't matter any more. If someone proves up as authentic, very rare in my personal experience, hey, not bad. I don't approach women anymore but would only approach those I'm authentically attracted to. My method of behavior is more for those who signal me, generally sexually. Keeps the blood flowing in old age. Haven't met a single one yet. Single, meaning unattached. Hey, they're not dead yet so reading their body language can sometimes become a novel one just can't put down

 

To answer your question, people can and do often involuntarily signal their emotional states and feelings of attraction. Some also fake it to make it, for whatever purpose that serves for them. Big world, lots of people.

[deep_night]

i have a lovely memory of my boyfriend, while we were friends but had started flirting... he touched my hair softly while he was looking at me... i noticed his pupils dilating, and i could tell that he was having tender thoughts about me.

[preraph]

Body language is a natural way to judge if someone is interested but it doesn't always mean interested in you romantically, and also some of the classic things everyone says like playing with hair can just be nervous habits and mean nothing at all. Same way with crossing legs. It's just a way of sitting for most people. Dilated pupils does mean interest, but again, could just be interested in the subject you're discussing and not have any attraction for you. And the guys who read this stuff and try to go by it are probably missing the big picture, which is just overall does she seem interested or repelled by you. And you could be talking to someone twirling your hair and she's going it because a guy across the room just looked at her.

[NeotericJack]

... And the guys who read this stuff and try to go by it are probably missing the big picture, which is just overall does she seem interested or repelled by you. ...

 

 

Good point. I given-up the body language things and have been watching all the little things she does that make me think she's interested; the smiles, the conversations, laughing together.

[todreaminblue]

with body language also its ambiguous at the best of times....body language is a science so the only true method of drawing any possible exact conclusion is to know the person exhibiting the body language......the rest ...if you dont know the person very well are guesses at best......

 

 

once you know a person you see over a period of time and circumstances how they react to given stimuli...random strangers reading body language is more like projecting your experiences, what you and who you have known in the past

 

 

people or you yourself can mistake a person interested in you for instance..for interested in what that person or opposite gender is talking about....passion for what is said rather than the person saying it.....that could have a result of ....pupil dilation

 

with my ex for example.....i read him wrong to start with......his body language read extremely confident arrogant...it was a projection of confidence and not really the way he was..... i got to know him over ....a two year period i could read him like a book..and i like that...it makes me feel secure...thats why i also prefer to know the guy well before i am dating him...call it .....security...a defense mechanism in me....

 

 

even with knowing someone enough to read them......there's always error.....because theres surface body language...and then theres the inner truth...i prefer the inner truth....and that normally comes when the person you are talking to or interested in or with on a full time basis......believes they can trust you and you are someone they can open up to.....i work at being that person they can be honest and open with..stuff the body language.give me verbal yesses or nos...

 

i do this by being open myself....if i am interested i tell the truth or if i am not.....i say it.......straight up...and i am open......and i guess that is why peoplefeel they can talk to me easily and openly....sometimes they even say things i dont want to hear..harsh truth .but i prefer that....that having to decipher inner truths and body language...its too much like work ...and takes away the enjoyment of the company i am in..but more so...the freedom to feel relaxed.....if you are s tudying body language...you ofen miss the person who is talking to you.....you miss what they say..

 

 

thats why i say....error is always a possibility..better to be just warm personified..... open and honest...and nurture that behavior by emulating the honesty in what you want.... in whoever you talk to ...inner truths..

 

i know my children off by heart...i can read their body language..its been a lifetime of experiences...and circumstances..but i would over the capacity to read them...prefer they feel they can come to me with truth and say how they feel....or what is going on with them....and they do......eventually....and i feel...thats what is more important than body language...is verbal communication...deb

Edited August 23, 2016 by todreaminblue

[Miss Peach]

I have a friend and we love sitting in a restaurant or cafe and reading the body language of those around us. I can't tell if a guy is a keeper but I can tell things like if he's guarded, hesitant, attracted, etc.

[HillValley]

I can do it when I'm watching other people's conversation, but when I'm in the moment, it's a lot harder to do cause I'm usually focused on something else.

[elaine567]

I think we all instinctively read body language and use the cues every day in normal social interaction.

We just know when someone is bored or interested or happy or sad or nervous or angry - they often do not need to say a word.

Some people can mask how they feel and some people are difficult to read. People in service industries especially can put on a happy face and appear interested and friendly, when they are dying inside as it is part of their job to do so.

 

I think some people are almost oblivious to social cues and body language and thus find it difficult to find and maintain relationships.

[Tayla]

80/20 rule.

 

Learned to see if the facial and mannerisms matched the conversation.

 

That's how you learn if they are genuine... we have our "tells" even in silence.

 

My boss had it down to an art... He could sell ice cubes to Eskimos.

 

His "tell" was in his quick pause in conveyance when caught in an untruth. He'd lean his head a bit...

 

While to the avg onlooker it's rather brief and discounted..I would smile at him and say...want to try that again ? With the truth perhaps?. We had that rapport that transcended the need to be insincere .

[Gaeta]

You have to be extremely careful with this as the same body language can mean different things in different cultures.

 

In our occidental world a good eye contact means openness, honesty, self confidence. In several part of the world it means rudeness and lack of respect.

 

I dated a man for a year that was born and raised in the Caribbeans. I asked him once why he had a problem with looking at me in the eyes. He said in his culture it's a sign of disrespect, when he grew up he'd get hit if he looked in the eyes of his parents, teachers, aunts and uncles. In his culture a show of respect was to look down and listen.

[angel.eyes]

The most accurate way to determine if someone is interested in you, is to ask the person out on a date. If the answer is yes, and they show up for a date, they're interested. When they stop showing up for for dates, they've lost interest.

 

Body language, as it's typically described on this site (twirling hair, licking lips, crossing legs towards you, etc.) isn't helpful. For example, most people have a preferred way of crossing their legs. It comes down to whether you accidentally sat on the "correct" side of the person. Ditto for hair twirling. Go to any college library, and you'll see lots of people twirling away at their hair even as they study solo. Is it because they're romantically attracted to their laptop screens or books?

 

If you're depending solely on body language or whether someone flirts, you'll miss out on some people who are genuinely interested in you while getting misled by those who have nervous tics such as twirling their hair or are naturally flirtatious with anyone and everyone.

 

In life and in love, audaces fortuna iuvat...fortune favors the bold. Bite the bullet, and ask the person out.