sonoluminecents Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 (edited) I have never gone through a break up before and if we are being technical I'm not even now. I met this guy about a year and a half ago. I thought he was cute and he seemed to like me but I was so scared to be in a relationship that I didn't work too hard to see him after he asked me out. Then I was offered a job out of state and had a month left in town so I figured why not hang out with him. I was given an easy out so I didn't mind getting to know him in a romantic way. It was nice but really scary. It was the first time I actually called someone boyfriend. I still wasn't sure if I had feelings for him when I left. There were a lot of little things that would have had me running for the hills but I pushed them aside since our relationship had an end date. A few weeks after moving I was fired from the job I moved out for. It was devastating but I was too afraid of moving back and having to face the relationship that I had created, so I stayed where I was with no friends and no job and tried to build a life from scratch. A few months later I went back for a visit, and we picked things back up. It was a little rocky at first. He was in a weird place emotionally and it was causing a lot of tension between us. I remember thinking "I'll wait out these next two weeks but next time I come back we are not doing this." We ended up talking about the issues and afterwards I started feeling really good about our relationship. It was amazing how quickly I went from thinking we shouldn't be together to having really strong feelings for him. When I left the second time those feelings stayed with me and I had a hard time looking for someone new because I didn't want to lose what we had. 6 months went by and I came back for another visit. This time I went specifically in search of closure. We had a good time together but there was tension and I ended up telling him about all of the things that concerned me when we started dating. I had a huge long list of things that bothered me but he didn't have anything that bothered him. When I left that time I felt like I could move on. I even dated a few guys in that time. This summer I took an extended leave from my job and I have been back for the last two months. I have been suffering from extreme depression and anxiety so I just needed some time off to be in a place where I have close friends and family. When I came back I didn't know if I should pick things back up with him. On one hand having physical comfort in such a dark time sounded really helpful but on the other hand I was very fragile emotionally. We ended up picking things back up but he said he wanted to try being friends with benefits since I was going back and he still wanted to find a long term relationship. I agreed since there was someone else I wanted to see in a different town. I went to a neighboring state to visit the other guy (that didn't end up working out either) and when I came back he told me that he had found a girl that he liked but she had just started dating this other guy. I was a little jealous but I had just gone on a date with someone else so I didn't mind much that he liked someone. A week later he told me they had gone out to get drinks together and she told him she liked him too but wasn't willing to end her current relationship. For some reason that really hurt. I felt relatively safe knowing that there were still things keeping them from dating but knowing she had feelings for him too broke me. This is where it gets foggy. I don't know what went wrong. I tried to talk to him about it and get him to reassure me that he still liked me but he wouldn't. He just kept saying "I don't know". He started feeling like he was hurting me buy still being affectionate so he pulled away. I don't think he realizes that him pulling away is what is hurting me. He still isn't dating this girl but now we aren't together and every time I try to talk to him about it he pulls away farther. I just wanted to be with him for another 3 weeks and then I could go back and get over him but it ending prematurely is agonizing. It especially hard because I have used him for emotional support this summer and I feel like that has been ripped away from me. He has always said that the most important thing for him is to stay friends, and now he thinks that by being less affectionate we can make that work, but I'm so hurt and confused by the whole thing. I don't understand my feelings at all. How come I'm OK with it ending in three weeks but not now? I don't understand where he is or how he went from liking me one week to not knowing the next. I'm scared to talk to him about it cause I don't want him to pull away even more. I just don’t understand why this hurts so much. Edited August 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~T 1
preraph Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 When you are dealing with anxiety and depression is NO time to try to have a successful relationship. You need to work on your issues so you have a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. Please just focus on doing that. Get it under control and then maybe you can find a balanced person to have a balanced relationship with. You have work to do. You're looking for quick fixes. There are none. Sorry you're going through a hard time. Get pro help. 1
whatnot Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 (edited) If he feels as if you're willing to commit only enough of yourself to keep him out of another relationship, that would explain his actions. It also would explain some of your own feelings about this relationship. I don't know if that this is the case. Good luck Edited August 21, 2016 by whatnot
ManyDissapoint Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 If you use people don't be surprised if they may not be happy with that arrangement once they figure it out.
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