Riplayingtheblues36 Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Hey everyone. Was wondering if I could get some advice or if anyone has been in a similar position. Started dating a girl about 3 weeks ago. We really hit it off and have chemistry. I have paid for all the dates so fsr as she just srarted a new job and is broke. Just a couple of things that raised alarms. So we became official in the second week after a few dates. And that was wonderful. She has a bestie named eve and I asked if she knew about us being bf and gf and she said no because eve is having a hard time dating. Her other friend Keith who eve also knows ( they have know each other since college. 17 years and are all 40.. I'm 36 )is having a lot of mental problems but eve has blocked him but my girl is constantly meeting him and talking and I asked if he knew about me and she said no. I lost my mam a few months ago and I'm afraid I'm prob just over thinking things. I asked in a nice way if there was anything happening with keith and she assured me no. Then the next day she text and said she doesn't like it that she feels she needs to explain herself to me.. and a hour after that she texts saying if she got pregnant by Dec she would be happy.. like I say any advice please. My last relationship I walked awattand ended because she cheated and I don't want to be a chump again. I asked about her ex and she said they don't talk that he calls when he is drunk and she blocks his number going to bed. I felt weird about that. And I asked if she was completely over him and she said yes. And she was permanently blocking his number... any advice is greatly appreciated. Is she playing and should I be cautious or just run? 1
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 (edited) First of all, you became official in the second week of dating and unless I'm misunderstanding, she told you she wants to be pregnant by December? Wow! That is crazy fast. She doesn't even know you... There is something really wrong with that! Those are the biggest red flags!! Otherwise, she sounds like big time drama. I would not be investing much in this relationship without some pretty significant due diligence. Edited August 21, 2016 by BaileyB 3
Author Riplayingtheblues36 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Posted August 21, 2016 Yes we became a couple pretty quick. I was happy because I was so tired of the dating ****. And I was so surprised when she said that about getting pregnant. I'm so confused. Thanks for your advice. 1
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Yes we became a couple pretty quick. I was happy because I was so tired of the dating ****. And I was so surprised when she said that about getting pregnant. I'm so confused. Thanks for your advice. I get that. I really do. But, I'm saying there is something really not good about a woman who moves so quickly... Dating is a time to get to know each other, to learn about each other, and decide if this person is a potential life partner. People who don't take this time to do some due diligence shouldn't be surprised when the relationship fails because they miss lots of really important information about the other person. Based on her very erratic behavior and the fact that she is quick to move without actually getting to know you, I would be very cautious about this person. Truthfully, if a man did this to me, I would probably run the other way. She doesn't seem like a very healthy partner, IMHO. 1
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 And you have to ask yourself, do you really want to be coparenting and on the hook for 18 years of child support with someone you hardly know... Slow this down... 3
Author Riplayingtheblues36 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Posted August 21, 2016 Thank you for your words. I see what you mean. But why wouldshe say something like that.. to reel me in. My answer was haha maybe should get Christmas out of the way.. plenty of time. 1
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 I think she was just being honest with you... How old is she? Lots of women feel just as frustrated with dating as you do. And, we also have that biological clock ticking... So, some women may try to speed things up if they are feeling the pressure to start a family. Sometimes, this can cause us to make some not so smart decisions... We speed along without taking the time to really know someone and create a fantasy of what life would be like as a family... Only to learn that the reality is not what we may want. I'm not sure that this is what she is doing, but it makes me wonder... I suspect that she was just telling you honestly what she wants from you, she just wasn't smart enough to wait a while before she told you... So, you have to ask yourself - do you really want to tie yourself for 18 years to someone you don't know... Someone that you have concerns about (re: friends and exs, and rightly so). Maybe I'm wrong, but I would be careful with this one... The answer will be revealed to you in time... If you slow things down and take at time... 3
Satu Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 After 3 weeks, you've hardly begun getting to know each other. Don't rush that process. “Love is begun by time, And time qualifies the spark and fire of it.” - Hamlet – Act 4, Scene 7 Take care. 2
Author Riplayingtheblues36 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Posted August 21, 2016 Thank you so much for your replies. It is so much appreciated. Think I'm going to step back and be cautious about this. Take my time
BaileyB Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Thank you so much for your replies. It is so much appreciated. Think I'm going to step back and be cautious about this. Take my time There is no harm in taking your time. Get to know her. Hopefully, things will go well. It will all be revealed with time...
preraph Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Something is off. Women tell their friends when they get a boyfriend. I wouldn't worry about Keith, though. Or her friend. But there's some reason she's not letting people know she's got a man, and it could be because she doesn't want it to get back to her ex or some other guy she's hoping will take an interest. I agree it's not good to be paranoid about their friends, but there is something going on with her and she's not being honest about whatever it is. Now, she's trying to have a kid with you and you just met!! That is the most alarming thing in the whole situation. This tells me she is an irresponsible idiot with no thought for the welfare of the child. I don't know if she wants a kid so she can qualify for welfare or more welfare, but you said she's been not working and just got a job, so I consider that a real possibility. She wants a baby daddy and welfare and child support so she doesn't have to work. If you have sex with her again, wear a condom, for God's sake! No one in their right mind wants to have kids with someone they just met unless they are either messed up in the head or want money. I say run.
Teddius Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Your relationship continues, undisclosed to her friends, because she doesn't want to be questioned, criticized, or judged by them for committing to you after two weeks of dating you. She wants to date you for a reasonable amount of time before filing them in. Having a lasting, harmonious relationship with you is second on her priority list. The first, perhaps, is getting pregnant from you and thus the reason she committed to you while barely knowing you. She is simply attempting to rush the process.
h0000 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 She's 40, does she have kids? Sounds like she's either after money, or kids, or both. But I don't think she wants you . You are more like an ATM or sperm donor
Giaesquire Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I wish I had something brilliant to add, but I just wanted to tell you that I hope you are having a little more peace! She sounds a little...flighty, from the pregnancy comment.
KuraJay11 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 First let me send my condolences for the death of your mom. I know that has to be tough. Now on to your situation. I was told a long time ago, by a very wise man, to put every woman I meet/date on a three strike rule. After three strikes, she's out (if could also be one strike depending on the severity of the infraction). Let's look at your girl. She's broke - Strike 1 Ya'll just started dating and she's already putting a timeframe on getting pregnant - Strike 2 Her ex is still contacting her and she hasn't changed her number. Claiming that she repeatedly blocks his number sounds incredibly suspect - Strike 3 She's out. Life is way too short to be stuck in a tacky relationship. You know what you need to do.
joseb Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 How did you two end up being "official" so quickly? Personally I would run a mile if a woman either tried to be official after a week or two, or mentioned getting pregnant. The whole "being broke" too is a worry. How well do you think you know her?
spiderowl Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 (edited) It sounds like you are both moving far too fast, becoming an item after two weeks. You don't know her well enough yet. I don't know about anything with exes but while I can understand your desire to know where you stand, it is pretty soon to be quizzing someone about what are probably long-standing friendships. She may also not have told her best friend for quite innocent reasons. I would not tell my friends until a relationship was well-established. It would just be too embarrassing if one or the other opted out in these early days. If you do not trust her replies, then it could be because of what has happened in the past or that she has said things that suggest she is still highly involved with others. I don't think you do have the right to quiz her too much on old relationships, apart from asking if she is attached to or in a romantic relationship with anyone else. Saying she would be happy to be pregnant by December is the biggest red flag. Could you trust someone with contraception if they said that? I would not. So, unless you want to be a father some time very soon, you need to find out what she means there. If she hasn't told people about you yet, then I would say you are not really official and I would treat this relationship as very early and give it another three months to find out what she is really like. In the meantime, take careful steps not to get her pregnant unless that is what you want to. She could not have formed deep emotional bonds with you so early. Edited August 22, 2016 by spiderowl
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