katiegrl Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 To be honest, I think that one knows when someone really likes them and when someone doesn't. We have instincts and you can FEEL intensity. I don't think anyone can tell you what he felt but you and him, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF. What the person above said about fear not being legitimate is not true in every instance. I once had an experience where a guy ghosted on me and I KNEW it was because he was scared, I almost predicted that he would ghost because my gut felt that he was fearful of getting hurt and he said his last GF left him "broken". That guy came back 2 weeks later telling me he felt overwhelmed by the intensity but that he really liked me. At that stage though, it became apparent that even though he wanted to be ready to try for love again, he was NOT. Fear IS a factor and don't underestimate the impact it has on people who have been severely hurt in the past. After the first MEET? Nah, not buying this "scared" theory. People get scared sometimes when the relationship starts to get serious, not after the first meet. And he knew about the distance for the three weeks prior to their first meet. Please.
Author Alabama1877 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 To be honest, I think that one knows when someone really likes them and when someone doesn't. We have instincts and you can FEEL intensity. I don't think anyone can tell you what he felt but you and him, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF. What the person above said about fear not being legitimate is not true in every instance. I once had an experience where a guy ghosted on me and I KNEW it was because he was scared, I almost predicted that he would ghost because my gut felt that he was fearful of getting hurt and he said his last GF left him "broken". That guy came back 2 weeks later telling me he felt overwhelmed by the intensity but that he really liked me. At that stage though, it became apparent that even though he wanted to be ready to try for love again, he was NOT. Fear IS a factor and don't underestimate the impact it has on people who have been severely hurt in the past. Thank you for that, I believe it too, considering he was talking about way ahead and how it won't work,it although I do think it's best he works this out heself, as if I was to contact him, I would feel ive talked him into it. If he gets in touch I would gladly work things out, if he dosnt then it wasn't meant to be. 1
Author Alabama1877 Posted August 22, 2016 Author Posted August 22, 2016 To be honest, I think that one knows when someone really likes them and when someone doesn't. We have instincts and you can FEEL intensity. I don't think anyone can tell you what he felt but you and him, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF. What the person above said about fear not being legitimate is not true in every instance. I once had an experience where a guy ghosted on me and I KNEW it was because he was scared, I almost predicted that he would ghost because my gut felt that he was fearful of getting hurt and he said his last GF left him "broken". That guy came back 2 weeks later telling me he felt overwhelmed by the intensity but that he really liked me. At that stage though, it became apparent that even though he wanted to be ready to try for love again, he was NOT. Fear IS a factor and don't underestimate the impact it has on people who have been severely hurt in the past. This is the text I received before the last ending it text, to me it says fear... Hey babe, if it were to get serious and I'm talking a long way down the line it would mean uprooting for you or for me. How would I move Theo away from his mum or the other way round and move away from him and therefore see him less as his nursery is in bury or school would be in bury. Or vice Versa with Joe and your job and your friends and family. It's not just me and you we have to think about. All I'm saying is we need to go in open eyed and if that means I miss out on you for the sake of Theo that would be the sacrifice I would have to take. Seems stupid to think that far down the line but with Theo and Joe involved we have to be sensible xx
Mkn1010 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 There are a million other reasonable ways of letting someone know you're not interested if it was just that, so I doubt you have any reason to believe he wasn't being honest with the explanation he has given you.
katiegrl Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 This is the text I received before the last ending it text, to me it says fear... Hey babe, if it were to get serious and I'm talking a long way down the line it would mean uprooting for you or for me. How would I move Theo away from his mum or the other way round and move away from him and therefore see him less as his nursery is in bury or school would be in bury. Or vice Versa with Joe and your job and your friends and family. It's not just me and you we have to think about. All I'm saying is we need to go in open eyed and if that means I miss out on you for the sake of Theo that would be the sacrifice I would have to take. Seems stupid to think that far down the line but with Theo and Joe involved we have to be sensible xx Assuming it's true, I would be pissed to get a text like that and the one go follow...after our first MEET. First off, If you meant so much to him, what the heck .... he can't pick up the phone and call you to discuss? And second, why did he bother starting anything up with you in the first place? Only to awaken your emotions and then knock them down, knowing all along about the distance and that it was sn issue? I said this before but that is cruel. This behavior is classic commitment phobe. A built in excuse not to escalate things... but stirring your emotions to the point where you fell for him and are now heartbroken. Cruel. 1
Mkn1010 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Yes it IS cruel to build something up for someone only to take it all away, however the fact that he ended it by text is not necessarily indicative (on its own) of a low care factor for OP. Take it from me, I ended things by text with a guy who I went on three dates with and I was falling for HARD because I didn't want to do it face to face because my feelings were too strong (knew I wouldn't follow through if it was in person, but I had to end it for my sanity).
katiegrl Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 (edited) Yes it IS cruel to build something up for someone only to take it all away, however the fact that he ended it by text is not necessarily indicative (on its own) of a low care factor for OP. Take it from me, I ended things by text with a guy who I went on three dates with and I was falling for HARD because I didn't want to do it face to face because my feelings were too strong (knew I wouldn't follow through if it was in person, but I had to end it for my sanity). I was talking more about the words contained within the text, the insensitivity of love-bombing her with all his "sweet talk, " "you're the one," blah d blah, prior to the first meet, knowing full well about the distance. Then after the first meet..... he does a complete 180... and dumps her for something he was very well aware of from day one. Cruel. Edited August 22, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Redhead14 Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 Hey, ok, I'm discussing a situation with my girl and guy friends and wondering what LS makes of it. Scenario..: I met a guy, we hit it off instantly, very easy to talk to each other, made each other laugh, spoke about personal stuff, was very open with each other. In fact, we both said its crazy how much we get on, how easy and natural it feels. We both wasn't expecting it. The problem was he lives 2 hours away. He has a little boy, who he adores and sees a lot. No problem with me, it's one of the things that attracted me to him. Over the weeks, he has said to me..how just thinking about me makes he's heard race, he wants to see me, not just sex but just to be with me, how he's never met anyone like me..and I felt the same...it was crazy! I could of really fell for this guy, and I think he felt the same. Well, we met up the other day..it was so lovely..then he said do you think distance is a problem? As we both work full time, have children etc.. To which I said, if you think it's going to be a problem, maybe we should leave it before we get emotionally involved..I'm was thinking logically, but didn't want that. He said lets sleep on it. Next day, I receive the text. Saying how he thinks I'm amazing, perfect for him etc...and how this could be great seeing each other, but in the long term..what would happen? He then said, I'm not moving to where you are as I'm not leaving my son, you can't move up here. We can't continue. I feel absolutely gutted if I'm honest..as feelings like that are rare. I've left him to get on with it and havnt bern in contact. The romantic side of me wishes he would give it a go. He last girlfriend cheated on him, and he's just spending time with his son, but wants a girlfriend to. Just confused how he could let it go really. Any thoughts? wants a girlfriend to. -- Sure, he may want a girlfriend, but not one that lives 2 hours away. Just confused how he could let it go really. -- Because he's mature, is able to use forward thinking about the future of this situation and knows himself well enough to not go farther down the road with a situation that's not right for him. He can let it go because he's not so enamored or attached to you yet which is the point of dating -- observing and being objective about potential dating partners and whether or not there is a promising future. I could of really fell for this guy, and I think he felt the same. -- I think he felt the same. -- He may very well have been able to fall for you, but didn't let that happen because he can think outside of the endorphin high and see the reality of a situation.
katiegrl Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 wants a girlfriend to. -- Sure, he may want a girlfriend, but not one that lives 2 hours away. Just confused how he could let it go really. -- Because he's mature, is able to use forward thinking about the future of this situation and knows himself well enough to not go farther down the road with a situation that's not right for him. He can let it go because he's not so enamored or attached to you yet which is the point of dating -- observing and being objective about potential dating partners and whether or not there is a promising future. I could of really fell for this guy, and I think he felt the same. -- I think he felt the same. -- He may very well have been able to fall for you, but didn't let that happen because he can think outside of the endorphin high and see the reality of a situation. RH, any thoughts as to why he started up/texting with her in the first place? Knowing the distance? Only to dump her after the first meet? $100,000 question.
No_Go Posted August 22, 2016 Posted August 22, 2016 I was talking more about the words contained within the text, the insensitivity of love-bombing her with all his "sweet talk, " "you're the one," blah d blah, prior to the first meet, knowing full well about the distance. Then after the first meet..... he does a complete 180... and dumps her for something he was very well aware of from day one. Cruel. I missed that it was ONE meet. If so - OP, he just wasn't attracted to you, just to your internet persona. And when the real you was different from the image he had - he bailed out. I had similar story some years ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/483648-over-he-stopped-calling The guy love-bombed me with multiple pages of e-mails per night, toook me on omg awesome date that was 8+ hours, ended up in my apartment (we just kissed)... And then start calling me less. We met once more (for 8 + more hours) and then he start cancelling on me and came with an excuse that he met 'an old flame'. I think (a) he wanted sex and got disappointed when it didn't happen when we chilled in my apartment (b) wasn't attracted to me in person, although he thought initially that I'm a good match. Now, I checked his fb last year (I know it was a move out of curiosity) - he's engaged to be married to an old classmate. So maybe he didn't lie to me. BUT also - he wasn't feeling it with me. Otherwise he'd make another choice. Move on. There are so many great men out there, by letting this guy go you open space to meet the right man for you.
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