Monicagzm Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 hope you all have a good weekend! I have been dating this guy for two months, and we agreed to be exclusive last week(he asked) ,and after that we hid both of our online profiles . He would always tell me how he likes and wants me, but mostly through texts, and he even brought up he hope we could move in together in a about year or so. What makes me confused is we spent a night together , and after that he has been acting distant and he didn't reply to my texts or contacted me. I think my question is if a guy chose to be exclusive with you, and he always mentioned he is ready for serious relationship and marriage(not specifically me, but in general), then why he would act so distant sometime and leave me hanging? I do have to mention that when I'm with him, his phone is always face down and there are a couple times it vibrates ( not sure if it's a call) and he ignored them. But again, if he is seeing other women, why ask me to be exclusive with him? I just can't figure it out. Help please
JDPT Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 It quiet honestly goes both ways. I would assume he discovered something that he didn't quiet like that night you guys spent together and his way of handling it is become distant. If this continues then you might just know that all he wanted was sex. Give it a few and if this continues have a conversation about it and hope that he is truthful about his reasons. Don't over think it, things can change at any moment and nothing is set in stone.
preraph Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 They're not such a mystery, really. You have to realize that while most women's ultimate ideal is to find one good man and keep him and only him, for many, many men, their ideal would be to keep as many women as possible without risking losing their favorite of the bunch. And guys will say absolutely anything to get you to have sex and then conceal things or make false promises to keep you, but may be cultivating other relationships as well, no matter what they say. And no, it's not right. If a person wants to multidate, I have no issue with that as long as they're honest about it. When they're not, they're just evil. 1
SevenCity Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Guys are ridiculously easy to understand. We typically act exactly the way we are thinking (unless we are lying). The easy part becomes finding out what we are thinking. If I'm not responding to a girl I'm not interested that much. Was the night you referenced the first time you had sex? How did it go? Maybe he was turned off by the experience?
Author Monicagzm Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 It quiet honestly goes both ways. I would assume he discovered something that he didn't quiet like that night you guys spent together and his way of handling it is become distant. If this continues then you might just know that all he wanted was sex. Give it a few and if this continues have a conversation about it and hope that he is truthful about his reasons. Don't over think it, things can change at any moment and nothing is set in stone. Thanks for replying. This is not the first time we spend nights together and have sex. But the first time after we agreed to be exclusive. That's why I'm confused. The only thing I can think of that he might doesn't like, is maybe I'm a rather quite and shy person, but we have also talked about this and he said he doesn't mind.
carhill Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 hope you all have a good weekend! Best as possible in hot, smokey California. Welcome to LS I have been dating this guy for two months, and we agreed to be exclusive last week(he asked) ,and after that we hid both of our online profiles . He would always tell me how he likes and wants me, but mostly through texts, and he even brought up he hope we could move in together in a about year or so. Is most of your discourse through text when not on dates? How does the tone and content compare when together in person? Would you say it's typical in your dating demographic for people to talk moving in together at this point? How has that gone for you in the past? Did he express that hope in person or through text? What makes me confused is we spent a night together , and after that he has been acting distant and he didn't reply to my texts or contacted me. What does 'spent a night together' mean? I can guess sex but perhaps clarifying it would help. If sex is the answer, in general, guys who disappear after sex were after sex. Especially guys who say they hope to be together and want to move in together. I think my question is if a guy chose to be exclusive with you, and he always mentioned he is ready for serious relationship and marriage(not specifically me, but in general), then why he would act so distant sometime and leave me hanging? See previous answer, again premised upon sex. I do have to mention that when I'm with him, his phone is always face down and there are a couple times it vibrates ( not sure if it's a call) and he ignored them. But again, if he is seeing other women, why ask me to be exclusive with him? If he uses his phone a lot, in general, and text is a main form of communication, I would expect his phone to receive many communications during a date or day. It all depends. It's possible he's married, has a girlfriend, is seeing numerous women, or is just dating you. After a couple months you should have a general picture. So, how did meeting his friends and family go? I mean, since he's exclusive and wants to be together and move in together, that's pretty serious. I'm sure his friends and family are thrilled. What's your perception? I just can't figure it out. Help please Contact him and see what's up. If he continues to ignore you, cut him loose, however if you know any of his friends and/or family check in with them to see if he died or fell seriously ill or something. Stuff happens. Good luck!
JDPT Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Thanks for replying. This is not the first time we spend nights together and have sex. But the first time after we agreed to be exclusive. That's why I'm confused. The only thing I can think of that he might doesn't like, is maybe I'm a rather quite and shy person, but we have also talked about this and he said he doesn't mind. At this point all you can do is gauge his behavior. See if he continues to become more distant. The last thing you want to do is flood your brain with hypothetical and start developing resentment towards him for things that only exist in your head. Take it a day at a time and continue on, you will eventually notice if things are really off at which point you'll talk to him. I used to jump into conclusions very quickly. It's part of our insecurities and that's totally ok just don't allow them to consume you and confabulate things that may hinder your relationship.
Author Monicagzm Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 They're not such a mystery, really. You have to realize that while most women's ultimate ideal is to find one good man and keep him and only him, for many, many men, their ideal would be to keep as many women as possible without risking losing their favorite of the bunch. And guys will say absolutely anything to get you to have sex and then conceal things or make false promises to keep you, but may be cultivating other relationships as well, no matter what they say. And no, it's not right. If a person wants to multidate, I have no issue with that as long as they're honest about it. When they're not, they're just evil. Thank you for your reply! I agree it is evil to be not honest about dating other people and saying different things! But what should I do at this moment? I do like him and willing to believe him and just think he may be just busy or something, but at the same time I feel really bad about it
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 hope you all have a good weekend! I have been dating this guy for two months, and we agreed to be exclusive last week(he asked) ,and after that we hid both of our online profiles . He would always tell me how he likes and wants me, but mostly through texts, and he even brought up he hope we could move in together in a about year or so. What makes me confused is we spent a night together , and after that he has been acting distant and he didn't reply to my texts or contacted me. I think my question is if a guy chose to be exclusive with you, and he always mentioned he is ready for serious relationship and marriage(not specifically me, but in general), then why he would act so distant sometime and leave me hanging? I do have to mention that when I'm with him, his phone is always face down and there are a couple times it vibrates ( not sure if it's a call) and he ignored them. But again, if he is seeing other women, why ask me to be exclusive with him? I just can't figure it out. Help please I'm sorry to be blunt, but OMG, of course he would say ALL that! That's what a woman WANTS to hear! Players know how to play the game. Give them what you want and when they've had sex, move on....I hope this isn't so, but it sounds like he got what he wanted and it either wasn't enough or it was and he's planning to fade out and move on....
Author Monicagzm Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Guys are ridiculously easy to understand. We typically act exactly the way we are thinking (unless we are lying). The easy part becomes finding out what we are thinking. If I'm not responding to a girl I'm not interested that much. Was the night you referenced the first time you had sex? How did it go? Maybe he was turned off by the experience? No it's not the first time we had sex. It went well I think , and we cuddled And he was affectionate as always.
Author Monicagzm Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Best as possible in hot, smokey California. Welcome to LS Is most of your discourse through text when not on dates? How does the tone and content compare when together in person? Would you say it's typical in your dating demographic for people to talk moving in together at this point? How has that gone for you in the past? Did he express that hope in person or through text? What does 'spent a night together' mean? I can guess sex but perhaps clarifying it would help. If sex is the answer, in general, guys who disappear after sex were after sex. Especially guys who say they hope to be together and want to move in together. See previous answer, again premised upon sex. If he uses his phone a lot, in general, and text is a main form of communication, I would expect his phone to receive many communications during a date or day. It all depends. It's possible he's married, has a girlfriend, is seeing numerous women, or is just dating you. After a couple months you should have a general picture. So, how did meeting his friends and family go? I mean, since he's exclusive and wants to be together and move in together, that's pretty serious. I'm sure his friends and family are thrilled. What's your perception? Contact him and see what's up. If he continues to ignore you, cut him loose, however if you know any of his friends and/or family check in with them to see if he died or fell seriously ill or something. Stuff happens. Good luck! I appreciate your detailed reply. About the conversation about being exclusive and moving together, it's all through text, but when we just started dating, he would always discuss with me things about if being serious, if I'm open move in together. This is not theb first time we had sex and sleepover, but the first time since the exclusive talk. As far as family and friends, I haven't met any of his or he hasn't met any of mine either.
Author Monicagzm Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 I'm sorry to be blunt, but OMG, of course he would say ALL that! That's what a woman WANTS to hear! Players know how to play the game. Give them what you want and when they've had sex, move on....I hope this isn't so, but it sounds like he got what he wanted and it either wasn't enough or it was and he's planning to fade out and move on.... Thanks for replying! But we have had sex for a few times and if that's the case , wouldn't he be disappeared already? Or he will fade out if he had enough....
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Instead of speculating with a bunch of strangers on the net....just talk to him about his behavior and then tell him your expectations about being exclusive. Have that conversation with him.....figure it out from there.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Thanks for replying! But we have had sex for a few times and if that's the case , wouldn't he be disappeared already? Or he will fade out if he had enough.... Sorry, didn't read your post regarding already having sex, but I will not completely reverse my views. He may be moving on, but like smackie9 says, better to ask him.
carhill Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 I appreciate your detailed reply. About the conversation about being exclusive and moving together, it's all through text, but when we just started dating, he would always discuss with me things about if being serious, if I'm open move in together. On one forum here, such is often referred to as 'future faking', where one party spins the future into a reality which is not supported by actions. This is not the first time we had sex and sleepover, but the first time since the exclusive talk. As far as family and friends, I haven't met any of his or he hasn't met any of mine either. What prompted me to ask this question was, by the time my exW and I started sexual relations in our relationship, I had already met her best friend of like 20 years at that point, and she mine, similar. I think we all had gone out to dinner. I remembered it because her best friend tragically died a couple years ago. At the time, back when we were dating, it was this fluid integration of our social and family networks which sold me on the path being authentic. That's not to say that it is a guarantee of a lifetime of wedded bliss, and wasn't in our case, but rather one sign to look at in the present of actions matching up with words. At this point, my instinct is this guy, if not dead or unconscious, sold you the sizzle. Happens.
smackie9 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Best as possible in hot, smokey California. It's starting to burn here in BC now. This heat won't let up. Last year the sky was red and smoky.
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