GF getting dead drunk and blacking out all the time

[ChickiePops]

Oh also, permission or not, screwing someone who's blacked out drunk is far too rapey for my taste. Gross.

[Haydn]

Very disturbing OP.

 

What's worse?

 

Taking sexual advantage of a young girl with a serious drink problem or you?

 

You are.

 

It's horrible what you are doing.

 

TFY

 

I would do the same.

[Arieswoman]

OP,

Are you a closet necrophiliac?

 

If so then you need therapy as much as she does?

[Els]

So your 'girlfriend' is passing out drunk 6 nights a week and your main concern is that you're not getting enough sex because you used to get sex six times a day and now it's less than that. Am I getting this right....?

 

She likely has a gene that severely hampers alcohol metabolism if she's passing out after one drink, but it doesn't matter. People with that issue just can't drink, full stop. If she can't make herself stop doing it, she needs professional help.

 

I am really absolutely astounded that the woman you claim to love is PASSING OUT more than half of the time and your sole response is to carry her to bed and have sex with her. Actually... scratch that. Not really astounded, just plain disgusted.

[Redhead14]

Ok Im getting frustrated.

 

My GF who I love very much and have been with 7 months is getting blackout drunk 4-6 nights a week. She isnt going anywhere or flirting with guys its mostly at home.

 

But when I have to pick her up off the kitchen floor because she's passed out on the floor or carry her to bed deadlift so she can make it to work (often) and when she is so drunk that I try to help her get to bed because she can't stand up straight (often) its starting to get really annoying.

 

It is also severely effecting our sex life. We used to do the deed up to 6x a day now the only time is either when she is asleep because thats the only way I can get anything because she refuses to go to bed with me before she's in this massively hammered state where I have to dead lift her and carry her. She did give me permission to sex, her when she is sleeping but it's really not that fun I'm not into that its more of an emergency thing its much better if she is awake and a willing participant than a comatose zombie.

 

Its been close to 5 months now. I took her to a hotel for our 6 month anniversary and she got so dead drunk she didn't even remember if we had sex. The point of booking a $600 hotel room was to make it memorable. She remembered the hotel room and booking but nothing we did after half the night.

 

I dont mind if she drinks but she doesn't seem to know her limit. I think she needs a hematocrit blood test because I think she is anemic. I have never seen someone blackout after three or four drinks and on occasion she faceplants into the table and I have to lug her around to get her to bed. Once she smoked every kitchen appliance and the floor with her skull and even cracked bathroom shower tiles with her head and had no recollection of any of it.

 

I'm getting really sick of this. Like my ex says I am looking after a 21 year old baby. Im 39 and I can drink from 7am to 2am and not forget anything and always stand up straight and I know when I need to go to bed because I've had a bit too much.

 

The worst part is the open defiance. I think that it comes from how her parents kept controlling her but now she living with me but superimposing her parents onto me. I try to get her to bed and she yells at me to leave her alone, right to the point where she passes out on the kitchen floor. She is only embarassing herself and I am only trying to help her to bed because she has to work in the morning. I am not being mean or hurting her just trying to carry a drunk girl who can't even walk to the toilet to pee and trying to get her to bed.

 

I am one very sexually frustrated man because my girlfriend is always so drunk I can't sex her unless she sleeps. I have exes who want me back one offer me $30k to break with my girlfriend and one who would do anything to get me back.

 

I love my girlfriend very much and when she isn't dead drunk we have great conversations and good times. We share the same sense of humor and laugh a lot together. But the sexual frustration is becoming a serious issue. We have had real sex (when she isnt sleeping) 2x in the past 5 months. It used to be up to 6x a day.

 

A lot of the problems started with hormonal BC pills. They killed her sex drive completely. But she is in cycle 2 after discontinuing them and between the dead drunkeness and the pills....

 

I dont know what to do.

\

 

She is an ALCOHOLIC and is currently on a death march. Encourage her to seek help. Give her the number for AA. And, tell her, that when she gets herself pulled together, she can give you a call. The fact that you are tolerating this on a daily basis, makes you an enabler . . .

 

I dont know what to do. -- Stop being selfish and focusing on the lack of sex and start focusing on REALITY and the dangerous path she is on!!!! One of these days you'll find yourself having sex with a dead woman rather than one who is just passed out . . . She did give me permission to sex, her when she is sleeping

[jen1447]

Aside from the moral questions of having sex w unconscious ppl and ignoring their personal crises, I'll just reiterate you're on extremely thin ice w the sexual consent thing. It's generally held by law that intoxication (and unconsciousness, it goes w/out saying) render a person unable to consent to sex. If you're basing this front-loading of consent while sober and conscious on the footing of a few months' long relationship ....yeah, very thin ice. That could turn over on you in a split second.

 

(A judge might have some degree of indulgence for the notion that you were in a 15 year marriage and your wife said long ago she doesn't mind if you have sex w her when she's drunk and sleeping, but not so much w some girl you just met a while back, most likely.)

[ktya]

Im somewhat surprised at the vitriol of some of these comments.

 

I have told her the morning after if I have had sex with her when she was asleep or half passed out and she never had a problem because she told me straight up I could have sex with her if she was sleeping as long as I didn't wake her up. Like I said in a previous post, she did give me advance consent and it is not like I am being sneaky about it or anything. Every relationship is different and it's not like if I tell her I sexed her when she was asleep the night before she bats an eyelash or gets upset at all. She's a cute girl if she wanted to leave me I'm sure she could walk down a street and find another guy in seconds.

 

On the age thing, I didn't pick her because of her age. Actually, she is the one who asked ME to be her boyfriend. She gave me the sweetest card with a hand made card inside. I've known her and hung out with her for almost a year and a half almost every day.

 

What could I possibly have in common with a girl so young? Good question but many posters are too quick to judge. I enjoy Colbert and we watch it together religiously every day. We play chess together and while the games are close she usually kicks my a**. We talk politics and we enjoy the same movies and TV shows. She enjoys learning how to cook from me because I used to be a chef. I got her a job and a career in finance and taught her how to be the best at what she does so she went from working in a bakery to high finance.

 

I didn't pick her because she was young and cute. Honestly I had a finacee who was only 3 years younger than me but me and this girl were so inseperable that eventually I had to break up with the fiancee because I realized I chose the wrong girl. Amazing how people hidiing behind a keyboard can be so outwardly judgemental.

 

My actual problem is the repeated black out drunk episodes. Having actual engaged sex once every 50 days is way below normal in a committed cohabiting relationship. The "sleeping sex" is more of an emergency because she is passing out all the time. I'd try to get her to go to bed and get it on but it's always "one more drink" until she ends up passing out in a kitchen table chair and I end up carrying her to bed.

 

I have brought her to an AA meeting and I honestly think it is anemia, I keep pushing her to see a doctor to get a hematocrit and LFT test because at her age she should be lapping me saying "wake up old guy" not face planting on the table after half a drink.

 

Could I have some useful opinions please not just a bunch of jaded women calling me a rapist. She consents in advance and she consents the morning after, might be weird for the feminazis in this forum but she preconsents because she knows she passes out a lot. I'm a nice boyfriend who cooks her dinner makes her lunches for work does her laundry and cleans the house, I buy her flowers and cards on a regular basis and we watch movies and TV shows together daily. I'm not some f*cking creep.

[Timshel]

Ktya, why...why would you want to have sex with an UNCONSCIOUS person? How is this even remotely pleasurable? How is this intimate? Also, she is ill when she is blacked out. She is an ill, unconscious person. This is hard to wrap a mind around.

 

Please insist, don't ask, insist she see a doctor immediately and to be very candid about this issue so that proper testing can be administered.

[PrettyEmily77]

Could I have some useful opinions please.

 

Dude, it's been going on for 5 months, ie way past 'useful opinions' time.

 

Sorry OP, but she needs medical assistance more than flowers and cooked dinners at this point.

 

Sexual frustration doesn't count as concern, so you either take her to a medical facility soon (you need to be in a relatively stable place and have some understanding of your condition to be able to follow AA meetings effectively, which is not her case) or you call family members or friends who care enough for her not to wait another 5 months.

[BaileyB]

She clearly has a problem with alcohol...

 

And you clearly need to learn about consent because you are raping your girlfriend if you are having sex with her when she is sleeping or unconscious because she is passed out after drinking.

 

Wow!

[Redhead14]

Im somewhat surprised at the vitriol of some of these comments.

 

I have told her the morning after if I have had sex with her when she was asleep or half passed out and she never had a problem because she told me straight up I could have sex with her if she was sleeping as long as I didn't wake her up. Like I said in a previous post, she did give me advance consent and it is not like I am being sneaky about it or anything. Every relationship is different and it's not like if I tell her I sexed her when she was asleep the night before she bats an eyelash or gets upset at all. She's a cute girl if she wanted to leave me I'm sure she could walk down a street and find another guy in seconds.

 

On the age thing, I didn't pick her because of her age. Actually, she is the one who asked ME to be her boyfriend. She gave me the sweetest card with a hand made card inside. I've known her and hung out with her for almost a year and a half almost every day.

 

What could I possibly have in common with a girl so young? Good question but many posters are too quick to judge. I enjoy Colbert and we watch it together religiously every day. We play chess together and while the games are close she usually kicks my a**. We talk politics and we enjoy the same movies and TV shows. She enjoys learning how to cook from me because I used to be a chef. I got her a job and a career in finance and taught her how to be the best at what she does so she went from working in a bakery to high finance.

 

I didn't pick her because she was young and cute. Honestly I had a finacee who was only 3 years younger than me but me and this girl were so inseperable that eventually I had to break up with the fiancee because I realized I chose the wrong girl. Amazing how people hidiing behind a keyboard can be so outwardly judgemental.

 

My actual problem is the repeated black out drunk episodes. Having actual engaged sex once every 50 days is way below normal in a committed cohabiting relationship. The "sleeping sex" is more of an emergency because she is passing out all the time. I'd try to get her to go to bed and get it on but it's always "one more drink" until she ends up passing out in a kitchen table chair and I end up carrying her to bed.

 

I have brought her to an AA meeting and I honestly think it is anemia, I keep pushing her to see a doctor to get a hematocrit and LFT test because at her age she should be lapping me saying "wake up old guy" not face planting on the table after half a drink.

 

Could I have some useful opinions please not just a bunch of jaded women calling me a rapist. She consents in advance and she consents the morning after, might be weird for the feminazis in this forum but she preconsents because she knows she passes out a lot. I'm a nice boyfriend who cooks her dinner makes her lunches for work does her laundry and cleans the house, I buy her flowers and cards on a regular basis and we watch movies and TV shows together daily. I'm not some f*cking creep.

 

Could I have some useful opinions please not just a bunch of jaded women calling me a rapist. -- I, for one, couldn't be farther from being jaded. I am, however, a mature, independent, intelligent, secure, grounded woman who isn't afraid to call BS when I see/read it. By the way, not all who responded to you are women . . .

 

What you are getting from everyone here is TRUTH and you don't like that. Truth is rejected when it doesn't serve the purposes of some people.

 

You are way out of line here with us and with your girlfriend. Do not come here expecting to receive support for an attitude about a situation that is way out of line. You are missing the entire point. Consent is only part of this situation. You are taking advantage of an alcoholic who isn't clear-minded enough to make decisions anyway. Just because she "says" it's OK, doesn't mean you should do it. A man who has a conscience and character wouldn't do that. What he would do is tell the woman she needs to get to AA meetings and get her act together and get healthy. This problem with only get worse with time.

 

Stop focusing on sex with your girlfriend and get her to seek help for her alcoholism before it kills her.

 

"I have brought her to an AA meeting" -- Wow, talking being proactive . . . paleeze.

 

I honestly think it is anemia -- Of course, it's amnesia!!! She gets black out drunk.

 

Demand that she take care of herself and go to a doctor and AA meetings. If she refuses, you tell her you are leaving. If you stay and continue to allow it, you are an enabler.

 

I'm not some f*cking creep -- The woman is an alcoholic and no matter how smart, reasonable, etc. you think she is, she is a broken woman without insight and likely has very low self-esteem, so if you continue to have sex with her when she is blacked out, you are taking advantage of her, plain and simple. There isn't a woman on the planet who would tell a man that it's OK to have sex with her while she is passed out unless she isn't in her right mind and/or isn't struggling with some deep issues.

 

The alcoholism is just a symptom of a deeper problem.

 

Amazing how people hidiing behind a keyboard can be so outwardly judgemental. -- Stop hiding behind a woman with an illness and get real with yourself and her . . .

Edited August 26, 2016 by Redhead14

[jen1447]

I see a "my BF raped me for 5 months" story in your future if she ever gets her act together and overcomes her alcoholism and self esteem issues.

[ktya]

Bull.

 

This forum used to be really useful and filled with people who wanted to genuinely help. I actually found one of my ex finacees on here.

 

Now its evidently filled with jaded people who put their own opinions first before trying to look at an objective problem.

 

My girlfriend gave me not only advance permission to sex her while sleeping but when she blacks out and I tell her the morning after has no f-ing problem if I did. I think I've said that multiple times.

 

I'm no rapist. I am not the one pouring her drinks or pushing her to drink to oblivion. Yes she has a problem. Honestly I think it's more of a self control problem than a drinking problem but she's been to rehab a few times. I'm the one trying to get her to put the drink down and go to bed; often because I am picking her up off the floor (as said in the OP) and she fights me because she wants more.

 

Sex? Yes, I'm a bloody human being. The average couple has sex 2.5 times a week. once in 50 days really sucks. Be bloody realistic, if you had a cohabiting partner with whom you were monogamous you'd probably want to get laid more than once in 50 days too - unless you are some crazy vibrator addicted lesbian only with a man because you are in the closet (I have nothing against lesbians or gays just to make that clear).

 

The advice on this board used to be useful, but now it sucks. No thanks for the crap advice. Calling me a rapist creep cradle robber for worrying about my girlfriend getting blackout drunk and the only way I can get laid is to sex my girl when she's asleep and I'm wanting to have regular real sex where she's actively involved is not quality advice.

 

Go eat more fried bread. Makes me sad. This board used to be the best relationship advice on the internet. Evidently now it's filled with jaded single feminists who just hate men and come here to bitch. More active moderation is required like there used to be.

[Toodaloo]

ktya

 

Recently you have gone from a woman who was every so slightly (that's sarcasm what I mean to say is stark raving) mad. To a girl who is clearly an alcoholic...

 

On top of this you are seemingly enjoy sex with a partner who is unresponsive.

 

Has life really got that bad?

 

I advised you take a break when you got rid of the crazy lady.

 

I am going to make the same advice again.

 

Your choices are causing you a whole heap of dramas. Time to keep it in your pants, be single and actually recover from all this crap that keeps going on in your life.

 

I honestly do not know how you life like it. Its no wonder you seem to be miserable all the time.

[xxoo]

Have you never taken her to the ER after any of the times she's passed out and hit her head? You've never called 911 because she's passed out and hit her head?

 

Half a drink and she passes out? And you don't take her straight to the ER?

[PrettyEmily77]

Honestly I think it's more of a self control problem than a drinking problem but she's been to rehab a few times. I'm the one trying to get her to put the drink down and go to bed; often because I am picking her up off the floor (as said in the OP) and she fights me because she wants more.

 

What concrete steps have you taken to help her out since the OP? If you are still doing the same thing and nothing is changing, you are not doing the right thing, either because you don't care enough, or because you're not equipped to deal with it.

 

You have received unanimous advice already: TAKE HER TO A DOCTOR.

 

You may not be a rapist creep cradle robber (benefit of the doubt), but you're not BF of the year either. If you can't handle the situation because your mind is foggy from lack of sex, call her family or a friend and let them deal with it.

 

One thing's for sure, though: whining here about it won't achieve anything.

[GorillaTheater]

Have you never taken her to the ER after any of the times she's passed out and hit her head? You've never called 911 because she's passed out and hit her head?

 

Half a drink and she passes out? And you don't take her straight to the ER?

 

 

Oh hell no. He can't waste time with that when he's busy taking care of his sexual emergencies.

[Redhead14]

Bull.

 

This forum used to be really useful and filled with people who wanted to genuinely help. I actually found one of my ex finacees on here.

 

Now its evidently filled with jaded people who put their own opinions first before trying to look at an objective problem.

 

My girlfriend gave me not only advance permission to sex her while sleeping but when she blacks out and I tell her the morning after has no f-ing problem if I did. I think I've said that multiple times.

 

I'm no rapist. I am not the one pouring her drinks or pushing her to drink to oblivion. Yes she has a problem. Honestly I think it's more of a self control problem than a drinking problem but she's been to rehab a few times. I'm the one trying to get her to put the drink down and go to bed; often because I am picking her up off the floor (as said in the OP) and she fights me because she wants more.

 

Sex? Yes, I'm a bloody human being. The average couple has sex 2.5 times a week. once in 50 days really sucks. Be bloody realistic, if you had a cohabiting partner with whom you were monogamous you'd probably want to get laid more than once in 50 days too - unless you are some crazy vibrator addicted lesbian only with a man because you are in the closet (I have nothing against lesbians or gays just to make that clear).

 

The advice on this board used to be useful, but now it sucks. No thanks for the crap advice. Calling me a rapist creep cradle robber for worrying about my girlfriend getting blackout drunk and the only way I can get laid is to sex my girl when she's asleep and I'm wanting to have regular real sex where she's actively involved is not quality advice.

 

Go eat more fried bread. Makes me sad. This board used to be the best relationship advice on the internet. Evidently now it's filled with jaded single feminists who just hate men and come here to bitch. More active moderation is required like there used to be.

 

Awe, so sorry, Kyta. I bet you are a wonderful young man with lots to offer to the world. Your sense of entitlement is well-deserved and I strongly recommend that you give your girlfriend some amphetamines when she's drinking so that she can be awake while you are having sex.

 

Is that better??? Is that more in line with your thought process?

 

 

This board used to be the best relationship advice on the internet -- Here's the very best advice I can give . . . leave her to tend to her alcoholism and get her head on straight.

 

You cannot have regular real sex where's she's actively involved, therefore, you should leave her. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. You don't keep doing it "without" her . . . you find someone who can do/be what you need/want.

 

Nothing between you will change unless she actively seeks help for her alcoholism and you will continue to live in a relationship that is unfulfilling and likely will deteriorate.

 

The attitude and environment in that home is extremely unhealthy. Some women drink heavily to avoid being an active participant sexually. They do it to numb themselves because the act is so distasteful. And, if your girlfriend has a history of abuse, it could be a very big factor in your situation. If there's no past abuse, your attitude and approach could be considered abuse . . .

[Arieswoman]

I can't believe that this thread from someone who seems to be a closet necrophiliac is still running

[SpiralOut]

Bull.

 

This forum used to be really useful and filled with people who wanted to genuinely help.

 

 

Several people have suggested that you talk to your girlfriend's family and friends about her alcohol abuse problem so that they can help her. Are you going to do that?

[Redhead14]

I can't believe that this thread from someone who seems to be a closet necrophiliac is still running

 

Aries, this thread is so outrageous and appalling. It's like coming upon a terrible accident . . . you're afraid to look and yet, you feel compelled to look. I'm viewing this whole thing as a reminder to think about my SO and just how good I have it . . . while thinking of that young woman and the fact that she may be throwing her life away and he's watching it happen.

 

I have seen a number of threads here from OP's who are one-dimensional but I'm still not "used" to it.

 

But, you're right, we are beating a dead horse . . .

[Aniela]

 

My girlfriend gave me not only advance permission to sex her while sleeping but when she blacks out and I tell her the morning after has no f-ing problem if I did. I think I've said that multiple times.

 

But she's unconscious. Non-responsive. Why would you *want* to do that?

 

I'm no rapist. I am not the one pouring her drinks or pushing her to drink to oblivion. Yes she has a problem. Honestly I think it's more of a self control problem than a drinking problem but she's been to rehab a few times. I'm the one trying to get her to put the drink down and go to bed; often because I am picking her up off the floor (as said in the OP) and she fights me because she wants more.

So you need to get to the reason why she wants to drink until she passes out.

 

Sex? Yes, I'm a bloody human being. The average couple has sex 2.5 times a week. once in 50 days really sucks. Be bloody realistic, if you had a cohabiting partner with whom you were monogamous you'd probably want to get laid more than once in 50 days too - unless you are some crazy vibrator addicted lesbian only with a man because you are in the closet (I have nothing against lesbians or gays just to make that clear).

 

The advice on this board used to be useful, but now it sucks. No thanks for the crap advice. Calling me a rapist creep cradle robber for worrying about my girlfriend getting blackout drunk and the only way I can get laid is to sex my girl when she's asleep and I'm wanting to have regular real sex where she's actively involved is not quality advice.

You have a hand, and you also have the option of leaving. You can still be there for her as a friend.

 

Go eat more fried bread. Makes me sad. This board used to be the best relationship advice on the internet. Evidently now it's filled with jaded single feminists who just hate men and come here to bitch. More active moderation is required like there used to be.

So you're ignoring the men who responded, and blaming feminists??? What the hell?

[BaileyB]

 

My girlfriend gave me not only advance permission to sex her while sleeping but when she blacks out and I tell her the morning after has no f-ing problem if I did. I'm no rapist.

 

The advice on this board used to be useful, but now it sucks. No thanks for the crap advice. Calling me a rapist creep cradle robber for worrying about my girlfriend getting blackout drunk and the only way I can get laid is to sex my girl when she's asleep and I'm wanting to have regular real sex where she's actively involved is not quality advice.

 

Sometimes the truth hurts...

 

Your girlfriend needs some serious help. And, you need to stop having non-consensual sex with an unconscious woman - whether you feel that she gave you permission or not. She, because of her addiction and the fact that alcohol clouds her decision making, is not competent to make good decisions right now.

 

What you are doing is very wrong. Get her some help and move on from this dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship. And pray that she doesn't someday decide to press charges for sexual assault...

[hippychick3]

 

What you are doing is very wrong. Get her some help and move on from this dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship. And pray that she doesn't someday decide to press charges for sexual assault...

 

I pray that she does.

 

This is so wrong on so many different levels.

[jen1447]

OP, you're arbitrarily rejecting advice you don't 'like' as opposed to finding objective fault w any of it. Personally I'm trying to keep you out of jail by advising you that, regardless of your own feelings on the matter, or even her feelings on the matter, established criminal law clearly states that intoxicated and unconscious ppl are simply unable to consent to sexual activity. (And your GF is so intoxicated that she passes out and becomes unconscious, so that's not buzzed or mildly under the influence, it's blind drunkeness.)

 

If you think that's "crap advice," so be it, but you're playing w fire and you'd better hope she never comes to her senses and has a change of heart bc you'll be knee deep in a lot more than crap advice if she does.