ktya Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Ok Im getting frustrated. My GF who I love very much and have been with 7 months is getting blackout drunk 4-6 nights a week. She isnt going anywhere or flirting with guys its mostly at home. But when I have to pick her up off the kitchen floor because she's passed out on the floor or carry her to bed deadlift so she can make it to work (often) and when she is so drunk that I try to help her get to bed because she can't stand up straight (often) its starting to get really annoying. It is also severely effecting our sex life. We used to do the deed up to 6x a day now the only time is either when she is asleep because thats the only way I can get anything because she refuses to go to bed with me before she's in this massively hammered state where I have to dead lift her and carry her. She did give me permission to sex, her when she is sleeping but it's really not that fun I'm not into that its more of an emergency thing its much better if she is awake and a willing participant than a comatose zombie. Its been close to 5 months now. I took her to a hotel for our 6 month anniversary and she got so dead drunk she didn't even remember if we had sex. The point of booking a $600 hotel room was to make it memorable. She remembered the hotel room and booking but nothing we did after half the night. I dont mind if she drinks but she doesn't seem to know her limit. I think she needs a hematocrit blood test because I think she is anemic. I have never seen someone blackout after three or four drinks and on occasion she faceplants into the table and I have to lug her around to get her to bed. Once she smoked every kitchen appliance and the floor with her skull and even cracked bathroom shower tiles with her head and had no recollection of any of it. I'm getting really sick of this. Like my ex says I am looking after a 21 year old baby. Im 39 and I can drink from 7am to 2am and not forget anything and always stand up straight and I know when I need to go to bed because I've had a bit too much. The worst part is the open defiance. I think that it comes from how her parents kept controlling her but now she living with me but superimposing her parents onto me. I try to get her to bed and she yells at me to leave her alone, right to the point where she passes out on the kitchen floor. She is only embarassing herself and I am only trying to help her to bed because she has to work in the morning. I am not being mean or hurting her just trying to carry a drunk girl who can't even walk to the toilet to pee and trying to get her to bed. I am one very sexually frustrated man because my girlfriend is always so drunk I can't sex her unless she sleeps. I have exes who want me back one offer me $30k to break with my girlfriend and one who would do anything to get me back. I love my girlfriend very much and when she isn't dead drunk we have great conversations and good times. We share the same sense of humor and laugh a lot together. But the sexual frustration is becoming a serious issue. We have had real sex (when she isnt sleeping) 2x in the past 5 months. It used to be up to 6x a day. A lot of the problems started with hormonal BC pills. They killed her sex drive completely. But she is in cycle 2 after discontinuing them and between the dead drunkeness and the pills.... I dont know what to do.
losangelena Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 It's disturbing that you're more concerned about the sex than your GF's obvious drinking problem. It's not healthy or normal to get blacked out drunk, smashing bathroom tiles with your head, four to six times a week. That is alcohol abuse. She at least needs to see a doctor, but more than that, she needs an intervention. As for you, what is a 39 year old man doing, having sex with his passed out, 21-year-old girlfriend? You're having a sexual emergency? Oh no, I feel so bad for your penis! Please. If you really loved this young woman, you'd get her some help. Not be sitting here concerned about your sex "emergencies." 21
JewelD Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 It's disturbing that you're more concerned about the sex than your GF's obvious drinking problem. It's not healthy or normal to get blacked out drunk, smashing bathroom tiles with your head, four to six times a week. That is alcohol abuse. She at least needs to see a doctor, but more than that, she needs an intervention. As for you, what is a 39 year old man doing, having sex with his passed out, 21-year-old girlfriend? You're having a sexual emergency? Oh no, I feel so bad for your penis! Please. If you really loved this young woman, you'd get her some help. Not be sitting here concerned about your sex "emergencies." Agreed. You're still in contact with your exes so obviously you don't care about this woman outside of what her vagina can do for you. You going back to one of your exes is probably the best thing for the both of you. 2
Author ktya Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 As for you, what is a 39 year old man doing, having sex with his passed out, 21-year-old girlfriend? You're having a sexual emergency? Oh no, I feel so bad for your penis! Please. If you really loved this young woman, you'd get her some help. Not be sitting here concerned about your sex "emergencies." While the rest of your post is very valid, this part is out of line. We actually discussed it between us that it's OK. It wasnt at my insistence she just said as long as I didn't wake her up it was fine. It might seem odd but its consensual and every relationship is different. You are correct that maybe she does need help. I honestly think it's more anemia than the alcohol. A 21 year old should be lapping me giving me sh*t for falling asleep. But I've watched her faceplant into a table on half a drink; I thought it was all the alcohol before I watched that, but half a drink no 21 year old should be passing out faceplanting, nobody for that matter. It wasnt like she was drinking straight hard liqour either, it was a mixed highball pretty tamely mixed.
Author ktya Posted August 20, 2016 Author Posted August 20, 2016 Agreed. You're still in contact with your exes so obviously you don't care about this woman outside of what her vagina can do for you. You going back to one of your exes is probably the best thing for the both of you. We've been in a relationship 7 months and have been involved for over a year. Sex is an important part of any relationship and I think I've been more than patient. 2x in 5 months isnt exactly at the point of being single minded to sex to wanting it again. Once every 45+ days is a little dry, dont ya think? 1
clia Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 While the rest of your post is very valid, this part is out of line. We actually discussed it between us that it's OK. It wasnt at my insistence she just said as long as I didn't wake her up it was fine. It might seem odd but its consensual and every relationship is different. You are correct that maybe she does need help. I honestly think it's more anemia than the alcohol. A 21 year old should be lapping me giving me sh*t for falling asleep. But I've watched her faceplant into a table on half a drink; I thought it was all the alcohol before I watched that, but half a drink no 21 year old should be passing out faceplanting, nobody for that matter. It wasnt like she was drinking straight hard liqour either, it was a mixed highball pretty tamely mixed. Maybe she needs help? It doesn't matter if it's anemia or if she is just a person who can't hold her alcohol. It's not normal to be passing out and blacking out 4-6 nights a week. She could seriously injure herself in a fall. Cracking tiles with her head? I concur with the others that your concern over whether you can "sex her" () as opposed to any apparent concern about her well being is really troubling. (And who cares if she gave you permission?) If you love her, get her into rehab. She has a serious problem. 7
JewelD Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 While the rest of your post is very valid, this part is out of line. We actually discussed it between us that it's OK. It wasnt at my insistence she just said as long as I didn't wake her up it was fine. It might seem odd but its consensual and every relationship is different. It is NOT consensual if she is passed out/drunk. If she wakes up and decides to report a rape to the police, do you think they're going to care if you say "well, one time, she said I could do it whenever she was asleep". No, you're going to prison. We've been in a relationship 7 months and have been involved for over a year. Sex is an important part of any relationship and I think I've been more than patient. 2x in 5 months isnt exactly at the point of being single minded to sex to wanting it again. Once every 45+ days is a little dry, dont ya think? Sex is not important at all at this point. She is putting her life in danger, so yeah, you sound very selfish since your only concern is that you can't have sex with her. If she was rocking your world every night, you'd be okay with her drunkenness? She needs help. Not so she can start pleasuring you, but so she doesn't die. 2
Arieswoman Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 ktya, Your GF has a very serious drinking problem and she needs help asap. If she's "blacking out" then she's at serious risk of liver damage, alcohol poisoning, choking on her own vomit or injuring herself. Forget the sex and get this girl the help she needs, and do it now. 6
Hermus Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Sorry for you to have to encounter a girlfriend who has a strong alcohol problem. I agree with the rest of the comments that the problem with sex shouldn't be your first concern or hers. However, I can imagine that to you the issue is much deeper than just sex. In my experience addictions almost always have deeper underlying causes. The alcohol abuse might just be a symptom of a deeper psychological problem. If I were in your position I would suggest you give her an ultimatum. She either gets help for her problems or you will leave. In the end it's for her own good to get that help. Otherwise in the end she will destroy much more than just your relationship. 1
xxoo Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) How many times have you called 911? Surely the ER docs would be following up with her physician by now, with the repeated blackouts and head injuries. CT scan? Concussion evaluation? MRI? Have you considered how much trouble you will be in if this young woman dies from a head injury while you are having sex with her unconscious body? This is a really alarming thread. Edited August 20, 2016 by xxoo 11
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Ok Im getting frustrated. My GF who I love very much and have been with 7 months is getting blackout drunk 4-6 nights a week. She isnt going anywhere or flirting with guys its mostly at home. But when I have to pick her up off the kitchen floor because she's passed out on the floor or carry her to bed deadlift so she can make it to work (often) and when she is so drunk that I try to help her get to bed because she can't stand up straight (often) its starting to get really annoying. It is also severely effecting our sex life. We used to do the deed up to 6x a day now the only time is either when she is asleep because thats the only way I can get anything because she refuses to go to bed with me before she's in this massively hammered state where I have to dead lift her and carry her. She did give me permission to sex, her when she is sleeping but it's really not that fun I'm not into that its more of an emergency thing its much better if she is awake and a willing participant than a comatose zombie. Its been close to 5 months now. I took her to a hotel for our 6 month anniversary and she got so dead drunk she didn't even remember if we had sex. The point of booking a $600 hotel room was to make it memorable. She remembered the hotel room and booking but nothing we did after half the night. I dont mind if she drinks but she doesn't seem to know her limit. I think she needs a hematocrit blood test because I think she is anemic. I have never seen someone blackout after three or four drinks and on occasion she faceplants into the table and I have to lug her around to get her to bed. Once she smoked every kitchen appliance and the floor with her skull and even cracked bathroom shower tiles with her head and had no recollection of any of it. I'm getting really sick of this. Like my ex says I am looking after a 21 year old baby. Im 39 and I can drink from 7am to 2am and not forget anything and always stand up straight and I know when I need to go to bed because I've had a bit too much. The worst part is the open defiance. I think that it comes from how her parents kept controlling her but now she living with me but superimposing her parents onto me. I try to get her to bed and she yells at me to leave her alone, right to the point where she passes out on the kitchen floor. She is only embarassing herself and I am only trying to help her to bed because she has to work in the morning. I am not being mean or hurting her just trying to carry a drunk girl who can't even walk to the toilet to pee and trying to get her to bed. I am one very sexually frustrated man because my girlfriend is always so drunk I can't sex her unless she sleeps. I have exes who want me back one offer me $30k to break with my girlfriend and one who would do anything to get me back. I love my girlfriend very much and when she isn't dead drunk we have great conversations and good times. We share the same sense of humor and laugh a lot together. But the sexual frustration is becoming a serious issue. We have had real sex (when she isnt sleeping) 2x in the past 5 months. It used to be up to 6x a day. A lot of the problems started with hormonal BC pills. They killed her sex drive completely. But she is in cycle 2 after discontinuing them and between the dead drunkeness and the pills.... I dont know what to do. The bolded is beyond dysfunctional and very, very worrying. No OP, not for you - for the poor 21-year old left in your selfish care. This situation has been going on for 5 months and you don't know what to do? Unfortunately, that's not even surprising. The BC pill doesn't make women blackout from alcohol consumption so it's extremely unlikely it's the root cause of all her issues. This is the time to call for help from anyone (friend or family) who genuinely has her welfare at heart. Failing that, get her to see a doctor as a matter of urgency, before it's too late. 8
Lei Ping Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) Where to start? Taking advantage of a 21 year old who isn't in control of her faculties is RAPE by legal definition. Save Edited August 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
SevenCity Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 How many times have you called 911? Surely the ER docs would be following up with her physician by now, with the repeated blackouts and head injuries. CT scan? Concussion evaluation? MRI? Have you considered how much trouble you will be in if this young woman dies from a head injury while you are having sex with her unconscious body? This is a really alarming thread. Called 911 once - for the "Sex emergency" Op - this girl needs help. Careful of being labeled a rapist. Curious how you landed a 21 year old too. Do tell... 1
preraph Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 No progress on any front can be made until she gets herself into either rehab or AA, because a blackout drunk is a sure sign of alcoholism, and bad alcoholism. 1
road Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Wife material? She is not even GF material with her alcohol issues. Also she is 21 and you are 39, if I have to say more then you will not get it. 3
Gloria25 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Why is a 39 year old playing around with a 21 yr old kid? If you, out of sheer concern for another human being actually care more about this person than getting sex out of this, please sign her up for in patient rehab - ASAP. Next time she falls down drunk, call 911, tell them she has issues that make her a harm to herself. Hopefully they'll do a 72 hour hold and are good enough to figure out she needs serious help and ship her off to in-patient rehab. If you can't do this, please reach out to her family and get them to get her to rehab. Maybe they can do an intervention. From what you described, seems like she needs serious and professional help. 4
Shanex Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Man, what a story. Technically, 21 yo is an adult. But what do you guys have in common? You are an almost 40 grown up (I think) and you hang out and date girls half your age and with a serious drinking problem. How fun is that? I'm concerned for that girl who's in trouble with her addiction and for you, genuinely. Because as said before you might be called or under suspicion of abuse. Hell, I'm not a judge and no one here either but we know a thing or two. Get her help, if she can't realize she may die someday and painfully from this rather than just 'pass out' and fix your own issues with your exes. And date women your age, preferably drama free. 4
Gloria25 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Man, what a story. Technically, 21 yo is an adult. But what do you guys have in common? You are an almost 40 grown up (I think) and you hang out and date girls half your age and with a serious drinking problem. How fun is that? I'm concerned for that girl who's in trouble with her addiction and for you, genuinely. Because as said before you might be called or under suspicion of abuse. Hell, I'm not a judge and no one here either but we know a thing or two. Get her help, if she can't realize she may die someday and painfully from this rather than just 'pass out' and fix your own issues with your exes. And date women your age, preferably drama free. Well, I think he's tapping into a 21 yr old cuz she has good skin, a hard body (well, not really, she's probably still maintaining her figure based on youth alone and hasn't been affected by reduction in metabolism), and she's a clean slate. Lots of 40's women are crass and burnt out from dating and/or got kids, divorces. But gosh, this chick, at 21, has more baggage than three woman in their 40's...by 23 she'll probably look worse than Lindsay Lohan. 1
ChickiePops Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 The bolded is beyond dysfunctional and very, very worrying. No OP, not for you - for the poor 21-year old left in your selfish care. This situation has been going on for 5 months and you don't know what to do? Unfortunately, that's not even surprising. The BC pill doesn't make women blackout from alcohol consumption so it's extremely unlikely it's the root cause of all her issues. This is the time to call for help from anyone (friend or family) who genuinely has her welfare at heart. Failing that, get her to see a doctor as a matter of urgency, before it's too late. He's her boyfriend, not her father. She's not 'in his care', she's a grown woman with a serious alcohol problem. I agree that she needs help, but I seriously disagree with the sentiment that he is responsible for her bad choices. OP..she needs rehab. Badly. Intervention time. 3
Popsicle Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 Yeah it doesn't sound like you even see her as a person. She's probably getting drunk just to tolerate being with you. And, she probably needs to go to an alcohol treatment program. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 20, 2016 Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) He's her boyfriend, not her father. She's not 'in his care', she's a grown woman with a serious alcohol problem. I agree that she needs help, but I seriously disagree with the sentiment that he is responsible for her bad choices. OP..she needs rehab. Badly. Intervention time. If my partner, who I'm supposed to love, did that for 1 day, never mind 5 whole months, I'd make it my priority to help him because that's what people do in a loving relationship - they care for each other. Intervention requires someone who cares for her - that, unfortunately, is blatantly not the OP, under the care of whom she is, for all intents and purposes. She needs looking after by someone who actually cares. The girl is in the OP is way beyond 'bad choices' territory. Edited August 20, 2016 by PrettyEmily77 5
spiderowl Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Your girlfriend must be really stunning or something. I cannot see a single reason to stay with someone who is clearly an alcoholic who is on her way downhill to destruction. She needs to be in rehab. Why exactly are you putting up with her behaviour? 2
losangelena Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 Your girlfriend must be really stunning or something. I cannot see a single reason to stay with someone who is clearly an alcoholic who is on her way downhill to destruction. She needs to be in rehab. Why exactly are you putting up with her behaviour? I'm not sure which is more reprehensible, but I'm inclined honestly to go to with the OP's behavior. The GF can go to rehab for her substance abuse. I'm not sure what he can do about his sex obsession and refusal to date women his own age. 2
Gloria25 Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 If my partner, who I'm supposed to love, did that for 1 day, never mind 5 whole months, I'd make it my priority to help him because that's what people do in a loving relationship - they care for each other. Intervention requires someone who cares for her - that, unfortunately, is blatantly not the OP, under the care of whom she is, for all intents and purposes. She needs looking after by someone who actually cares. The girl is in the OP is way beyond 'bad choices' territory. What amazes me is that he's been watching her do this for more than a minute and is asking what to do. No, she's not like his SO, but she's a human being. Is it too much for him to at least get a list of rehab facilities and be like 'Please check this out. I think that it'll help.'. Where's people's humanity? 1
thefooloftheyear Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 (edited) Maybe I am biased because I have a daughter that's not all that younger than the OP's gf, I think that if I knew this whole crazy story, Id probably beat him senseless and take her home and get her the help she needs... Creepy and very unsympathetic...If you care and love her, putting a dick in her should be your last concern at this point....let alone when she is knocked out drunk....Jeez, man, really?? TFY Edited August 21, 2016 by thefooloftheyear 13
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