Do you think that the mm is just lying to the OW just to get some sex only?

July 9, 2005

Originally posted by kkat
Roger, not attacking ....I'm an OW (or ex-OW), and I appreciate your honesty.

But think about what you are writing --- your OW likely feels the same about you as you do about her except she's NOT someone's spouse, and likely will not be, as long as you have her heart.

You are, I believe, very much like my MM. He adores me, my intellect, friendship, etc. etc. etc. - in addition to the sex. He is in love with me. But he loves his wife and his family and he's never going to leave them.

I have stupidly ended up unmarried, childless, and with many lonely nights as a result.

Well why do you stay? I think that was pretty sad about what you said about not being able to have a family, children, etc.

You also raised a good point about if he really loved her he would want her to be happy too.

My mm, I believe he wants me to be happy. Everytime I break up with him, he tries to improve. I dont think he believes me anymore when I break up with him. It is terrible.

July 9, 2005

Well why do you stay? I think that was pretty sad about what you said about not being able to have a family, children, etc.

When I first met him and we fell in love, he left his wife and I thought he was getting a divorce. I had sex with him one time before making it clear I couldn't be involved with a married man. That was not who I was and I wouldn't do it. He agreed, and he left his wife immediately. We lived together very publicly and were a couple for a total of about 3 years during which time I functioned, effectively, as a step-mother to his children and shared my life with him completely. Eventually, I realized he wasn't moving forward with the divorce. At that time, I moved out (this was about a year into the relationship) and he came begging back and I took him back easily. We continued our relationship, publicly, and spent every night together (literally) for almost another 2 years, even though we had separate apts (mine in the city, his in suburbs closer to his work). Eventually he went back to his wife and home. I didn't see him at all for the following approx. 7 years.

During that time I never met anyone else. I focused on my work and traveled all the time for business. I had a very successful company I founded. I gained alot of weight and avoided relationships.

Two years ago he contacted me and told me he was getting divorced and that he was still in love with me. I refused to see him. We started a telephone relationship and I continued to refuse to see him because he was married. Then, he asked me to marry him. I told him I wouldn't see him because I wanted to have a child and I didn't think he wanted more children. He said he wanted to have a child with me, marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. He promised me he was moving forward with a divorce immediately and I believed him. I agreed to see him and the rest is the same old story. I got swept up in the love, the fantasy, the passion, the friendship, the addiction of it. Shortly thereafter, I suspected he wasn't going to get a divorce. I have "ended" the relationship many times in the period of the past 2 years, and each time he would convince me he was, in fact, going to move forward with a divorce and I would go back with him. Eventually, he began to acknowledge he will likely never get divorced and I started working harder on myself to end the relationship, or at least any of the romantic parts. Most of the time, I do pretty well; sometimes I see him again and get upset again about the hurt, the betrayal, and most of all, with my own weakness.

Why do I stay? I think I keep one foot in the door with him because I am addicted to it, because I am a weak loser, and because I am pathetic. What can I say? I hate myself for it and often considered suicide as a way out.

July 9, 2005

Wow. That was loaded. First of all, you are not a loser. You are "caught up".

He knows what you want and how you feel about him.

I think you should tell him until he is ready to commit and

until his d is final to let you go.

It is just not fair. In your heart, you need to accept that

you love him and always will but you need to leave it alone

until he gets it together. He loves you too but he is not willing

to make the total commitment you are longing for.

I think you should cash in. I know that is easiler said than done

but you are thinking about commiting suicide and that is really

a sign to me that you are very very hurt and miserable.

You deserve to be happy.

July 9, 2005

I've never been in love with a MM but I have been in love with a MM who was still married to me, but dumped me. I must say that it so much easier to be unhappy without your man than with him. People usually choose the line of least resistance, but in the long term it's easier and more beneficial to choose the "surgical removal" system. Just like it's hard to be hungry, but it's so much harder to look at the mirror and see a fat cow in it.

The only reason why you're staying with him is because you're afraid that you will be miserable without him for a year or two. You're afraid to lose his company, because you think you will never find anyone who will make you feel so good. But that's so subjective and temporary; once you get over him and fall in love with someone else, you will be sick of the memory of the MM.

July 9, 2005

I am sorry but I dont think he is ever going to leave her forever.

You have waited long enough babe.

Being single can be alot of fun if you let it be fun.

I have been having a ball really.

I love my man. My issue with him is not that I want

to hurry up and get married. It is more that I dont

always get what I want from him.

He understands.

July 9, 2005

kkat, i think jvjrose gave you some good advice, to accept that you will always love him, but to try and have other relationships aswell. you have been caught up in this for such a long time it has become your life, but it doesnt have to be all there is. are you actually too old for children? have you tried dating other people? remember in titanic when she said a womans heart has many secrets, you will always love him but it doesnt have to be all you have in your life, it will be a secret of your heart and thats okay. in many ways it gives many fascinating aspects to you and your life. are you frightened of having another relationship in case he does leave his wife and it will be too late?

i know i too am having a hard time completely letting go, i do feel however that i could meet somebody and fall in love easily, but that the time is not right for me to have a serious relationship yet, therefore it is his company i am clinging to.

July 9, 2005

Originally posted by kkat
When I first met him and we fell in love, he left his wife and I thought he was getting a divorce. I had sex with him one time before making it clear I couldn't be involved with a married man. That was not who I was and I wouldn't do it. He agreed, and he left his wife immediately. We lived together very publicly and were a couple for a total of about 3 years during which time I functioned, effectively, as a step-mother to his children and shared my life with him completely. Eventually, I realized he wasn't moving forward with the divorce. At that time, I moved out (this was about a year into the relationship) and he came begging back and I took him back easily. We continued our relationship, publicly, and spent every night together (literally) for almost another 2 years, even though we had separate apts (mine in the city, his in suburbs closer to his work). Eventually he went back to his wife and home. I didn't see him at all for the following approx. 7 years.

During that time I never met anyone else. I focused on my work and traveled all the time for business. I had a very successful company I founded. I gained alot of weight and avoided relationships.

Two years ago he contacted me and told me he was getting divorced and that he was still in love with me. I refused to see him. We started a telephone relationship and I continued to refuse to see him because he was married. Then, he asked me to marry him. I told him I wouldn't see him because I wanted to have a child and I didn't think he wanted more children. He said he wanted to have a child with me, marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. He promised me he was moving forward with a divorce immediately and I believed him. I agreed to see him and the rest is the same old story. I got swept up in the love, the fantasy, the passion, the friendship, the addiction of it. Shortly thereafter, I suspected he wasn't going to get a divorce. I have "ended" the relationship many times in the period of the past 2 years, and each time he would convince me he was, in fact, going to move forward with a divorce and I would go back with him. Eventually, he began to acknowledge he will likely never get divorced and I started working harder on myself to end the relationship, or at least any of the romantic parts. Most of the time, I do pretty well; sometimes I see him again and get upset again about the hurt, the betrayal, and most of all, with my own weakness.

Why do I stay? I think I keep one foot in the door with him because I am addicted to it, because I am a weak loser, and because I am pathetic. What can I say? I hate myself for it and often considered suicide as a way out.

YOU ACTUALLY HAVE GIVEN THIS MAN TOO MUCH POWER AND CONTROL

YOU HAVE!! And is not his fault.

This is too costly.

You let him stop you from having kids. I had a kidsw/ my mm. I told him I wanted to have kids by a certain age and if he was in my life at that time

he would be a daddy. HE IS A DADDY. She is 12 and he takes good care of her. She lives with him sometimes. He wasn't happy about it at first.

You will regret YOUR life if you dont take control of it and quit letting him control everything.

this is ridiculous. You need to enjoy this life...you only get one. Killing yourself is really the worst thing you could do.

you will see that....THIS WILLL PAST and better things will come into your life.

I am not unhappy like this but if I was...I would bounce out!!

Sign In

Do you think that the mm is just lying to the OW just to get some sex only?

Recommended Posts

9Lives

kkat

9Lives

RecordProducer

9Lives

newbby

9Lives

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...