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Do you think that the mm is just lying to the OW just to get some sex only?

9Lives

By 9Lives
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RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Thanks, Shy.

 

So, Roger, why didn't you leave your wife? You let the woman you fell in love with go or was it more like a crush than true love looking at it from this perspective? Just being curious about man's nature... not judgemental whatsoever.

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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Originally posted by newbby

jvjrose,

what do you think made you the exception? did he have children with wife?

i am only curious about what makes the odd one leave and about statistics you hear.

did he leave wife within the first 6 months of a?

 

I was the exception I guess because he perferred to be with me. I suppose. I really dont know the reason. Yes they had kids. He did not leave her until about 3 years. We broke up and then would get back together because he was inlove with me. He opened up a bank account in my name and would put money in it for me. He made me was very nice to me. He taught me so many things. He taught me how to do laundry. He would wash my car all the time. He would get on his knee and scrub my kitchen floor. He would call me when I went out of town and pick me up from the airport. He just showed me so much love that I couldnt be with anyone else. He would read books with me. Took college course with me. Took me out to walk in the rain and sing love songs to me Take me for ice cream and pictures. He introduced me to his kids when they were small. He gave me so much of himself. I felt like he was my man. I would jump up and down like a kid in a candy store when I seen him coming. He even beat this guy up over me.

 

Dont get me wrong, we had some hard times. His wife knew and she couldnt do anything to stop it. She said she felt like the ow. She begged me to leave him alone. I did but then she started throwing it in my face that he did not really love me and all of this garbage. It pissed me off so I went back to him because I felt like she should have left me alone instead of trying to act like she won.

 

That is why when I see woman try to make is seem like it is nothing....I have to tell them it is not always like that. The man on this website even told you the same thing.

 

Leaving someone is not easy. It plays heavy on the man conscious. Even if he does not want to be with that wife anymore,..it is still hard for him to leave. It is just that way.

 

I am not saying he should

 

It was crazy.

erika2610 Established Member

erika2610

Posted
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Originally posted by RecordProducer

Thanks, Shy.

 

So, Roger, why didn't you leave your wife? You let the woman you fell in love with go or was it more like a crush than true love looking at it from this perspective? Just being curious about man's nature... not judgemental whatsoever.

 

I think most of you.. with the exception of a couple people, seem to be very judgemental. And it's funny, because you have NO CLUE what we're going through at all. OW are not bad people.. contrary to what I'm sure some of you believe. To some MM, I'm sure they might be looking for only sex. But for some, I believe that it might start off to be only about that, but then feelings develop over time..

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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The funny thing about this is. I really wish.....deep down inside...that I would not have these kinds of relationship

 

I really do. I know you all dont believe that. But deep down I really hate this life style. I love the guy but I hate the life style. It is not good. I am involved now with this mm who is sending me to real estate school. Yeah that is nice but I want my own man and I cant seem to meet a single guy that does it for me. I know most of you cant relate but I really dont care because I mean what I am saying regardless. I dont chose to be in these relationship. I just keep finding myself in them. It is not cool.

shygurl Established Member

shygurl

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Originally posted by erika2610

I think most of you.. with the exception of a couple people, seem to be very judgemental. And it's funny, because you have NO CLUE what we're going through at all. OW are not bad people.. contrary to what I'm sure some of you believe. To some MM, I'm sure they might be looking for only sex. But for some, I believe that it might start off to be only about that, but then feelings develop over time..

 

Awwww, we have nooooooooo clue what you're going through *insert sad face*

 

YOU made a full and conscious decision to get involved with someone's HUSBAND so quitcherbellyachin.

 

I've read enough posts on these message boards from devastated, distraught, totally crushed women (and men, too) who've come to find out their husband has been having an affair - their lives have been turned upside down, along with the lives of their children. THIS is who I feel sorry for - they didn't HAVE a CHOICE as to whether they would be betrayed and screwed around on..........again, let me reiterate, you OW knew (know) full well that you're getting involved with someone who's M A R R I E D/ATTACHED. How can you expect us to feel sorry for you when you made the decision to hook up with someone's husband? When you play with fire, you're going to get burned. Suck it up.

 

Call me judgmental all you like - I do feel that those of us who understand and respect marital boundaries are above those who choose to dismiss and disrespect them.

 

Again - you OW who partake in this kind of crap have absolutely no respect for your fellow woman - you're not a part of the sisterhood. You all put a stupid cheating man above respect for a "sister" and that's just so damn sad.

BoatingBabe Established Member

BoatingBabe

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:rolleyes:
erika2610 Established Member

erika2610

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Originally posted by shygurl

Awwww, we have nooooooooo clue what you're going through *insert sad face*

 

YOU made a full and conscious decision to get involved with someone's HUSBAND so quitcherbellyachin.

 

I've read enough posts on these message boards from devastated, distraught, totally crushed women (and men, too) who've come to find out their husband has been having an affair - their lives have been turned upside down, along with the lives of their children. THIS is who I feel sorry for - they didn't HAVE a CHOICE as to whether they would be betrayed and screwed around on..........again, let me reiterate, you OW knew (know) full well that you're getting involved with someone who's M A R R I E D/ATTACHED. How can you expect us to feel sorry for you when you made the decision to hook up with someone's husband? When you play with fire, you're going to get burned. Suck it up.

 

Call me judgmental all you like - I do feel that those of us who understand and respect marital boundaries are above those who choose to dismiss and disrespect them.

 

Again - you OW who partake in this kind of crap have absolutely no respect for your fellow woman - you're not a part of the sisterhood. You all put a stupid cheating man above respect for a "sister" and that's just so damn sad.

 

Oh please..

 

I'm sorry.. but you're not above anybody. Nobody's better than anyone else. So I take it you've never done anything wrong at all in your lifetime? When I got involved with my MM, I'm not gonna lie. I wasn't thinking about the wife. I don't think a lot of girls getting involed with a MM do. After all was said and done though, I felt awful. I didn't just set out one day thinking 'Hmm, think I'll go wreck a marriage today.' Again, nobody asked anyone to feel sorry for em.

d'Arthez Established Member

d'Arthez

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Originally posted by erika2610

I'm sorry.. but you're not above anybody. Nobody's better than anyone else. So I take it you've never done anything wrong at all in your lifetime

 

It is not about doing nothing wrong in your life. But a speeding ticket does not give one the moral right to speed again either. No one is perfect. But that does not mean that every decision a person could make is of equal value. Some choices are poorer than others.

 

And as noted before in the thread, OW stand a high chance to lose in the situation. Not because of the nature of OW or MM, but because of the nature of the situation.

erika2610 Established Member

erika2610

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Originally posted by d'Arthez

It is not about doing nothing wrong in your life. But a speeding ticket does not give one the moral right to speed again either. No one is perfect. But that does not mean that every decision a person could make is of equal value. Some choices are poorer than others.

 

And as noted before in the thread, OW stand a high chance to lose in the situation. Not because of the nature of OW or MM, but because of the nature of the situation.

 

All I'm saying is that I don't think anybody has the right to judge anyone else, seeing as how everybody's done something wrong at one tim eor another.. and I know full well, seeing as what I went through, and from reading other posts, that 9 times out of 10, the OW do lose. I just don't like to read people judging people, and thinking they're 'better' than someone else..

newbby Established Member

newbby

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Ladies, imagine that a guy approaches you and tells you: "I am not going to have a serious relationship with you or marry you. We can see each other often and spend some time together, that's it. But you won't be with me on holidays, vacations, you won't meet my kids or be with me at family reunions, BBQ with friends or anything like that and I will never introduce you to my parents. I will also continue to sleep with one more woman. Interested?"

What would you think? "You jerk!" Right?

 

that would be fine, because you'd know the deal

 

 

 

Again - you OW who partake in this kind of crap have absolutely no respect for your fellow woman - you're not a part of the sisterhood. You all put a stupid cheating man above respect for a "sister" and that's just so damn sad.

 

if you had respect for the sisterhood, you wouldnt be cussing your swindled sisters

 

 

 

It is not about doing nothing wrong in your life. But a speeding ticket does not give one the moral right to speed again either. No one is perfect. But that does not mean that every decision a person could make is of equal value. Some choices are poorer than others.

 

i think what erika was saying is that people make mistakes, all people. furthermore, the ow make a mistake and they pay for it, whats your problem everyone?

erika2610 Established Member

erika2610

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Originally posted by newbby

that would be fine, because you'd know the deal

 

 

 

 

 

if you had respect for the sisterhood, you wouldnt be cussing your swindled sisters

 

 

 

 

 

i think what erika was saying is that people make mistakes, all people. furthermore, the ow make a mistake and they pay for it, whats your problem everyone?

 

Exactly what I was saying.. thank you :) We paid for our mistakes.. ten fold. Most of us heard all the crap from people in our real lives. I will admit, when I got involved with my MM, like I said, I didn't give a second thought to anything else. I had very low self esteem, and he made me feel special. I didn't see it as lasting as long as it did, but it did. Now I feel horrible looking back on it. But what'm I gonna do? Apologize for the rest of my life to people? We all make mistakes, and we learn from them and move on. That's all you can do. What's the point of being as nasty and judgemental as some of you are? Alot of us, at least I know I did.. came to this forum to try to help girls with the problems they're facing with there MM.. and it's sad when I see people just attacking them.

newbby Established Member

newbby

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thanks roger for your honest account of the a that you had. what happened, did your wife find out? are you still together? did you see the ow in your life as a bad and selfish person, do you think she was under the impression that you would eventually be together?

erika2610 Established Member

erika2610

Posted
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Originally posted by jvjrose

The funny thing about this is. I really wish.....deep down inside...that I would not have these kinds of relationship

 

I really do. I know you all dont believe that. But deep down I really hate this life style. I love the guy but I hate the life style. It is not good. I am involved now with this mm who is sending me to real estate school. Yeah that is nice but I want my own man and I cant seem to meet a single guy that does it for me. I know most of you cant relate but I really dont care because I mean what I am saying regardless. I dont chose to be in these relationship. I just keep finding myself in them. It is not cool.

 

There are single men out their though. You deserve better than a MM. I can relate.. I went through it for a year, it sucks. You haven't met any single men?

RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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So the MM left the wife for Jvjrose. I hope those of you who are encouraged by this case will read carefully how she described his behavior; he acted like he was completely in love and dedicated to her. And his wife knew!!

Originally posted by erika2610

We paid for our mistakes.. ten fold. Most of us heard all the crap from people in our real lives. I will admit, when I got involved with my MM, like I said, I didn't give a second thought to anything else. I had very low self esteem, and he made me feel special. I didn't see it as lasting as long as it did, but it did. Now I feel horrible looking back on it. But what'm I gonna do? Apologize for the rest of my life to people? We all make mistakes, and we learn from them and move on. That's all you can do. What's the point of being as nasty and judgemental as some of you are? Alot of us, at least I know I did.. came to this forum to try to help girls with the problems they're facing with there MM.. and it's sad when I see people just attacking them.

 

It might be me, but I don't think that the OW should pay for her love. This is totally not about morality. Of course, if my H would cheat on me, I'd hate the OW, but that would be very personal, subjective, and irrational, because I would be full of rage. We yell at our partners when they stop loving us, now how does that make sense? They tell us to lose a few pounds and we get mad! We're full of emotions that have no touch with the ground.

I am more concerned about what the women are going through and how they're wasting their time. I've slept with MM; once for two weeks when I was 19 - dumped him when I realized he lied about a few things and once at age 28, that was a one night stand. I am completely fine with my actions, I don't see why I should have thought of their wives when they didn't.

I've had dozens of opportunities to cheat on my BF and every time I said NO. I could've said YES and that would've been completely my fault, not the OM's whatsoever.

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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All I can tell you is the lifestyle sucks. You go thru alot. It is just not peaches and cream even if you get that man. (sigh) It is has it days when it is great but it is still hard especially if you are jealous person.

 

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK ..I...AM LOOKING FOR A SHOULDER...I AM NOT.

I make my decision as a full grown woman. I am not naive. I know something is wrong with me but I am not the only one.

 

I may go see a counselor one day about it because it keeps happening and I dont really know why. I mean ..yeah, I know why...but I dont know why...do you get what I am saying.

newbby Established Member

newbby

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you mean you know why, but you dont know what to do with the knowledge??????

roger12 New Member

roger12

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My wife didn’t find out and I’m still with the OW. The OW was the best thing that could have happened in my life, it’s not the sex, she’s intelligent, very smart, we can discuss everything, she gives me advices when I need, she is absolutely great. My wife is great too, she has other wonderful qualities and we have a history together. I love her and I won’t ever leave her.

 

Should I be loyal to her and just settle for what we have? Yes, I should and I know it. I never went after any other woman and you have no idea how easy is for a man to get laid if that’s the only thing he wants. I had thousand of opportunities before and it never crossed my mind to risk my marriage for just some action on the side. The OW CAME into my life, none of us wanted to be like that, but we met and we connected. SHE IS SPECIAL, I could have made the choice to not be with her, but I didn’t. I know that for all of you that makes me a jerk, but I was never happy like this in my life before and I don’t intend to leave any of them. Selfish I know, I’m just being honest here.

 

I just think that married woman should wake up and REALIZE that affairs are not just a fling and OW are not whores. My OW is a wonderful woman, she could be anybody’s wife and she would be a wonderful one. My wife is a wonderful woman too, and I think I am a lucky man for having both in my life. I asked myself many times, why did I meet the OW in the first place if I cannot have her? I chose the easier way, I chose to be happy with both of them.

 

I can imagine the reactions I’m gonna get for what I said here…

newbby Established Member

newbby

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just out of curiosity roger, does the ow ever get pissed about it? has she ever asked you to leave your wife? it is very interesting, i'm sure that most people could be happy with more than one person in their lives, because really you cant always get all you need from one person. i did this for a while, dated a few men at once and they all knew about each other, i felt that they each provided me with something different. i'm not sure how i would feel if it were me though, but i think women tend to get more jealous in that way.

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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Originally posted by newbby

you mean you know why, but you dont know what to do with the knowledge??????

 

ha, ha

Newbby,

You are funny.

 

Girl it is like a bad habit that wont go away. I run but I cant hide. I keep getting in side this lifestyle.

 

It is not that I am scare of being hurt. It is not that I dont feel like he will hurt me. You just cannot have FULLNESS OF LIFE....especially if you love that man like I love my mm. I love that man. I do..I do...I do

RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Originally posted by roger12

My wife is great too and I won’t ever leave her.

 

Does your girlfriend know that?

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

Posted
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Originally posted by roger12

My wife didn’t find out and I’m still with the OW. The OW was the best thing that could have happened in my life, it’s not the sex, she’s intelligent, very smart, we can discuss everything, she gives me advices when I need, she is absolutely great. My wife is great too, she has other wonderful qualities and we have a history together. I love her and I won’t ever leave her.

 

Should I be loyal to her and just settle for what we have? Yes, I should and I know it. I never went after any other woman and you have no idea how easy is for a man to get laid if that’s the only thing he wants. I had thousand of opportunities before and it never crossed my mind to risk my marriage for just some action on the side. The OW CAME into my life, none of us wanted to be like that, but we met and we connected. SHE IS SPECIAL, I could have made the choice to not be with her, but I didn’t. I know that for all of you that makes me a jerk, but I was never happy like this in my life before and I don’t intend to leave any of them. Selfish I know, I’m just being honest here.

 

I just think that married woman should wake up and REALIZE that affairs are not just a fling and OW are not whores. My OW is a wonderful woman, she could be anybody’s wife and she would be a wonderful one. My wife is a wonderful woman too, and I think I am a lucky man for having both in my life. I asked myself many times, why did I meet the OW in the first place if I cannot have her? I chose the easier way, I chose to be happy with both of them.

 

I can imagine the reactions I’m gonna get for what I said here…

 

 

Roger, you are bold honey!!

 

They are going to rip you to shreds...not me of course.

 

It happens and it is real.

RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

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Originally posted by jvjrose

 

I may go see a counselor one day about it because it keeps happening and I dont really know why.

 

What keeps happening? And why are you talking as if he is still with his wife? We thought he left her and is exclusively with you now.

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9Lives Established Member

9Lives

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Originally posted by RecordProducer

What keeps happening? And why are you talking as if he is still with his wife? We thought he left her and is exclusively with you now.

 

 

Record,

 

This is ANOTHER guy. I am not with my first husband anymore. We were together for many many years(12 yrs) after he left his wife and we broke up probably about

2 years ago.

TUDOR Established Member

TUDOR

Posted
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Roger12, I commend your honesty. Prime example of what jvjrose is trying to say, A's are not all about sex. I would venture to say that even people in them or have been in them don't condone them. But they do understand how they can happen. What is interesting to me is if you look around the OM/OW forum there are more women than men talking about their A's or the fact that they are involved with a MM. Men and women alike are just as capable of having affairs or being the OM/OM.

 

Before the sex ever occurs there is a connection that happens, be it physical attraction, emotional, friendship, etc. But those that get involved do so because a void is missing from there life and is filled by this other person. Some how we fail to see past the fact they are married or involved because the gratification and warm feelings they give tend to trump those facts. We loose site of the big picture because the short term "fix" you get is so rewarding in some cases desperately needed in some lives. But once that connection is made and the sex begins you fuel the emotional connection. The more you fuel any fire the stronger and longer it will burn.

 

I think %'s will prove that there are no winners. A relationship that is started on a foundation that is limited is destine for failure. So why then do people enter in to these kinds of relationships? Each of us has our reasons whether justified or not and whether those that have never been there understand or not. But whether it was just one or an on going thing you have to learn from it and know that any time you have 3 people in a love affair there will always be at least one who will loose. There is no way around that. Some body has to loose and you can gamble each time that it won't be you but that means some one else involved must. I encourage everyone to keep that in mind each time you find yourself chasing or being chased by some one who is involved.

kkat Established Member

kkat

Posted
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My OW is a wonderful woman, she could be anybody’s wife and she would be a wonderful one

 

Roger, not attacking ....I'm an OW (or ex-OW), and I appreciate your honesty.

 

But think about what you are writing --- your OW likely feels the same about you as you do about her except she's NOT someone's spouse, and likely will not be, as long as you have her heart.

 

You are, I believe, very much like my MM. He adores me, my intellect, friendship, etc. etc. etc. - in addition to the sex. He is in love with me. But he loves his wife and his family and he's never going to leave them.

 

I have stupidly ended up unmarried, childless, and with many lonely nights as a result.

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